There Is No Light in Darkness (11 page)

“So, Cole, are you still dating Erin?” Trevor asks, cocking his head to one side.

I feel the blood draining from my face at the mention of her name, and I turn away quickly, focusing my attention on Becky. Becky is talking about her and Greg’s new place by the water, but I’m only half listening since my ears are tuned into Cole’s answer.

“We broke up recently,” Cole says, and I unintentionally tilt my head to look at him. He gives me a crooked grin, showcasing his dimple and the mischief in his twinkling green eyes. He draws circles on my thigh where his hand still rests, and I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. I look back toward Becky in an effort to keep the composure that is slowly fading away from me with every touch and look he gives me.

“Oh, sorry to hear that. She’s a great girl. We’ve met a few times,” Trevor responds.

“Yeah, she is a great girl. She’s just not my girl,” Cole responds, and I could feel his gaze heating the side of my face. I bite the inside of my cheek as I feel a blush creep up my body, and I silently thank baby Jesus and Becky for the deep bronzer I have on.

We finish dinner and walk toward the lobby to continue our conversations. Cole excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. Aubry trails behind him since they’re still discussing last night’s Cubs game. I stand with Trevor, Becky, Greg, and their other teammate, Jimmy.

“Are you guys dating?” Trevor asks, nodding his head in the direction Cole disappeared to.

I scrunch my eyebrows and look up at him. “No.”

“Doesn’t seem that way,” he says, pursing his lips.

“Yeah, he can be a bit overprotective of me,” I explain.

“That’s more than a bit overprotective, Blake. That’s ... something else,” he mumbles.

I laugh and playfully slap his chest. “Something else?”

He holds the hand I used to slap him and he watches me intensely. The desire swimming in his deep brown eyes cuts my laughter short.

“You do look beautiful, by the way,” Trevor says before he kisses the top of my hand and lets it go. “I’m in room 824, if you want to hang out ... or whatever.”

I smile at his invitation, but don’t reply. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that. Thank you for inviting me to have sex with you, but I’ll pass?

I feel an arm snake its way around my waist. When I look up, I’m met with Cole’s icy green eyes. Trevor says good night with a salute before walking to the elevators.

I wave my hand, but my eyes are still on Cole’s. I smile at him, remembering the last time he did this to me, and I see his eyes soften. He turns my body in his embrace so that I’m facing our friends and nips my earlobe lightly.

“I love you too, baby,” he says in a low voice that makes me shiver. Cole has been saying those words to me for the past nine years. I’ve never said them back. He stopped asking me to years ago. He accepted that I couldn’t and that I was scared to for what I think are good reasons. Every time I’ve said those words to somebody, I lost them. He always assures me that I wouldn’t lose him, Becky, Greg, Aubry, or Maggie, but I can’t take that risk. I love them too much. They are my world.

We crowd the elevator on our journey upstairs. Cole presses me against his solid chest and puts both arms around me, knotting them together in front of me. When we reach our floor, I stop him and hold on to his arm as I step out of my heels. I cannot take one more second of having them on.

“Blake!” Becky squeals. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Ugh. Shut up. My feet are about to commit suicide,” I groan painfully.

The guys laugh and Becky rolls her eyes. “You’re such a baby.”

“Yeah, whatever, diva,” I grumble before I let out a loud screech when Cole lifts me off the floor. “Cole, are you crazy?”

“Only about you, baby,” he murmurs into my hair. I bite down on my lip as my heart hammers relentlessly against my chest. I feel like butterflies are having a sock hop in my stomach. When my eyes meet his, I’m expecting them to look amused, but they’re completely serious and a little sad even.

“You can put me down. I can walk just fine,” I say pointlessly because we’re already in front of our door. “I probably flashed everybody.”

He puts me down slowly, never taking his eyes off mine. I want to look away from the intensity in them because they are making me feel like I have a gaping hole in my stomach.

“Uh ... guys? Are you coming in or are you going to stand in the hallway, eye fucking each other all night?” Becky asks with a laugh. I snap out of my trance and push off of Cole. As I make my way past Becky, she nudges me playfully. She is so obvious that I can’t help but laugh as I walk to my room.

I change into a pair of blue shorts and a red T-shirt that reads “Murphy” in the back. It’s Cole’s football shirt from high school and my most comfortable sleeping shirt. After I scrub my makeup off and tie my hair back, I go back to the living room. Becky and Greg are already tucked away in her room, but I find Cole and Aubry flipping through channels in the living room area.

A large brown duffel bag that I don’t recognize catches my eye. “Is that Greg’s?” I ask to no one in particular, but look at Aubry.

Aubry’s eyes widen as he bites down on his lip to keep from laughing, but doesn’t reply.

“It’s mine,” Cole says nonchalantly.

“You’re staying here?” I ask confused. “What’s wrong with your place?”

“You thought that you were going to get rid of me just because you decided you were too good to stay at my place?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Um, no, I never said I was too good for you,” I reply quietly as I wring my hands together.

“You’re right. You told Aubry that you were going to hook up with somebody,” he says looking amused, while I glare at Aubry. “You told me, that you were staying here for Becky and shopping. I don’t care either way. I don’t like being far from the action, and since we’re both here and you need a hook up partner, hey,” he shrugs.

My mouth pops open. I close it. I process his words and start laughing.

“You ...” I say, smiling and shaking my head, “are easily the most controlling person I know, and that’s coming from me,” I joke. He really is controlling. I know why he needs to be in control. Problem is I need to be in as much control as he does. Our past taints us. As much as we try to paint our own canvas, our past is always there, hovering over our lighting.

“I prefer the term planner, but you can use controlling if it makes you feel better,” he says, winking at me before I head back to my room.

Cole steps in as I’m getting into bed and goes straight to the bathroom. I stop leafing through my gardening magazine and look up when he comes back out; he’s dressed only in his boxers. I don’t know how he keeps his body in such great shape, even after he stopped playing football. I bite down on my lip to keep my mouth from opening as he strides over to the bed. His movements flex the perfectly defined muscles on his stomach. He crosses his arms, displaying his bulging biceps and strong forearms.

“I think you may have drooled on yourself,” he says before he darts out his tongue and licks his lips slowly. A shiver runs down my spine at the sight of it.

“Says the guy that ran Trevor off when he saw him talking to me?” I ask, arching an eyebrow.

“Talking to you?” he growls. “He was practically eating you with his eyes. What was he telling you when I was in the bathroom? When I came out, he was holding your hand, and you were looking at him all dazed and shit,” he says. His jaw is clenched and his fisted hands are resting on his waist.

I laugh. “Some things never change. I have a boyfriend, remember?” I don’t, but he doesn’t know that—I don’t think. Aubry might have opened his big mouth.

“Do you?” he asks with narrowed eyes, making me squirm.

“Uh ...” I start as I make a mental note to kill Aubry tomorrow morning.

His eyebrows furrow. “Blake?”

“No,” I reply quietly as I draw circles on the comforter with my finger.

“What happened?” he asks, tilting his head.

I shrug one shoulder. “The usual.” He’s not you.

I’ve dated four guys in the past seven years. They’ve all been extended one-night stands. That’s how I define my relationships. I’m still friends with all my ex-boyfriends. I’ve attended two of their weddings, so that should tell you something. I never let them get attached to me, and I don’t attach myself to anyone. I know the underlying problem to all my bullshit excuses is that they’re not Cole. I’ve hoped that if I found someone that I shared a deep connection with, I wouldn’t let them go so easily. Unfortunately, so far, I’ve only shared that deep connection with one person, and that one person is standing in front of me half naked, again. Usually I don’t have a difficult time not getting caught up in Cole’s presence. I just think about our past or the fact that we’re both taken. Tonight, something feels different. I feel different. He feels different. As much as my body yearns for him, though, I refuse to make the first move.

“And he let you go? Just like that?” Cole asks as he sits on the opposite side of the bed.

I throw my head back to look at the ceiling and let out a breath. “He’s in denial.”

My head snaps back to Cole when his laughter echoes the room.

“What?” I ask annoyed.

“Nothing. Russell’s a smart man; I’ll give him that.”

I frown. “You think he’s not going to give up?”

“Pfff. I know he’s not going to give up. I knew he was going to be difficult to get rid of with his annoying accent and everlasting patience.”

“His accent is sexy,” I muse quietly. He narrows his green eyes at me and gets up from his side of the bed.

He strolls over and stands in front of me, making me crane my neck to look at his face.

“What are you doing?” I ask cautiously.

His eyes bore into mine as he grabs my hand and runs it from his still damp stomach to his chest. My fingertips graze every line on his defined body before he brings it up to his mouth, forcing me to sit up on my knees. My hooded eyes mirror his, and my heart begins to quicken. My lips part slightly when his teeth nip each of my fingertips.

“Is this sexy?” he asks, lowering his voice as he stares at my lips.

I can’t answer because my heart is stuck in my throat. I lick my lips and swallow, hoping it helps my dry mouth.

His eyes are blazing with desire when he lets go of my hand and frees my hair from my ponytail. He massages my scalp before running his hands down the sides of my body, making me shiver.

“I love it when you wear my old shirts,” he whispers as he leans his head down and kisses my neck softly on each side. He runs his soft lips along my jaw—achingly slowly. If I were with anybody else, I would have been embarrassed by my now very loud panting.

He runs his tongue along the shell of my ear. “Is this sexy?” he breathes into my ear. I bite down on my lip to keep from whimpering loudly and shake my head vigorously.

“No,” I say trying to sound resistant, but I can hear the breathlessness in my voice. He chuckles near my ear, making my stomach flip at the sound.

“No?” he asks, dropping his mouth back to my ear and nipping it lightly before backing up to look at my face. The amusement in his piercing green eyes contradicts his serious face, and I know he’s expecting an answer from me. I roll my eyes at him, and he shakes his head in response before continuing his torturous tease as he cups my breasts over my shirt. He grabs the edge of my shirt and searches my face for a minute before he slips it off. He continues to take my clothes off slowly, leaving me exposed.

He lays me down and examines every inch of me, and I’m glad that I’m already lying down because the look he’s giving me is making my knees quiver. I lick my lips slowly as my eyes roam his body and land on his tented boxers. He notices my traveling eyes and takes a deep breath as he runs his tongue slowly over his top teeth. My chest is heaving. I start to sit up to ask him what the hell he’s waiting for, when he moves over to me and swiftly grabs my wrists together in one of his hands and pins me down to the bed.

“Cole—” My thoughts vanish with the searing kiss he gives me. When his tongue enters my mouth and begins to slowly stroke mine, I allow myself to lean into him. When he tries to slow down the kiss, I lift my head from the bed and kiss him carelessly, ravishing his mouth. He groans against my lips before grabbing my chin with his free hand, tearing my mouth from his.

My protest gets lost in my throat when I see the hurt look in his eyes. He doesn’t give me time to wonder if I should bring up the past or just let it be. He plants wet kisses along my extended arms before reaching my neck and making his way down to my breasts. He lets go of my wrists, and my hands automatically move to his head as he continues kissing down my stomach and finally hovers between my legs. He licks my thighs, blows on my skin, and slowly drags his tongue from one side to the other, taunting me with a promise. When he swipes his tongue from the bottom up landing on my sensitive bud, I throw my head back with a moan and grab handfuls of the plush white hotel comforter under me.

“Cole,” I plead, breaking my silence.

I feel him smile against me, empowering him with the sound of his name. He continues to suck and lick tantalizingly slowly until I’m breathing heavily and moaning his name loudly. When my body is shivering, on the brink of ecstasy, he stops. A disgruntled sound escapes my throat, and I prop up on my elbows and open my eyes.