These Boots Were Made for Stomping (21 page)

“Um, Thomas?”

“Now Batman, on the other hand, I’d say he was edging out of the closet. Always hanging with his boy toy Robin. Though, of
course, they must have had some kind of arrangement, right? Maybe what happens in the Batcave stays in the Batcave?”

“Thomas! Listen to me!” she demanded. “Something’s happened! I’ve turned into Karma Kitty!”

“Uh, yeah, that was the idea, right?” Thomas said, still distracted by the Man of Steel.

She balled her hands into fists. “No, I mean, I’m really her,” she said, trying to explain. Wishing he’d just turn around
and give her his full attention. “I put on the costume and the”—she looked down at her golden feet—“and the boots,” she added.
“And now I’ve changed.”

Thomas sighed loudly and turned away from the exhibit. He put his hands on his hips and threw her an exasperated look. It
was one to which she was very accustomed. One she used to see more often than not on Collin’s face when she’d try to explain
why she was late for whatever she was late for.

“I know it sounds crazy,” she said, “but it’s true.”

“Yeah? Prove it.”

“Prove it?”

“Sure. Show me some tricks,” Thomas instructed. “If you’re really Karma Kitty you should have Karma Kitty powers, right?”

Would she? She wasn’t sure of anything at this point. “Um, maybe?”

“Great.” Thomas was obviously enjoying this. “So go ahead. Do a backflip.”

“Thomas, you know I can barely touch my toes. There’s no way I can do a backflip.”

Thomas shrugged. “Well, there you have it, then. You haven’t magically changed into your comic book character,” he comforted.
“Because everyone knows Karma Kitty can easily do backflips.”

Hailey narrowed her eyes at him. Fine. If he was going to be like that . . . She drew in a breath. Here went nothing. She
launched herself backward, bracing herself for a boatload of pain.

Instead, she flew effortlessly backward. In fact, not only did she achieve a before-now-impossible backflip, she managed five
of them. In a row. The last one with no hands.

“Oh my God,” she cried, righting herself. “I just . . . Wow!”

Now
she had Thomas’s full attention. “Okay, not bad,” he said.

“Not bad? If this were the Olympics I’d have beat out the gold-medal girl.”

Thomas shook his head. “Uh, no. You’d have lost way too many points on form.” He pointed up to a neighboring booth’s scaffolding.
“Climb up there,” he said. “And jump.”

“Um, hello? Karma Kitty can’t fly.”

“Maybe not. But she certainly lands on her feet.”

“Next time you’re going to suggest killing me to see if I have nine lives,” she grumbled as she made her way over to the platform.

“Hey, you’re the one claiming to be your comic character,” he said, holding up his hands.

“I’m not insured for this kind of thing,” she muttered as she climbed up the King Kong display. Soon she and Fay Wray were
hanging on for dear life. “Ready?”

“Go, go, Karma Kitty, go!” Thomas cheered.

She took in a breath, then leapt—landing perfectly on her feet moments later.

“How is this happening?” she wailed after Thomas finished wooting for her. The weirdness was obviously back with a vengeance.
Just as she’d finally settled down to normalcy. Just as she’d finally had a chance to win the love of her life back.

“You got me.” Thomas shrugged. “When did it all start? And how come it didn’t happen last time you put on the outfit?”

She puzzled it all for a second or two, then the lightbulb went on over her head. “The boots!” she cried.

“The boots?”

“I wasn’t wearing them before, remember? And the second I put them on, I started to feel weird. That has to be it.”

“Why would the boots give you the power to become Karma Kitty?”

“I have no idea. But it’s got to be them.” She reached down to unzip them and kick them off. “I got them off this weird Web
site, hiheelia.com. It promised me inner power. I thought it meant some bullshit chi or something.”

Sure enough, the second the boots left her feet, she felt the power draining out of her. She reached up and patted her head.
Ears were once again clip-on. And thankfully her tail was again safely attached only to her skirt.

“Okay, do a backflip now,” Thomas suggested.

She threw herself backward, but only succeeded in landing on her back, sprawled out on the floor.

“You’re serious?” he asked. “You’re not playing around?”

She stared down at the boots. “No,” she said. “There’s something about these boots.”

Thomas’s face lit up like a kid’s on Christmas. “Ooh, ooh! I want to try!”

She shook her head. “No way. They’re not your size. And besides, they’re mine.” Now that she knew she could avoid the weirdness
just by yanking off the shoes she felt a little better about things. At least she wouldn’t have to explain cat ears and a
tail to Collin.

Thomas, on the other hand, looked sulky. “No fair, you got magic boots and I’m stuck with a purple velour tracksuit.”

Hailey ignored him, slipping the boots back on her feet and feeling the power surge through her once again. “So amazing,”
she murmured. “So cool.”

Thomas opened his mouth, probably to spew forth more jealousy, but before he got any words out, a thirty-something Asian guy
zoomed up to them, running as fast as his legs could carry him. He saw them a split second too late and tripped over Hailey
while trying to brake. He went flying into the Mr. Toast booth, sending stuffed bacon and eggs everywhere.

“Arrr!” he cried, scrambling to his feet. It was then that Hailey realized he was dressed as a pirate.

“Are you okay?” she asked, standing up, herself. “You should really look where—”

His white face and frightened eyes cut short her rebuke. She looked down the aisle in the direction he’d come. “What are you
running from?” she asked. “Is someone chasing you?”

The man jabbered at her in a language she didn’t understand, repeatedly gesturing behind him. She saw nothing at first; then,
to her surprise, she spotted a group of five ninjas heading toward them at full speed.

“Uh,” Thomas said, squinting at the approaching wall o’armed Japanese dudes. “Are they after
you,
man? ’Cause to tell you the truth, we’re not really interested in some weird role-playing crap.”

He yammered at them in Japanese once again. The ninjas were getting closer. They were also brandishing swords that didn’t
look fake. The man dove behind Hailey, trying to hide.

Hailey gulped as she watched the approaching army. “I think I’m going to have to fight them,” she said.

“What?” Thomas cried. “Are you insane?”

“No. But I’m Karma Kitty,” she said slowly, not sure where the swelling courage inside of her was coming from. “And, strangely
enough, I feel compelled to save the day.”

“Oh my God.” Thomas shook his head in disbelief. “This is so fucked up.”

CHAPTER THREE

Hailey braced herself for the oncoming fighters, bending her knees, holding out her hands. Her boots pulsed gold, as if excited
about the pending assault—just like Karma Kitty’s would. It was bizarre. It was unreal. It was impossible. But bizarre, unreal,
and impossible was something Hailey was used to.

The first ninja let out a chilling cry and dove toward her, launching into a kick aimed at her stomach. Just before contact,
she swiped at him with her arm, blocking the kick and effortlessly sending him twirling into the air and a cardboard Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Woo-hoo! Score one for Karma Kitty! Who knew she was so strong?

The second ninja stepped forward, jabbing at her throat with a fist. She leapt back, dodging his blow by launching into a
half-back-handspring. Once her hands hit the ground, instead of completing the move, she shot forward again, slamming her
heels into his clavicle. He collapsed and she tumbled on top of him, then rolled off and readied herself for the next guy.

This ninja, seeing how easily a random chick incapacitated his friends, decided to draw his katana from the sheath tied to
his side. The blade flashed under the fluorescent lights as he waved it in front of his face and squinted menacingly at her.
She grinned back, then dropped to the ground and swept her foot out and around, tripping him where he stood. He went flying
into the first guy, knocking a stack of comic books on his head. Hailey slammed her heel into his stomach and he bellowed
in pain.

Last guy. He stood at a distance, then reached into his hand and pulled out a shuriken—a Japanese throwing star. He flipped
it like a Frisbee and sent it spinning in her direction. She leapt into the air—very
Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Dragon
—and the star ended up only skimming the heel of her boot before lodging itself in Superman’s plastic chest, just below the
S.

Hailey fluttered back to the ground and started after the guy. But he and his buddies had evidently had enough of Karma Kitty.
They took off down the aisle, as fast as their ninja legs would carry them.

“Phew,” Hailey said, brushing off her skirt. “That was close.” She turned back to her friend and the Asian guy. They were
both staring at her, mouths open, eyes wide, expressions freaked out beyond belief. She suddenly felt self-conscious. “Uh,
you can stop looking at me any time now.”

“Oh. My. God,” Thomas marveled. “I’ve never seen anything like that in my entire life. They all came at you at once.”

“No, they didn’t. They came one after another. Just like in those dumb kung fu movies.”

“Maybe to you, Neo, but we mere mortals just watched you take on five guys at one time. You had them all down in five seconds
flat.”

“Wow. It sure didn’t feel like that.” She rubbed her forehead. “I hope I didn’t hurt them too badly.”

“Dude, they’re bad guys, remember? You should have killed them.”

“Um, yeah, except there’s that whole pesky lifetime in jail, maybe the death penalty thing to consider,” she reminded him.
“It’s not like we’re in a real-life comic book here.”

“It certainly feels like it, though.” Thomas looked down at her shoes. “I so need to get a pair of those in my size FedEx’d
to me for tomorrow. What was that Web site again?”

The pirate Asian guy cleared his throat. In the excitement, Hailey had forgotten about him. He bowed to her, a deep respectful
bow from his waist, then retreated down the aisle, almost as fast as the ninjas had, but in the other direction.

“I wonder why they were after him,” Hailey mused as she watched him go. “Some kind of ‘ninjas are way cooler than pirates’
game?”

“
Pirates
are way cooler than
ninjas,
FYI,” Thomas corrected. “But no, I doubt it. Those guys looked really serious. And Hiro looked really scared.”

“Hiro?”

“And you call yourself a comic book fan?” Thomas scolded. “Did you really not recognize Hiro Kim, Japan’s premier manga artist?
We were talking about him earlier, remember? He does that pirate manga called
Shadow Booty
Clan
.”

“That guy wrote
Shadow Booty Clan
?” Hailey cried. “That’s, like, the most best-selling comic of all time.”

“Duh. The latest volume even hit the
New York Times
best-seller list.”

“So why would a boatload of ninjas be chasing down Hiro Kim in the middle of Comic Con?”

“Beats me.”

Hailey suddenly remembered the shuriken the ninja had chucked at her. She walked over to Superman and yanked it out of his
stomach. She realized it wasn’t a real throwing star at all, but a toy one, made of black plastic. On the back it said BOOTH
4294, MEIYOSERAPH AGENCY.

“Weird,” she mused, turning the star around in her hand. “We should check this out. Maybe it’s a clue.”

“Um, hello? You’re trying to solve the Case of the Weirdo Ninja Fight now? How about figuring out why you’ve suddenly morphed
into your comic-book cat first?”

“We’ve already solved the cat thing.”

“By attributing it to magic shoes? Oh yeah, you’re a regular Nancy Drew.”

“Veronica Mars, actually. So what do you say we go check out the booth?” She glanced at her watch. “Oh wait. Shit. I’m totally
late to go meet Collin.”

“Just tell Mr. Hollywood you got stuck battling a herd of ninjas. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Hailey cringed. “No. That’s the problem. He won’t. In fact, that’s exactly the type of thing he just won’t understand. The
kind of thing I wanted to avoid trying to explain to him ever again. After all, he still hasn’t gotten over my alien abduction.”
Whoops. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“What a closed-minded fool.” Thomas fanned himself.

Hailey gritted her teeth. “I’m serious,” she said. She looked at her watch again. “Crap! I have to get changed. I can’t go
looking like Karma Kitty.” She kicked off her boots and ran to the bathroom, quickly discarding the costume for street clothes.
Her muscles ached and her brain felt like mush. Being a superhero evidently took a lot out of a girl.

She exited the bathroom, bags in hand, and handed them to Thomas.

“Wow, that was faster than Superman in a phone booth,” Thomas observed. “Though not half as sexy.” He ran a hand down the
Man of Steel’s plastic bicep for emphasis.

“Um, yeah. So, I’ll catch you later. And don’t you dare put on the shoes,” Hailey said, calling over her shoulder as she dashed
down the aisle.

“Wow. If they looked up ‘selfish friend’ in the dictionary, they’d find a big fat picture of you.”

“I hope they photographed my good side.”

It took her a good forty-five minutes to hail a cab outside of Comic Con. By the time she got to the restaurant, she was over
an hour late. As her cab pulled up to a red light, she saw Collin, across the intersection, exit the restaurant, hail a cab
and get in.

No! This could not be happening! “Follow that cab!” she cried in desperation, waving a finger at the vehicle. If only she’d
remembered to get his cell phone number when she had the chance.

“What do you think this is, a fuckin’ movie?” the Queens-born driver asked, taking a precious moment from his very important
cell phone convo to address her. “I ain’t running a red light for you, baby.”

“Please!” she begged, watching as Collin’s cab pulled out into the street.

A man banged on the cab window. “Are you getting out or not?” the driver demanded. “I ain’t got all night, you know. Some
of us have to make a living.”

Hailey sighed and reluctantly left the cab. She walked into the restaurant and up to the maitre-d’. He informed her that Collin
had been waiting for an hour and finally just left. Sorry, no message. The man gave her a disapproving look.

It’s was the ninjas’ fault!
she wanted to shout at him, but she knew it would do no good.

If only she could find Collin. Explain what had happened.

Explain?
a voice inside of her jeered.
Explain what? That
you turned into your comic-book character and fought a platoon
of ninjas with your bare hands to save a pirate manga artist from
certain death?

Okay, maybe not that. But she could give him some kind of excuse. A rational one. Like, she had been held up at her signing.
Or her publisher had scheduled a last-minute meeting she just couldn’t miss. Something, anything to convince him that she
hadn’t meant to stand him up.

S
o you’d lie to him?
the inner voice jeered.
Is that really the
right foot on which to resume the relationship?

It wasn’t, of course. In fact, it was pretty close to the reasons they broke up to begin with. But still, what could she do?

She hailed a new cab and instructed him to drop her off at the Comfort Inn in Hell’s Kitchen at which she and Thomas were
staying. When she arrived, she went straight to his room. He answered the door in bunny-footed pajamas. She was just grateful
it wasn’t vintage women’s lingerie like the last time. After all that had happened, she didn’t think she could take a three-hundred-pound
Vivienne Westwood tonight.

“Didn’t make it, huh?” he asked sympathetically, ushering her inside the tiny room and closing the door behind them. “Poor
dear.”

She flopped on the second bed, a lump forming in her throat. She tried to tell herself that she shouldn’t be so disappointed,
but she couldn’t help it. Seeing Collin again, after all these years, had really made her realize how much she missed having
him in her life. And to blow a possible second chance like that? Stupid. Truly stupid. She should have skipped the costumes.
Thomas would have understood. And then she’d have gotten to the restaurant early, met him at the door. They would have wined,
dined, talked, maybe even danced. Made up for lost time.

But no. She’d screwed it all up. She wouldn’t be surprised if he never wanted to talk to her again.

“I saw him get into a taxi as I was pulling in,” she told Thomas. “He’d waited an hour, according to the restaurant guy.”
She groaned. “He must think I’m a total bitch.”

“Well, duh. I think that and you’ve never even stood me up.”

She threw a pillow at him. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry, sweetie. It really sucks, I know,” Thomas said, looking at her with pitying eyes. “You were really looking forward
to it, weren’t you?”

“More than I wanted to admit,” she said with a sigh. “I really love him still. Seeing him today brought back so many memories.”

“Can you call him? Explain what happened?”

“I don’t have his cell number. And I have no clue what hotel he’s staying at.” She rolled over onto her side and flipped through
one of their comics. “Too bad Karma Kitty didn’t have some kind of Super Smell. Then I could just throw on the boots and sniff
him out.”

Thomas laughed. “If only you knew you’d need it when you created her, we could have drawn it in. It’d actually be a pretty
funny superpower. Would have made perfect sense, too, since all of Karma Kitty’s powers have to do with cat things. And we
all know how good my Fifi is at sniffing out the catnip.”

Sudden inspiration smacked Hailey across the face and she jerked up in bed. “That’s it!” she cried, hope surging through her.
“That’s totally it!”

Thomas gave her a blank look. “Er, what’s it?”

“Drawing it in,” she replied. “When I put on the boots, I have all the powers of Karma Kitty, right? And we control what those
powers are through the artwork. What if you sketched up a few scenes where Karma Kitty is gifted with the power of Super Smell?
That she can sniff out . . . bad guys or something. Then I’d put on the boots and sniff out Collin. Figure out where he’s
staying and go apologize.”

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Maybe the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say, and I’ve heard
a lot of stupid things in my life. Like the time George Michael claimed he was—”

“Yeah, well, before tonight you would have said me putting on magic boots, becoming Karma Kitty, and fighting a flock of ninjas
was the stupidest thing you ever heard.”

“Touché.” Thomas considered. “But still . . .”

“Fine. I’ll draw it myself, then. You’ll see.” She grabbed Thomas’s sketchbook from off his bed and uncapped a pen.

She was no artist, but she did her best, sketching her comic cat sniffing the air. She then slipped on her boots and took
a whiff. Nothing but the same old slightly dirty laundry smell the room had when she first entered. She sighed and kicked
them off again.

“Oh well,” she said. “I guess it was a dumb idea.”

Thomas peered over her shoulder at her drawing. He scowled. “Oh my god,” he exclaimed. “Of course
that’s
not going to work. It doesn’t even remotely resemble Karma Kitty. No offense.” He huffed with annoyance. “Fine. Give me the
pen.”

She handed it over.

“For the record, I still think this is ridiculous,” Thomas muttered as he took the sketchbook from her. “But if it’s going
to work, it’s only going to work when drawn by a genuine Karma Kitty artist like me.”

Or Collin, Hailey thought, wondering if he had taken up drawing again after they parted ways. It was such a shame when he
gave up over those stupid rejections. To give up something he was so good at. Something he loved.

Hailey looked over Thomas’s shoulder, watching, until he yelled at her for invading his space. So she retreated to the other
bed and flipped on the television. But she couldn’t concentrate on the show. She was too impatient to see if this crazy thing
would actually work.

“It doesn’t have to be perfect,” she reminded him, after what seemed to be an inordinate amount of time to be working on a
single sketch. He, of course, shot her a dirty look that told her that it most certainly did. Artists!

She lay back down on the bed and tried to be patient. Tried to focus on what she was going to tell Collin once she found him.
Some kind of easy excuse. Something believable that didn’t involve pirates or ninjas or her turning into a cat-woman. Would
he forgive her? Would he be interested in rekindling the relationship? Maybe they’d end up getting married this time. Start
a family, even.