There You Stand (6 page)

During the next couple of days, scabs had formed on my shin and foot and my limp was less prominent. After icing my ankle for one more night, it was back to normal the next day. The guys at Raw Ink gave me shit for being such a klutz and when Dex had asked what the hell happened, he could not get over my story.

“That damn dog you inherited will be the death of you. Or something else will be,” he said, his eyes narrowing in collusion. “You see any heavy ammo at Jude’s place?”

My head snapped up from my roast beef sandwich. “What the fuck?”

Dex’s eyebrows rose. I always horsed around and normally went with the flow, so I could understand why my quickness to anger confused the heck out of him.

“Dude, I’m messing with you. Just want you to be careful,” he said and then lowered his voice. “Rumor has it that he’s got ties to that MC club.”

“The Disciples of the Road?” I said, rolling my eyes. “Those guys aren’t as scary as you think they are. Christ, you’re just as bad as everyone else.”

I hadn’t meant to get defensive, because who the hell was I kidding? Those MC dudes were intimidating as sin. I’d hate to get caught in their crosshairs.

But I’ll admit, my reaction to Dex’s question was a bit much. Believe me, life had kicked me in the ass plenty. Nobody should have to endure the wrath of everything brewing inside of me. So I tempered my anger.

“Sorry. It’s just that you’re talking shit and he comes in here to get ink from me. I don’t want to catch any hell from him or anybody else,” I said. “Just keep your trap shut.”

Dex backed away, his hands raised. “No need to say it twice.”

But I couldn’t help thinking about what I’d seen that night at the Hog’s Den. How he seemed to be stopping by for something more than just a friendly to-go order. I wouldn’t have thought anything more of it except that Jude never talked to anybody, so that interaction with the bartender had stuck out like a sore thumb.

I’d considered more than once whether Jude was involved with the Disciples in some way or in their business dealings.

What about the way he’d told me his fishing gear would be fine, how he’d looked around like he was being watched, and the distinct sound of a motorcycle I’d heard close by?

I wasn’t stupid. Even though it was never broadcasted, I knew this town was Disciples turf and they were kings. Dex had said he’d suspected they were involved in moving guns and stolen property. I kept my eyes averted and my nose clean at the bar because I just wanted a discreet place to chill out and talk motorcycles. Period.

I hadn’t laid eyes on Jude since he dropped off Chopper and I’d tried to avoid the park because my brain was all messed up when it came to that silent British boy. Especially since he’d seemed pissed that morning. Maybe it was my big mouth or maybe I had somehow touched upon the truth.

But deep down I was most unsettled about Jude York because in a lot of ways, we had something in common. We were both hiding, or in my case, not willing to face up to some truths.

I had gotten pretty good at deflecting. The only one who knew my real story outside of my Grandma was Dex, since he was also a transplant from my previous shop. I had dated David the entire time I worked there. But afterward, I had wanted a change. Besides, the owner was a dick, so after Dex had started working at Raw Ink, I applied for the openings there as well.

When Jude had noticed my back problem, I nearly became unhinged. Nobody had ever come close to zeroing in on my past. I had showed up to my first day of work at Raw Ink a new man. I was always pretty easygoing anyway, so despite Dex having witnessed the worst year of my life, he just went with it. And never brought it up again.

After my shift at the tattoo shop, I headed over to the shelter with Emmy.

“We need to hose out the cages today,” Emmy said, her eyes alight with happiness like they always were when she came here. She was one of those people who had a true calling to work with animals. And no matter how much I grumbled about her hoodwinking me into volunteering, just watching her in action always turned my thinking around. At least this place was a no-kill shelter.

Cleaning the cages was a dirty job but somebody had to do it. And if you took on Emmy’s sunny outlook, we were giving the animals cleaner and healthier living quarters. But just the idea of them existing in cages turned my stomach. So I pretended it was a temporary resting spot because I couldn’t allow myself to think that these dogs were going to be there forever.

Emmy was so into these animals they were like her babies. Especially where her favorite dog, Patch, was concerned. He was a black-and-white mutt, probably had some Australian shepherd in him, though it was hard to tell. I didn’t know who the hell came up with the name Patch, but I guess it stuck. I supposed he did look like some kind of rag doll, the poor pathetic thing.

Emmy loaded her pocket with treats and waved to our supervisor on duty, a guy named Tristan. Though she wouldn’t readily admit it, she had the hots for him. And based on the long look he had given her, he felt the same way. So why didn’t they act on it? Who knows, I thought to myself. Shit got complicated. Someone might ask the same thing about Jude and me.

The tension between us was palpable and had it been any other guy, I would’ve made my intentions known. I didn’t have time to dick around. If you wanted to fuck, then let’s fuck. If you wanted more, then let’s see where it leads.

But there was something altogether different about Jude that made me handle this situation with kid gloves. Not only did I not know for certain whether he was bi or gay, I also didn’t know much of anything else about him. Except that he had horrible scars on his back, he grew up in England, and had a remarkable gift when it came to skateboards and dogs.

He was like some of these abused, caged animals. If you got too close, they’d retreat or maybe even bite to send a message to back the hell off. You had to take your time or you’d lose their trust. With Jude, I just badly wanted to know him—and my resolve was weakening with every stride.

As soon as we made it to the large posterior room, loud barking and whining commenced, as usual. And this was the toughest part for me. All the dogs wanted our attention and we only had so much to spread around. Because no matter how mistreated or abandoned they’d been, they still wanted what everybody else did—to belong to somebody. I didn’t know how Emmy could stand it day after day. They desperately wanted to be loved and shown affection and it broke my heart nearly every damn time.

In my own quiet way, I understood that desperation. That need. And because of it, I went by each cage and took my time greeting each of the dogs. They were so happy to see me and probably still would be without the darn treats I offered them with each pat on the head.

Beginning with the last row of cages, I moved the dogs to the large enclosure at the corner of the room so I could clean their area. It also gave them time to socialize with each other. I had to know which dogs were friendly with each other before I placed them together and Emmy had been helpful with that. Otherwise all hell would break loose.

“I’ll get to you, Patch,” Emmy said as she passed by her favorite dog’s cage. She tried not to show them preferential treatment, but if Patch had any reasoning skills he might’ve guessed he was the dog that Emmy preferred. I wished she could move into her own apartment that allowed animals, so she could finally have Patch as her own. It gutted me that she cared so damn much and didn’t have the means to do anything about it.

The guilt I felt when Chopper wormed his way into my life was even worse. Though Emmy was happy the dog had somebody to take care of him, I knew she was hoping I’d adopt her favorite hound. I couldn’t believe I had agreed to begin with. But that’s what a night at Zach’s over a couple of beers and a game of “never have I ever” had done to me. Before I knew it, I had told her I was interested in a companion for Ace. The following week, I was visiting the shelter and then volunteering after that.

God, I was a sucker for a hopeless cause.

“Anything going down with you and Tristan yet?” I asked as I passed by her to turn the nozzle on the hose.

Her cheeks washed with color. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Emmy,” I said, and waggled my eyebrows. “You can be straight with me.”

“No, nothing. But I wish,” she said, sighing. “How about you and skater boy?”

I was so stunned I almost dropped the hose and got us both drenched. “Huh?”

“See, doesn’t feel so good being outed about your crush, does it?”

Guess I was more transparent than I thought I was. “Problem is, I might be barking up the wrong tree. It’s hard when you’re gay to know if someone is going to knock your lights out for showing interest.”

“Gosh, Cory, I hadn’t thought of that,” she said, soaping up the sponge. “Damn.”

“No biggie,” I said. “So if you don’t mind, let’s keep our little crushes under wraps, yeah?”

My back was on fire by the time I finished hosing out the cages. Happened every time but it had to be done. Eventually I’d probably need disc surgery, but for now, I’d just suck it up. The throbbing was bound to pass anyway.

After placing the mutts back in clean cages, Emmy and I took a few of the dogs for a walk. She had Patch, Buddy, and Marley. I had Kane, Max, and Bailey. As soon as I got moving, my back felt better. Well, between that and the three Motrins I’d popped.

As we neared the all-too-familiar grassy fields from my morning walks, I kept my eyes trained ahead.

“The dog park is almost finished,” Emmy said and tipped her head toward the construction zone at the edge of the property. “A few more days.”

She worked tirelessly to get the ordinance passed and the city broke ground a couple of months ago.

“It’s gonna be cool for these dogs,” I said, keeping my eyes focused on the large backhoes.

I was curious whether or not Jude was at the bowl, but out of my side view I could already tell that he wasn’t. I recognized his moves and the lines of his body, which was pathetic really. Besides, Emmy didn’t know that this was the park I walked to almost daily and after her revelation about Jude, I didn’t want her to know how deep my crush actually ran.

It also occurred to me that I knew so little about him that one day he might pack up and leave town and I would never be the wiser. Luckily that meant he’d be leaving with an unfinished tattoo. Somehow that thought brought me comfort, even though it was a tie to me that was flimsy at best. He could easily find another artist in another town to finish the work, or choose to do that anyway, if he got pissed at me. But at least I knew a part of me would always be on his skin.

That’s when suddenly, I saw him. The air whooshed straight from my lungs as if I’d been holding my breath or something. Christ, I was something else. I couldn’t stop staring because he wasn’t alone like he normally was, unless of course, other skaters surrounded him.

He was sitting on a bench with this tall and muscular man standing over him. Jude’s head slunk down and it was difficult to read his expression. The man seemed official looking, not because of how he was dressed, but because of his stature. He appeared to be lecturing Jude.

I couldn’t help but wonder if the man was his parole officer because he had some type of manila folder in his hand. I was thankful that Emmy was off to the side picking up dog waste and depositing it in the trash can because it gave me free rein to watch them.

Right at that moment, Jude’s head lifted and his eyes found mine. His eyebrows were hunched together in an angry caricature. He looked frustrated, sad, and furious all rolled into one, and I couldn’t help flinching as a flicker of fear surged through me.

Again, the idea that Jude might be dangerous flitted through my brain. Not to me, but to others. But who the hell was I kidding? He could be threatening to me as well. He certainly looked it right then.

Sliding his gaze away from mine, he catalogued each dog, as if searching for Chopper and Ace. He didn’t know that I volunteered at the pound so this scenario might’ve thrown him for a loop.

His eyes scanned to Emmy, who was heading toward the street, and then back to me as the man standing near him reached for his shoulder to gain his attention. As if he could guess that I was equally as confused, he shook his head and turned away.

Jude made me feel so damn conflicted. My skin was cold and heated at the same time, my emotions all over the damn place. I was so keyed up that I walked faster out of the park on Emmy’s heels, which made my limp a bit more pronounced.

I avoided the park for a couple more days but I couldn’t get that look in Jude’s eyes out of my head. The way he seemed so annoyed yet despondent when he’d been with that man. On the surface I had felt afraid, but deep down, I didn’t think he’d do anything to hurt me, not after he’d been so tender with my injuries. It was the same kind of gentle selectiveness that he showed with his words.

Did that make me an idiot? Probably.

When Jude showed up for his appointment, I could immediately tell that he’d completely locked himself down. Shut me out. His eyes were flat green stones that had lost most of their shine.

I decided that the best way to interact with Jude, at least for the present moment, was to keep it light. I wanted to know him and I think he was curious about me, too. But we’d get nowhere without mutual respect or trust.

Once he entered the room, he closed the door. He was still free to leave it open, so he must not have felt that awkward around me. When he discarded his shirt, I held in my sigh. Would it ever grow old viewing his skin so intimately without being able to touch him in the way I wanted?

Maybe my way inside with Jude was to be my jovial self—the guy who hung out at the bar, kept myself entertained, and played stupid-ass games.

After he lay down on the table, I purposely asked him a question that would require a response. “Do you need anything before we get started?”

His eyes flashed briefly to mine and I was so grateful for that one swift glance before he shook his head.

I traced my palm along the work I’d done on his back the previous appointment. “Healing nicely.”

His muscles quivered as my fingers hovered over him. I knew he was affected by me, I just wish I knew how to get him to open up. Regardless, I needed to keep moving.

I fired up the machine and got going on the rest of the design. I went into that creative zone while Jude stared at the far wall. Still, it didn’t feel right, having him so closed off. So I tried another question.

“Got any tricks for me when it comes to Chopper?” I asked. “I’m not sure how to get him to listen better.”

He slowly twisted toward me and stared hard, as if contemplating my question.

I swallowed and kept my attention on the midpoint of his back. I was nearly out of ideas. So I took another shot because I had nothing to loose.

“True or false¸” I said, attempting to flip my Q&A to a playful mode. “You want to have a conversation with me but something is holding you back.”

His eyebrows arched upward. He wasn’t expecting that. And maybe because I had thrown him off his game, he couldn’t help but reply. “True.”

I was breathing so damn hard, but I needed to control myself or I’d blow it.

“True or false: You’re afraid I’ll betray your trust.”

Now his eyebrows scrunched together. He was really thinking about my question. Finally he responded, “False.”

Now I was the one taken aback, so I leaned away and caught my breath for a moment. I was so sure he didn’t trust me. But now I’d go for a different tactic, especially since he was willing to play along.

“True or false: You’re afraid you’ll start liking me.”

His jaw fell open and I realized that I might’ve pushed him too far. Fuck me and my big mouth.

“As a buddy,” I added, to cover up my mistake. “A
mate
.”

His shoulders relaxed immediately. “True.”

“You like hanging out with me.”

A smile quirked his lips. “True.”

“I like hanging with you, too,” I said. “I’m not trying to pry. You intrigue me is all.”

“Likewise,” he mumbled. My heart practically hurtled out of my chest and I couldn’t help gaping openly at him. “Though I don’t know why, you’re a bloody pain in the arse.”

A laugh erupted from my lips, I was so damned relieved we had found common ground. “You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that.”

We smiled at each other for a few seconds more and I decided for the time being that I had said enough. So I got back to work while I thought all of that through. I intrigued Jude York but maybe he wasn’t gay. Or maybe he was attracted to a man for the first time and didn’t understand why. It was like he had given me a little kernel of gold and I continually rubbed my thumb over it to keep the luster alive.

Unexpectedly he spoke without provocation. “Dogs need to know that you’re the leader of the pack.”

My eyes slid to his and I nodded, waiting for anything more he had to say. “You need to take control. Show him who’s boss.”

The image he’d just conjured made my dick perk up. I’d love for him to show
me
who’s boss. I bit down a groan and kept my focus on his back.

“Got it,” I said. “I’ve never had any problems with Ace, but this dog . . .”

“Some are just more stubborn than others,” he said, latching his gaze onto mine. “You’ve got to get their attention, show them you mean business. Get in their face and let them know exactly what you want.”

It was like we were talking about two different things right then. I noticed that his breaths were releasing in jagged puffs. Besides the fact that those sentences were like the most he’d ever strung together before, this tension zapping between us that seemed to color our every reaction, became something more altogether.

“And if that doesn’t work?” I murmured, because I was way turned on at this point, even if I was wrong about being on the same page or having similar thoughts. Just hearing him speak in that commanding voice practically had me drooling.

“There’s this trick I could show you sometime,” he said, his eyes moving to my lips and then back up to my eyes. “Where you immediately take ownership.”

My heart in my throat, my voice sounded thick and gravelly. “Sounds good. I’d be up for trying
anything
.”

He sucked in a sharp, choppy breath. The idea of straddling him, marking him with my teeth, and sinking my cock deep in his ass, forced me to pull my stool back and change course. Holy fuck, I wanted this man. More than I wanted anybody.

“Need a break?” I croaked out, attempting to slow down the rapid pace of my own pulse.

He bit his lip and shook his head.

I turned my attention back to his skin, and got my damn self together. This man was going to be the death of me.

“Can’t believe I inherited Chopper to begin with,” I said, in an attempt to tone down the conversation. Tone it way down. “I had a whole different plan but sometimes things happen not at all like you’d anticipated.”

We fell silent, each lost in our own thoughts, my dick finally settling back to half-mast. I needed to kick the tattoo into third gear and my cock needed to cooperate.

“What was it?” Jude asked, startling me out of my thoughts. Thoughts that included anything other than Jude showing me how to dominate. Fuck, usually I liked to be in charge, but I’d bottom just for him. Where the hell did these thoughts keep coming from? I should just be lucky Jude was talking to me at all.

“What?” I said, swallowing hard.

“Your different plan? What was it?”

I was surprised he was interested. But I wanted him to keep talking so I told him. “I was supposed to adopt a dog from the shelter. Emmy, the redhead who works the front desk? She and I volunteer and there’s this one dog she’s totally hung up on.”

His entire countenance changed as he listened closely.

“Long story short, I was going to adopt Patch. But then Chopper came into my life and two dogs is more than enough with my schedule.”

“And that bloke won’t be returning for his dog?”

“Hell no, he moved to Springfield for a job.” He didn’t say anything so I figured he knew it was a town about two hours away. “He wasn’t very good with responsibility anyway. Have no clue why the hell I was with him to begin with. But sometimes . . . I don’t know. Never mind.”

“How long were you together?”

“Not long. A couple of months,” I said, not wanting to spend any more time talking about that loser asshole. “How about you? You got somebody special?”

And it was like I had broken him out of a trance. Now that the conversation swung back around to him he clammed right up on me.
Again.

He shook his head and then turned away.

Fuck.

“Guess that’s that,” I mumbled, frustration setting up camp in my shoulders as they tensed and cramped.

When he didn’t answer, I blurted out, “For the record, I’m trying to develop a friendship with you.”

“Well . . . don’t,” he said to the wall.

“Why not?”

His gaze shifted back toward me and he looked so sad and forlorn right then. “Because I just . . . can’t. It wouldn’t work out in the end, anyway. Never does.”

This time I kept my mouth shut. The rest of the appointment, I attempted to dislodge the tight ball in my chest. Screw this. It was a lost cause.

When we were finished, I kept my head down and began cleaning up my area.

I felt rather than heard him pause at the door. He was waiting for me to look his way and for the life of me I just couldn’t. All of the fight had gone out of me.