Thirty-Eight Days (46 page)

Clara removed the towel and turned slightly. She let out a small laugh as she watched Jarred turn his eyes away from her back and pulled down the zip of her gown.

She placed Jarred’s shirt over her dress and looked up at him, the tension on his face clear. “I wasn’t joking, Clara. It’s not too late. You can go back and tell him you love him. I see it. I know what it’s like to be on the other end, I do. I thought Annie ended it for good, and she left me feeling sick and lost. I can’t describe it. I’m not good with words. But Annie is my other half, and when I thought it was over, it felt like she took away me.”

Clara’s tears returned. She wondered if they would ever stop, but she knew the answer. Until she forgot Nolan Parker, they would always appear. She sighed and looked at her hands.

“We had to end, Jarred. Like every storm, we left destruction in our paths. And when the storm ends, we’re left to pick up the pieces and we rebuild. As time goes by we forget the storm. We forget the intense feelings, the heartbreaking emotions, but we never forget the memories.” A warm tear hitting her hand brought her back. She saw the concern in Jarred’s eyes. Clara wiped her tears before resting both hands back in her lap.

“Every storm has a beginning, every storm has a perfect moment of bliss, and every storm has a destructive end. Noel and I…” Just saying his name rendered her speechless, left her struggling to breathe and left her with a heavy pressure in her heart.

“We were the perfect storm.”

T
hree phone calls later and he’d be on his way. Noel stared at Clara’s handwritten note. Her delicate and beautiful handwriting spoke the words that he would always want to hear.

I love you.

He couldn’t do it. As much as he wanted to scrunch, rip, and burn those three words, he couldn’t. The small note was the only hope he had left. His eyes burned and those tears he’d been trying to hide threatened to spill. Noel had never cried over a woman, but when the love of his life tore out his heart, crying came naturally to him.

Noel folded the note and stuck it in the pages of his passport. He walked to the chest of drawers and started to take his clothes out and place them in his bag. It was like a small chisel breaking another inch of his heart. The more he packed, the more distance he was putting between them. She didn’t deny that she loved him, but she didn’t want them together either.

When he opened the last drawer, the sight of a white envelope appeared before his eyes. Noel removed it before walking over and sitting on the bed. He opened the envelope to see the pictures they took when they were on the beach. His heart constricted before it collapsed at the sight of them happy and together. A week later and here he was, packing for a flight back to Boston.

Sifting through the pictures, Clara’s smile and her brown eyes captivated him in every picture. He reached the last one—Clara kissing his cheek—and it almost made him unpack and run after her. But it was the memory of her begging him for their end that stopped him. Something caused Clara’s fears to take over and end them. He didn’t know what, but he promised to make her happy, and she wanted them over. The pictures he held would not be joining him on his flight back to Massachusetts.

He took one more look at Clara, knowing that he would never see her as
his
ever again. He stood up and placed the pictures back in the drawer. He was meant to show her them, but it wouldn’t matter anymore. They were over.

Noel took his passport off the bed and zipped up his bag, placing the strap on his shoulder. He closed the door behind him and looked at Clara’s apartment. Every first they shared was made here. He shook his head and walked towards the front door, but stopped at Clara’s bedroom. Reaching into his pockets, Noel took out the small box and opened it.

I was this close.

He looked at the Celtic knots. The knots represented his endless love for her, and knowing that this was their end made his chest constrict. The sound of the front door being knocked made him close the box, returning it back into his pocket. Alex had told him that Clara would be with her friends tonight. It gave him enough time to change and pack. If she had come home, he would have given it one more fight, but Clara didn’t. Noel walked up to the front door. He’d tell whoever it was that neither Clara nor Alex was home, and then he’d make his way for the lobby and wait for the taxi he called.

He opened the door and was surprised. “Stevie.”

“Hey, Noel.”

“You know Clara isn’t here, right? She’s at a friend’s,” he said as he placed his bag on the ground.

“You’re leaving,” Stevie said as she stared at his bag.

“Yeah, my flight leaves in three hours.”

“Don’t go. Fight for her, please.”

Noel looked at his passport in his left hand and then back at Stevie. “Clara just ripped out my heart and threw it in my face. I told her I loved her, and that meant nothing the moment Alex came back. I can’t stay. My life is in Boston.”

“Your life is here. Clara
is
your life. Don’t go and give me some bullshit about how she isn’t. I saw it the first day I saw you. Jarred just called to tell me she’s a wreck. She loves you and she needs you, Noel.” There was so much passion in what Stevie was saying that the urge to hug her and comfort her was consuming. She was fighting for them, but they had already shown their white flags.

“Stevie, you can stop. You don’t need to fight for Clara. She ended it. I’m giving her what she wants, and that’s for us to end. I appreciate you coming here and trying to change my mind, but this will be good for us. I live in Boston, and Clara lives here. We were all delusional about this working. I love Clara, and that will never change. But I have to move on with my life. I know you’re friends with her, but why are you doing the fighting?”

Stevie stepped back in surprise and looked at her hands.

“Because…” She let out a heavy sigh. “I know what it’s like to do what Clara did. I know how painful it is to walk away thinking it’s for the best. I’ve spent the last two years in regret, and I don’t wish that on Clara, or even you. You have what it takes to last; I know it. I wouldn’t be here begging you to stay if I didn’t see it. Just please stay. Give her some time. Clara loves you, Noel. She wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t. Please.”

He had to make Stevie stop. All her words fuelled his determination to win Clara back. But it was too late.

“She doesn’t want me, Stevie. I appreciate you trying to change my mind, but this wasn’t love for Clara. Going back to Boston will make her happy at my expense. I made a promise to make her happy, and this is it. Thank you, but you can’t change my mind. It’s too late. We’re already over.”

Noel picked up his bag, and held his passport tighter before stepping out of Clara’s apartment and closing the front door behind him.

“But—” Stevie let out. Noel stepped in front of her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I can’t let you change my mind, Stevie. As much as I want you to, I can’t let you do that. This is the best for both of us. She’ll eventually forget me. I want Clara to find someone that will make her happy. It’s not me. If it was me then this wouldn’t be as hard as it is. I have a plane to catch. If you’re ever in Boston, give me a call. I’ll see you around, Stevie.”

Noel sat on the bar stool towards the end of the counter at PJ’s in Melbourne Airport. He could hear the sounds of a group of men yelling as they watched a game of football on the large LCD screen. But he didn’t care to watch the game; instead, he stared at Clara’s engagement ring. Those diamonds flashed before him as the light hit them. He took the ring from the box and just held it out in front of him.

Tonight was meant to mark the night we’d be out in the open, and Clara would be wearing my ring.

He breathed out; his heart wouldn’t stop the clenching pain he was feeling. After checking in, he’d needed a drink. He wanted to stop feeling, but he couldn’t will himself to order one, so he just sat there.

“Here, you look like you need one,” Rob said before taking the empty bar stool to Noel’s right and placing a pint of Guinness in front of him.

“Thanks. How did you know I was here?” Noel asked as he placed the ring back in its box.

“Stevie called me. She told me about you and Clara being finished. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I was going to propose,” Noel replied as he stared at his beer.

“I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, Noel.” He looked up to see Rob in his tux with a sad look on his face.

“It’s what she wants.”

“You told Granny Parker you were leaving, or Alex?” Rob asked as the bartender placed a drink in front of Rob.

“I called Gran before Stevie knocked on the door. She’s sad that it didn’t work out. She hoped that I would move back. As for Alex, I can’t look at him right now. I’ll call him once I’m back in Boston. It’ll be easier that way.”

Noel couldn’t face Alex. Not when Clara just broke his heart and took away his future. He’d call Alex and tell him that Gregson wanted him back for an important account that needed reporting. Looking at the engagement ring, he felt his eyes burn. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without her. He held out Clara’s ring, the burning sensation returning to his eyes. Rob placed a hand on Noel’s shoulder and apologised for the turn in events.

It was meant to end like this.

They both sat there staring at Clara’s ring. Noel had drained his pint in two takes, the alcohol not delivering the numbing that his body craved. When he placed the glass on the counter, he noticed Rob had finished his pint, too. Noel put Clara’s ring back in the box and closed it. The sound of the box closing caused his heart to clench more painfully than before. He put his fingertips on it and slid it over to Rob.

“Here, I want you to take care of this for me. Don’t tell anyone about it. I don’t want anyone to know that Clara and I existed, or that I was going to propose.” Rob took the ring box in his hand and looked at Noel.

“Why do you want me to have it?”

“Safekeeping. I can’t go to Boston with it. It’ll hurt too much. Having it with me will make me think there’s a chance when there isn’t. You keeping it means I won’t go crazy and fly back here and kick Clara’s door down,” Noel replied as he got off the bar stool, Rob following.

They walked silently towards airport security. Each step Noel took sent him further away from Clara. Soon enough she’d know that he was completely walking out of her life, giving her what she wanted.

“It’ll be all right, Noel. Things will turn around,” Rob said once they reached airport security. He watched Rob hold the ring box tightly before placing it in the inside pocket of his tux jacket.

“I’ll keep it safe for you. You’ll need it one day soon for her.”

“I highly doubt it. But thanks, Rob. Not just for the ring, but for everything you’ve done. I know it wasn’t easy to keep this from Alex.” Noel’s mouth pressed in a fine line.

“You’re my best mate. I can’t let you go through all this shit alone. Don’t go for too long, now. I’ll need you back. Now I’ll have to find a new rowing partner. I might have to move to Boston. They have a Yarra?” Noel let out a laugh and they shared a quick hug.

“Got to have hope, Nolan. This shit will fix itself, you’ll see,” Rob reassured.

“I’ll see you when I see you. Hit me up if you do come to Boston. We’ll go down to New York and see Alex once he gets back.” Rob patted Noel’s shoulder. Noel walked towards the security officer and handed him his passport and boarding pass. Turning, he nodded his head at Rob before walking past the guarded entrance and towards the scanners.

Sitting on the chairs outside of the boarding gates, he waited for his flight to board. He had a two-hour stopover in L.A. before flying to Boston. Noel opened his passport and took out the folded note, opening it and running his fingers over her writing.

She loved me. This note proves that she did.

“Ladies and gentlemen, flight QF93 to Los Angeles is now ready to board. All Qantas Frequent Flyer members and business class members are free to board at any time…”