Then She Fled Me (33 page)

Sarah sighed. She had changed, too, she thought. Once Dun Rury had been enough; not so long ago she had known that fierce pride of possession and wanted nothing more. When had she changed, what more could she want? She did not know. She only knew on that soft day of early spring that fulfilment did not after all lie in bricks and stone and the memory of a dead man, and she remembered Adrian was coming home.

Had Kathy changed, as she had, she wondered, as she drove to Knockferry to meet the afternoon train. Kathy had not wanted to come to the station. She said she preferred to wait and watch for them from the windows of the snug. It was impossible to tell what Adrian
’
s return might mean to her. And Adrian, himself
...
had he changed, too? Had the old ties been broken for all of them? Was he, perhaps,
returning only to pack up and leave them for that other life
which was b
e
ginning to claim him again?

His train was late, and Sarah chatted nervously to Pat Murphy the porter until it arrived.

She saw Adrian at once, and thought how unmistakably English he looked in that small, excitable crowd. She had forgotten how tall he was, and the confident angle at which he wore his hat
,
but his face bore its familiar coldly impassive expression as he unhurriedly scanned the platform for her.

“
Here I am,
”
she said, and was suddenly seized with a most unfamiliar shyness.

“
Hello
,
”
he said.
“
I
’
m afraid I
’
ve kept you waiting. The train
’
s late.
”

“
The trains are always late,
”
she said, trying t
o
regain her confidence.
“
And the last time you had to wait an hour and I never turned up at all.
”

“
So I did.
”
His grey eyes surveyed her coolly, then he smiled.
“
Have I got to start as a stra
n
ger all over again, Sarah? You
’
re looking at me as if I
’
m a new arrival and you aren
’
t quite sure if you like the look of me.
”

“
Oh, Adrian!
”
she said, flushing a little.
“
I like the look of you very much and—and I
’
m really very pleased to see you.
”

“
Well, that
’
s a relief.
”
He grinned suddenly.
“
I believe you
’
re shy,
”
he said.
“
By heavens, you are! That must be quite a record for Miss Riordan of Dun Rury. Do I chalk it up as one to me?
”

She laughed and all at once her embarrassment left her. Listening to the clipped English voice again, hearing the familiar little bite to his teasing, she was at home with him once more and the gap was bridged.

On the way home she told him all the small happenings of the past few weeks; of the calf that had been
born
to the red cow, the quarrel Nolan had with Willie
-
the-Post, the clock without a mainspring which Aunt Em had bought at a sale, the fight Danny had
with one of the Mulligan boys. The handles of the push-cart dug Adrian between the shoulders, the springs of the old car made their familiar protest over the bumps on the south road, and the chicks peeped wildly as Sarah took the bends and
corner
s with blithe unconcern.

“
Now I know I
’
m back in Ireland,
”
he said, removing his
hat as it struck the roof of the car.

She laughed and slowed down, telling him excitedly that spring was nearly here and wasn
’
t it a grand day to be returning to the west?

“
What was England like?
”
she asked.

“
Cold. How does Dun Rury look?
”

“
A little sad,
”
she said.
“
So much needs doing. I tried to coax a bit more money out of Uncle B., but he wouldn
’
t play.
”

“
Dun Rury is still your Golden Calf, then?
”

She looked puzzled.

“
People worshipped the Golden Calf, didn
’
t they?
”

“
Yes. It brought them no good, either.
”

“
I don
’
t think I worship Dun Rury.
”

“
Don
’
t you, Sarah? I think you came pretty near to it
.”

“
Not any more.
”

He gave her a speculative glance.

“
Beginning to find at last that stone and mortar aren
’
t quite enough?
”

“
Dun Rury could never be just stone and mortar to me,
bu
t—”
She sighed and did not finish the sentence. She
did not ask him questions about his business in England. He would, she knew, tell her when he was ready.

He did not enquire after Kathy, and she said:

“
We
’
ve all missed you, Adrian. It
’
s funny how different it is when there
’
s a man about the place. Nonie says a house without a master is like an egg without salt. There was the same kind of emptiness when you went as there was after my father died.
”

“
Was there, Sarah?
”

“
Yes,
”
she said,
“
there was. Oh, Adrian, I
’
m so glad to have you back. I must have missed you terribly.
”

“
Your delight at my return is very flattering,
”
he said with his old asperity.
“
But you
’
ll have us in the lough if you don
’
t drive more carefully.
”

Kathy came running out of the house to meet them. She had changed her frock and done her hair a new way and she greeted Adrian with fluttering solicitude.

“
Are you very tired? Would you like me to bring tea up to the nursery? Have you good news from your doctor?
”

“
I
’
m not in the least tired,
”
he said briskly,
“
and I
didn
’
t go to London to see doctors. I was out of their hands long ago. I
’
ll have tea
in
the snug with all of you, if I may.
”

During the days that followed, Sarah watched her sister a little anxiously. Adrian was evidently taking a firm line from the start. He was always gentle with her, but he avoided personalities, found excuses not to be alone with her, and always arranged to avoid a direct snub when she tried to engage his interest in
her romantic notions. Sarah had to admit that he was very skilful. He behaved with the utmost kindness and courtesy, but at the same time he made it delicately plain that he had no interest in her. It was difficult to tell whether Kathy was hurt by his attitude. She had always possessed a disconcerting trick of refusing to recognize something which she did not want to see, but she began to
c
omplain
more frequently of Joe
’
s neglect and she started writing to him again.

“
It
’
s all working out as you said it would,
”
she told Adrian, with a sigh of relief.
“
You are very clever with her, Adrian. I—I hope she isn
’
t unhappy.
”

They were sitting on the terrace in the afternoon sunshine and it seemed to Sarah that now he belonged to Dun Rury and it was impossible to think that he must go.

“
Things will work out, Sarah,
”
he told her with a smile.
“
They always do, you know, if you don
’
t fight the inevitable.
”

She looked at him swiftly.

“
They have for you, haven
’
t they?
”

“
Yes, they have for me.
”

“
After all, I think you
’
ve changed. Perhaps we all have. Have you—how did you put it—come to terms with life?
”

“
I
’
ve come to terms with myself, which is far more important,
”
he answered.
“
And that
’
s what you must do, Sarah. Come to terms with yourself.
”

“
How does one do it?
”

“
One knows when the time comes.
”

“
Yes, you are different,
”
she said and took one of his hands, flexing the fingers gently.
“
These don
’
t worry you any more. You
’
ve lost your resentment.
”

“
I
’
ve stopped fighting,
”
he said, watching her gravely.
“
One day you
’
ll stop fighting, too.
”

“
Yes,
”
she said and got up and went into the house
.

A
t the snug door she paused, uncertain what to do with the rest of the afternoon, but at a stifled sound from inside, she pushed open the door and looked in. Kathy was lying in a crumpled heap on the sofa, with her face buried in a cushion.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Sarah
ran across the room.

“
Kathy, darling, what
’
s the matter?
”
she asked with concern, and tried to take the older girl in her arms, but Kathy pushed her away.

“
Go away!
”
she sobbed.
“
You
’
re hateful—wicked and hateful. I never want to speak to you again!
”

“
Why, why? What have I done?
”

“
You
’
ve gone behind my back, that
’
s what you
’
ve done
...
Discussing me with strangers
...
laughing at me
...
”

“
I
’
ve never discussed any of us with strangers,
”
Sarah said sternly.
“
Who
’
s been making mischief? Tell me, Kathy, tell me at once.
”

“
You
have,
”
said Kathy, suddenly sitting upright on the sofa.
“
I heard you—you and Adrian sitting on the ter
ra
ce
...”

Sarah glanced at the open window. How often had Adrian warned her before that she had a carrying voice? Even from the nursery voices on the terrace could be heard distinctly.

“
Oh
darling
, I
’
m sorry you heard,
”
she said helplessly.
“
I w
o
uldn
’
t have hurt you for the world—you know that.
”

“
You were laughing at me!
‘
You
’
ve been very clever with her, Adrian,
’
you said.
‘
It
’
s all working out as you said it would,
’
you said. Did you tell him before he went that I was
in love with him? Is that why he stopped away so long,
because you had said don
’
t let little Kathy make a fool of herself?
”

Sarah
’
s face was white. This was bad, worse even, than giving your heart to someone who did not want it.