This Book is Gay (5 page)

• Gay men and straight women have equally proportioned brain hemispheres. Gay women and straight men have slightly larger right hemispheres.
  
• Gay men have slightly longer and thicker winkies.
  Excellent
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• The amygdala of gay men is more responsive to porn than those of straight men. So we have bigger dicks and we're hornier. Jus' sayin'.
  
• Finger length ratios may vary between lesbians and straight women. Get combing the streets with a finger ruler, ladies!
  

All of these theories seem to have us programmed to be GAY or STRAIGHT from before we were born. I find this very exclusive of bi, curious and queer people.

Clearly, biology is playing into our sexual preference – but not our lifestyle choices. No gene is going to help you come out, nor is it going to determine what kind of family situation you're born into. Therefore, environmental factors must play a huge role that shouldn't be overlooked.

I imagine a child born into a liberal, accepting family in the UK is far more likely to IDENTIFY as gay or lesbian than a child born into a strict Muslim family in Yemen. You get me?

Also, I doubt there's a gene for ‘bored and horny' or ‘feeling a bit experimental'. I worry that scientists don't take into account the fluidity or playfulness of sex and sexuality. My advice is to be interested and go ‘Mmmm' when reading the theories in this chapter but to simply accept that when it comes to sexuality, IT IS HOW IT IS. And that's fine. Enjoy!

For many decades, it was thought that being trans was a result of environmental or parental factors. However, the high-profile case of David Reimer (1965–2004) changed things somewhat. Born as a boy and called ‘Bruce', Reimer was accidentally castrated in a botched circumcision and was raised as a girl. However, David ALWAYS identified as male, suggesting gender cannot be learned – our identity is born with us.

Modern scientists have found possible genetic causes for transgenderism: both male-to-female (MTF) and female-to-male (FTM) transsexuals have variations in hormone binding genes, while FTM transsexuals may also be lacking some female-only gene distribution patterns.

Other scientists have found variations in brain structure in both MTF and FTM transsexuals – in both cases, the test subjects have the typical brain patterns of their preferred gender identity.

Finally, and this is AMAZING, FTM transsexuals often report ‘phantom limb syndrome' for a penis from childhood, and while cis men who have lost their members DO get phantom penis sensations, MTF patients do NOT. Mind-blowing stuff, right? GHOST WILLIES. (There's my next YA book sorted.)As with sexuality, I'm not big into biological determinism. We are all free to play with gender.

OK, that was a whole lot of science. I hope you feel cleverer; I certainly do. I have summarised about a hundred experiments and studies over the previous five pages. There are tons and tons of research papers and books you can track down if you want more information on this – it is fascinating.

I think the important thing to take away from this chapter is that we have precious little control over our sexual desires or gender even if we do have control over our identity. However you choose to identify, though, no one can ever say your feelings are a choice. I'll say it again: when it comes to who you fancy or who you are, IT IS HOW IT IS and you never, ever have to apologise for this. You were born this way.

Aren't gay men BRILLIANT? They are such loyal friends and they're always good for a laugh. They're the BEST shopping partners too and are always up for dancing to Beyoncé! GBFs 4EVA!

Yes, dear, and all Irish people are leprechauns and Paris is full of onion-wearing mime artists.

Representation of LGBT* people in the media is getting BETTER, but it is still vastly limited. Unless you are one of the lucky people who grew up around gay people, you might think that all gay men are fabulously camp chat show presenters and all gay women are sports commentators. Hopefully, you recognise that this isn't the case. You can probably count the number of transgender people on TV on one hand.

LEGENDARY gay rights campaigner Harvey Milk encouraged all gay people to be more visible so that young people would be surrounded by a spectrum of infinitely varied gay people – that way people would see that stereotypes are meaningless.

Let's take a look at some common stereotypes about gay people.

I think you get the message – there are far, far too many stereotypes about LGBT* people.

‘I think all stereotypes are sh*t. Whether it's a racial stereotype or a sexual stereotype or a cultural stereotype, you're always going to find SOMEONE who fits the bill. But stereotypes suggest that a group, or at least a majority of that group, behaves in a certain way, and that kills the idea of individuality.'

BFL, 43, Minnesota, USA.

Stereotypes are rubbish for one very simple reason – they dehumanise people and allow terrible prejudices and discrimination to come creeping in. Bigots THRIVE on stereotypes. It's much easier to hate a faceless stereotype than it is a human being.

As well as being awesome, LGBT* people are also a persecuted minority. This is not awesome. I'm afraid it's not all cocktail parties and gay cruises – for many people all around the world, being gay is ILLEGAL. I know, it's cray.

Let's think about some other persecuted minorities. I'm going to use an example we see in newspapers and on the telly a lot – Muslims. Instead of talking about ‘terrorists', very often newsreaders talk about ‘Muslim terrorists' or ‘Muslim extremists'. Does it matter that the terrorists identify as Muslim? NO, IT DOES NOT. People who aren't very clever start to associate the two phrases until bigots start saying things like, ‘All Muslims are terrorists.' This, my friend, is dangerous thinking.

Similarly, stereotypes about LGBT* people fuel homophobia, which we will talk about a lot more in the next chapter.

Each LGBT* person is completely unique and individual. Although a lot of gay people might like some of the same things (there is a rich and varied gay or queer ‘culture'), no two LGBT* people are the same.

Even if you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer, you're still just you. There are infinite ways of being gay, and they're all brilliant. So saying things like, ‘All gay men dress well,' is unhelpful and dehumanising to the gay men who don't give a flying fig about fashion.

Remember, being gay is just one element of your identity, so how could we possibly all be the same?

• I find the ‘gay best friend' stereotype very grating.
  (R, 17, London)
  
• Lesbians as man-haters; bisexuals as promiscuous and/or secretly preferring men, or not existing; asexuals being non-existent; and all asexual people being prudes.
  (Nina, 16, UK)
  
• All gay men are promiscuous, bisexuals of all genders are promiscuous, black lesbians are always butch and aggressive, and feminine lesbians are bisexual really, trans people all have issues.
  (Mica, 23, London)
  
• The limp-wristed, fey, praying mantis stereotype. Don't get me wrong, I can bust out a cutting witticism like any self-respecting queen, but I'm still a bloke.
  (Luke, 27, London)
  
• Bisexuals are sluts, greedy, secretly gay, secretly straight, easy, faking it, cheaters, or getting the best of both worlds.
  (Anon, 15)
  
• Lesbians as butch or masculine. Like all people, we come in all shapes, sizes, ways of dress, etc. I hate being told that I can't be gay because I don't ‘look like a lesbian'. Another one that gets me is that lesbians are good at fixing things, 'cause I sure as hell ain't!
  (Michelle, 23, USA)
  
• The one that really bothers me is the assumption that all MTF trans people are perverts, transitioning to gain some kind of sexual thrill from their position.
  (Laura, 21, UK)
  

Every once in a blue moon, stereotypes may have the tiniest grain of truth (lots of gay men DO like Beyoncé, but who doesn't – she's the dancing Aslan of pop), but that doesn't mean it should be applied to a whole group! Except for the one about Parisian mimes. That's all true. KIDDING!

One of the best things about choosing to IDENTIFY as gay or bi is that you are already making your own rules. I'm not for a second suggesting there is one set of rules for straight people and one for non-straight, but identifying as LGB or T or * means you have opted out of the majority group (you're never too young to learn that the whole world is largely run and designed for straight, white, cis men, or ‘the patriarchy'). This pretty much means you are free to adopt whichever elements of gay or queer culture you see fit.