This Is Your Life (3 page)

‘So, where were you going before your car packed up?’ she asked, her head tilted quizzically on one side so that the long curls fell over one shoulder.

‘Cornwall,’ said Lizzie firmly.  ‘Just for a break.’  Hesitant about confiding in such an opinionated stranger. 

‘Jolly nice,’ said Antonia cheerfully.  ‘Bit of
a come down then, finding yourself here, of all places.  Oh well, could be worse.’

Could it?  It was hard to imagine
how.  If you were going to spend a night in the country, you wouldn’t exactly choose the Star.  Not unless you were desperate.  Like she was.

‘Cripes,
is that the time?  I must shoot – riding lesson!  Cindy’ll be champing at the bit! Lord… can’t remember which horse she’s on.  Nice to have met you, Lizzie!  Good luck with your car.’

The barman sniggered in the background
as Antonia left and feeling like a fish out of water, Lizzie sipped the rest of her drink as she listened to the conversation going on around her. Words like overdrives, wethers and bleedin’ bastards floated around.  It was obviously the nerve centre of the village in here.  Then she crept out and headed for the privacy of her room. 

Expecting the worst, she
was pleasantly surprised when she opened the door.  It wasn’t
so
awful - not exactly luxurious, but not terrible either.  Aside from the wilted rose on the dressing table, there was a kind of mismatched effect going on, with pea green curtains that didn’t quite close and clashed with the bed covers, and peach and yellow towels folded neatly on the bed.  But at least the sheets looked clean when she folded them back.  Jamie would have been horrified… 
Jamie
…it hit her like a thunderbolt.  And by now he’d have read her letter.

The l
ead weights were back, crushing her, her resolve nowhere in sight.  Whatever had she been thinking, running off like that, only to end up in this God-forbidden backwater.  It was madness.  So much for finding herself. She’d lost it – utterly. 

Why hadn’t s
he stayed put, in the familiar surroundings of London and squashed into Katie’s tiny flat, where she’d have faced up to all those wedding guests to cancel with someone to hold her hand.  Who knew what they were thinking. 

It would have been better too, if she’d
stayed and told Jamie in person. But told him what exactly?  That she’d stumbled across a letter that her dead mother wrote and that made her see the light?

But i
t never would have worked, she knew that.  He wouldn’t have listened to a word.
You’re not making any sense at all, Eliza, it’s wedding nerves, blah blah blah…
She could hear him saying it. He’d have bulldozed over her and completely dismissed what she told him. 

I
t wouldn’t have made any difference, she thought sadly.  There was no right way, no easy way.  Not with someone like him.  And somehow, in this small room in a terrible pub in a village many miles away, Lizzie could finally answer her question: Jamie wasn’t the man for her.

Horses
in the night
… thought Lizzie sleepily, nestling deeper under the covers until all that was visible was the top of her head. 
Horses in the night in the middle of London…

But she was soon rudely awoken
as a car went speeding past, followed by hooting and angry shouting, and prising her eyes open, saw that it wasn’t the middle of the night and nor was it London either. 

As she l
ay drowsily in bed, the events of yesterday flooded back and she was wide awake in an instant.  Looking nervously around, persuading herself that actually, no she hadn’t lost her mind, far from it.  She’d been saving herself from a fate worse than death. 
Death by beige
… Getting out of bed, she pulled some clothes on.  She needed to talk to Katie - only that in itself was a problem, with her mobile flattened on the motorway.  

Lacking the convenience of a phone in her room,
when Lizzie asked the barman where she could find one, he pointed to the one on the bar.  There, right in front of her and right in front of everyone else too, though it had to be said, there was only one deaf old man and his smelly dog in there, but Lizzie didn’t like the leer on the barman’s face.  In fact she didn’t like anything about him, not least that her predicament seemed to be his entertainment.  Well, he wasn’t getting the sordid details of her personal life. Reluctantly he pointed her in the direction of one outside in the car park, where at least she could close the door.

Feeding in her coins at an alarming rate, Lizzie
acquired Katie’s number and dialled, slightly apprehensively.

‘Good morning, could I speak to Katie McDonald?’

‘Katie McDonald,’ came a crisp voice that didn’t sound like Katie at all.

‘Katie… it’s me,’ she said hesitantly.

‘LIZZIE! 
Oh my God, oh my God!  I’ve been calling you all night! Are you alright?  Where are you?’

‘I’m fine Katie, only…’

‘Oh thank God you called!  I’m so glad you’re safe!  You’ll never believe what Jamie’s up to…’ 

‘I
can’t believe I’ve done this… I’m really, really sorry Katie,’ Lizzie said sounding rather pathetic.  ‘I didn’t mean to cause all this trouble.  It was just so, well, it all happened so quickly.  I will tell you about it.  But the odd thing is, I know I’ve done the right thing.  At least, I think I have…’

‘Are you sure you’re ok?  I’ve been
trying your mobile and worrying myself sick.  I had visions of you ending up in a twisted heap of metal somewhere… Where
are
you?’

‘I’m fine,’ Lizzie
told her, swallowing a lump in her throat.  ‘I am, really. I er, lost my phone on the motorway… Jamie was calling me…You’ve heard from him then…’

‘He was
beside himself,’ said Katie.  ‘He ranted and raved at me until I reminded him it wasn’t my fault. He said
I wouldn’t be so sure about that…
Can you believe it? He’s more upset at cancelling the wedding than anything else, what would everyone think, blah blah you know how he is…’  She stopped herself.  ‘Sorry Lizzie, but you can just imagine…’ 

‘
He’ll be furious,’ Lizzie said.  ‘But I will offer to share the costs, surely he knows that…’  She could just see him, stalking around the house, the frown worse than ever, letting rip at everyone he spoke to.  It clinched it.  There was no going back now.  Her name was blackened for ever.

‘Oh
, I most certainly wouldn’t do
that
,’ said Katie unfeelingly.  ‘He told me his insurance will see it’s all paid off…’

‘What insurance?’ 
He’d insured their wedding?
  ‘He never mentioned it to me…’

‘Hardly surprising, is it?  You know what he’s like…’
said Katie bluntly.

Lizzie was silent.
  What sort of man did that, sneakily, behind their partner’s back.  What else didn’t she know about?  Anger crept up on her – helpfully – offsetting some of the guilt.

‘
So, what are your plans?’ asked Katie cautiously.

‘I’m not exactly sure.
  I’m in a little village several miles off the M4.  It’s called Littleton.  My car’s off the road for who knows how long, Dave’s garage hasn’t started on it and I’m stuck in this rip-off pub because there isn’t anywhere else.  Oh Katie – it’s the middle of nowhere and I’m stranded!’ 

‘Well
, you need another mobile,’ said Katie practically.  ‘And I don’t suppose they sell them in the village stores round there.  Or Dave’s garage for that matter… At least I know where you are now and if your car doesn’t get fixed, I’ll get one sent to you.  In fact, why don’t I do that right now?’

‘Oh. No.’
It came out all high-pitched.  She wasn’t staying another whole day.  ‘Katie, my car will be fixed.  I won’t be here.’

‘Lizzie. 
I think you better go and actually ask that garage man what’s happening.  And phone me straight back.’

‘Ok,’ said
Lizzie, able to put the moment off no longer.  ‘But Katie, please,
please
don’t tell Jamie where I am.’

‘As if,’ said
her friend disbelievingly.  ‘Just so you know, Lizzie, even if this is all a bit spur of the moment, I think you’ve made the best decision…’

The sun was shining as Lizzie made her way back up the lane to the garage, the air full of the heady scent of apple blossom tinged with damp earth from last night’s rain.  This time it was an enormous shiny Discovery that nearly flattened her into the hedge, and she was starting to see what everyone was so heated about.  She spotted the girl she’d met in the pub last night – Antonia - who waved at her before climbing onto a huge orange horse.

Lizzie’s
car was exactly where she’d left it, doors closed, bonnet down, looking to all intents and purposes like it was finished and ready to go.  Her hopes up, she went to look for Dave who was watering his window boxes, which raised her hopes further.  After all, he’d hardly be doing something that trivial if he had a car to work on - would he? 

‘Mornin’ Miss! 
Lovely one inn’t it!’ 

‘
Hello Dave.  Is it done?’

‘Oh
, dear me no.  What gives you that idea Miss?’ Dave folded his arms and chuckled.  ‘No.  See.  I need Mick here to do that.  Thought e’d be in today, see.’

Lizzie
felt a wave of impatience.  Couldn’t he have mentioned this yesterday?  Hadn’t he understood that she needed to be on her way? 

‘Look Dave
, this is really urgent. When exactly will Mick be here? Because if it’s not soon, I’ll have to make other arrangements.  I need my car fixed because I need to be on my way somewhere…do you see?’

But Dave just shook his head and gazed at
her benignly.  ‘Trouble is Miss, that car ain’t goin’ nowhere.  Tried to move it meself just this mornin’.  Totally seized up like.  Won’t go at all.’

Lizzie
took a step back, swallowing her disappointment. It was
too
unfair.  This wasn’t supposed to happen, least of all now, when she should be back on the M4 heading ever closer to the wilds of Cornwall. She swallowed hard.

‘Dave,
do you know when Mick
is
coming in?’

Dave considered for a moment.  ‘Well, see,
mebbe tomorrow like, or mebbe today, later on.  Mebbe next week… not altogether that sure.’  He scratched his head with oily fingers.

Next week?
Lizzie stared at the oil-streaked hair.

‘
Please
can you tell me as soon as Mick gets here?  Only I’m supposed to be somewhere else…’

‘Oh aye, Miss. Now don’t you
go worryin’.  You just leave things to me.  Real good bloke is Mick.’

She
walked slightly dazedly back towards the pub, and this time, when a car came by at seventy and missed her by about an inch, Lizzie shouted aggressively and waved her fist like a local.  And that’s when she should have got worried.

Having returned to the Star, Lizzie called Katie and broke the news.  After retreating to the privacy of her room and bursting into tears, she took up the five day deal on her room, the barman’s snigger barely worth the pittance she saved, then for the first time Lizzie could remember, she had absolutely nothing to do.

I should have been at least as far as Devon
, she thought sorrowfully,
with a cliff path to wander and waves to gaze in awe at
… But Dave had been right about one thing.  It was a beautiful morning and she pulled herself together.  There was no point sitting in the Star all day being annoyed by the barman.  No point feeling sorry for herself, either.  It was her fault she was here – well, sort of.  And in the absence of a better idea, she’d go for a walk.  She’d get some fresh air in her lungs and the sun on her face and make the most of it.

Pulling on a pair of old trainers, she ignored the questioning look on the barman’s face as she slipped out.  The birds were singing and a whisper of a breeze ruffled her hair as she walked f
urther down the lane and found a footpath which took her through the leafy shade of a beech wood.  Only dimly registering the cool earthiness filling the air and ground that was soft with leaf mould, she walked on until the trees ended in a vast expanse of grass the lush green of spring.  Ahead of her the fields sloped gently up and after the shade of the trees, the sun felt hot on her skin as she climbed.  Her heart pumping faster from the exercise, she carried on until at the top, exhilarated and in the full glare of the sun, she sank onto the grass out of breath.

A
swathe of fields spiralled away in a vast circle beneath her and the views for miles were spectacular. Not a single soul was to be seen, and there was an incredible kind of peacefulness that somehow seemed to seep into her soul. 

Lizzi
e flopped back on the grass, thoughts whirling giddily in her head.  Staring up at the cloudless sky, the sun’s rays like hot pinpricks, she could feel her body relaxing.  But her mind was another matter, tossing and turning this way and that.  One minute everything seemed so
obvious
and the next about as clear as mud.   

H
er mother’s letter had really knocked Lizzie for six.  As she lay there, her mind ventured into the forbidden zone, back to the day they’d found out about the tumour.  To that most gut-twisting, heart-wrenching of moments. Would it be easier not to have known?  If one day, further down the line her mother had simply just not woken up? 

Feeling
the knot growing tighter inside her, Lizzie wiped away tears.  More tears – where were they all coming from?  Hadn’t she done her crying a year ago?  She might have, had it not been for Jamie who couldn’t abide public displays of emotion. His words of comfort had been
chin up Eliza, don’t let the side down. 
She’d done her best to just carry on as usual, believing it was the best thing - but now, it was catching up with her. And there, on top of the hill with the brightness of the sun and the softness of the grass, albeit a little late, it finally got her.

As m
emories of her mother’s last weeks came back, her body shook with sobs.  Thoughts of the horrible funeral filled her head - more sobs. It had poured with rain on the day.  After the briefest of services with Jamie stiffly by her side, Lizzie had wished the flowers hid more of the coffin. Rigidly controlled at the time, now she wailed loudly. 

Drained at last, Lizzie lay there.
  In the end it was details, all of it, she thought, wiping away the tears.  And none of it was how she remembered her mother.  What would she make of this?  But then she thought about the letter.  About freedom and choices and not doing something she’d regret. How life was an adventure… Jamie’s idea of freedom was choosing his sales team or Lizzie’s suits.   As for adventure – well, he wouldn’t know one if it hit him between the eyes. 

With the sun dipping down towards the horizon,
Lizzie’s step was a little lighter as she made her way back to the village.  Her head was clearer too and she’d composed herself again by the time she turned into the lane towards the Star.

‘
COO-ee!’  It was Antonia marching to catch her up, two small terriers trotting along at her heels 

‘Hello!’  Lizzie stopped
to wait for her.

‘Still here? 
Silly to ask.  Nothing happens fast around here!  No doubt old Dave’s being as slack as ever!  I hate to tell you but that place is useless.’

‘
I’m beginning to realise!  How come he stays in business?’ Lizzie asked.

‘
Oh, the old rogue’s got it made.  He’s rented that place since the year dot for a peppercorn rent and every so often all of us misguided villagers buy a tank of petrol even though he’s 10p a litre more than Tesco’s.  All in the name of supporting local business.  I ask you… Bloody man just exploits us if you ask me.’ Antonia looked disgusted.