There Is No Light in Darkness (13 page)

The hungry look in his eyes reminded me of a man on death row looking at his final meal, and it made me shiver in anticipation. He stepped forward and ran his fingers over my shoulders before unhooking my bra strap and tugging it down. When my bra fell to the ground, he let out a shaky breath and pressed his body against mine. I reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt as we kissed deeply. He broke the kiss and finished taking off his shirt, never taking his eyes off mine. I started to feel breathless when his eyes roamed my body and he bit down on his lip.

I was glad to be experiencing something so intimate with Cole because I didn’t feel nervous to be almost naked in front of him. What made me nervous—and the reason I was scared to go all the way with him—was that he had been with so many other girls. I was scared that I wouldn’t live up to his standards or be the worst lay he’d ever had. What if I did something wrong with him—or worse to him? I knew Cole would never laugh at me or make fun of me about anything, but the thought had been eating away at me since we got together.

He finished getting undressed—only leaving on his black boxer briefs—before he slipped off my panties and walked me backward to the bed. I sat when the backs of my legs hit the frame, and then shifted myself to lie down. Cole was standing, his deep green eyes boring into mine as I lay naked before him. His eyes traveled down my body again before he closed them and muttered a curse. He leaned over me and kissed me softly, nibbling and teasing my bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth. When he slipped his tongue into my mouth, I sucked on it and he let out a low growl.

He held himself up, caging me in his arms as we kissed. I held his gaze as I sat up and touched his cheek with the back of one hand as I ran the other down his body until it landed above the edge of his boxers. I inched them down until I could see just the tip of his manhood, waiting to be let free. I wiggled my body down until I got closer and pulled his briefs down with both hands. When he stepped out of them, I wrapped my hand around him and squeezed. He let out a deep moan and tilted his head back as I continued to stroke him softly, reveling in the smooth yet hard feel of him in my hand.

“Baby, you’re going to have to stop,” he said in a husky whisper as he took my hand away from him. He leaned me back on the bed and went down with me, careful not to put all his weight on me. We kissed longingly, holding each other tightly as our bodies melded together. When our lips parted, he began placing kisses on my cheeks, my nose, my eyelids, my mouth, my chin, and my jaw. He moved down my neck to my chest until he landed on my breasts. He licked around my breast until he got to the sensitive middle. He took my nipple in his mouth and swiped it with his tongue slowly. I arched my back, offering for him to take it all and felt him smile against me when I moaned out his name. He turned his attention to my other breast, repeating the same sweet torture.

“Cole,” I said, breathing raggedly as I grabbed his hand and placed it between my legs.

“What, baby?” he murmured against me and then grazed me with his teeth, making me yelp.

“Touch me, please,” I begged as I screwed my eyes shut. I couldn’t believe I had just said that.

He circled his thumb on my lower stomach before trailing it lower. I bowed my back from the bed.

“Relax, baby,” he chuckled.

“I am relaxed. I just want you to—” I squeaked when he inserted his finger inside me.

“You want me to what?” he asked, breathing hotly against my breast while continuing to circle his thumb over my outer layers and hook his pointer against my inner walls.

“Oh, God ... Cole ... oh ... God,” was all I could say in between pants before a wave of relief swept over me followed by a tingling sensation.

He continued to touch me softly, wetting me with my arousal before he started to kiss me—everywhere. When I felt his lips on my thighs, I stilled. My hands flew to his hair, and I pulled his face up. He gave me a bewildered look.

“Cole, you’re not going to do that, are you?” I squeaked.

He smiled. “Yep, can you let go of my hair, please?”

I bit my lip as I thought about how to talk him out of it. “Cole, I really don’t want you to do that.”

He shook his head once, making me loosen my grip and release his hair. He placed his chin on my lower abdomen and looked up at me for a while, searching my face before speaking.

“Baby, it’s me. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. There’s nothing to be weirded out about. I haven’t done this before. You think I’m not nervous?” he asked softly.

I gasped. “Cole, you have done this before—a gazillion times,” I exclaimed, slightly turning myself away from him.

He held my hips in place. “No, Blake, I haven’t. I’ve had sex before—yes. Casual, meaningless, stupid sex. I might as well not have done it to be honest. This,” he said motioning between us, “is not casual, it’s not stupid, and it sure as fuck is not meaningless.” He tilted my chin to make sure I looked him in the eye. “I’m in love with you, Blake. I’ve been in love with you from the moment I saw you. I’ve been in love with you from the day I was born and possibly even before then. I belong to you. My body belongs to you. My heart belongs to you. Please let me make love to you.”

My hands were shaking, my heart may have stopped for a beat or two, and I felt tears form in my eyes, but I was able to nod my reply.

“Besides,” he said, smirking as he parted my legs again. “This is my first time, too. I’ve never kissed anybody … down here.”

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. I would have said something, but when I felt his tongue flicker against me, I was a goner.

He dragged his body against mine as I shook in the aftershocks when he started placing soft kisses on my neck and began to touch me again.

“I have to make sure you’re ready for me, baby,” he said gruffly. “But you’re so fucking wet already. I don’t think I need to do anything else.” He ravished my mouth again before opening my legs wider and teasing me with his tip.

“Cole, please,” I moaned as I pushed my body toward him.

“Hold on, baby,” he groaned as he slowly pressed himself inside me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit down on my lip when discomfort rippled through me. I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside. I squeezed his shoulder tightly to keep from crying out.

“Are you okay, baby?” he asked as he stilled.

I nodded furiously. “Yes, yes, just keep going, please.”

He pushed inside a bit more and paused again, letting me get used to the feeling. After he had pushed himself in and out a couple of times, he picked up his rhythm.

“Fuck, baby,” he said in a low voice. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You feel so fucking good.”

All I saw were Cole’s green eyes boring into mine, not letting me look away. My heart felt full as he kissed me affectionately, told me how much he loved me, and how good it felt to be inside me. I felt him throb inside me a couple of times and his body tensed.

“God, Blake, I love you so much, baby,” he grunted as he pushed inside me one last time.

He placed his head on my shoulder and kissed me softly. “I’ve never felt that before either,” he let out a breath. “That—I can only feel that with you, baby. Only you.”

I saw the sincerity in his eyes, and I knew he was right. If I hadn’t fallen in love with Cole before, I definitely knew I had then. With a tightening pang in my chest, I had the sudden urge to cry.

Between his loving words and the intimacy we’d just shared, I knew I’d never be the same again. It wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, but I knew I could never love anybody the way I loved Cole. I hugged him tightly, wishing I could tell him how I felt. Wishing I wasn’t so scared of everything. Of loving him. Of losing him. Beyond that, I was thankful that he loved me the way I was—scars and all.

Chapter Ten

Present

“So what now?” I ask Cole as he walks Aubry and I through La Guardia Airport to the security area.

Cameras flash here and there as photographers recognize his face. Guys come up to him, say hello, take photos, and tell him how great he is. A couple of girls smile and take a picture; they say their boyfriends are going to be so jealous. The fact that Cole has this whole “bro” following makes me laugh. After all those years of guys not liking him because their girlfriends did, the opposite is happening, and it’s pretty funny. Now girls don’t like him because all their boyfriends do is watch him on the tube. Aubry and I share this joke as we step aside and let him talk to some more people.

“What do you mean?” Cole asks when we get away from his adoring fans. Aubry has his back to us and is acting like a bodyguard, shielding us from everybody’s view, and effectively eavesdropping on our conversation.

“I mean what now? Are you going to get back together with Erin?” I ask, avoiding the real question on my mind.

He gives me an incredulous glare before his green eyes start twinkling and his mouth slowly turns up on one side. “Hmm ... How about hell no?”

“Why not?” I ask, biting my lip and fluttering my lashes.

“Let’s see,” he starts as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, making me let out a quaking breath. “You and I had amazing sex this weekend.” He slaps Aubry upside the head when he starts laughing loudly. “And quite frankly, I think it would be very stupid to let the love of my life walk out on me—again.” He raises his eyebrow and looks at me intently.

I nod my head and smile. “I’m going to agree with you on that,” I whisper.

He tilts my chin so I can look directly into his eyes. “I’m not kidding, Blake. I’m not letting you walk out of my life again—ever.”

He places a soft kiss on my lips, and my apprehension disappears briefly. The only thoughts of running I have include me on a treadmill tomorrow because I ate too damn much in New York City this weekend.

We stand there for a while, staring into each other’s eyes, not wanting time to tear us apart, even though we both know I have a plane to catch.

“I’ll be in Chicago next weekend, okay, baby?” he says softly as he pulls my body against his to hug me.

“Okay,” I whisper. I feel unshed tears in my eyes, and I silently pray that I don’t cry because I’ll feel so stupid if I start crying over this.

“I’ll be there every single weekend. And if I can’t go, I’ll fly you to me, okay? If that’s what it’s going to take to keep you from freaking out on me, I’ll sell everything I own and buy a damn jet.” He backs out of our embrace and looks at me with a serious expression to make sure I’m still with him. I nod sadly. “Not letting you go, baby.”

I laugh lightly. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m not a teenager anymore, Cole.”

He grins widely and leans in to take my lips in his one more time. He moans when I slip my tongue into his mouth and suck on his.

“Fuck ... I hate that you have to go,” he pouts.

“Are you fucking done, Romeo?” Aubry asks, turning around. “This flight isn’t going to leave my ass. I’m not about to pay a hundred dollars to get on the next plane, and I kinda wanna get laid tonight.”

I roll my eyes at him as Cole laughs and bumps fists with him. We kiss one last time and sadly say our goodbyes before I get on the airplane to head back to Chicago.

When Aubry and I get back to our apartment, I check the stack of mail and find a white envelope with my name on it. I notice it’s missing a return address and grab it along with my bills before heading to my room. I place my suitcase on the bed and stare at it for a while. I hate unpacking and doing laundry. If I could pay somebody to do it for me, I would. I know staring at it won’t get the job done, though.

“Aubry,” I call out loudly. I haven’t locked my bedroom door, so he comes in and stands in the threshold with one hand on his hip and the other holding his phone.

“Hold on, Aimee,” he says to the phone. “What?” he asks annoyed.

I laugh. “What?” I ask with faux attitude and snap my fingers in front of me as I sashay my body. “Let me just tell you. You have me to thank for hooking you up with princess over there. Anyway, do you wanna do my laundry? I’ll pay you.”

Aubry laughs and shakes his head as he tells Aimee what I asked him to do. She laughs loud enough that I can hear her when Aubry extends his arm to move the phone away from his ear.

“Sure, I’ll wash your shit. Do you have underwear for me to wash? Or did Cole rip them all?” he asks, laughing. Bubbled laughter escapes me as he walks away, because I’m pretty sure Cole did rip them all.

I hadn’t considered that Cole was going to meet Aimee soon. I’m sure Aubry is already trying to set up a double date for next weekend. The thought of a double date makes my heart speed up. I’m really going to do this. No fear this time. No fear. I’m not going to lose him. I love him, and I’m not going to lose him. I open the white envelope with no return address. The letter doesn’t even have a header. That’s odd.

August 14, 2011

Ms. Blake Brennan,

We are interested in buying a plot of land that is under your name. The address of the land is 600 Rockwell Street. We would like to offer you $400,000 for it. Please contact us when you are ready to sell.