This Book is Gay (8 page)

The language we use is incredibly powerful and oh-so-easy to internalise. I'd like you to do a little activity. You will need a pen or a pencil. On these pages are two (genderless) people. Keeping inside the lines (we're not animals), write all the words (both kind and unkind) you know that describe straight people in Person A and LGBT* people in Person B.

All done? I'm willing to bet that there's a lot more writing on Person B. Perhaps you've written ‘straight', ‘cis' or ‘normal' on the Person A.

With the possible exception of ‘breeder', there aren't an awful lot of derogatory terms about straight people, because our society is run predominantly by them.

However, Person B, I'd imagine, is covered from head to toe in abusive, offensive, ill-informed and damaging slurs. Am I right? Pretty much any words other than ‘gay', ‘lesbian', ‘bi', ‘transgender', ‘queer' or ‘curious' are inappropriate. This is why I personally won't list them in this book – I don't want to add to that toxicity. The words change, but there will always be brutal words to cut minority groups down to size. We call this an ‘obliteration exercise'. Poor Person B is quite literally obliterated by insults.

There is no person left at all.

This is what homophobia does to young people. However thick our skin is, I imagine even the toughest young LGBT* person has thought, ‘Oh, God, this isn't going to be easy.' And it isn't. Ever. Although we may be pleased we've figured ourselves out AND we may have the most supportive parents or carers in the universe, we all KNOW we're coming out into a world that is littered with hatefulness.

BUT it's this adversity that makes LGBT* people strong. It's why we call ourselves proud. If you can recognise how much hate there is in the world and still come out as LGBT*, you, my friend, are a fighter.

LGBT* people are STRONG. Because we have to be.

This is a far more insidious type of homophobia. In fact, some people would say this isn't homophobia at all, but I think it's just as damaging.

I'd like you to pick up any magazine that isn't
Attitude
,
Diva
or
GT
. Have you done that? Good. Have a flick through and stick a Post-it note on any advertisements unambiguously featuring gay couples (i.e. not just two women laughing at salads).

Hint: You won't need ANY Post-it notes because there aren't going to be
ANY
.

We could have carried out similar tests at the cinema, on TV, in literature or at the theatre. With the possible exception of androgynous models like Andrej Pejic, Athena Wilson and Casey Legler, you're not going to see proper representation of trans people either.

Despite an AWFUL LOT of people in the world being LGBT*, we are practically invisible in the media, something I find BAFFLING given that white gay men are hugely OVER represented in media production.

Heteronormative values are forced down our throats from birth. Cinderella gets together with a dude she met once and lied to; the Little Mermaid rejects her entire culture for a bloke; that Princess trick even goes for a spot of bestiality and makes out with a FROG – but there are NO LGBT* role models for kids.

It doesn't get much better in TV, books and films. With a few notable exceptions (
And Tango Makes Three
,
The Family Book
), preschool and tween content is almost exclusively straight. What's more surprising is that content aimed at teens isn't entirely balanced. Some teen soap operas bravely include LGBT* characters (let's name UK soap
Hollyoaks
as an outstanding provider of LGBT* characters), and some authors (ahem) do feature LGBT* characters in their novels. However, the number of gay characters probably doesn't match the proportion of LGBT* teens in the real world, and too often LGBT* characters are suicidal runaways – hardly representative.

Outside of the media, let's talk about schools. In history, did you learn about Alan Turing? Harvey Milk? What about Billie Jean King?

What does this all mean? Why is this homophobia? Because every time you access a media outlet (including the Internet – I get straight singles ads on Facebook) or walk into school, you are being told

So just because something isn't being openly hostile towards LGBT* people doesn't mean it's not quietly whispering that you're weird. Well, of course, you're FINE. It's the system that's total slug poop.

BEARD
(noun)

A pretty woman attached to the arm of a closeted gay man to convince the rest of the world he is a straight, manly man, hence ‘beard'.

Often to be found attached to the arms of closeted gay Hollywood actors such as NAMES REDACTED.

LAVENDER MARRIAGE
(noun)

A fake marriage designed to make husband, wife or both appear heterosexual in the public eye. Popular in Hollywood with the likes of NAMES REDACTED, in seemingly happy marriages.

Both of these institutions deprive young LGBT* people of high-profile role models within Hollywood.

Some would argue that both homophobia and transphobia have roots in suspicion and paranoia. The less we understand a group in society – the less we bother to learn – the more misconceptions and worries we have. For a long time, LGBT* people were relatively secretive, thus adding to the suspicion.

There was another major turning point, historically, that contributed to fear and paranoia, particularly about gay men, and that was the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s.

Let's have a history lesson:

The precise origin of HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) and AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) isn't known, although we can probably assume that the HIV infection, which attacks the immune system, jumped from apes to humans in Africa in the early twentieth century. Somehow, an unknown carrier of the virus travelled to the United States in the late 1970s, and the epidemic – and later pandemic – took hold.

For a time, HIV/AIDS was called GRID (gay-related immune deficiency), and by the time the medical world cottoned on to the fact that the illness could affect anyone – gay or not – the damage was already done. HIV/AIDS had become a ‘gay disease'.

The reputation rose out of large gay communities in New York and California, where gay and bi men, who previously had no pressing need to use condoms, spread the infection at an alarming rate. Thousands of men died before clinicians could properly understand the disease.

Carriers of HIV were infected for years before becoming ill, and they infected others before they even realised they were carrying the virus. As they travelled the world, AIDS became a truly global problem, affecting EVERYONE, but the reputation of its being a ‘gay thing' stuck.

Ask ANY gay person who grew up in the 1980s, and they will tell you about a terrifying TV advert that featured people being squashed by a giant AIDS gravestone. It caused national panic. The problem was that people didn't properly understand the disease. Some people thought that you could be infected by sharing mugs or toilet seats with carriers of the virus. You can't, obviously – the virus is transmitted mostly through blood and semen – but ignoramuses became very wary of gay people. This wasn't just about, ‘they might try to trick me into bum sex,' any more, it was more, ‘this person could kill me'.

It has taken thirty years to better educate people about HIV/ AIDS, and there are now effective treatments but the stigma remains. Many out and proud gay men (and in this case, it IS mostly gay or bi men, not lesbians) will happily come out as gay but not as HIV positive for fear of judgement.

So for many awful, small-minded people, fear of gay people and fear of HIV/AIDS are permanently linked. Even if you're a child of the nineties, your parents will vividly remember the AIDS crisis. It's knowing their parents may still worry about HIV/ AIDS that keeps a lot of young gay men, in particular, trapped at the back of the closet with a mouldy cagoule and some mothballs.

Bullying is systematic abuse – verbal, physical or mental. Homophobia (as discussed) is the irrational fear of LGB* people. Put them together, and you have people being bullied for their sexuality. Transphobic bullying is aimed at people perceived to be transgender.

If we're being picky, someone screaming, ‘Oi, woofter!' at you in a street isn't homophobic bullying, it's homophobic abuse. There's a key difference – bullying suggests a repeated campaign against an individual or group.

Let's start with
physical abuse or bullying
. Well, assault is always a crime, so the law is on your side. What's more, the Criminal Justice Act (2003) means that homophobic/transphobic crimes are dealt with more seriously and perpetrators given longer jail sentences. Some police forces also have an LGBT* liaison officer to help victims of crime. If you have been assaulted, you should call 999 or visit your local police station. If an assault happens in a school, it is still assault and you should call the police or get someone at your school to do so.

Third-party reporting – where you can get someone you know to report a crime – means you don't even have to identify yourself if you would rather keep your sexuality a secret.

‘When I was in Year 9, I came out and told my friends and they were OK with it, and then I told my dad. I asked if there was any support at school because I was being bullied. People used to pick on me, and one time a load of guys in a corridor stood up against the wall and said, “Cover your arses.” I told the teachers I was getting bullied and I went to the student counsellor. After I spoke to her, she did a presentation about homophobic bullying. She got me to speak to everyone about it, which was really difficult. After the assembly … most of the bullies stopped; only a few carried on. People still come up to me and say how I was so brave.'

N, 17, Burgess Hill.

Homophobic and transphobic bullying is still a huge problem in schools. Why? If you asked most young people, ‘Do you hate gay people?' they'd probably say no. I think it's because ALL bullying is a problem in schools, and in such close quarters people will lash out in any way they can – so whether it's your hair, your weight, your glasses, your braces, your clothes OR your perceived sexuality, people will always find something to take the piss out of.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OK.

You can, of course, do your bit by not taking the piss out of other people. I don't think anyone is blameless when it comes to high school bullying. I think, on any given day, an individual can be both a bully and a victim.

Note how I said PERCEIVED sexuality. Remember, it's not just LGB* people who experience homophobic bullying – plenty of straight people have homophobic slurs made against them too.

The impact of homophobic bullying is huge. Gay rights charity Stonewall conducted research and found that fifty per cent of young LGB* students had truanted, while seventy per cent said it had affected their attainment at school. Well, that's just not good enough.