Then She Fled Me (35 page)

Her aunt put her arms round her and held her closely. She did not understand what she was being told, but that did not matter. Here was
her beloved child seeking comfort in her arms, as the young Kathleen used to do so long ago, and the denial of the years engulfed her as she held the weeping girl. Thus would she have held her own child, had not her sister and t
h
en her sister
’
s child taken toll of
her love and affection, and the strange thought passed through her mind that the young Sarah must not waste her life for an ideal as she had done.

“
Hush, now my darling
...
hush now, my lovely
...
”
she said.
“
Tell me what
’
s the matter, child.
”

But Kathy only sobbed:

“
I must go away
...
Aunt Em, I must go away.
”

“
But where, dear child?
”

“
I don
’
t know. We have no friends in Dublin now. I
’
ll go to Uncle B.—to Uncle B. and Joe in Knockferry. Yes, that
’
s what I
’
ll do—I
’
ll go and keep house for Uncle B. for a while.
”

Quickly her tears were ceasing, and she lifted a face already bright with the dawn of fresh plans.

“
Well, I
’
m sure Brian and Joe would love to have you for a bit,
”
Aunt Em said, looking a little bewildered.
“
But won
’
t you be rather lonely during the day, dear, when they
’
re away at the office?
”

“
No lonelier than I am shut up in this prison of a house,
”
she cried.
“
No, I won
’
t be lonely, Aunt Em, I won
’
t be lonely at all with the streets and the shops and the lights, and Joe coming home each evening. I
’
ll go tomorrow.
”

“
But you must give them a little notice, child. They won
’
t be prepared for a visitor.
”

“
I
’
m not a visitor—I
’
m Kathy Riordan. I
’
ll row across to the other side early in the morning and ring from Casey
’
s.
Joe will come and fetch me.
”

“
Joe will come and fetch you where?
”
asked Sarah, coming into the room.
“
Here
’
s the key, Aunt Em. It was stuck in an egg cup at the back of the dresser.
”

“
Joe will come and fetch me away from this hateful place, and from a sister who plots and schemes for her own ends.
”

“
Have you lost your wits?
”
asked Sarah mildly, then she saw her sister
’
s tear
s
tained
face, and said quickly:
“
What
’
s the matter, Kathy? What
’
s upset you?
”

Kathy crouched, trembling, against her aunt
’
s knees, all her anger returning at sight of her sister.

“
Do you think I don
’
t know, why you were so anxious to spoil things for Adrian and me? You wanted him yourself,
”
she said.

Sarah
’
s black eyebrows drew together in a frown.

“
Oh, don
’
t be so silly,
”
she said.

“
Silly, is it!
”
cried Kathy.
“
When I find you sitting at his feet and he fondling your hair!
”

“
He wasn
’
t fondling my hair. What a disgusting word!
”

“
He was so. I saw him with my own two eyes. Aunt Em, you shouldn
’
t allow it—Sarah may think she runs this family but, after all, she
is
only eighteen, and it isn
’
t right that she should spend hours in the nursery
,
while our fine English
boarder makes love to her.
”

“
Stop it!
”
shouted Sarah.
“
I will not have you make something cheap and nasty out of this. You don
’
t know what you
’
re talking about.
”

“
Indeed then, I do, and if there
’
s anything cheap and nasty it
’
s you; you sly little cat.
”

“
Children, children!
”
protested Aunt Em vainly, but Sarah was now in one of
h
er rages.

“
You
’
ll not be calling me names like that without getting your, face slapped, Kathy Riordan,
”
she cried, reverting to the brogue which all of them slipped into in moments of stress.
“
All I
’
ve done is to try to keep you from being hurt, and you, losing your head over the first man who can quote poems to you. Adrian said you were stupid and you are, stupid and nasty
minded, too.
”

“
He said I was stupid, did he? And who
’
s he to come here lording it over us and telling us we
’
re stupid and upsetting the whole household!
”

“
It
’
s you who
’
s upsetting the whole household with your airs and graces. Look how you
’
ve treated Joe.
”

“
Leave Joe out of it. He
’
s good and kind and reliable and means what he says.
”

“
He is that, but don
’
t go thinking he
’
s still dying of love for you. He
’
d have married me if I
’
d have had him.
”

“
Married
you
!”
For a moment Kathy
’
s jaw dropped
.
“
He would so. He asked me at the dance, and it was lucky it was me and not some other girl. Many a man, they tell me, marries on the rebound. You may lose him yet if you play about much longer, blowing hot and cold. It
’
s not a flesh
and
blood lover she
’
s wanting, he said, and he
’
s right. All you want is a man to admire you and quote your silly poetry.
”

“
Oh!
”
cried Kathy.
“
How can you! Aunt Em, how can you let her say such things to me? She
’
s simply
jealous—be
cause she
’
s always known I was the pretty one. Father said how it would be. If he
’
d been alive now, Sarah, he
’
d not have you speak to me like that, and he
’
d turn that English snake out of the house, too.
”

“
You leave Father out of this,
”
said Sarah, suddenly white.
“
I know he loved you best for a long time because he could never resist beauty. I didn
’
t resent it, for I thought it was natural, but in the end it was me—too late for me to know—but he left me Dun Rury as proof of his love.
”

Kathy laughed.

“
He left you Dun Rury to ease his own conscience. He knew he
’
d always been unfair to you. He told me in a letter just before he died that he
’
d left you the place because he couldn
’
t leave you his love. I, he said, had all of that. He never loved you, Sarah, he never loved you at all. It was a beautiful letter.
”

There was a dead silence. Aunt Em made a futile little gesture of remonstrance, but looking at Sarah standing straight and suddenly very still in the lamplight, she too was silent and slow tears of distress gathered behind her glasses. At last Sarah spoke.

“
I don
’
t believe you,
”
she said very quietly.

Kathy glanced at her and was suddenly frightened. The look on Sarah
’
s white face was the look of one who has been dealt a mortal blow.

I—I—perhaps I shouldn
’
t have told you that,
”
she stammered.
“
I never meant to, but it
’
s true. I still have the letter—it was the last thing he ever wrote. He wrote it, he said, to comfort me when he had gone.
”

“
He wrote it to comfort you
...”
repeated Sarah slowly.
“
And you never missed him as I did, Kathy
...
you never loved him as I did, either
...”

“
Would you like to see the letter?
”
her sister asked
as
if
she was presenting a peace-offering.

S
arah turned away.

“
No, I don
’
t want to see it,
”
she said.
“
It wasn
’
t meant for me.
”
She went quietly from the room and they heard the front door open and close and then her dragging feet on the gravel drive.

Aunt Em found she was trembling.

“
You shouldn
’
t have told her that, dear child,
”
she said gently.
“
It was very cruel.
”

Kathy turned her face into her aunt
’
s lap and wept afresh.

“
I didn
’
t mean to,
”
she sobbed like a repentant child.
“
She drove me to it with the things she said. I didn
’
t mean to, Aunt Em
...”

Her aunt stroked her hair, automatically giving comfort as she had always done to the young Kathleen of long ago.

“
No, you didn
’
t mean to,
”
she said sadly.
“
But words cannot be undone. You
’
ve taken something very precious from the child. Had you not enough already, Kathy, that you could strike such a careless blow?
”

Kathy raised her head and her childish face was soft with pleading.

“
Don
’
t turn against me, Aunt Em,
”
she said.
“
You
’
ve always loved me best
...
don
’
t turn against me, now
...
”

Aunt Em looked down at her. Just so had the young Kathleen pleaded when she had taken the one man her sister had ever wanted, taken him and married him and forgotten all about it. No one had ever known, but tonight in Sarah
’
s stricken face she had seen the reflection of her own hurt spirit.

“
I could never turn against you, darling,
”
she said.
“
You
’
re too like your mother, but we
’
ve loved you too well, Denis, Kathleen and I. Now you must grow up, Kathy, and learn that great beauty has an obligation laid upon it.
”

“
An obligation?
”

“
Not to trade on it too much. Now I think we should all go to bed. Sarah will come in from the fields when she
’
s ready. And, tomorrow—yes, I think you should ring up Brian and see if they can have you. You and Sarah will be better apart for a little. There
’
s just one thing, dear child. Was there—was there any truth in your hints about Mr.
Flint? Because if so
—”

“
No,
”
said Kathy, ashamed.
“
I don t think so, really.
I
was jealous, I suppose. Adrian
’
s fond of Sarah, that
’
s a
l
l, and he was never fond of me.
”

“
I see. Perhaps you
’
re beginning to learn.
”

“
And you forgive me, Aunt Em?
”

Her aunt kissed her.

“
The hurt is not mine to forgive,
”
she said gently.
“
But you
’
ll always have my love, Kathy. And one more thing before we say goodnight. While you
’
re staying with the Kavanaghs, remember Joe loves you, too. Don
’
t hurt him more than you can help.
”

“
I
’
ll remember. Will I say I
’
m sorry to Sarah tonight?
”

Aunt Em sighed. Just so might a chided child expect forgiveness for a careless word soon forgotten.

“
No, dear, leave her alone tonight. Go to bed now. It
’
s getting late.
”

Adrian from the nursery window watched the small events of the following day with a troubled spirit. He had heard the angry voices in the snug, and later Sarah banging the front door as she fled to seek solace in the fields, but no one came to the nursery all day, except Mary, with his lunch tray. They all seemed to go their separate ways. First Danny, cycling down the drive to school, then Kathy taking the boat alone to the other side, then Sarah, a satchel on her back, evidently set for one of her days of solitude, then Kathy returning. Not one of them glanced up at his window. After lunch the Kavanagh car drove up, and he heard Kathy
’
s voice cry:
“
Joe! Oh,
Joe
!”
as she ran out of the house. The young man did not speak, but just held her hands in his and smiled, then he put her suitcase in the back and they drove away together.

He heard Sarah come in soon after half-past eight, but over an hour passed and she did not come up to the nursery, and at ten o
’
clock he went down to the snug to find her. Aunt Em was just rolling up her knitting and putting it away; there was no one else there.

“
Good evening, Miss Emma. Where
’
s Sarah?
”
he, asked.

Aunt Em peered at him vaguely over her glasses.

“
I was just going to bed,
”
she said.
“
Can I get you anything?
”

“
I only wanted a word with Sarah. Has she gone to bed yet?
”

“
No, she
’
s in the kitchen, doing the accounts, I think,
”
she said.
“
Wouldn
’
t tomorrow do? She
’
s very tired.
”

“
If she
’
s very tired,
”
he said, frowning,
“
she ought to be in bed, not doing accounts.
”

“
Yes, well—it
’
s difficult to argue with Sarah when she
’
s set her mind to something.
”

“
I
’
ll soon argue with her,
”
said Adrian shortly.
“
If necessary I
’
ll carry her up the stairs.
”

Aunt Em tucked her knitting bag under her arm and looked at him speculatively.

“
That might, perhaps, be the right treatment,
”
she said slowly.
“
But there
’
s been a little upset. I
’
m afraid you must have heard the girls quarrelling last night. Kathy has gone away for a time, and Sarah—well, I
’
m not sure what
is
the right way with Sarah just now.
”

“
I think I might find out,
”
said Adrian with a smile.
“
I
’
ll turn the lamps out for you, Miss
Emma,
if you
’
re going up, now.
”

Adrian put out the lamps, then went through the silent hall to the kitchen. He opened the door quietly but she did not hear him. She was sitting at the kitchen table, a lamp at her elbow but she was not doing the accounts. Her black head was buried in her arms and she was weeping bitterly.

He bent over her, touching her gently on the shoulders.

“
Sarah
...
child
...
what is it?
”
he said softly. She did not answer and he put one hand on the bowed black head.
“
Tell me what
’
s upset you,
”
he said.
“
Perhaps I can help.
”

She looked up then and her eyes focused on him with difficulty. He was a little shocked at the look of blind despair on her face.

“
My dear, nothing and no one is worth such heartache as this. What did you and Kathy quarrel about?
”
She shook her head.
“
You
’
d much better tell me. Was it about me?
”

“
It started with you,
”
she said wearily.

“
And Kathy said I was making love to you?
”

“
How did you know?
”

“
Well, it was pretty obvious what she thought from her expression when she came into the nursery. What more did she say?
”