There You Stand (8 page)

I inhaled harshly through my nose and struggled to move my lips.

“And it has something to do with a motorcycle,” he added when I didn’t say anything.

I thought of that night I hurt my foot and had freaked when he wanted to drive me home. Still I remained stubborn. He wanted me to reveal something personal and I wouldn’t share it with just anybody. At least not somebody who wouldn’t give anything in return.

“How’d you get those scars?” I asked into the darkness.

I could feel his heart battering against my back, matching the rhythm of mine. We were at a standstill. And it was ridiculous. So I decided I had nothing to lose, even if I never saw him again.

“I had a boyfriend who died in a motorcycle accident. It was a rainy night and we should’ve waited before leaving the party. It was a bad decision and he lost his life,” I said, almost in a whisper. “His name was David.”

Not being able to see his eyes helped, though I wondered what I’d find in them. His hands tightened around my torso, his fingers skimming across my waistline as if to soothe me. I hadn’t said those words to anybody in a very long time. I hadn’t even said them to myself.

“I’m sorry.”

I closed my eyes and dropped my head. I felt his mouth, his soft lips, feather across the very center of my back, and it made me shiver.

Then he spoke, allowing me a small grain of truth. One that no doubt weighed an inordinate amount. “I frustrated my stepfather quite a lot. And he had one hell of a way of showing it.”

My chest tightened into a fist and I turned in his arms. “Fuck, that’s . . . goddamn, I’m sorry.”

We stood staring like we had all the time in the world, while rain dotted our faces. Whereas at one time, I’d have sought shelter from the deluge, now I welcomed the water as it melded into my heated skin, slid in rivulets down my chest.

My hands traced over the back of Jude’s shoulders where the canvas of his scars began. I moved in a circle around him, kissing his skin as I went. His biceps, his shoulders, sliding his hair aside to graze the nape of his neck.

Showing him in my own way how I sorry I was.

A whimper escaped his mouth as I kissed the center of his back where most of that tree had already begun to heal. When my fingers trailed down his spine to his narrow waist and then over the firm globe of his ass, he moaned. I swallowed hard against the raw ache in my throat.

“True or false,” I whispered into his ear. “You want me to touch you.”

He trembled. “More than anything.”

I moved back around to face him. “Then let me.”

He unexpectedly grabbed my hand and gently placed my palm against his chest, the area right above his heart. His pulse was going wild and it was as if he was showing me exactly what I was doing to him.

He loosened his grip on my fingers and I lightly traced every part of his chest that I could reach. His heated skin and smooth muscles left me salivating for more. My hand slipped down to his erection and my fingers fastened around it.

His head sank forward, his shoulder angling into my chest. I could not believe I was touching him. He was smooth and silky and I had a burning desire to make him come.

I pumped him up and down, my thumb swiping across his engorged head. Instead of reaching for his lips, which I now knew were off-limits, my mouth closed in on his tight and firm nipple, tweaking it with my tongue and then sucking hard.

His entire body began vibrating with need as I clasped onto his chin and forced his eyes to mine. “Does that feel good?”

A strangled throaty whimper released from his mouth, causing the hairs on my neck to stand at attention. He was already close and I knew exactly how he felt because I was hanging on the precipice of my own orgasm from simply watching him come undone.

My other hand reached around to grasp firmly at his cheek and I gently nudged a finger along his crease. I imagined him bent over my motorcycle as I took him from behind, and that thought made me painfully stiffer.

“Fuck, Jude.” I groaned and my forehead fell against his chest.

He was thrusting into my hand now and I lifted my gaze because I needed to see him unravel.

“You are so damn sexy,” I murmured. “I’ve wanted you since I first laid eyes on you.”

His eyes glazed over as he hummed low in his throat. I wished we were somewhere private so I could actually see his beautiful cock and have the opportunity to take my time with it. Instead I had the glow of the moon on the water as the clouds parted and the rain subsided.

When the tip of my finger circled his tight ring of muscle he was sent over the edge. His eyes screwed shut, his lips fell open, and the moan emitting from his mouth was so erotic that my hand curled around my own erection as I watched him fly apart right before my eyes.

His chest still heaving, I felt his fingers bend over the top of mine as his grip tightened on my cock.

“Let me,” he said in a gravelly voice. “I want to feel you.”

“Please.” My voice was hoarse and needy and I wanted release so badly that I slid my hand away so I could feel his fingers on my skin. He constricted his fist and pumped, inserting his thumb into the slit on my head. “Oh fuck.”

His lips found the shell of my ear and he licked it one, twice. “You’re a gorgeous specimen of a man, Cory Easton.”

I gasped not only because he’d used my full name, but because hearing those words from him nearly liquefied me from the inside out.

There was the distant gunning of an engine and then a flash of light in our peripheral vision, and he yanked his hand away. “Bloody hell, I should’ve never . . .”

“I think it’s a patrol,” I said, my eyes scanning the perimeter. I sure as fuck didn’t want to get caught skinny-dipping in the quarry. That thought was as effective as filling the pit with ice.

Jude charged toward shore, forcing me into action even though I was still so aroused there were dots of light around my vision. “We need to get out of here.”

We ran to our clothes and began throwing them on, which proved difficult with wet skin. I fired up my bike and we practically jumped on and sped out of the lot.

We passed a police cruiser as we climbed up the hill on the way out of the park. Since driving straight through wasn’t illegal I avoided eye contact and continued on my way.

When we reached the top, I slowed down for the traffic light. I felt Jude grab roughly at my shirt, which was clammy and uncomfortable.

He rose off the bike in one smooth motion and began unzipping his board from his backpack. “What are you doing?”

“It’ll be better if we go our separate ways.”

“What? Why?” My brain remained in a fuzzy haze as I twisted around to look at him.

He skimmed his thumb across my cheek in a silent good-bye and then laid down his board on the asphalt.

I watched him roll away until he disappeared around a corner.

That night I lay in bed replaying the night’s events in my head. My hard-on would not die down, so I imagined the feel of Jude’s hands on me again as I jerked myself off beneath my sheets.

I came hard and fast, then drifted off to a sound sleep.

A couple of mornings later, I awoke in pain and could barely swing my legs out of bed. My fucking back was acting up like it needed attention. Or maybe it was David who did—as if a day would ever go by without me thinking about him.

Maybe he was pissed at me for allowing another guy to take possession of all of my damn senses. Yeah, I was completely losing it. Still my back was no longer that silent reminder of the night that David stormed out of that party half drunk and got on his motorcycle to get the hell away from me.

Trailing behind him to make sure he was safe, I watched as his bike hydroplaned and smashed into the guardrail. My bike followed suit, sliding against the asphalt, though my impact was lessened by my attempt to avoid the accident.

He’d been the one to lose his life.

I’d been angry that night because David refused to publicly kiss me or hold my hand. It was so damn immature, trying to oust him from the closet before he was ready. But he’d been flirting with some girl at the party while I silently stood by watching him suppress who he really was. We weren’t a perfect couple, we were young and our differences were stark, but he was mine and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

I would live with that guilt for the rest of my life, though rationally I knew I never forced him to get on that bike drunk and drive like an idiot.

And now I was getting caught up in somebody else who also didn’t seem to know who he was or what in the hell he wanted. Damn, I knew how to pick them, didn’t I?

But my attraction to Jude was almost explosive. Maybe the mystery of him, the forbidden aspect added to it. But every single time I was near him my skin felt hot, my heart unstable in my chest, and I was frantic for any morsel from him—a word, a smile, or a touch. He seemed innately familiar to me, like plugging a cord into an outlet, and we’d barely even scratched the surface of getting to know one another.

I jumped in the shower and allowed the hot water to loosen my muscles. I was headed to my grandma’s house this morning to drive her to the home center superstore to purchase a new dishwasher.

Since my doctor’s appointment wasn’t for a couple more days, I had taken the last of my prescription muscle relaxers last night, which always made me drowsy. The aftereffects were a fuzzy feeling in my head but I’d attempt to act as normal as possible in front of her. Usually, if I kept on moving my back, it eventually felt tolerable.

Grandma was waiting in the wicker chair on her porch. “Hi, darling.”

I slid off my bike and headed to her car in the garage. I pulled open the passenger side door and failed to swipe the grimace from my face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Gram,” I said.

She didn’t like when I fussed about her health. And I didn’t like when she gave it back. But there was no hiding my discomfort from her.

“I know my own grandchild,” she said, sinking into the seat.

“It’s my back,” I said, sliding behind the wheel. “It’s been worse since I had that lame fall with my ankle. I think Chopper yanked it out of alignment or something.”

She reached over to rub circles on my shoulder. “Did you make a doctor’s appointment?”

“Yeah, it’s at the end of this week,” I said, brushing it off. “In the meantime I’m taking muscle relaxers. It’s all cool.”

“There’s got to be another solution,” she said. “You should ask your friend Jessie. Her mom works at the holistic center.”

I rolled my eyes, which was about the only part of my body that didn’t ache.

“It’s worth a try,” she said as I backed out of the driveway.

“I definitely will if this appointment doesn’t pan out,” I said. Besides, it was no fun crouching over a tattoo in this condition, either. “Promise.”

“Good,” she said and studied the view out the side window. After another minute of silence, she looked at me and then at the radio, lifting her eyebrows.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re just unusually quiet,” she said. “By now you’d already have the music turned up or you’d be telling me something about work.”

I scrubbed my hand across my chin because she was right. My thoughts were so laser focused on other things that I had even forgotten how I sometimes used music to tune out the silence.

Right then I’d been thinking about the extreme sports event that was coming to town and how it had slipped my mind to ask Jude if he was involved. I could totally see Jude or some of those other guys participating in the competition and walking away with a hefty prize. I heard some of those skaters even turned pro and got sweet contracts with different companies.

“Just feeling off my game, I guess,” I said as she examined my profile. I reached for the radio and turned the handle to a low hum. I knew other questions would come but for now, I needed the time to think.

***

When Jude walked in for our appointment later that day, I thought it would be more awkward between us, having been so intimate at the quarry. Instead, the air in the room was downright electric.

No small talk was made as Jude pulled off his shirt and lay down. As usual he watched me closely as I gathered my supplies.

And once my gazed latched onto his, his eyelids became drowsy with lust.

I broke eye contact because if I didn’t, little work would get accomplished. “I might have to ask you to face the wall.”

“Why is that?” It was the first time he’d spoken since entering the room.

“Because instead of working on your ink and staying professional, I’d do something else with all of that skin showing.”

He bit down on his bottom lip as a low groan escaped.

“Exactly,” I said, pointing my finger at him. “So stop looking at me that way.”

“How am I looking at you, Cory?” he whispered in such a seductive voice, my dick sprang to attention of its own volition.

I lowered my head to his. “Like you want to eat me with a spoon.”

His lip quirked at the corner. “Maybe I do.”

“But no kissing allowed, right?” I couldn’t help saying it. Me and my big mouth. Still, we could’ve used some sobering up. At this rate, I’d never get his tattoo finished.

He clamped his mouth shut and I figured it was for the best because I needed to get to work. I fired up the machine and started on the area between his shoulder blades. A certain number of the branches were going to be tricky to fill in properly.

He squirmed at the first touch of my fingers, but then became reacquainted with the contact. He was familiar with having to show restraint because it could prove disastrous to fidget through a tattoo.

“You should avoid any bodies of water in the near future until you’re completely healed,” I said, in my own way chastising him for not using precautions with his newest tattoo. “Though I understand the appeal.”

The groove of his dimple showed and then he closed his eyes, maybe to center himself or tamp down his thoughts about the other night. I stared at his gorgeous eyelashes and cheekbones before returning to the task at hand.

Most surprising to me was that I was getting used to this forced silence with Jude. I even found that I didn’t readily seek out conversations to fill the void with my other clients as much anymore. I realized that it didn’t hurt so badly, after all, to be alone with my thoughts. But if Jude noticed that change in me—and I’d bet Mr. Damned Perceptive did—he didn’t mention it.

After a few minutes more Jude’s low voice startled me. “Why is kissing so important to you?”

“I . . . I don’t know,” I said. His eyes remained closed, which was a relief because I didn’t need his scrutiny right then. “I guess I never gave it much thought until there was this one person who refused.”

His eyes shot open. “That’s never happened before?”

“Not that I can remember.” I shrugged. Then I rubbed my fingers along my jaw. “Besides, most guys like how my scruff feels.”

“I fancy your beard,” he said, examining my jawline. “I think I fancy your everything.”

My heart clanked strangely in my chest. This man was slowly killing me. “Yeah? Well, I fancy your everything, too.”

My gaze shot to his mouth as a wash of color crawled across his cheeks.

“Your lips felt soft against my skin,” I said, remembering them along my back and my ear. “And feeling your tongue in my mouth would be . . .
fuck.
”

Heat rose like a firestorm in my stomach.

“Besides making me horny as hell . . .” I said, trying to tamp down my multiplying breaths. “Kissing would make me feel more connected to you.”

He shut his eyes tight as a breath caught in his throat. “You can’t . . . that kind of connection can’t happen.”

“We already have it,” I said. “It’s there whether you like it or not. Fuck, Jude, just be honest—were you only hoping for a one-night thing?”

“Dunno . . . it’s so hard to think straight around you.” He averted his gaze to the far wall and then mumbled, “I’ve never been in one place for very long.”

“Is that why you don’t kiss?”

“Kissing has always meant something else,” he huffed out. “People who wanted things from me.”

He said nothing more and I couldn’t begin to imagine what he’d meant by that. It made a slithery feeling crawl across my shoulders.

“Well, the only thing I want from you is . . .”

And then I stopped because I wasn’t even sure how to finish that sentence.

“What?” he asked, now meeting my eyes with an unyielding gaze. “What do you want, Cory?”

“I’m . . . not sure,” I said. “I guess I just want to be closer to you. Any way I can. I’ve never felt this attracted to somebody before.”

“Never?” he asked, his eyes wide and glassy. “Not even your boyfriend . . . David?”

My face fell. Hearing his name out loud nearly gutted me.

“Never mind,” he said after he saw the raw emotion on my face. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “We had our ups and downs like any other couple. But to answer your question, I never felt this intense buzzing in my stomach every single time he was near.”

I also wouldn’t confess that the thought of Jude leaving town made me feel sick and confused and hollow.

He cleared his throat. “Were you . . . together long?”

“Almost a year.”

“Did you . . . love him?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. He rolled his lips as if to bite back a response.

And now it was time to flip the tables. “Have you ever been in love?”

There was a sharp flash of pain in his face, but his mouth never moved to respond.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I whispered.

He drifted off into the space of his own thoughts and I couldn’t help feeling jealously over a person I didn’t even know. Someone who’d earned Jude’s love. What in the hell would that feel like?

There were several long minutes of silence, where the only sound was the tattoo machine. Jude’s gaze was focused on me nearly the entire time and I was getting used to his examination. Thought I’d love to know what he saw. I hadn’t worn my hat today but I wouldn’t admit that it was because he said he liked my hair.

The tree on his back was turning into a haunting thing of beauty. With the fresh ink, you’d be hard-pressed to notice his scars, though if you looked closely enough, you’d still be able to see the fleshy raised parts of some of them.

As Jude dozed, I couldn’t help thinking about his stepfather and what exactly he’d done to Jude. I wanted to cut off his balls and feed them to him for breakfast.

I covered up my dark thoughts with a cough and one of Jude’s eyes blinked open. He studied me a brief moment before sliding his eyes shut.

“These scars I’m covering,” I asked after another minute. “They from the person you’re trying to escape? Your stepfather?”

His eyes flashed open and widened, but there was no response.

“True or false?” I said, my voice willing him to respond so I could finally understand. Finally build a bridge between us.

Again, no reply. He stared intently and I saw the answer reflected plainly in his eyes. He couldn’t deny it.

“Are you in some kind of trouble?” I asked the silence.

“Some kind of danger?” I whispered to the air.

He gave an imperceptible nod of his head.

Fuck, did it have to do with the Disciples?

“I wish to hell you would just tell me,” I said, feeling exasperated and discouraged all at once. “I won’t betray your trust.”

Silence.

And then I’d had enough.

I turned off the machine, cleaned and bandaged the tattoo area, and began cleaning up.

He sat up and I could feel his gaze on me.

“What?” I said, pitching a plastic covering in the trash. “Just say it.”

“It’s not about trust,” he mumbled. “He’s a dangerous man. Ruined my life. I don’t . . .”

“You don’t what?” I said, so frustrated I could roar. I stood up and paced the room as he pulled on his shirt and reached for his backpack.

“You don’t what? Want this? Want
me
?” I finally said, stopping in front of him. My heart banged around in my chest, terrified of his answer. “Isn’t that what all of your silence comes down to? You don’t want me
enough
to share yourself with me?”

“Bloody hell, I’m not trying to be a wanker. I want you, Cory Easton. More than anyone ever before,” he said and I sucked in a harsh breath because he actually admitted to how he felt about me straight on. “I just can’t have you.”

“
Fuck.
You can’t pretend not to feel, Jude,” I said, my fist pounding my chest as he inched toward the door. “Because longing for somebody is that much worse.”

He stopped abruptly and turned to gape at me. There was so much anguish and hunger and defeat in his eyes. It sliced at my gut but I held my composure until he walked out of the room.