Thirty and a Half Excuses (22 page)

He sighed, turning so that his butt rested against the edge of the counter. “Your responsibility to Bruce Wayne Decker ended the moment he stepped out of jail.”

“But no one will hire him, Joe. And he
really
likes landscaping.”

He shook his head in confusion. “Why do you care so much about what happens to him?”

I turned to face him. “Because he’s so much like me.”

“When were you ever a drug addict?” Joe asked sarcastically.

“Not that, and you know it. He’s an outcast, and no one wants to have anything to do with him, let alone give him a chance. He needs something to make him feel good about himself. Working with the earth and plants makes him happy. He feels like he’s accomplishing something. I don’t want to take that away from him.”

“Rose, he needs to take charge of his own life, just like you’ve taken charge of yours.”

“I may have taken charge of it, but I’ve had your love and support, and Violet’s been there for me too, in her own way. Bruce Wayne has no one.” He started to say something, but I stopped him. “I don’t want to argue about this. I don’t want to argue with you at all.”

His face softened. “I’m sorry. I know how important this is to you, and it’s just one of the many reasons I love you. But I’m scared for you, Rose. I think you’re taking an unnecessary risk. Just tell me you’ll consider turning down the job.”

Joe didn’t have to worry. I was still weighing all my options. “I’ll think about it.”

He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering longer than necessary. “Thank you.”

I nodded.

When the spaghetti was done, we sat at the kitchen table and I picked at my food. I’d been starving earlier, but I was getting closer and closer to finding out Joe’s secret.

Eating lunch first had been a bad idea.

Chapter Seventeen

I dropped my fork on my plate. “I can’t do this.”

Joe’s hand stopped mid-air, and he carefully set his fork on his plate. “You can’t do what?”

“I can’t pretend everything’s okay. It’s not okay. I’m ready for you to tell me now.”

He wiped his hands off on his napkin and stood. “Let’s sit in the living room.”

This really was serious.

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. He followed me as I moved into the other room, as though I were being led to my execution. I sat on the sofa, expecting him to sit next to me, but he sat in the chair to my left, resting his hands on his knees.

“You’ve already figured out that Mason and I have history.”

I forced my lungs to inflate so I wouldn’t hyperventilate.

He opened his eyes, looking sad. “You also know that Hilary and I grew up together and she followed me to Little Rock. We were seeing each other off and on. We’ve done that a lot since we were in high school.”

“You say that like you plan on seeing her again.”

“Not a chance.
We are
definitely
done.” His face paled. I’d never seen him look so nervous, not even during the whole Daniel Crocker mess. “But we were on a break, and I started seeing this other woman.”

I had a hard time picturing Joe with other women, so the jealousy that reared its ugly head caught me by surprise.

“I met her at a bar.” His hands began to rub the denim over his legs. “I drank a lot then.” He looked into my eyes. “I wasn’t happy, Rose. In fact, I was miserable, and I was looking for something to fill the hole in my heart. Anyway, I met Savannah, and there was something between us that felt deeper than with most of the women who paraded through my life when I was on a break from Hilary.”

I didn’t like how this was going.

“Savannah and I started seeing each other. She was in Little Rock going to law school at the University of Arkansas, and I’d graduated from law school a few years earlier, so we had that in common.” He swallowed.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the rest. I didn’t particularly care to know details about his former dating life.

“Hilary and I weren’t really done yet at the time. I couldn’t bring myself to cut my ties to her.” He ran his hand over his head. “Hilary came over late one night and begged me to come back. She had some hold on me then that I can’t describe. Savannah was better for me, but I was too stupid to see it, so I ended things with her and went back to Hilary.” Joe stared out the window, refusing to look at me.

“That’s not so bad,” I finally said.

“That’s not the bad part.” His voice cracked.

“Okay.” My stomach fell to my feet.

“Savannah didn’t take it well, and I have to admit that I didn’t handle the whole thing the way I should have. I was a coward. She started calling me, making excuses for me to come over to her place. I went the first few times. She told me I’d left some clothes and tools there. Then I’d show up, and she’d try to convince me that Hilary was stringing me along, that I needed to move on. With her.” He shook his head, his jaw clenching. “She was right, but I was too stupid to see it. I told her that she and I were over, and I asked her to quit calling me. I wasn’t very nice about it. In fact, I was downright mean. But she kept calling, and Hilary started to get pissed. And a pissed Hilary was something I tried to avoid at all costs.”

My breath was coming in short bursts. What if Joe decided to go back to Hilary now? Would I beg him to come back to me? Would he treat me like that?

He leaned back in the chair, still avoiding my gaze. “Savannah ran out of excuses, and she stopped calling for a while, but then one day she called to tell me that someone was following her, that she’d seen this person lurking outside her apartment. She said she was getting a lot of hang up calls too. She wanted to know what to do about it. I figured it was her way of trying to get me back. So I told her to call the police, which she did. But I hung out at the same bar as the guys in the Little Rock PD. I’d told them all about Savannah and how she’d been looking for excuses to get me over to her place. They checked it out and said they found nothing. Turns out she called them several times.”

I felt like I was going to throw up.

“One night Hilary and I had a fight over God knows what. She was still pissed and I was drinking, trying to make myself feel better, not that it ever did any good. It was late when Savannah called.” He swallowed again, his face pale and clammy. “She told me there were noises outside her apartment, and she wanted me to come over and check it out. I refused and told her to call the police. She said, ‘They never take me seriously. I need your help, Joe.’” He laughed, but it was an ugly sound. “I told her to leave me the hell alone and call 911. I found out later that she did. They came over and did a cursory check, then left.”

My hands were shaking. I knew that something bad was about to happen, and I was positive I didn’t want to know anymore, but there was no way to stop him.

He leaned forward again, wringing his hands. “She called me again, around three in the morning. I was in bed, and it took several rings for me to wake up and answer. Hilary was livid. I was about to hang up, but her breath was coming in short pants. ‘I think there’s someone in my apartment,’ she said. Something in her voice made me listen this time. So I told her I’d come over.

“Hilary told me not to bother coming back if I walked out the door. And I almost didn’t go, but somehow I knew that Savannah was in real trouble.” He grabbed the sides of his head. “I should have called 911 myself, but I was still kind of drunk and not thinking straight. I definitely shouldn’t have been driving.” He paused. “I ran into a ditch when I was a couple of blocks away and banged up my car pretty good. But I was still determined to check on Savannah. So I walked the rest of the way and when I got to her apartment, the front door was wide open.” Tears streamed down his face.

“Joe, you don’t have to tell me anymore.”

I put my hand on his knee, but he pushed it off and stood, turning his back to me. “Yes, I do. I need to tell you. I don’t want to hide it anymore.”

“Okay.”

He took several gulps of air. “When I went inside, I saw signs of a struggle, but I didn’t see Savannah. When I called her name, she didn’t answer.” His eyes sank closed “I found her in her bedroom. She was lying on her bed. She’d been repeatedly stabbed.” Joe’s voice broke. “She was still alive though, and she reached for me, whispering ‘I knew you’d come.’” Joe’s shoulders shook as he cried harder, his back still to me. “She’d expected me to come save her all along, and I’d ignored her. I had convinced the officers on patrol in her area that she was only trying to get attention. But she wasn’t, Rose. A guy from a coffee shop she went to had started stalking her.”

I knew I should do or say something, but I was too overcome with horror to react.

“I finally got my act together enough to call 911, but it was too late. She died before the ambulance showed up. She died holding my hand.” Joe’s head hung forward as he cried.

I watched him for several seconds, waiting to see if he was going to add more. “I don’t see how this involves Mason.” But as soon as I said the words, I knew. I sank back into the sofa cushions, squeezing my eyes shut as though to block out the horror playing out in my living room.

“Savannah was Mason’s sister.”

I started to cry.

“Mason was furious, and he blamed me for his sister’s death. I alternated between blaming and recusing myself. Hilary took me back, of course, but I decided I was done with her for good and moved out.”

“When did this all happen?”

“Last March.”

My mouth dropped in shock. “
That recently
?” It had been less than a year ago.

He nodded, still refusing to look at me.

Neely Kate had told me that Mason had come to Henryetta because something bad had happened to him, something that had been buried so deep even she couldn’t figure out what it was. It had to be part of this mess, but why would he hide his sister’s death? There had to be something else. “What happened to Mason?”

Joe’s head lifted. He turned toward me but still refused to look at me. “What do you mean?”

“Neely Kate said he was exiled here because of something he did in Little Rock. What did he do?”

“He beat the shit out of the guy who killed his sister.”

“Can anyone blame him for that?”

“He put the guy in a coma.”

This just got worse and worse.

“The DA was about to file assault charges against him, which was an embarrassment to the Little Rock prosecuting attorney’s office as well as his prominent family. My father used his political connections to get him out of it.”

“Why would he do that?”

For the first time, Joe looked at me, bitterness in his eyes. “Because I was such an embarrassment to
my
family. My father swept everything under the rug that he could reach with his political broom. Mason got out of the charges and moved to Henryetta. Only he was pretty bitter about it. He had a very promising career in Little Rock. Moving to Henryetta was the death of that.”

No wonder Mason had been so cranky when he first moved here.

“Do you have any questions?”

Did I? I wanted to know how long he’d dated Savannah, how serious they’d been. If he’d been cruel to her. But I also
didn’t
want to know any of those things. Part of me wished I didn’t know any of it. “No.”

He watched me, a variety of emotions playing across his face. “Say something.”

I bit my lip as tears burned my eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you hate me?”

I stood, then shook my head and threw my arms around his stiff shoulders. “I could never hate you, Joe.”

Some of the tension in his back faded.

“I’m sorry.”

His head lifted, incredulous. “Why are
you
sorry?”

“I’m sorry you had to go through this.”

He shook his head, crying again. “I never wanted you to know, but I realized how wrong that was. If I didn’t tell you, our life together would be based on a lie. I’m a different man with you, Rose. When I’m Joe Simmons, I’m hard and jaded. But Joe McAllister is kinder and gentler. I want to be that man.”

“You
are
.” I kissed him softly, moving my hands up into his hair and holding his face close to mine. “I love you.”

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead on mine. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Stop that nonsense, right now. You’re a good man.”

“You make me feel like I can be one.” His lips found mine and he clung to me, kissing me desperately, as though I might disappear, and he had to make every moment count. “That’s one of the reasons I want to quit the state police. My job makes me cynical. But I’m worried that moving to the sheriff’s department won’t be enough of a change.”

“You’re not cynical with me. You know I want you with me all the time. But I don’t expect you to quit your job either.”

He looked into my eyes, incredulous. “You still want me, even after everything I’ve told you?”

“You know I love you, Joe. My feelings aren’t that shallow.”

“If knowing what happened changed how you felt about me, it wouldn’t make you shallow, Rose. It would probably make you smart.”

Was that his plan? That he could make me send him away? “My love for you isn’t like a light switch I can turn off and on.”

He pushed me against the wall, his hands sliding under my shirt as his mouth claimed mine. He found the button on my jeans, unfastened it, then unzipped them and pushed them to the floor. I stepped out of them, and his hands cupped my butt, pulling me against him.

I twined my fingers into his short hair, surprised at his intensity. We had an active and healthy sex life, but Joe had never been this possessive before, and we always ended up in a bed. Clearly that was about to change. Joe tugged his own jeans down and kicked them off, then pushed me back against the wall, lifting me so my legs straddled his waist. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he claimed me then and there.

I felt wicked and wanton. Good girls didn’t have sex against a wall, but right or wrong, the way Joe wanted me so intensely made me want him even more.

Our libidos kicked into overdrive, and it didn’t take long until we leaned into each other, breathing heavily and feeling sated.