The Year We Fell Apart (20 page)

“After you,” he says.

I raise an eyebrow and stare him down until he starts to crack. His lips twitch, and he takes a tiny step closer. His hand finds my lower back.

My breath hitches, but now he’s really smiling, and I start to get it.

“Wait.” I try to step away from the edge, pressing back against his hand. “No. Declan, don’t you dare—”

He pushes me in. By the time I resurface, he’s already cannonballing in next to me. I push wet hair off my face and splash him.

He’s giggling. This silent, shaking laughter that only comes out when he thinks something is really hilarious.

“I’m going to get even, you know.”

“Oh yeah?” He dips his head back again. “Something to look forward to.”

We tread water, circling around each other. He’s still smiling his dimpled smile, and I splash him once more. He reaches for me, and I let out a squeal and sneak out of his grasp. And immediately regret it because all I really want is for him to touch me again.

He grabs my waist, twirling me around. I reach for his shoulders and . . . wait.

Is he flirting?

It feels the same as all those days we spent here last summer, and we were definitely flirting then.

He dives under. I go on treading, waiting for his next move. But when he comes up for air, he keeps his distance.

“It really is kind of cold,” he says. “Want to get out for a bit?”

“Okay.” I hesitate until he turns away, then follow him slowly back to the edge. We hoist ourselves up onto the boulders.

Cory is lying next to Mack, having a quiet conversation with her. Gwen looks half-asleep, with one arm draped over her eyes. I take my towel out of my bag and wipe down my legs.

“Oh yeah, he
loathes
you.”

My head snaps toward Gwen. Her eyes are still closed, but she’s smiling.

I check behind me, but Declan’s back is turned. He’s out of hearing range. “Were you watching us?”

She squints up at me. “Time for a dip.” She turns to Mack and Cory. “You guys feel like swimming?”

All three of them splash into the quarry. I shuffle and cross my arms. I want to know what Gwen meant by that. Whether she noticed the way Declan was acting.

Nope, it doesn’t matter what she saw. Because I am not going down that path again. Today should be about earning Declan’s trust back and rebuilding our friendship. Which does not involve lusting after him.

I rifle through my bag for sunscreen. I find the bottle and spread some over my legs and stomach.

“Mind if I use some of that?” Declan tucks his sunglasses on top of his head. “Forgot mine.”

“Oh, sure.” I squeeze a healthy amount into his palm, and we both slather our arms and shoulders.

He gestures for the bottle again. “Want me to get your back?”

“No, that’s okay.”

He rolls his eyes and grabs the bottle. “You’re already turning pink.”

He moves behind me and I pull my wet hair over one shoulder. The muscles in my back tense and my breathing becomes weirdly fast and I hope it isn’t obvious. I focus on the stone beneath my feet, the way flecks of the granite sparkle in the sunlight. Not on his hands sweeping over me.

He moves efficiently, slowing only when he traces the lines of my bathing suit top. And then it’s over.

“Your turn,” I say, quickly trading places with him.

I use broad strokes, trying not to even look at what’s in front of me. But when I get to his shoulders, I slip up. They’re just so tan. And strong. And without my permission, my thumbs start tracking between his shoulder blades. Declan hums in approval, and I move on to his neck. An area he could probably reach himself.

He turns his head, stopping short of looking over his shoulder. I withdraw my hands and step back.

“Um . . . all set.” I dip my head and grab my towel, shaking it out.

Declan hasn’t moved. I sit down and sink my feet back into the water. The combination of a gentle breeze and my wet skin makes the water feel slightly warmer. Declan finally walks over and sits next to me.

I glare at my hands.
Traitors.

He finds a flat stone and skips it into the water. After five hops, it sinks. Declan brushes his palms together.

“Not bad,” I say.

“Thanks.” He clears his throat and nods toward Mackenzie and Cory out in the water. “So what do you think, another week before Cory makes one too many physics jokes for her taste?”

“The crazy thing is, she eats them up. You were so right about them.”

“What can I say, it’s a gift.”

“Oh, I totally forgot.” I pivot toward him. “What’s his big plan?”

“Uh-uh, I’m not telling. Just trust me; it’ll be worth the wait.”

And it is. A half hour later, we’re all lying on the rocks again, Declan and I playing a game of I Spy, picking colors out of the forest around us and finding shapes in the clouds, while Gwen flips through one of Mackenzie’s fashion magazines. Suddenly Cory is standing over us.

“I think we should skinny-dip.”

My jaw drops. I turn to face Declan and he closes his eyes, nodding solemnly.

Gwen starts packing her stuff. “That’s my cue.”

Without waiting for any other response, Cory dives into the water. A moment later, he slaps his swim trunks onto the rock next to me.

I avert my eyes and lean away. I can’t even.

Mackenzie stands up. She hesitates for just a second, then unties her top and shimmies out of her bottoms. She lets out a yell and jumps into the water.

I turn my wide-eyed stare to Declan. “That just happened.”

“Indeed, it did.”

Gwen shoves the rest of her stuff into a beach bag and gives us a wave. “See you guys later.”

“Later, Gwen,” Declan says.

I wave back and then shake my head, still in complete shock. “Wow. Okay, this may sound weird, but I’m kind of proud of Cory right now.”

“I know what you mean. I wasn’t sure he’d actually go through with it. And I
definitely
did not think it would work.”

Their laughter carries over to us and I close my eyes. “Oh man, I can’t watch this.”

Declan’s smile gets even bigger. “No, I think it’s time we left these two alone.”

I’m beyond relieved he doesn’t want to join in. Not just because four seems like a bit of a crowd at the moment, but also because I’m clearly struggling with this whole platonic-friend thing. Pretty sure getting naked isn’t going to help.

Still, there is serious potential in this situation that can’t be overlooked.

“We’re going to steal his clothes, though, right?”

Declan grins. “Oh, most definitely.” He’s already in motion, scooping up Cory’s swim trunks and taking off down the shoreline.

Grabbing Cory’s towel, I chase after him. We run past Gwen in the direction of the cars, the thick layer of pine needles padding our bare feet. Mackenzie’s laughter and Cory’s desperate pleas fade behind us. For a moment I wonder if Declan will run all the way to our tree house.

Instead, we hide behind the side of his car, pressed against the front tire. I focus on the sky, the sun shining through branches of pine, and try really hard not to laugh. But every time I feel Declan shaking behind me, I erupt into giggles again.

I elbow him in the ribs, which only makes him laugh harder.

Needless to say, it’s a matter of seconds before our hiding place is discovered.

Cory stops on the other side of the car, holding the T-shirt we left behind in front of him. I peer across the hood and lose my balance. I fall into Declan, who collapses all the way to the ground in hysterics.

“Very funny, guys. My shorts, if you please.” Declan throws them at Cory’s face and I hold up the towel. Cory rips it out of my hand and backs away. “You guys suck.”

My abs start to hurt from laughing so uncontrollably, and I’m struggling to get enough air, which leads me to snort. Twice. My hand flies up to my nose in a desperate attempt to keep any other unbearable noises from coming out. Declan was just starting to recover, and he crumples over in another fit of laughter.

“You snorted!”

“I didn’t.” I shake my head slowly, but I can’t seem to unscrew the smile from my jaw. “Nope.”

Declan takes a long breath, avoiding eye contact with me until he pulls himself together. We’re still sprawled out on the ground, and he props himself up on one elbow. He gestures to me.

“That’s the smile.”

I start giggling again. “What?”

His expression softens. He scratches above his eyebrow and shakes his head, suddenly looking almost bashful. “I’ve been waiting all summer to see that smile.”

IT’S EASIER THAN EVER TO
lie to my parents. Dad is completely distracted most of the time, and Mom’s got such a bad case of chemo-brain, I could tell her just about anything and she’d believe it.

Only, lying doesn’t feel like getting away with something anymore. And leaving the house every chance I get isn’t the escape it used to be. I just wind up feeling guilty. I love my mom, and as helpless as seeing her sick makes me feel, I want to support her. Which means showing up, being here for her even if it’s hard. Even if I’d rather be somewhere else.

Besides, nowadays Mom mostly asks about my friends. A month ago I would have sooner had a root canal than willingly spent the afternoon telling her about my social life. Things have been different lately, though, and this past week I spent every day with Declan. Not that we’ve been alone, or done anything remotely
date
like, but even when we’re with the whole group, he and I sort of gravitate to each other. Just like before.

But he’s caddying this morning, so I’m home, snuggled up with Mom on her bed. I trace my finger over the paisley pattern of her bedspread while she clicks through some of the pictures on my laptop. She lingers over the picture I took of Declan during our first photography shoot.

“I feel like I’ve slept away the entire summer.” She closes the laptop and stretches, flexing her feet under the wool blanket she has on even though it’s more than ninety degrees out. “Tell me something new.”

“I dunno. Class has been pretty interesting, actually. Mr. Harrison says I have potential,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “And Mack and Gwen have become pretty good friends.”

“And Declan?”

I smile in spite of myself. “And Declan.”

She purses her lips. “You really care about him. Don’t you?”

My smile fades. I nod.

That’s been the only problem with this amazing week. It’s great getting along with him again, but the friendlier Declan and I become, the harder it is to hide my true feelings. And sometimes, like the other day at the quarry, I get the impression it isn’t just one-sided. But then he’ll get closed off again, and I’ll remember the way I felt after trying to kiss him earlier this summer.

Mom shakes her head. “I always knew it was just a matter of time for the two of you. Your father always thought you would end up with Cory, you know.”

“Cory?” I laugh, then pause, thinking back over the last year and the way Dad always got a little grumpier when I said I was going to Cory’s house. He trusts Cory, sure. But that doesn’t mean he wants me to date him. “You know, that actually explains a lot. Don’t get too carried away, though. Declan and I are just getting to know each other again, and he’s leaving in two weeks.”

“Why does that have to change anything?”

It’s a pretty good question. Probably the biggest, most important question of all, actually. Last time Declan went away, I think some part of me had already resigned to losing him. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Look at Gwen. Her boyfriend lives in a different state, and they obviously miss each other, but they make sacrifices and they make it work. Declan and I could do that. We may not be together anymore, but we can stay friends.

I’ll make more of an effort to be open with him, and if things get shaky again, I won’t run away from it. I’ll be supportive. Stronger. This time will be different.

“It shouldn’t. You’re right. I just wish he didn’t have to leave again. He wants to stay; he told me so. And I don’t get why his dad keeps doing this to him. If it were Natalie, she would never ship him off.”

Mom gives my hand a squeeze. “I know, honey. And I wish it could be different. But he’s just doing what he thinks is best for Declan.”

“Yeah, well. Maybe he could try listening to him instead.”

Mom gives a sympathetic sigh and pats my hand once more. She seems to be at a loss for words. I scoot off the bed and reach for her mug.

“Your tea’s gone cold,” I tell her. “I’ll make you some more.”

  *  *  *  

With the kettle on the stove, I pull some of Mom’s favorite ginger cookies out of the cupboard and shuffle through her file on the kitchen table, trying to figure out which pill she’s supposed to take if the one she tried earlier doesn’t help her nausea. She has a hard time keeping that stuff straight.

I pick up two pill bottles and look back and forth between them. Then back at the file. I have no idea. The kettle whistles, and I set the pills down and cross the kitchen.

Upstairs, something crashes in my parents’ room. With my hand still on the gas range knob, I freeze. There’s another thud above me.

I tear out of the kitchen, taking the stairs two at a time.

I find her lying on the bathroom floor, crammed between the bathtub and the toilet. She’s cradling her stomach, and there is blood all over her pink pajamas. Why is there blood?

“Mom!”

I kneel down beside her and a sharp pain hits my knee. I pull a small shard of glass out of my skin. Broken glass is scattered all over the floor from the vase she knocked off her sink.

“Mom, are you okay?” She nods weakly, but I can’t tell what parts are bleeding. Her hands. But is that all? “Can you sit up?”

She rolls to the side and gets sick.

I jump up and feel my back pocket for my phone, but it isn’t there. Grabbing the receiver off my mother’s nightstand, I hesitate with my fingers over the keypad. Dad is at work and I don’t have that number memorized, so I try his cell. It rings and rings and he isn’t answering.

Hang up.

Call Graham.

But after one ring I remember Graham is visiting a friend out of town. And Bridget had a shift today so she’s already at the hospital. I look at Mom and it seems like she’s falling asleep, and that can’t be good. My shaking fingers dial 911. I hear my voice ask for an ambulance.