The Wedding Favor (14 page)

But no tears
, Tio Oscar read aloud from Joaquin’s letter,
they will be wasted on me. When you read this letter rejoice because it means I’ve gone to join my beloved bride Beatriz. I hold firm in my faith that we will all be together again one day. Until then, I will be with our heavenly family. You all honor your Abuela and me by loving each other. We will welcome each of you in God’s good time when you join us here. The only promise I ask is that you welcome each new member of the Ortega family with great love and joy as they arrive in your midst. Love lasts forever. Family is forever. And my love for each and every one of you is forever. Para Siempre.

As Oscar folded Mr. O’s last letter and slipped it into his suit jacket pocket, Ava glanced up at Mateo. His features were amazingly composed, much to her surprise. In fact, during the last two days, she’d been amazed that he was holding up as well as he appeared to be. They’d had little time to talk privately. As was the tradition in large families such as the Ortegas, they had congregated at Sylvia and Oscar’s house and Mateo had spent a great deal of his time there with his family. When he had been home, he’d clearly been so emotionally exhausted that Ava was reluctant to bring up the subject of the baby he thought she was having. Reluctant was one word for her decision to leave the subject alone, cowardice was another. The way that Mateo smiled at her, with a happy glint in his eyes, made her cringe. When he found out the truth, when he knew that she wasn’t pregnant, his heart was going to break. Again. And this time it was going to be her fault.

After they both placed a white rose on the coffin and said a final goodbye, Ava followed Mateo to his car. She smiled her thanks as he opened her car door. She slid in and reached for her seat belt but Mateo’s hand closed over it first.

“Let me, Ava,” he said as he pulled the belt across her lap and gently fastened it for her. He closed her door and came around to his side. Once he settled into the driver’s seat he took off his sun glasses and smiled at her. “I know we haven’t had a chance to talk-”

“We need to,” Ava hastened to interrupt him. This had to come to an end. It wasn’t right to let him think she was expecting. But, heaven help her, breaking his heart by telling him that she wasn’t pregnant with his child was going to be the most difficult thing she’d ever have to do. He nodded. “I know the baby changes everything.” He started the car and joined the line of cars heading back to Tia Sylvia’s house. “We have to make plans but if we can just get through today first before we focus on us, I would be grateful.”

“Of course,” she agreed. Today wasn’t the day. But it was going to have to be sooner rather than later. To wait any longer would be cruel. Mateo didn’t deserve that and she couldn’t bear living with the lie for much longer. “Let’s make some time tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you, Ava.” He reached for her hand and held it tightly in his. “I don’t know how I would have gotten through this without you.”

She squeezed his hand.

**

The rest of the day and the hours leading into the early evening were exhausting. Ava joined many of the women in the kitchen for much of the afternoon and having something to focus on helped her keep her mind off of the awkward position she found herself in. Every time Mateo caught her eye, she felt like a fraud. But what could she do? For the last several days, from the time that Mateo had learned of his abuelo’s death, he had been busy. There had been calls to make, family to pick up at the airport, not to mention the time he’d spent visiting with family. To pull him aside and tell him that he’d misunderstood his last conversation with his grandfather and that he wasn’t about to become a father would be like throwing a bucket of cold water on him. But, she realized as she folded napkins to lie on the buffet table, it was another form of cruelty to allow him to get attached to a dream that wasn’t going to come true. She sighed.

“Are you okay, Ava?”

Ava turned around to see that Claudia was standing beside her with a basket of silverware. She returned the other woman’s smile. “I’m fine. The same as everyone else.”

Claudia began to separate the silverware. “I thought the service was lovely. Didn’t you?”

“I did.” Ava was grateful to be able to speak the truth. It felt that everything she said lately was a lie. “Mr. O’s letter was beautiful. He had such a good heart.”

Claudia’s eyes grew moist. “It’s not going to be the same without him.” She blinked several times and squeezed her eyes shut against the tears she didn’t want to shed. “But he made it very clear what he wants us to do, so we’ll do it. Right?”

Ava nodded. “Right.”

But how long was she going to be a part of the family? The question nagged at her throughout the evening. Just before dusk she sought out Mateo to tell him that she was going back to their house.

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Do you want me to walk you back?”

Her lips lifted in a soft smile. His tender look of concern was beyond touching. “Mateo, I’m fine. I’m only going right next door.”

His expression was sheepish. “I know, but it’s important to me that you know I’m here for you, Ava.” He gently reached out and caressed her face. “I always will be.”

Always. Ava’s heart squeezed. They didn’t have forever. They weren’t having a baby. There was no future. They had to talk in the morning because she couldn’t take much more of this. “Goodnight, Mateo.”

As she prepared for bed, she experienced a terrible gnawing loneliness. It was impossible to imagine that Mr. O was really gone. She’d also thought of her mother many times during last few days. But they were a part of the past. The past wasn’t all that saddened her. The thought of a future without Mateo was equally as painful. And it was going to be a future without Mateo.

With a sudden clarity she knew what she had to do. She took a light chenille throw blanket and snuggled up on the sofa instead of getting into her own bed. She had to talk to Mateo tonight. God give her courage. She was going to need it.

**

Mateo let himself into the house well after midnight. It hadn’t been his intention to leave Ava alone for so long but once he’d begun looking at old photo albums with the family time had slipped away. He dropped his keys on the small table by the door and turned off the front porch light Ava had left on for him. It surprised him how quickly he’d begun to feel at home in Ava’s mother’s house.

He loved the idea that he and Ava would be raising their children where they’d both grown up. They had a lifetime of love to look forward to, and even though the idea of his relationship with Ava becoming permanent was new, it felt right. More than right, it felt meant to be.

After he locked the front door, he caught sight of Ava asleep on the sofa. A tiny sliver of moonlight streaming in through the window blinds cast enough light that he could clearly see her face. Unless the light was playing tricks on his eyes, it looked like she’d been crying. Guilt and tenderness swept over him. His poor wife. She’d been stalwart in her support of him through the last few difficult days. And in return he’d left her alone too much. No more. From now on, he was going to make Ava and their family his number one priority.

He gently peeled back the throw blanket from her sleeping form. He called her name but she didn’t respond. So instead of trying again, he gently lifted her into his arms and carried her into her bedroom. With one arm wrapped tightly around her, he pulled back the bed covers and laid her on the bed. Although she stirred, she didn’t open her eyes.

Mateo sat on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep for a few minutes. When she turned onto her side, her nightgown pulled against her body, leaving little to his imagination. Desire stirred within him. He wanted her. He wanted to make love to his wife. He reached out and traced his fingers along the length of her arm. Her skin was warm and delicate. She was perfect. Every inch of her made her exactly the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He kicked off his shoes and lay back against the pillows beside her. He gently gathered her into his arms. He didn’t have the heart to wake her but he needed to be with her, needed to hold her. She opened her eyes only for a moment before closing them again. She snuggled against his chest. Mateo groaned. Holding her felt like he was holding a slice of heaven. He leaned down and kissed the top of head.

To his surprise, Ava pulled back just far enough to look up at him. “Mateo,” she whispered. “You’re home.”

Home. A wave of gratitude washed over him. “I missed you tonight.”

Her lips lifted in a sleepy smile. “I’m here now.”

He reached down and ran his thumb over her lips. “I want to make love to you, Ava.”

Her eyelids fluttered closed and then

opened again. “One last time?”

But she didn’t give him a chance to answer the question before she moved into his arms. Because if he had, he would have assured her that tonight was only the very beginning of a lifetime of love.

**

When she awoke the next morning, one look at the empty pillow next to her assured Ava that the night before hadn’t been a dream. The scent of Mateo’s cologne lingered faintly on the sheets. She sat up and looked at the small clock by her bedside. It was after nine o’clock already. Her eyes caught sight of a folded piece of paper tucked just under the clock. She leaned over and reached for it. Her eyes scanned Mateo’s note.

Ava – Last night was amazing. You’re amazing. This journey we started on has taken a crazy turn but I know we’re meant to be together forever. I love you. Both of you. Para Siempre. Love, Mateo p.s. had to run to school to handle something, will be back in a few hours XXOO

Ava flopped back against the pillows and closed her eyes against what felt like a torrent of tears. Last night had been amazing, Mateo was right. When they made love it was as if the outside ceased to be, and only their connection to each other mattered. But the stark reality of the bright morning sunlight made it clear what she had to do. She had to end this charade for Mateo’s sake and just as much for hers. There was no baby. Mateo’s sudden desire to stay married had everything to do with the baby he thought she was carrying and his desire to be the honorable man he’d been raised to be. It wasn’t her he wanted and the truth of that, as painful as it was, was why she had to leave him. She reached out for his pillow and cradled it in her arms. She inhaled his scent.
Oh Mateo, forgive me for what I’m about to do
.

Chapter Sixteen

Ava pulled into her parking space and cut the motor with a heavy heart. She glanced in the rear view mirror and caught sight of her suitcase in the back seat. Packing to leave the house she’d shared with Mateo had been excruciating but it had to be done. She certainly hadn’t planned to leave this way, and not so soon after Mr. O’s passing, but the whole misunderstanding about the baby was the deciding factor. It had to end.

As luck had it, no one else was in the office. Ava took a quick look at the calendar and realized she had a good hour before anyone was likely to be back from sales calls or planning meetings. Perfect. That gave her ample time to gather some work together and leave a note explaining her absence. She’d teleconference with her staff while she was gone. She couldn’t stay gone for very long but she needed some quiet time to get herself together. She buried her face in her hands. Who was she kidding? It was going to take a Herculean effort to get Mateo out of her mind. And her heart.

It was only once she had everything packed up and left a note for her staff that she saw a few sheets of paper with a yellow sticky FYI note on top. She picked it up and flipped through the papers. She glanced back at the sticky note.
Boss, Thought you might want to start the ball rolling on your name change. Ava McKenna Ortega. Has a nice ring to it!
Ava dropped the papers back onto her desk. Ava Ortega. It did have a nice ring to it. She shook her head. Enough was enough.

Once she crossed the border into New Mexico, Ava stopped to grab a bite of lunch and stretch her legs. After she refueled the convertible she turned on her cell phone and scrolled through the dozen text messages awaiting her attention. Several were from Mateo but she saw that they were from the morning when, most likely, he still hadn’t found her letter. He’d also left two voicemails but she knew she wasn’t strong enough to listen to them. The sound of his voice would be enough to make her want to turn right around and drive straight back to Phoenix. She turned off the phone and put it into her purse. She needed to keep going if she was going to reach Santa Fe before dark. She needed to keep going if she was going to stay strong.

Several hours later Ava pulled into the Rancho Feliz Spa & Resort. She handed her keys to the young man at the valet desk and smiled her thanks to the young woman from bell services who took her bags. Yet another bright smiling young woman warmly greeted her when she approached the reception desk. For the first time she could ever remember, Ava felt a flash of envy for their carefree youthfulness.

“Will it just be you checking in, ma’am?”

“Yes, a reservation for Ava Ortega,” she answered. She dug into her purse for her wallet while the desk clerk searched for her reservation. She took out her credit card and ID but still the young woman continued to search, a slight frown creased her brow.

“May I see your ID, please?”

Ava handed it over and waited for another moment while the woman tried again. “Okay, I do have a reservation for you under the name of Ava McKenna.”

Ava nodded. “That’s right.”

The clerk handed Ava’s driver’s license back to her. “I’m sorry. I thought I heard you say Ava Ortega.”

It took Ava a moment to register what she must have said. “My mistake,” she apologized. She struggled to keep her tears at bay until she was in the privacy of her room. Once there she was blind to the charm of the rustic pueblo décor. She sank onto the bed and held a pillow tight to her chest while she wept.

**

“If I knew where she was, Mateo, I’d tell you.”