The Willingness to Burn (19 page)

“Raymond sent me. He tells me that you are a man of means who has access to a lot of money. He also sent me your wife’s records, I’m sure you don’t mind. He tells me that you are willing to push the envelope, to do whatever it takes.”

Jace stared at the man, dazed and intrigued.

“Willing to scorch the earth, I believe?” The darkness in Ethan’s eyes seemed to bleed out around his face.

“I am,” Jace said succumbing to the allure of the dark stranger.

“Then I will need you and you will need me. And together we will be able to save your wife and we will usher in a new age in medicine.”

“But how?”

“I told you already. Now, I need to know if you are ready. If you are willing to pay the price for this.”

“Money’s is no concern.”

“I’m sure it’s not, but I wasn’t talking about money. I’m talking about the other price. The one that doesn’t get paid from a checkbook.” Ethan paused, letting his words sink in to a drunken mind. “If you are willing to take this to the end to see it through, then call me in the next two days. Otherwise, I have to take my talents elsewhere.”

“You’re not giving me a whole lot of information.”

“In time, I will. You decide if you truly meant everything you said to Raymond in the exam room, if you are truly willing to dance with the devil, as they put it. The rest is just money and as you put ‘No concern’.”

Ethan stepped out of the office and vanished. The doors swung closed behind him and Jace stood motionless staring into the archway of his office. The archway into hope.

Chapter 36

Anna

I awoke the next morning to a light kiss on my neck. I smiled. “Again?” I asked. My tone of exhaustion coming through in my voice. I rolled over and put my arm around him only to realize that he was already dressed. My arm instead of finding his bare collar bones found a starched button-down shirt.

“Why are you dressed?” I asked.

“I have to go to a meeting.”

“But you said you didn’t have to wake up for anything,” I groaned in my sleepy face.

“I didn’t. It’s almost eleven.” He chuckled.

My eyes shot open and then closed quickly. I rubbed them to get the crusties out. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He laughed.

“Hold on, I’ll get dressed.”

“Nope. I already ordered you breakfast, it will be here in about a half hour.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you order me?”

“It’s a surprise… But it comes with champagne.”

“You’re amazing.”

“I know”. He kissed me and I tightened my lips, all of a sudden conscious that he had brushed his teeth that morning, and I had not.

“No don’t kiss me!”

“Stop that.”

He kissed me again, but that time just a peck, he must have understood how uncomfortable I was.

“Look. Stay as long as you want. Stay in bed as loonnnngg as you want. Just throw something on when you answer the door.”

“Okay.” I nodded and smiled.

“I texted you the driver’s number. So whenever you’re ready to leave, just reach out to him. He’ll take you wherever you want to go.”

“You’re too good to me, you know that?”

“Yes.” He grinned and squeezed my butt. He kissed me once more.

“All right, I have to go. I’ll call you.”

“Okay.”

And then he was gone.

He left me alone in the incredible apartment.
You know, I’ve never wanted to live in the city before. I hate the idea of not having a backyard and being so close to everyone else, but I could definitely get use to this.
His bedroom was the size of most apartments I’d seen in the city. It was obviously professionally decorated, but I felt like I could make some touches to bring it to life a little more. I’d read some things about decorating, and I felt like I had a real knack for it. I was thinking about doing it in my spare time, but I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet.

His room, and I would later find the entire apartment, had this really nice black and white theme to it. I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice it when we came in, then again, I was kind of occupied. The tiles to his bedroom were some sort of marble or other expensive stone with a large, white, area rug. The walls were white and his linens were as well, but the curtains were black and all of the abstract art followed in suit with the occasional splash of color. Someone
did
have taste. I laid out in the bed for a minute then got up and went to the bathroom. His master bathroom was equally as impressive as the bedroom.

I walked out of the bedroom, and despite being completely naked, I felt completely at home. The apartment was open and had a large kitchen and dining room followed by a sunken-in living room. I could only imagine what the place must have cost. As I walked by the living room, I saw his shirt from the night before. I picked it up and put it on, slowly buttoning the buttons as I stepped out of the living room and continued over to the window. The windows were floor to ceiling and the view from his apartment was incredible. It over looked the smaller buildings around as well as the park.
I wonder what floor we are on.

I was staring out in awe when I noticed a door through my peripherals. It was a black door and it was closed. As I walked toward it, something ominous came to me, but I ignored it. He didn’t say anything about not checking the place out.
I mean, after all, he left me here alone. What did he expect I was going to do?
I walked over and opened the door. In it was an office about the same size as a normal bedroom. This room was different. The taste wasn’t the same. It wasn’t as good, either. You could tell he didn’t let his decorator in there.

The desk was wooden and the carpet was a dull blue. And the walls were painted gray. It was so unimpressive.
If I’m going to stay here, this is something were going to have to change
. On his desk sat two computer monitors with green digits running across them. The walls above them had hand drawn flow charts and pictures everywhere. Pictures of what I assumed was his family.

I stared in envy as I looked closer and saw picture of him and another girl. “What’s this all about? If he’s dating another girl, we are going to have serious problems! That son of a bitch!” I said out loud. I browsed the pictures some more and came across more pictures of him and her. There were pictures of them doing everything, vacationing, skiing, at family parties, Christmas. As I pushed one to the side, it hit me like a freight train. I looked down upon her, in her blonde hair and white wedding dress and him in a tux. “Oh My God! He’s married!” And just as the words came out. The bell rang and I suddenly became aware that I shouldn’t be in there. I ran out and closed the door.

Chapter 37

Jace walked into the apartment. His feet fell onto the white marble floor and he, as he was then known to do, walked over to the bar. He poured himself a three-finger scotch and took a long sip. He stared at the wall behind the bar letting the sting of the scotch wash down his throat. Then, he was distracted by closing door. Jace turned to see Patricia leaving the bedroom.

“Hello, Mr. Clark.”

“How is she?”

“She’s … maintaining,” Patricia said, sporting a sad look.

Jace bit his bottom lip and frowned.

“She’s in a lot of pain. I offered her more dilaudid, but she didn’t want it.”

“Why not?”

“She said that she wants to be clearheaded when you get home.”

Jace looked down at his scotch and frowned to himself.
My wife, always the rational example
, he thought to himself.

“Thanks, Patricia.”

“No problem.”

“Why don’t you relax for a bit? I’m going to go in and see her.”

Patricia nodded.

Jace walked into the bedroom. It had been converted into a mock hospital room. The IV stands climbed tall above the bed and a series of monitors made sure that Maddy was getting the best care and comfort that money could buy.

“Hey,” Jace spoke softly.

“Hey yourself.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Ehh, not so bad.”

Jace climbed up on the bed and laid down next to Maddy. He kissed her on the lips and then again on the forehead.

“You’re warm.”

“Yeah, it’s funny; you used to call me hot.”

Jace smiled sadly.

“You smell like you’ve been warming up yourself.”

“Nah, just a sip. I didn’t realize you were still awake until Patricia came out.”

“Uh huh,” Maddy teased.

“How are things going with her?”

“She’s good. She’s nice,” Maddy said as Jace rubbed her arm.

“And how are things going with you? She told me you didn’t want your meds.”

Maddy looked away then looked back at Jace. “You know what I realized today?”

“What’s that?”

“We are constantly in a battle between inebriation and clarity.”

Jace paused and turned his head slightly. It was the type of conversation that he had come to expect from Maddy and deep down thoroughly enjoyed. “Oh?”

“Well, think about it. It really is the all-encompassing battle that we go through our entire lives.”

“How so?”

“Well, when you’re first born, your filled with DMT, a super powerful hallucinogen that you’re born totally tripping on.”

Jace smirked.

“So we’re born into disorientation,” Jace confirmed.

“Yup, and the only other time that’s present in the human body is during death.”

“So we start and end disorientated.”

“Mhm. Now, once that wears off, were just inundated with all this information. The amount of data that a kid has to take in is incredible and they are just totally enamored by the rapid download of everything. All the things that go into being a person and existing in this world that you and I don’t even think about anymore.”

“That’s true, there’s a lot to figure out.”

“Yeah. I mean, think about it. Not even things like etiquette, but things like what is pooping?”

Jace laughed and Maddy laughed with him.

“I mean, seriously, the first time a kid poops they probably think their losing part of their body.”

“I can honestly say I’ve never thought about that.” Jace smiled at her.

“Exactly, because you’ve already accumulated that data and that goes the same for everything else, the first time you encounter an animal, a sound, a sensation. Not to mention the social aspects of being a human, from how to interact with others, to social cues, to the prehistoric nature of our society. Your brain is in overload.”

Jace ran his finger down her arm and snuggled closer to her on the bed.

“And then around high school is when you start to get a grip on all that. Or college, depending how smart you are. And that’s when you start doing drugs.”

“That makes sense as to why there’s a positive correlation between drug experimentation and high intelligence,” Jace pointed out.

“Yup, and that’s probably why we both started doing drugs in high school.”

Jace laughed. “Uh huh.”

“So you start exploring that disorientation. The chemically-enhanced world around us. Then you kind of start to taper off, or, at least, most people do as they get older, you know, after college.”

“Right …”

“Then it’s caffeine during the week to keep you steady and alcohol on the weekends to set you free. We’re constantly buckling down with clarity then flying off the chains with inebriation.”

“That’s true.”

“Yeah, I’ve had some time to think about this.”

“Well, darling, it shows.”

“Then comes the final part. The part when you’re dying and everyone around you is trying to give you pills or injections, things that will make you feel warm and fuzzy, but things that will take away the luster, things that will dull your wits, so your last moments are as drowned out as your first. And all you want to do is stay with it another day. See another sunrise, smell another rose, and feel another raindrop. And you suddenly are ashamed of all those days spent confused and lost and wish you could have one more back if nothing else for a sober kiss from someone you love.”

“Oh, baby.” Jace looked down at her with sadness in his eyes and kissed her. He pressed his lips deeply into hers. The tears dropped from his eyes and landed on her as he kissed her. His jaw quivered, and she wrapped her arms around him, her IV tube dangling off of her arm. Jace choked and the tears caught onto him. Maddy cried as well. But not so much. She had been living it.
Watching this, feeling this. She knew this was it for a long time now.
And as much as Jace wanted to deny it, there was no coming back.

“God, I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to go, either, baby, but it’s going to happen.” Jace sniffled hard. “My body is riddled with disease, and no matter how much we try to fight it, no matter how upset we get, there’s no getting around it. The only thing we can do is accept it.”

“I don’t know that I can.”

“You will, one way or another, I’d just rather be here for you when you do.”

“God, I just wish you had a spare body lying around.”

Maddy laughed then groaned. “Yeah, me too.”

“So, what if you did?” Jace propped up on his elbow.

Maddy shot Jace a look. “This conversation doesn’t seem conducive to the whole accepting I’m going to die bit.”

“I know,” Jace said somberly. “But I have a lifetime to go on without you. Whatever time I still have with you, I want to spend with you.”

Maddy smiled. It was a sad smile of concession.

“Okay, so how did I get this extra body?”

“It’s magic.”

“A magical body?”

“Yeah, of course, would you expect anything less?”

“Not from you, dear,” Maddy flirted.

Jace smiled.

“Okay, so I’d want to be in shape obviously.”

“Obviously, I mean I’d never let you get a fat body.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Maddy shot Jace a look, and they both laughed.

“I’d like one of those body types where you don’t have to ever workout and I can eat as much chocolate and ice cream as I want and never gain a pound.”

“I like that idea.” Jace smiled. “In fact, sign me up for one too.”

“It’s okay, I’m sure we’ll get a discount if we get two.”

“Of course there’s a discount for two.”

“So I’d like that. Umm. A bigger butt.”

“A bigger butt?”

“Yeah, big butts are in nowadays, and I don’t think they’re going away.”

“I think you have a great ass,” Jace said and pinched her hip.

“I know you do,” she flirted. “But I’d like one of those dancers bodies: strong legs and a big butt.”

“But no working out.”

“Well, maybe like yoga or something, but I don’t want to have to do it. I just want a body that looks like I do.”

“Okay. What else?”

“Well, height wise, I don’t mind too much. I don’t want to be super tall or super short, so somewhere in the middle is fine.”

“Average height, check.” Jace made a checkmark on his imaginary itinerary sheet.

“Boobs, I want something similar to mine, because I have all these great bras, and I don’t want to have to throw them out.”

“Okay, so great tits.”

“Yup, and I want to keep my vajayjay”

Jace laughed.

“Hey, I happen to like it.” Maddy playfully pushed his arm.

“I do too, baby. It’s absolutely gorgeous.” Jace ran his hand up her leg.

“Okay, so, big butt, no working out. Average-ish height. Same great tits, and same amazing vajayjay. Anything else?”

“No, just healthy.”

Jace’s smile turned to a frown.

“I know, baby.” Jace came closer to her and squeezed her a bit. “If there was anything I could do,” he paused and she rubbed his head. Jace looked up at Maddy, emotion clearly taking over his face. “I would walk into hell if that’s what I had to do for you.”

“I know you would.” She nuzzled her head against his. “That’s what true love is. It’s not the vows and the champagne. It’s the willingness to burn your soul for another’s.”