The Wicked Game (A Wicked Game Novel) (21 page)

Yes, she was afraid. She was afraid of many things in her life; losing her freedom, the future of her baby… but her husband? No. She couldn’t possibly be afraid of him. But yet, she had wiped the sign of weakness from her body and prayed that he would not take notice.

Why had she done this? For the thousandth time the thought engulfed her mind. She shouldn’t be afraid of her Andrew. He was the only person who had ever seen her as the person she truly was, and he, above all, loved her! She should be overjoyed but at this moment she could not muster the ability. It was no longer just herself she had to worry about. Her eyes slowly drifted down to her plump midsection as she rubbed it lovingly. Now her child was the priority in her life. Her child would come first, and Andrew would just have to understand that.

She looked up from her child and her eyes immediately locked with the father of her baby. There was something in those eyes, something important, and a peace fell over her.

***

Andrew had planned and practiced his words carefully, but the moment he entered her rooms and caught a glimpse of her surrounded by sunlight, he forgot everything. He opened his mouth to speak but his attempt was in vain. No sound emerged, not even one single word that would let her know that she didn’t have to be scared. He was there. He would protect them.

And then, just when he thought that his soul couldn’t possibly hold any more emotions, his eyes landed on the precious and beautiful roundness of Angela’s belly. He was overtaken and his feet lead him directly to her. He fell to his knees and reached out his hands. They were shaking and he quickly noticed that her hands were shaking too.

He looked at her and she at him and their souls connected.

You have thought it.

The words were in his mind but she read them through his eyes.

Yes
, she answered and he read her eyes too.

I will never let—

I know.

He laid his hand softly on the side of her cheek and a flash of excitement flooded her eyes. Andrew’s eyes widened too but she didn’t acknowledge his reaction. Instead she took his hand from her face and laid it flat on her belly.

It moved.

The baby moved.

Their
baby moved.

And in this moment they both spoke with their eyes as the tears flowed and joy overtook them.

***

After what had felt like an eternity, Andrew and Angela finally broke from each other’s embrace. His heart still ached for his wife, but he knew that in order to fulfill this life that he had agreed to and to give his family the life that they deserved, every fiber of his being would have to be concentrated on the tasks ahead. He had made the decision in his head, quietly, many times before, but this time was different; this time he would have to follow through.

And so Andrew rose and placed a gentle kiss on the top of Angela’s head before he turned slowly and walked away.

Everything was good in the world. Angela could feel all of the weight of her body lift up out of her. She sighed. She didn’t know what was happening but for the very first time in months her body felt at ease and as light as air.

Her vision was blurry but at the same time she could see everything clearly; her husband, their child, their future together. Everything was laid out before her and she knew exactly what to do. She knew (she just knew!) that everything was going to work out.

But as pleasing as that was, in this very moment all she felt, all she cared about, was the feeling of release that was overtaking her. She was out of her own body but she could feel it all. And she was comfortable, so comfortable! And warm! She could feel the wave begin within her belly and then all at once it burst forth from her relieving her of all that had consumed her. She could feel it flow out of her all warm and comforting as if an actual wave of water was washing over her.

As if…

Angela’s body rose as she gasped desperately for breath. Her arms flew to her stomach and she screamed.

She
was
being washed in water.

The baby was coming.

***

It had become a normal way of life for Andrew to dream about his child. Tonight was no different. He had just drifted off into the world of dreams, running through a field of vibrant spring flowers with his child, when his vision was broken by a commotion outside of his room. He was a light sleeper these days as he waited for the child, and so he was out the door before anyone even came for him

Almost instantly a maid ran up to him in a frantic state and exclaimed, “Your wife sir! She is having the baby!”

Andrew’s mind began to spin without reason. He had known that this moment would come, sooner than later, but he had not been truly prepared for it to happen. In truth he had never been truly prepared for it. He had seen Angela’s belly grow in size and beauty over the past nine months and he knew that inside of her lay a life just waiting to burst forth. But to him and to most men, or so he assumed, the reality of a child could not be experienced before it was born. For women, a child lives within them from the very beginning. They not only know that it exists but they can feel it intimately. In every breath, every movement, every intimate detail, the child is a reality. A woman is prepared from the onset.

A man has to wait for the moment of birth; for the moment that the child is introduced to the outside world. Seeing is not always believing and for Andrew this was definitely the case. Of course he knew that a life, a baby—his baby!—was growing inside of his beautiful and amazing wife. But it didn’t matter what he did because he could never experience that life as Angela did. He would never know his child in such an intimate and personal manner as his wife had experienced through the term of her pregnancy. For that he was jealous.

For that he was in awe.

It was the unanswered question of all men; women are so delicate, so beautiful, and yet they are able to do something that a man never can. Physically, emotionally, carrying a child and giving birth was in Andrew’s mind, the most difficult and demanding task that any human being could go through.

Oh Angela! His beautiful and wonderful Angela was about to go through with something that he would never understand! His heart ached. He could feel the throbbing of his love for her pulsate through his body. From the top of his head to the very bottom of his feet he could feel a fire burning that was strong enough to consume his entire being.

His wife was about to give birth. He was about to be a father. His body tensed and his eyes watered and before he knew it, he was outside of Angela’s room, waiting for his life to begin.

***

By all accounts, the birth of Mary Isabella Angela Wilson-Dillard should have been the start of a miraculous life blessed by God. After all, her father was a servant turned Earl and her mother was the famed only daughter of a Baron.

And this was precisely the problem.

Angela had never known that it was possible to feel this much love. Her heart ached and her body throbbed… and she burst into tears. Her beautiful daughter, all sweet and pink and innocent; what kind of world had they brought her into? Angela recalled all to vividly and painfully what she had gone through, and as she counted all of her daughters plump toes and fingers she began to hold her closer to her body, shielding little Mary, wonderful, beautiful, innocent Mary, from everything outside.

What would she do? What could they do?

Could
they do anything?

Her mind was swimming and her heart was pounding when she heard a noise at her door. Someone was watching her! She turned her head quickly with a scowl on her face only to discover that the intruder was her own husband. He too turned his head quickly but not before she caught a glimpse of a glisten in his eyes.

He was crying. He was crying! But why?

Was he too experiencing the overwhelming love of a parent for a child?

No, he would not hide that from her. That night he felt the baby move he had let her inside. To hide his feelings now would not make sense.

At this point he looked back to her and then at their daughter. A smile spread across his face but then his lips began to quiver. He turned again and left the room before Angela had the chance to ask him if he too thought this joyful day was tainted.

***

Andrew had been pacing back and forth down the hallway outside of Angela’s room for over two hours. Every once in a while he heard a ruckus coming from the room followed by a scream from Angela. Whenever this happened he threw himself upon her door and tried desperately to send her strength and comfort. When the screaming would cease he would continue to pace up and down the hallway feeling a bit weaker than he had a few minutes before.

Just the waiting was taking a toll on him! He couldn’t even imagine what his Angela was facing! His beautiful, wonderful, sweet Angela was giving every bit of herself for their child. What else could a husband ask for?

What else could a man in love ask for?

But he pushed that last thought from his mind faster than he had thought it. He had decided and finally acted. His child, his obligation to this life, that is what had to come first.

That is what his wife wanted…

And then he heard a scream that triumphed over all the others he had heard that night. Then there was silence, followed by sounds of joy. Andrew rushed to the door and pressed his every essence against it. That sound could only mean one thing; his child had been born. He pressed his ear closer, cupping his hands as he tried desperately to figure out what was happening on the other side of the door.

Silence. Walking feet.

The door opened and Andrew nearly fell on his face.

“My lord!” The midwife gasped and threw her hands to her mouth as she narrowly avoided Andrew falling on her.

Andrew collected himself and tried to act as if nothing unusual had happened. He cleared his throat. “Yes? What news do you have?”

The midwife was not convincing but skillfully held her smile. She had experienced this type of situation before; husbands who were as excited to see the birth of a child as their wife was. It was uncommon but beautiful and so the midwife spoke her words quickly.

“The child is born. Healthy.”

Andrew’s lips quivered as he wiped the pooling sweat from his brow.

“My son?”

The midwife paused, only for a fraction of a second but enough for Andrew to know what was coming.

“Mother and daughter are doing very well.”

The words thank you would not flow from his lips and instead Andrew just nodded her away. She understood and opened the door for him, gesturing for his entrance

Waveringly Andrew steeped into the room and took a deep breath. He could smell new life in the air and it was absolutely intoxicating. He fully intended to walk right up to Angela and their child (Mary? That was what they had decided for a girl wasn’t it?), take them both in his arms and send out all of his love. But when he entered the room, something slowed him. As much as he wanted to be strong for his family, as much as he wanted to provide for them and protect them from everything, in this moment he realized that he had absolutely no idea how he would do that.

Having a girl had always been a possibility but as much as both he and Angela had known that, neither one of them acknowledged it. The baby had to be a boy! It had to be!

But here he was in the room of his newborn child and she was very much a girl. And he loved her. Above all else he loved her. By God he had never felt this much for anyone or anything in his entire life… save Angela.

He could not walk into the room any further. He could not approach them until her knew what to do, what to say, how to act. Angela had not noticed them yet and as she held Mary in her arms she looked more beautiful than anything he had ever seen. And his baby, his Mary! She was so precious, so… innocent. He could see her move and pull closer into her mother. He could see Angela pull Mary closer. She was crying and his heart ached. He knew, as he had always known with Angela, that her tears were more than what they seemed. It was common to cry at the birth of a child but Andrew knew that Angela’s tears meant something more. They had shared that moment the day he first felt Mary move. He had thought it and so had she and without even asking her he knew that her tears were for her fear.

He took one step closer to get a better look and accidentally bumped into a table knocking over a lamp and sending it crashing to floor. Angela gasped and before he had a chance to retreat, she had turned towards him and discovered his presence. He was crying. God he was crying! He could not let her see this. He was her husband and he should have the answers to all things, including the birth of a female to a noble family. But as of yet he had absolutely no bloody clue what to do. He had no idea how to solve this problem and there was no way that he could let Angela know this. There was no way that he could let Mary know this!

So he turned his head and wiped his eyes praying that no one had seen his weakness. But when he turned his head and again set his eyes upon his family he knew that his beautiful wife had not been fooled. She knew why he was crying.

He turned his head again, hiding his weakness, and left the room.

***

In the days and weeks after Mary’s birth, Andrew and Angela had been visited by nearly every high status figure of society possible. How would she be raised? Where would she live? Her education? The questions went on and one for days.

But to Andrew and Angela (who had yet to speak intimately with each other due to their mutual panic about Mary’s future) the questions only served as a reminder of their own confusion. In public they acted as if they had everything in control. They were a strong and confident couple who knew every exact step of their daughter’s future, just as any good noble family should. But in reality they were both stressed and bewildered, confused and terrified about what would happen to Mary as she grew. They wanted her to experience the best in life but did that matter? She was the daughter of an Earl! Angela, the daughter of a Baron could only imagine her fate.