Thirty-One and a Half Regrets (4 page)

But I couldn’t bring myself to say it back.

I smiled as I pulled into my driveway, pleased by what I saw. I’d neglected my own yard most of the year, but I’d gone all out for Halloween and Thanksgiving. My front porch was decorated with hay bales and corn stalks, pumpkins and squash.

I went inside and took a short shower then changed into a clean pair of jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Last year I’d dressed up as Red Riding Hood—I’d had to sneak out of the house past Momma—but I didn’t feel like putting on a costume tonight. Bruce Wayne’s disappearance had stolen what little joy I’d found since losing Joe.

Although I had decided not to dress up, I still wanted Muffy to have a costume. It was her first Halloween with me and I knew Ashley and Mikey would love it. My usually good-natured dog had other ideas. When I started to pull the bumblebee costume over her head, she tried to escape, but I managed to get it on after some wrestling. I put her on the ground, and she shook her body like she always did after a bath, tipping her head up to look at me, as if to say, “Are you
kidding
me?”

Since I didn’t have any children and none were in the foreseeable future, Muffy would have to bear the brunt of my overzealous desire to participate in all the holidays. And while she might not like this costume, I was sure she wouldn’t protest the Christmas presents I planned to get her.

My eyebrows lowered as I took in the yellow-and-black-striped stuffed costume that covered most of her trunk and the short gauzy wings that stuck out from its sides. The plumpness made her spindly legs look even skinnier, but her dark fur blended perfectly with the color scheme. My mouth twisted to the side as I debated whether it was worth my trouble and Muffy’s obvious reluctance to try to get the cap with the antennae fastened on her head. Ultimately, I stuffed the little hat in the bag I’d packed to take along. No sense pressing my luck.

“Okay, girl. Let’s go.”

As I let Muffy outside and turned to lock up, Heidi Joy’s four older boys came piling out of their front door, shoving and shouting, each of them clutching an orange plastic pumpkin. Muffy usually ran right to them, but this time she bolted into the front yard, throwing herself to the ground and rolling onto her back.

“Muffy! Stop that right now! You’ll mess up your costume!”

The boys ran over and stood in a semi-circle around her, their mouths hanging open. Andy, Jr. grabbed his belly and burst out into laugher. “What in the world happened to your dog? Did she jump into a hill of fire ants?”

The other boys giggled.

“No.”

“What’s she wearing?”

“She’s wearin’ a Halloween costume, just like you. What’s it look like?”

His eyes narrowed. “She looks like a hot dog with mustard stripes.”

“She’s a bumblebee,
not
a hot dog.” I knew I sounded defensive and I was. I didn’t like it when people made fun of her.

“Where’s her stinger?” four-year-old Keith asked.

“She doesn’t have one.”

He shook his head and mumbled, “If she don’t have a stinger, she’d be dead. She don’t look like a dead bumblebee.”

Muffy continued to roll around and let out a loud fart, the smell permeating the air.

A chorus of giggles and “Ewww…” erupted from the boys.

“But it smells like she’s
dyin
’!” Andy, Jr. waved in front of his face and burst out laughing again.

I gave the boys a frown before scooping Muffy into my arms. “Y’all are gonna hurt Muffy’s feelings.” I looked down at Andy, Jr. “What are
you
supposed to be?”

“I’m a pirate.” The six-year-old tugged on the patch covering his eye. His three little brothers crowded around him, dressed as Spider-Man, a dinosaur, and a cowboy. Heidi Joy came out her front door with the baby, who was dressed as a puppy, on her hip. She was wearing a long-sleeved black T-shirt with a baby-sized skeleton overlaying an adult-sized skeleton.

Andy, Jr. held up his plastic sword and spoke in a growl, “Give me your buried treasure or I’ll make you walk the plank.”

I considered telling him he wasn’t getting anything after making fun of Muffy, but decided I could be more mature than a six-year-old. “I left you some treasure on my front porch, but it’s not buried. It’s hiding behind my pumpkins.”

The boys ran onto the porch while I shifted Muffy’s costume back into place and put her in the truck with my tote bag, hoping she wouldn’t hurt herself by trying to get the costume off in there. The boys’ squeals of delight made me smile.

“We each have our own bag!” four-year-old Keith shouted.

“You spoil them, Rose.” Heidi Joy shook her head with a smile as she transferred the baby to her other hip.

“They’re not bags full of candy, I promise. I put coloring books and a puzzle in each of them. I figured they’ll get enough sugar tonight.”

“Like I said, you spoil them.”

“I’m headed to Violet’s. Can you keep an eye on my house? After all the craziness in the neighborhood over the last few months, I’m worried about what the older kids might do, especially Thomas and his friends.” Thomas was a high school senior who seemed determined not to graduate and had gotten mixed up with Daniel Crocker’s friends. He’d made no secret that he didn’t like me and had insinuated that Crocker’s men were upset with me for helping putting their boss behind bars.

I suddenly wondered if Bruce Wayne’s disappearance was somehow tied to Daniel Crocker. When the police threatened to arrest him for the murders committed by Jonah’s mother, he’d sought refuge at Weston’s Garage, the former headquarters of Daniel Crocker’s drug and stolen car parts ring. Bruce Wayne had worked for Crocker a year ago, before he was arrested for the hardware store manager’s murder, and Crocker’s men were loyal to their own. But if Bruce Wayne had sought help at Weston’s Garage, what had scared him in the first place?

Horror spread across Heidi Joy’s face, and I realized that all the drama in our neighborhood had nearly toppled her over the edge. “Oh, don’t worry.” I tried to look comforting. “I don’t
expect
anything to happen. It’s a just-in-case type thing.”

She nodded, worry furrowing her brow. “Sure. Of course.”

My head tingled with the tell-tale sign of an oncoming vision. I saw a moving van outside Heidi Joy’s house, her husband Andy and his friend carting furniture into it. Autumn leaves littered the yard.

“You’re moving.” I said.

Her eyes widened and her tongue seemed tied. Finally she said, “How did you know?”

I glanced at the baby skeleton on her belly. “Call it a hunch?”

“I love having you for a neighbor, Rose. You know that. But now that it’s getting colder, it’s harder than ever to entertain these boys in that tiny house. I told Andy when we moved in that it was too small. A two-bedroom house with five boys? And another on the way…” Her voice broke.

I didn’t want to confess that I’d had those same thoughts when she’d moved in months ago. Instead, I pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“Listen to me, belly-aching. We’re lucky to have somewhere to live after Andy lost his job and we lost our house. But he’s been working all this overtime to try and save enough money to move us into a bigger house before the baby’s born.” A lopsided grin lifted her mouth, her eyes shiny with tears. “Especially since it’s a girl.”

Heidi Joy was going to move. I wasn’t sure why that surprised me. It was probably the most logical decision they’d made in the few months I’d known them. I’d miss our chats, but I had to push my selfishness aside. “A girl! How wonderful! I know how badly you wanted a little girl.” I forced myself to sound happy. “Have you found a new place yet?”

“No. But we’re looking at a few options in a couple of days. The baby’s due in three weeks.”

“Well, that’s wonderful news. And if I can help at all, just let me know.”

“Thanks, Rose. I’ll miss you.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re leaving Henryetta, is it? We’ll still see each other.”

“Yeah.” But she sounded sad. We both knew it wouldn’t be the same.

The boys ran off the porch. “Mommy! Let’s go trick-or-treating!”

I grabbed her arm and squeezed. “It will all work out, Heidi Joy. I promise.”

She nodded then herded her boys into a group, forcing the bigger ones to hold hands with the little ones. I climbed in my truck and watched them walk down the street, a lump in my throat.

Change was the way of the world. Only it never seemed to work in my favor.

I shook my head, irritated with my wallowing. I had more blessings I could count. I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Ashley was waiting at her front door dressed as a pink princess.

“Muffy!” she shouted as we walked up, Muffy still trying to shake off her costume. “You’re so cute!”

At least somebody appreciated her costume.

Muffy jumped into her arms and licked her face, making the little girl giggle.

“Hello there, princess. Have you seen my favorite niece, Ashley?”

Giggles erupted. “It’s
me
, Aunt Rose!”

“Oh, my goodness! It
is
you!”

“And I’m your only niece.”

“When’d you get so smart?”

She put her hand on her hip and cocked her head. “I’m in kindergarten now.”

“Well, no wonder then.”

Violet was in the kitchen trying to get Mikey stuffed into a dragon costume. She twisted her head to look at me. “I thought you’d be here by now.”

“I was dressing Muffy.”

She just gave me a look.

I put a hand on my hip. “Well, she can’t go trick-or-treating without a costume.”

Her mouth pursed. “Hmm.”

“Daddy’s here!” Ashley shouted, running from the room.

Violet made an ugly face. “Yippee.”

A few moments later, Violet’s estranged husband walked into the room with Ashley on his hip, Muffy trotting behind them. He set his daughter down on the floor, laughing. “I stumbled upon this beautiful princess and her valiant mosquito.”

“Muffy’s not a mosquito, Daddy,” she giggled. “She’s a bee.”

He bowed low, sweeping his hand wide. “Excuse my mistake, my royal insect. No insult intended.”

Ashley covered her mouth, still giggling.

“I heard there was a fire-breathing dragon in the bowels of the kitchen, and as the princess’s knight in shining armor, it’s my duty to save her from the beast.”

“I don’t know about fire breathing,” Violet muttered. “But he’s passing enough gas that we could light his farts on fire. I have no idea what on earth your mother feeds him for lunch, but I wish she’d stop.”

“Violet!” I hissed.

Mike shot her a glare and snatched up Mikey. “I’m not afraid to wrestle a dragon,” he laughed as he carried the toddler into the living room, Ashley trailing behind. Muffy gave me a long look then ran after them.

Traitor.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Violet Mae Gardner Beauregard, but you stop it right now!” I whisper-shouted.

Her eyes flew open in shock.

“I don’t care how angry you are at Mike. You be nice to him in front of your children, and you sure as tarnation should not speak badly of his mother. That woman loves them more than life itself. Not to mention that she watches your children without pay.” Unleashed, my bitterness spread through my body, saturating every word. “You have no idea how lucky you have it.”

Violet’s mouth fell open. “What in the world has gotten
into
you?”

“I think you should count your blessings because a lot of people have sacrificed to let you keep them.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I couldn’t believe I’d let myself say so much. “Nothing.” I walked into the other room to get away from her.

Violet acted hurt until it was time to go trick-or-treating, and then she announced that she’d decided to stay home and hand out candy. Mike and I left with the kids, Muffy trotting next to me on her leash. Ashley and Mike had coerced her into wear her antennae while I was in the kitchen with Violet, but the look of indignation on her face told me that it hadn’t been consensual. We walked down the street, Ashley not as excited as she was before we left. It felt awkward and sad without Violet, as if one leg of a three-legged stool was missing. The three of us had always taken Ashley and Mikey out together.

Mike and I stood at the end of a driveway and watched the kids walk up to a neighbor’s front door. I held Muffy’s leash, trying to keep her from flopping onto her back again. One of her wings was already dented and had a small hole in it.

“I was sorry to hear about you and Joe breaking up,” Mike said, keeping his gaze on the kids. “I hope Violet didn’t have anything to do with it.”

I sighed and mumbled, “Not how you think.”

He spun to face me. “What?”

“No. She didn’t.”

He relaxed and stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “I miss seeing you, Rose. You’ve been like a little sister to me. I should have called to check on you, but I wasn’t sure…with Violet.” He cleared his throat. “How are you handling everything?”

“I’m better.” I wrapped my arms around my chest, my heart aching. I’d lost so much in my life recently and I just kept losing more. “I miss you too, Mike. I hope you’re doing well.”

“I’ve been better,” he sighed as the kids ran back to us. “I’ve been a helluva lot better.”

Ashley held up her pink pumpkin. “I got M&Ms, Daddy!”

“That’s awesome, my little princess!”

Melancholy hung over me the rest of the evening, seasoned with my dread of facing Joe the next day. Mike and I took the kids back to the house and went inside, stopping in the entryway. Violet was sitting on the sofa with a bottle of wine and two glasses, one partially full.

“I’m going to go ahead and head home, Vi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed, jumping off the sofa and walking over to me, disappointment in her eyes. “I thought maybe you could stay and have a glass of wine with me and we could talk. We haven’t really had a chance to for weeks.”

I glanced at Mike, who awkwardly stood to the side.

“I’m really tired and I want to get plenty of rest for tomorrow. What time do I need to be there?”