Thin Girls Don't Eat Cake (25 page)

Maybe so, but I didn’t. Enough was enough.

Mum looked Jed straight in the eye. “Are you saying I should have an… an abortion?”

Jed’s gaze fell to my mother’s ever expanding stomach. “Even if I advocated abortion, I think it’s a bit late for that, don’t you? What I’m saying is, it’s not you that’s going to have to live with this decision. It’s that baby. And if there’s one sure way to screw up a little life it’s to bring it into the world with a shitload of baggage around its little neck.”

Tears were rolling down Mum’s cheeks. She pulled a hanky from her handbag and dabbed them away. I put my arm around her shoulder and rubbed her arm. “I think it’s time for you to go and see what the cricket guys are up to, Jed.”

“Why? What did I do? I’m only saying what everyone else is afraid to. The whole town is talking behind your back.”

“Now, Jed,” Alice hissed.

He drained his drink and made for the corner mumbling away to himself about hormonal women and only making conversation as he went.

Alice turned back to us. “Sorry about him, he’s such a moron sometimes.”

“I understand,” Mum said. She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. Then she took a sip of lemonade and a long slow breath. “I’m going to have to face a lot more of that in the coming months and then after the baby’s born. People have already stopped to stare when I go into the library. The other day I heard Elaine and Jane saying it was ‘disgusting’ to be doing such a thing at my age. And Judy Di Marco won’t even speak to me. She deliberately crossed the road to avoid me. They’re meant to be my friends.”

This was awful. A thing that was meant to be joyous was dividing the community. And Mum had been keeping this knowledge inside, suffering in silence, pretending their actions weren’t affecting her. I wanted to strangle each and every one of them. I did. Where was the support? The love? Were they so shallow that they couldn’t rise above the narrow mindedness of others?

“Oh Mum. Forget about them. You have me.”

“And me,” Alice chimed in. “I can’t wait for Ethan to have a playmate.”

“And me.” Cole had returned and was standing behind us. Clearly, he’d witnessed the conversation. “I think you’re very brave to have the baby, Mrs Merrifield and more so to do it as a single parent.”

“Bettina.”

“Bettina. There’s a reason why this baby has been sent to you at this time. You might not know it yet but I’m pretty sure fate has had a hand in this. Look at your family — you and Olivia. There’s so much love there. Your baby will have the best life. Ignore those fools.”

Mum gave him a coy smile. “Thank you, Cole.”

“If there’s any way I can be of help, let me know.”

“He’s pretty good with a nappy.” I giggled. “Way better than me.”

“That wouldn’t be difficult, would it?” Cole let out a belly laugh and we joined in.

It had been six long months since the night I stepped into the community hall to attend my first Weight Watcher’s Meeting and as I stood in the line for my weigh in, I thought about how much had changed since then. The same women were there, still discussing points values and snacks and although they didn’t seem a great deal thinner, they sounded happier. Mrs Tanner was still manning the scales. I remembered how scared I’d been to even step in the door, the humiliation I’d felt when I’d acknowledged the heifer I’d become, the sadness that had engulfed me and caused me to eat. Then eat more because I felt guilty for eating in the first place.

Not any more.

I was Olivia Merrifield, nicely curvy, yet thin girl, cake addict and soon to be Weight Watchers graduate.

“Hello, Olivia. You’ve got a spring in your step tonight,” Mrs Tanner said as I stepped up to the scales.

I handed her my membership card but said nothing. Then I stepped on the scales. I watched the numbers tick over.

Mrs Tanner looked up. Her face changed from a look of concentration to a broad smile. She checked my membership card. “Well, young lady, it looks to me as if you’ve reached your goal weight. As a matter of fact,” she checked the scales again and did a quick calculation, “I’d say you’re six hundred grams under it.”

“Really?”

“If I were you, I’d go out and buy yourself a couple of new pairs of jeans. The ones you’re wearing now are at least two sizes too big.”

They had been feeling baggy in the crotch area lately, I thought, feeling rather smug all of a sudden.

“And while you’re at it, pick up some new knickers. With that lovely Cole sniffing around, you want to be at your best.”

Did everyone in town know Cole and I had moved from the slow stroll to the brisk walk?

Mrs Tanner went to her trestle table and came back with a small blue book. She handed it over to me. “Congratulations. This is a milestone not everyone who begins the journey reaches. You are officially in the maintenance phase. You can come to meetings forever without having to pay, as long as you stay within two kilos of your goal weight.”

I felt like I’d been presented with a gold medal. I’d done it. I’d really done it.

As I bent down to reach my shoes and slide into them, I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I looked up to see a woman — possibly one of the only people in Merrifield I didn’t know — smiling at me. She had a round face and ruddy spend-all-day-outdoors cheeks that puffed up with her grin. Her eyes crinkled cheerfully.

“I don’t mean to be rude but I couldn’t help but overhear. Did Elaine say you’ve reached your goal weight?”

“I have.” I felt very proud all of a sudden. “In fact, I’m half a kilo under.”

“Wow. Do you mind if I ask how much you’ve lost? You look amazing.”

Cue chest puffing a little more. At this rate, I was going to need to get those older, bigger bras out again.

“Twenty kilos.”

A quiet buzz began to spread through the remainder of the queue. Clearly, my weight was something to be talked about. And for once, not in a negative way. Then the clapping started. Slow, deliberate clapping that increased in speed as I walked along the queue towards my seat in the meeting area. I felt like I’d won an Oscar. So much so, that if Patrick Dempsey had popped out of the loos to escort me through the door, I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid.

Okay. I probably would have. I mean he is super hot.

“You go, girl,” one woman said as I passed.

“If you can do it, so can I,” said another.

And that’s when I dawned on me. I was an inspiration to these women, a motivator. Oh. My. Gosh. I was the exact thing I never thought I’d be six months ago — the perfect poster girl for weight loss success.

I’d done it. I’d actually done it.

*****

“You should have seen them,” I said, as I sat in Mum’s lounge an hour later. “They made me a guard of honour as I left the building.”

“I know.” Mum dropped a kiss on my forehead and came to sit beside me.

“Mrs Tanner?”

“She sent me a text as soon as you weighed in.”

I wondered what she’d been doing behind that trestle table for so long. Sneaky thing.

“I’m so proud of you, possum. You gave yourself a target and you didn’t give up till you achieved it. Not many people can say they achieve their goals. You’re very determined. That’s one of the things I love about you.”

I didn’t know where this sudden attack of mush had come from but it’d certainly got Mum.

“Er, thanks.”

She crossed her ankles and assumed a serious pose. “On that note, I’d like to talk to you about something. I’ve been mulling it over for a while now and I’d like to know your thoughts.”

Oh Lord, she wasn’t going to buy a motorbike with a sidecar for the baby, was she? She’d been on about it for weeks, ever since she’d seen a replay of that doco where Billy Connelly rides about the place on one. I bit my lip, praying she was going to ask whether the nursery should be lemon or mint green.

“I think I might adopt the baby out. I’m too old to be a mother again, especially a single one. If Connor had stayed it might have been different but the things Jed said were perfectly true. It’s hard enough not looking like mutton dressed as lamb when you’re my age but fancy that poor baby going to school and wondering why the other mothers are perky and young and his Mum looks like, well, a granny.”

The mug of tea I’d been nursing fell to the carpet, soaking into the leg of my pants as it did. Crap. I raced for the kitchen and began to scrub furiously.

She couldn’t be serious, could she? How could she give up her own child?

Mum had followed me into the room. “Are you all right?”

“What? With the burns or the fact that you’re going to give my baby sister away?”

“You didn’t let me finish explaining.”

What the hell was there to explain? Of all the ridiculous ideas, this one took the cake. The motorbike idea would have been better.

“Well. Go on.”

“I’d like to give the baby to you. You would adopt it officially.”

I straightened, narrowly avoiding the corner of the benchtop as I did. I put my hand to my mouth. I could feel my face wrinkling into a frown but it wasn’t one of disapproval, rather absolute and utter confusion.

“We both know the chances of you ever carrying a baby to term are slim, right?”

“
Yeeees
.”

“Well, I saw on Guiliana & Bill the other night about how they had another woman carry their baby for them and I figured that I could do the same. I could be your surrogate. This baby obviously isn’t your baby, but it has half the same genes as you. The odds are it will have a lot of the same characteristics as you because you’re so like me.”

Now there was a concept I didn’t want to consider.

“You want to… to give… me the baby?”

“Yes. I’ll help you out, naturally, but in the role of grandmother. At my time of life, it makes so much more sense and it would make everyone happy. You’d have the baby you’ve always wanted, I’d be a granny instead of a mummy and the baby would have a vibrant young mum who can climb the slides and take her to ballet. It’s the perfect solution.”

“Are you sure?” I mean, giving up a baby had to be the hardest thing a mother could do.

“Positive. I’ve thought about this a lot over the past few days. I think this is the solution.”

Flabbergasted. There was no other word to describe the way I felt at that moment. My mother was prepared to make the supreme sacrifice not only for the happiness of her unborn child but for my happiness too. It was so unbelievable. I looked down. The tea towel had fallen onto the floor. My hands were trembling. My whole body was trembling. Tears were streaming from my eyes but I had no idea when they had even started.

“Do you mean it?” I asked, again. I couldn’t even fathom that my dream was coming true, well in a few months it would be.

Mum gathered me into her arms. Her hug was warm and comforting. “Of course I mean it, you silly billy. Do you think I’d make a joke of something as serious as this? Besides, your father always said my funny bone was invisible. I don’t even get jokes.”

I wept into the fabric of Mum’s shirt for a long time after that.

Then we sat and talked until we began to yawn. Plans were made. Futures were decided. And I was happier than I could ever remember being.

When I woke up the following morning, the sun was streaming through the window. It was a glorious day. I leaped from bed and raced to the shower. While I lathered my body and washed my hair — three times because the first two had been with cream cleanser meant for my face — I considered the events of the last twenty-four hours. I’d never have believed anything could eclipse the happiness I’d felt at reaching my goal weight. But this, this surpassed my wildest dreams. I still found it hard to believe that it was going to happen.

As I stepped from the shower and dried myself, Cole’s words came back to me. He’d said Mum’s pregnancy was fate that it had happened for a reason. Maybe he’d been right? It certainly seemed that way.

But how would my decision affect him? He’d fallen in love with the single Olivia. Single, childless Olivia. I know he’d said he wanted more children but it wasn’t fair to lumber him with a child that wasn’t his, was it? Our relationship could never go further than dating if he didn’t want to be a father to this child. That was a lot to ask. And I wasn’t sure I could ask it of him.

But whatever became of Cole and I, I knew that the plan Mum and I had come up with was the right one for us. And I was so excited about it, I’d put my trousers on back to front and then caught my knickers in the zipper.

I stopped and pushed the pants and underwear to my ankles, trying to free myself of them without falling over. I was such a dipstick, I thought, how the hell was I going to manage a baby?  My attempts with Ethan had been pathetic to say the least. It wouldn’t be easy but I had Mum and Alice and I was confident I could make it work because as my weight had melted away, my confidence had returned. I felt like that girl again, the one who had graduated from Uni top of her class and landed a prestigious TV job at her first interview. If I could survive Graeme, Connor and the various other losers that had infiltrated my life at one point or another, I could take care of a child. Whether I’d be doing that as a single parent, well... I guess time would tell.

I arrived at Doggie Divas about twenty minutes later to find Cole leaning against the doorjamb. “Morning, baby.”

Baby? That was a new development.

“Morning.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and he pulled me closer stealing another kiss as his hand reached around and squeezed my bottom. “I s’pose you want me to call you Johnny now, do you? ‘Cause you might look hot in leather, but your vocals need work.”

“You cut me to the core.”

“You’ll get over it.”

I laughed and stepped from his embrace to unlock the door. I was buzzing inside but I didn’t think it was the right time to bring up the subject of the other ‘baby’. Not yet. There was every chance he’d call quits to our relationship when he found out and I was getting used to the idea of him being around again.

Selfish? I guess so. But I did have every intention of telling him. Just not when he was standing there looking at me in that way that made me want to melt, though.

Cole followed me into the shop. “
Ooohh
. Who’s full of herself this morning?”

“I’m allowed to be. I reached my goal weight yesterday. I am officially a weight loss success.” I did a little happy dance around the SALE bins.

Cole grinned and moved closer again. He smelled of lemons and lemon icing. It was delicious. “Does that mean I’m allowed to see you naked with the light on?”

“Possibly.”

I might have been thinner but there would probably always be lingering doubts about my body in my mind. It was something I’d have to work on.

“I have news too,” Cole announced. “Well, more of a surprise.”

“Another one? You do know spoiling me is totally the wrong way to go about winning my heart. Not.”

“Have you got a couple of minutes to come across to the shop? I want to show you something.”

I could feel my body tense. This was it. The test of how well I was going to maintain my weight probably relied on what happened when I got into that shop. I had to be strong in the face of those Phoebe cupcakes and not give in because what sort of a girlfriend would I be if I couldn’t pop in and visit my own boyfriend? I pulled myself up tall and swivelled, heading for the door.

I checked the time on my phone. There was time.

I took a deep breath. I counted to ten in my head. I closed my eyes and recited the mantra I’d invented for myself.

It’s only cake. Eggs, flour, milk. It’s only cake. Eggs, flour, milk.

When I opened my eyes Cole was looking at me like I actually had lost my marbles. He’d definitely sensed my trepidation.

“I was preparing myself.”

“It’s only cake, Merrifield. It’s not gonna jump up and eat you.”

Not exactly what I’d been worried about.

“Right, let’s go.”

We walked across the street to Death by Cupcake and Cole pushed the door open allowing me to enter first. It was early, the usual busload of tourists hadn’t arrived yet and Cole’s new shop assistant, Shannon-down-from-Perth, had made herself scarce out the back. I paused for a second, taking in the smell of those delectable cakes and strangely, I didn’t feel the need to scoff down every one in sight. That could change, of course. I was at least four arms’ lengths away from them.

I took another calming breath, said my mantra a few more times and turned to Cole smiling, because despite my nerves at being within ten feet of cake, I was also rather excited. “So, what’s the surprise?”

“This way, madam.”

Cole led the way to the display case.

Oh, the cakes were calling me now. I could hear them but I wasn’t going to answer because I knew they couldn’t talk. They were little blobs of eggs and flour and milk. Very attractive little blobs, all the same.

Cole swept his hand towards to a lone piece of dark, muddy, chocolate cake sitting on a white porcelain plate. It had been garnished with a strawberry, sliced lengthways and fanned out. It was dusted in cocoa and bore a glittered label that read ‘Olivia’s Chocolate Cake’ in silver writing.

Olivia’s cake? What the hell was he thinking?

Instantly, my heart began to pump faster. I could literally feel the clamminess in my palms. I tried to swallow and smile but my tongue was a furry tennis ball in my mouth. How could he make me cake? He knew. He absolutely knew what it would do to me.

Cole must have sensed the change in my demeanour because he held up a hand, right as I was about to speak. “Before you go blowing a gasket, let me explain. This is a flourless, sugarless cake. There’s nothing in it you can possibly become addicted to and one piece every now and then won’t do any harm to your diet.”

A flourless cake? Such things did not exist. How could cake be made without flour and sugar? It’d taste revolting. Those ingredients were the whole point of cake.

“What’s in it?”

“Dates, some cocoa, that sort of stuff. The dates give it the sweetness without the sugar and they’re a fruit so you’re technically fulfilling a portion of your ‘five and two’ for the day. I’ve tried out a few different recipes but this one’s the best. It’s bloody delicious, and that’s not me talking myself up either.”

Dates in a chocolate cake? It was madness. But not as crazy as the fact that Cole had spent who knew how many hours scouring the ‘net for recipes and then testing them before deciding on the one in front of us.

“How many is a few?”

“Eight at last count.”

“And you tasted them all?”

“Shannon helped. Some of them were effing disgusting. Wouldn’t feed them to Lulu. But a couple were okay and the one I’ve made for you has been tweaked to enhance the flavour and so the texture is extra muddy. I know you like mud cake. You up for it?”

I turned my eyes to the cake. I wanted to try a piece but the nerves were building in my stomach at the idea. “I guess so.”

Cole went behind the counter and took the cake from the cabinet. He dipped a knife into hot water and carefully cut two slithers and plated them with a measured dollop of double cream, a strawberry and an extra dusting of cocoa. He handed the first plate to me. “For you.”

“Thank you.”

I considered the cake for a minute.

“It’s fine, Olivia. It can’t hurt you.” He handed me a sheet of paper that contained the recipe. I glanced at the ingredients. He was right. As usual. There was nothing in that cake that was going to make me want more cake. It was made of disgusting things like coconut oil and almond meal. I didn’t even like almonds. In fact, I wasn’t so sure I even wanted to eat it.

It looked delicious though.

Taking the spoon, I cut off a portion and some cream and popped it in my mouth. Oh boy. It was heaven.

After months of denying myself, I felt like I’d been given free rein in a chocolate factory complete with a swimming pool filled with chocolate for me to dive into. The cake was moist and smooth and oh, so, chocolaty. I took another mouthful, savouring the flavours before I swallowed.

“Like it?”

I don’t know why he had to ask. I was licking my lips in anticipation of the next bite. “I’ve never tasted cake like it before. Are you sure this is flour and sugar free?” Because no matter what Cole told me, I was sceptical. Something that tasted so good would have to have implications for my hips.

“You saw the ingredients. I wouldn’t string you along. The only things in that cake are what’s written on that page.”

“Well, it’s amazing.”

“So you think I should add it to the product line? It’s not strictly a cupcake but I’m going to try out a few on the weekend to see if the batter holds up when it’s done as individual serves.”

“Definitely. In fact, I’ll even come and help you taste test if you want. As long as we can go for a run beforehand.” I was about balance in this new life of mine. All I had to do was work out the points value of that cake and I was set.

“Sounds like a plan. Now I’d best get to work. By the way, I have a favour to ask.” Cole stuffed the remainder of his slice into his mouth.

“Yeah?”

He swallowed his cake and put the plate on the cabinet top. His face took on a serious appearance. “It’s Phoebe’s birthday on Sunday. I know it sounds like I’m a head case but I’ve had her ashes sitting in a box in my bedroom since she passed away. I was wondering if you knew a pretty place we could scatter them? Somewhere she’d like. And... if you’d come with me to do it?”

There was nothing I’d like more than to provide some moral support after everything Cole had done for me. “I know the perfect place. We can discuss the logistics on Saturday.”

“Great.”

“Cool.”

I handed Cole my empty plate and went up to my tippy-toes, kissing his mouth. “Time to get back to the shop. Fannying around here won’t get Mrs Di Marco’s dog clipped.”

“Pity.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Why?”

“You do fannying so well.”