The Year We Fell Apart (22 page)

She rolls her eyes, looking totally over it. “Yeah. Bitch. Anyway, it’s breaky time.”

Mom didn’t come home from the hospital until late yesterday afternoon, at which point Dad kicked me out so she could rest. And sure, I got Sadie to have a movie night, but that doesn’t mean we went to bed early. I’m exhausted.

But Sadie looks like she will throw a complete shit-fit if I decline, so with one last groan, I drag myself out of her bed.

Breakfast is a relative term for Sadie, so we end up going to the Munchie Mart for coffee and cigarettes. On our way back to her car we pass Sadie’s ex, Christopher. He’s filling his car at pump number three. His new girlfriend is in the passenger’s seat.

Sadie quickly straightens her posture and puts on a shy smile, which falls off her face as soon as they’re behind her.

“I can’t believe Chris is going out with a sophomore,” she says as we reach her car. She yanks open the driver’s-side door. “And she’s in band.
Band
, I tell you.”

I don’t comment on the fact that just a few days ago, Sadie was showing interest in a sophomore herself. “What’s wrong with band?”

Sadie doesn’t have an actual answer to that, so she just shrugs and lights her cigarette. She holds out her pack to me.

I shake my head and take a sip of coffee. I’m done with cigarettes. “What I can’t believe is that you broke up with him.”

“You mean that I ever dated him in the first place? Me neither.”

I bet his number is still in her phone right now. And those pictures, too. Every time I catch her looking at them, she reacts the same way. Always says something nasty about him, like it’s a reflex she can’t control.

“Right, I know. You don’t care about him at all.” I take another sip of scalding coffee and add, “That’s why you still have his orchid.”

She flicks some ash out of her open window. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh. Okay, then.” I wait, my eyes following the smoke that twists away from the end of her cigarette.

“He was going to break up with me anyway.”

It’s the first time Sadie has ever said anything like that, and she immediately starts moving, turning the car on and tearing out of our parking spot like she’s trying to outrun what she just admitted.

“You don’t know that,” I say gently.

“Yes, I do. He never wanted to hang out anymore, never talked to me when we did. And it’s not like I needed a boyfriend just to mess around, so . . .”

She banks a hard left out of downtown and speeds past our high school. I nearly spill hot coffee all over myself when she hits a pothole.

“Would you slow down? You’re going to get pulled over.”

“Want to do something later?” she asks, ignoring my irritation. “We could lay out at Mike’s pool, or I heard some junior is having a party at his house this afternoon.”

“I told you, I’m meeting Declan later.” I check the center console for the time. Almost noon already. “Now, actually. Would you mind heading that way?”

“Fine.” She turns right and circles back through town. “So what’s the deal with you two, anyway?”

Her voice is just shy of a grumble, and I get the feeling that no answer will satisfy her.

“I don’t know. We’re hanging out.”

She narrows her eyes. “Duh. I’ve barely seen you since you guys started
hanging out
. My point is, school starts in two weeks. Won’t he be leaving soon?”

I flick my thumbnail against the lid of my coffee and set it down. I’ve been using brute strength to push the idea of him leaving out of my mind.

“I’m just looking out for you,” she goes on. “I mean, how long did it take for everything to fall apart the last time he left town? You should think about that before you start something again.” She pulls into my neighborhood, passes my elementary school, and comes to a stop in front of Declan’s house. “It’s not worth getting hurt, is it?”

She isn’t looking at me when she says it, examining her nails as she rests them on her steering wheel.

Declan is perched on a ladder, painting the side of his house with Cory, Mack, and Gwen. Mackenzie flicks Cory with paint, and Declan breaks into laughter. He looks happy. And seeing that makes me happy.

“Declan would never hurt me.”

“That’s the funny thing about relationships, Harper.” Sadie lights another cigarette and picks at the seam of the steering wheel as she exhales. “If you give someone the power to break your heart, you sure as hell won’t see it coming when they do.

“I’m just looking out for you,” she says again.

“Yeah. Thanks. I’ll see you later,” I say, grabbing my to-go cup and sending her a smile when really I want to tear her head off.

She saw how miserable I was without Declan in my life last year. And sure, I get that she wouldn’t want me to go through that again, or have to put up with my moping again, for that matter. But I thought she would at least be happy for me now. Maybe not.

Maybe I don’t care what she thinks anymore.

“Harper?” She stubs out her half-smoked cigarette. “If you’re not too busy with your new friends, maybe you can come with me to a party Saturday night?”

“Yeah. Sure, Saturday.” I smile and shut the car door behind me. Mack waves her paintbrush at me, spattering paint all over Cory. Again.

“Hey, guys,” I say.

Declan steps down from his ladder and hooks his thumbs in his back pockets. “Hey.”

I smile harder and hitch my bag higher on my shoulder.

“Here,” he says, “you can put your stuff inside.”

I follow him into the foyer and hang my bag up on a coat hook so Lula won’t go sniffing around in it, then bend down to give her a few pets.

“Do you want to take your shirt off?”

I snap up. “What?”

Declan’s eyebrows rise. “Oh, ha, no. I mean, I have a shirt you can borrow. So you don’t get paint all over that one.”

“Oh. Yeah, okay.”

He gestures toward the stairs. We go up to his room, and I linger in the doorway while he sorts through his dresser.

It’s a tidy space, with vacuum lines in the carpet and a perfectly made bed. The whole room is perfect, actually. Except for a red stain on the carpet in front of his desk, put there when we were eleven and I made him laugh so hard, fruit punch came out of his nose.

Now a suitcase is tucked into the corner by his closet and there’s a cardboard box resting on top of his desk. The sticker stars are still on his ceiling. It’s his room, just a little too un-lived in.

He holds up a plain white undershirt. “This work for you?”

“Yeah, that’s great. Thank you.”

“No problem.” He tosses me the shirt and taps his knuckles against the side of his dresser.

He steps to the side, like he’s going to leave, and I pull his shirt on over mine. Then I thread the spaghetti straps of my tank top through the sleeves and push it down to my waist, over my hips, and step out of it.

Declan looks dazed. Like he’s not quite sure what just happened.

Technically, I guess I just changed in front of him. I didn’t even think before doing it; changing that way is second nature after a thousand swim practices.

I mean, okay, maybe I knew it was a little flirty. But it’s not like I put on a striptease. It was the anti-striptease. Besides, he
has
seen the goods before.

I step back toward the door. “Ready?”

He nods and follows me downstairs. Declan sets me up with a paintbrush and nudges my shoulder.

“Watch out for Mackenzie,” he says, loud enough for her to hear.

She points her brush at him. “Offensive. You better watch
yourself
, Declan.”

He hides behind me, wrapping one arm across my collarbone like I’m his human shield. Without thinking, I sink back against his chest. He rests his chin on top of my head.

“Truce?”

Mack’s lips twitch. “Fine.”

He releases me and gives me a wink before climbing the ladder to help Cory with the second story.

Mackenzie gives me a playful tap on the arm. “
Aww
, he dominant-turtled you!”

I glance at Gwen, whose expression indicates she’s as boggled as I am by the expression. I’m not sure I want to be dominated turtle-style.

“He what now?”

Mackenzie moves so that she’s standing behind Gwen, lifting up onto her tiptoes so that Gwen’s head is tucked underneath her chin. “Dominant turtle!” Gwen’s eyes roll up and she crouches away in self-preservation, but Mackenzie keeps trying. “You know! It’s how the male turtle shows his dominance. . . .”

“Kinky,” Gwen says.

“Soo?”
Mackenzie stomps her foot.

I blink. “So?”

She rolls her eyes at Gwen. “So, what’s going on with you two? I caught that wink, too, by the way.”

“All right, Nancy Drew.” I dip my paintbrush into the can and shrug. And try really hard not to smile. And fail. “I don’t know. We’ve been spending more time together. Things are good.”

“How good?”

My smile gets bigger. “I don’t know! And
shh
.”

She sighs wistfully. Meanwhile, Gwen is still silently staring at me with pursed lips.

“What?” I ask.

“It’s about damn time, is all.”

I grimace. “Can we please talk about something else? You guys are making me nervous.”

I start painting in broad strokes. Mackenzie tosses her brush down onto the tray between us. Paint splatters on my—Declan’s—T-shirt and she is, of course, oblivious.

“I think I’m ready to sleep with Cory,” she says.

“Gah!” I raise my hands to my ears. “New subject.”

Gwen laughs beside me.

“Oh, come on,” Mack says, putting her fists on her hips. “I need your advice!”

Licking my lips, I dip my brush into the paint again. “Um, actually . . . well. I’ve never—”

“Shut up.
Really? 
” Gwen wrinkles her nose and leans closer. “You’re a virgin?”

“Gwen!” Mackenzie takes a swat at her.

I glance up to the second story, but Cory and Declan are still absorbed in conversation while they paint.

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

“I think she just means, you know . . . !” Mackenzie jumps in, trying to cover for Gwen. “You’re so pretty and popular! That’s all.”

Rolling my eyes, I focus very hard on the section of siding I’m working on. “Anyway,” I tell her, “you’re more experienced in that department than I am.”

She’s watching Cory. Analyzing him. She picks up her paintbrush and nods. “Yep, I’m ready. I think I’m in love with him.”

“That’s . . .” My jaw is working and I’m trying to say
great
but that’s not what comes out. “Fast.”

“Well, you know what they say about girls who drive sports cars. . . .” Gwen snickers and dodges Mack’s brush.

Mackenzie shifts her gaze back to Cory. “He’s just so
hot
, you know?”

I groan. I know too much.

“You’ve seen him in his Speedo,” she says. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

“
Ew
, no!” I can’t stop shaking my head. “No.”

My brush moves over the same section I just finished because the idea of sex has now taken over my brain, and I’ve lost the capacity to paint efficiently.

“Well . . . good luck?” I say. “Or have fun? I don’t know what to say to someone who’s about to have sex.”

“‘Have fun’ works,” Gwen says with a smile.

Declan and Cory climb down off the roof and go inside to get a drink of water. They bring a pitcher and some cups out for the rest of us.

Declan fills a glass for me, and I take it without looking at him. Because suddenly I can’t look at him.

Because sex. Is all I can think about.

“You okay?” he asks. “Everything still good with your mom?”

He has a crease between his eyebrows. I put it there. I hate that.

“Yeah,” I say brightly. “When she was at the hospital they found out her white blood cell count was low, so she can’t leave the house right now. But she needs the rest anyway, and she says she’s feeling better already.”

“Okay, good. What about you? You still look kind of tired. Did you sleep last night?”

“Not really. I spent the night at Sadie’s. But I’m fine, I just zoned out for a sec.”

I keep smiling until he nods and looks away. We trade our water glasses for paintbrushes and get back to work. But his frown is still there. Biting my lip, I try to think of a way to lighten the mood.

Then it hits me.

Declan’s whole body freezes as I drag my paintbrush slowly down from his temple to his jaw. When I finish, he turns toward me with pinched lips and raised eyebrows. He bobs his head, like he’s agreeing to the terms of an after-school brawl. I grin and bop his nose with the end of the brush.

“Well then.” He tosses his own brush down and lunges for me.

He traps me in his arms, nuzzling my face and neck and smearing the paint all over me. I let out a giddy squeal as he wrestles me back into the wet siding. He stops, his face inches from mine. Paint-coated eyelashes bat down at me, and we aren’t laughing anymore. And six feet away from us, our friends are staring.

After another awkward beat of silence, I slide out from under him and playfully push his shoulder.

“Congratulations,” I say, breathless. “You just ruined your own shirt.”

He blushes. “Yeah, well. You started it.”

We’re both quite mature about the whole thing.

Gwen is biting her lip so hard, it looks like she might draw blood. Behind Declan’s back, she starts making kissy faces. I send her a death glare and peel off some of the hair that’s now stuck to my face.

Cory rubs his cheek and turns back to Mackenzie, who looks so pleased, she might burst.

“Well, we should probably go get cleaned up,” he says. “That movie starts in an hour and a half.”

“Yeah and I’ve got a Skype date with Jason.” Gwen puts her brush away and pulls out her keys. “See you guys later.”

“See you,” I say. Then I turn to Declan. “I should probably check in at home, too.”

With the back of his hand, he wipes some paint off his temple. “Yeah, okay.”

“Harper, you want a ride?” Mackenzie unlocks her car and hangs on the open door.

“Yeah, thanks.” I go inside to get my stuff, and stop beside Declan on my way to her car. “I’ll wash your shirt and get it back to you tomorrow.”