Thirty and a Half Excuses (23 page)

His face lifted and guilt was etched across his features.

I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him passionately. As he kissed me back, matching my eagerness, I knew our relationship had just crossed a threshold.

The threshold to what remained a mystery.

Chapter Eighteen

We took a shower together, touching each other as though we were never going to see each another again. We were usually playful after sex, but this time we were reverent. Joe hardly spoke, watching me with a seriousness that both scared me and turned me on.

After we dressed, we sat on my sofa, my legs draped across Joe’s lap. We didn’t speak, just held each other. I was worried about Joe going back to his assignment, but his news still swirled around in my head, all the pieces trying to sort themselves out. What he was thinking seemed obvious—he was scared I’d change my mind.

He reached up and caressed my cheek, leaning in to kiss me. “Since you haven’t kicked me out yet, there’s one more thing I’ve been worried to bring up.”

My heart pounded against my chest. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. “Okay.”

“My mother has demanded that I bring you to meet my family.”

“Oh.”

“I told you they keep pestering me about it, but they’ve become insistent. I think the best thing to do is to get it over with. If you’re willing.”

Meeting Joe’s family was the last thing I wanted to do, particularly given what little I knew about them, but Mason’s mother had been nice. Perhaps Joe’s family would surprise me. Besides, Joe put up with Violet on a regular basis. Meeting his family only seemed fair. “Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, how bad can it be?”

His mouth pursed, and he didn’t answer.

Crappy doodles.

“When?”

He sighed. “As soon as possible. This case is moving along faster than expected, so I should finish this job in a day or two, and then I’ll have a few days off. Maybe we could go to El Dorado then. We’ll just go for dinner. Will that work with the nursery?”

That soon? I swallowed the fear lodged in my throat. “Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

I waited for him to say not to worry or
they’ll love you
, but nothing came. Only silence.

He closed his eyes and tightened his embrace. “I need to be leaving. I don’t want to go with us like this.”

“I know.” Our relationship felt like we were in a snow globe we’d just shaken and were waiting for the dust to settle to see where we ended up. We hadn’t landed yet.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I know.”

He kissed me gently. “Thank you for still being here.”

“It’s my house, silly,” I tried to joke.

He didn’t smile. “You know what I mean.”

My smile fell. “I’ll be here when you come back. Take care of yourself. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.”

He stood and pulled me to my feet. “You’re the one I’m worried about. Leave the investigating to the police. I mean it, Rose.”

“You know I don’t purposely look for this stuff.”

“That’s not true, and you know it.”

“Okay, in this case it is. But the autopsy hasn’t even come back yet.”

“We both know those women were murdered. Stay away from their houses. Stay inside and lock your doors and windows.”

I snorted. “Like that does any good.”

He looked scared. “You’re right. I think you should go stay with Violet.”

I shook my head. “Why would anyone be after me? Whoever did this went after two old women. I’m fine. Anyway, I’ve got Muffy, my guard dog.”

Joe bent down and rubbed Muffy’s head. “Take good care of her for me—will you, girl?” His voice broke and he stood, pulling me to his chest. His arms tightened around me.

I committed this moment to memory as I clung to the only man I’d ever loved. We’d get through this and be stronger than ever. I had to believe that. “You better get goin’. You don’t want to be late.”

He nodded.

My truck was parked behind his car. I half-expected him to check it out, but he didn’t seem interested as he watched me back out onto the street. I gave him another hug and kiss next to his car door.

He handed me a business card. “I’m not readily available to you right now, and I don’t trust the Henryetta Police Department at all. If you need help with anything, call this number. It’s my friend, Brian. He’s another state police detective, and he’ll help you.”

I had serious doubts a detective in Little Rock could help me if I needed it, but it seemed important to Joe. “Okay. Thanks.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I know. Go already.”

He reluctantly climbed in his car and drove away, waving as he left.

When I went back inside, the expected wave of profound loneliness washed over me. How was I going to make it through another few days without him, wondering if he was safe? Wondering if Hilary was trying to get back with him. I shook my head. Thinking like that wouldn’t do any good.

My phone rang. I dug it out of my purse, thinking it might be Joe, but the caller ID told me it was Mason.

I sat down on the sofa and took a deep breath before answering. “Hey, Mason,” I said. “Did your mother head back to Little Rock?”

“Just a few minutes ago.”

After hearing about his secret, my heart ached for him. Within a few short months, he’d lost everything—his sister, his job, the future of his career. “Joe came to see me.” The heaviness in my words surely told him everything he needed to know.

“Is he still there?”

“He left a few minutes ago too.”

He was silent for a moment. “Can I come over? I know it seems presumptuous but—”

“Yes.” My voice broke. “Please.”

“I’ll be right there.”

I hung up and went into the kitchen, our lunch dishes still on the table. Tears blurred my eyes as I washed the plates and silverware and put them in the dish drainer. Now that Joe had left, everything he’d told me played in my head like a movie. Joe hadn’t meant for anything to happen to Savannah, and I knew with all my heart that he’d change everything in an instant if he could. But the fact remained that she was dead.

But even more disturbing to me was the way Hilary had manipulated Joe, and how he’d let her do it. She’d made no secret that she wanted him back now. Even though Joe insisted he wanted to be with me, could I be sure he’d stay? He and Hilary had known each other since childhood, and his family expected him to marry her. Was it safe to bet on our future?

The knock at the front door shook me out of my pity party and shame burned my face. Feeling sorry for myself was not only selfish but a wasted effort. I had no right to feel sorry for myself. I was the least affected person in this whole mess.

When I opened the door, Mason stood on the other side, his face expressionless. He came inside, and I closed the door behind him, suddenly unsure of what to do. I wasn’t used to entertaining guests. “Do you want anything to drink? I have some lemonade.”

Mason spun around to face me. “He told you?”

I nodded, my chin quivering.

“Can we sit down?”

I nodded again and sat on the sofa, while Mason sat in the very chair where Joe had been sitting when he made his confession.

We stayed like that for several seconds, me staring at my hands in my lap, both of us quiet.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he finally asked.

His life was the one in ruins, yet he was asking
me
if I wanted to talk about it. I looked up, searching his face. “I’m so, so sorry, Mason.”

His eyes widened, and he swallowed.

“I’m shocked by what Joe told me, and if I’m honest, I’m hurt and scared for lots of reasons. But when I start to feel sorry for myself, all I can think about is how selfish I am.”

He leaned forward and grabbed my hand. “How can you say that? What on earth have you done that makes you feel selfish?”

“Joe’s ashamed of what he did, and I can see it’s eating him alive. I noticed that months before I knew. And Savannah…” My voice broke, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. I looked up into his face. “But you. You lost
everything
.”

He closed his eyes and sank back into the chair, letting go of my hand.

“I think about how awful I was to you after we first met—”

He sat up, his eyes flying open. “Stop right there. Don’t.”

“But…I didn’t know, Mason. I had no idea.”

“I know. I didn’t want you to.” He let out a huff and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I wish you didn’t know now.”

Guilt weighed down my stomach. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No! You don’t understand, and I’m doing a terrible job of explaining it.” He took a deep breath. “I’m glad you know because now I have someone I can talk to about it. I’ve kept it bottled up inside for months, and it’s killing me. If you’ll let me, anyway.”

“Oh, Mason. Of course.”

His eyes found mine, full of sadness. “But when you look at me that way, with pity and helplessness…”

I looked down at my lap. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” His voice broke. “Just be my friend.”

“We already are friends, Mason.” I paused, wondering if I was pushing him too far. “Can you tell me about her? Savannah?”

Amazement covered his face. “You want to hear about Joe’s ex-girlfriend?”

Funny, when I’d asked him that, I hadn’t thought of her as Joe’s ex-girlfriend. “No, I want to hear about
your sister
.”

Mason broke down into sobs.

I sat on the sofa, watching him, unsure of what to do. If it were Joe, I’d sit next to him and wrap my arms around him, but Mason wasn’t Joe. And if we were going to make this friendship work, especially since I suspected he might have feelings for me, I needed to be sure to keep strong boundaries. But while I’d established that holding Mason wasn’t acceptable, I hadn’t come up with an alternative.

He looked up. “I’m sorry. You probably think I’m weak.”

“Weak? How can you say that? Look what you did for her. You found the man who murdered her and got justice.”

He shook his head. “No, I didn’t get justice. I wanted cold-blooded revenge, and that’s exactly what I got.” His face paled. “He may not have died, but he’s as good as dead. They don’t expect him to ever wake up from his coma.” He looked up. “If I wanted justice, I would have let the police arrest him and my boss convict him. They had a strong case. He would have gone to prison for the rest of his life. Maybe even got the death penalty. But I decided to seek my own punishment. And in the process, I lost who I was and what I stood for. Until you burst into my life.”

“Me?”

“When you got thrown into jail for contempt of court, after Judge McClary found out you’d been snooping around the murder victim’s house—”

I cringed. “I wouldn’t call it
snooping
…”

“When I asked you why you did it, do you remember what you told me?”

“Because I loved bologna sandwiches?” I joked.

He gave me a soft smile. “No, you told me you were fighting for justice. You were the only person who believed Bruce Wayne was innocent, and you were going to prove it. You reminded me why I chose this career. I wanted justice, and I still do. Sure, you were fighting to prove Bruce Wayne was innocent, and I was fighting to put him away, but we both wanted the same thing. I’d lost that over the few months before the trial.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Do you really want to hear about Savannah?”

“Yeah,” I said softly. “I do.”

Mason spent the next fifteen minutes telling me about his sister. They’d been close growing up, even though she was four years younger than him. They loved to argue and drove their mother crazy, so it was no surprise they both wanted to be attorneys. Savannah was outgoing and vivacious. And beautiful. “Our father died when we were in our teens. He and Savannah were close, and she took it really hard,” Mason said. “After his death, Savannah began to look for attention from guys. Often they were destructive relationships, like the one she had with Joe.” Mason’s eyes widened. “Oh. I didn’t mean you and Joe…”

I offered him a soft smile. “It’s okay. I didn’t take it that way at all.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, until I apologized for it.”

I shrugged. “Joe told me a little bit about their relationship. From what I heard, I’m not sure destructive is a bad description.” I purposely avoided defending my own relationship.

“I’m sorry that you’re caught in the middle of this mess.”

Sighing, my shoulders slumped. “It is what it is.”

“Are you still upset I didn’t tell you?”

“No. You were right—it wasn’t your story to tell. Joe’s part anyway. It would have been easy to tell me as a way to get back at Joe.”

“That would have hurt you in the process. There was no way I was going to do that. And as crazy as it sounds, I don’t want to get even with Joe.” He paused, looking out the window. “Not anymore, anyway.” His gaze turned to me. “Do I think he’s partially responsible for Savannah’s death? Yeah, right or wrong, I do. But I don’t want to punish him for it. I’m done with seeking my own retribution.”

I twisted my hands in my lap. “Honestly, Mason, I think he’s punishing himself enough for both of you.”

Mason nodded, looking down at his own hands.

“So you ended up in Henryetta. Was it a coincidence Joe got sent here too? It seems pretty odd.”

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head as he released it. “I don’t know. I lost my job in Little Rock and part of me didn’t even care, especially since my own boss was about to file assault charges against me. But then everything was buried. They weren’t going to file charges anymore, and I was offered another job here in Henryetta. So I packed up and came. It wasn’t until I got here that everything hit me. I left a promising high-power job to come to…this place. And I blamed it all on Joe. I was pretty bitter, which I took out on everyone. Especially you.”

“Mason, you were still in shock.”

He shrugged. “After I saw you in the jail cell, I was determined to get you out.” Releasing a bitter laugh, he glanced up at me. “Imagine my surprise when I got a call from Joe Simmons, who happened to be your boyfriend. How in the world could that happen?” He sank back into the chair. “But I’d vowed to get you out, and the fact that your boyfriend is in the state police helped your case. Still, we weren’t getting anywhere. Until Joe called his father and you were suddenly released within thirty minutes. And that’s when I knew. Joe’s father had gotten my charges dropped and had me exiled here to Henryetta. Did he send us both here to punish us?” He shook his head. “I have no idea.”