Three Rivers (25 page)

They were cleaning up the dishes after putting Johnny to bed and Althea couldn't resist asking, "Griffen, did your call before dinner go okay? It seems like you've gotten a lot of calls that made you upset. Is there something wrong with your publisher?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about."

"Griffen, are you hiding something from me? You know how much I hate secrets."

"Of course not. I told you. It's just annoying book stuff. The early stages can be intense." Despite his reassuring words, his muscles stiffened against her. This deflection was all too familiar to her and Althea felt overwhelming anxiety begin to course throughout her body.

She'd allowed herself to be so comfortable and at ease when she was with Griffen after barely a week together, but she needed to remind herself every day that this was temporary and that's the way she wanted it. The whole point was to enjoy herself while keeping her heart distant. Fixating on his every move wasn't going to accomplish that.

There was no denying how happy he'd made her but her instincts told her to keep everything in perspective, especially when so much of his life was closed off from her. For all she knew, he had multiple no-strings-attached arrangements waiting for him back in New York. She bit her lip in a surprisingly melancholy reflection at the thought.

Griffen put down his drying towel and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Forget about my book. It's a long weekend. What should we do? Want to take Johnny to
Sandcastle Water Park
or something outside the city — a hayride, maybe? Or we could just relax."

Althea tried to get back to enjoying the moment. "Hmm, good ideas, but Carol hosts a Labor Day picnic on the Sunday before every year. It's pretty epic, you should come and bring your mom."

"Will you be there, gorgeous?"

"Of course."

"Then I will definitely go," he said with a kiss on her nose. "When should I pick you up?"

"Um, maybe you should come with your mom. Wouldn't that make her more comfortable?"

He gritted his teeth and let go of her waist. "Don't you mean make
you
more comfortable?"

"Griffen, please. You know I can't show up to
Carol's
party with you."

"No, you're right. This is the deal I agreed to." But his jaw twitched as he looked away.

She leaned over and kissed his neck. "That's right. You're leaving in a week, let's not spoil our fun, okay? Why don't we go to bed? That's the part of the deal we both like," she said with a smile and reached down to stroke him through his jeans.

"I know what you're doing, gorgeous," he warned, but smiled and kissed her deeply. "Lucky for you it's working."

They'd made love again and the moonlight was shining beautifully against Althea's skin until Griffen couldn't resist kissing every spot the moon had caressed before him.

"Mmm, that's nice. This week's been so much fun. You're making me wonder why I didn't do this sooner."

He nibbled a shoulder. "You were waiting for me, right? Come on, stroke my ego."

"Your ego is perfectly fine and I've stroked you quite a bit tonight as I recall."

"Indeed." He suckled a breast and looked up at her. "Althea?"

"Mmm hmm," she said sleepily.

"I've been wondering, why has it been so hard for you to move on?" He lay on his side and pulled her to him. Playing with her hair as she clearly thought of the words she wanted to use.

"I loved Jack very much and when he died I found out right away that I was pregnant and I was so young and scared. I think that delayed any meaningful grief."

"But what about later?" he asked. "Are you afraid of losing someone else?"

"Of course I fear loving and losing again. All widows feel that. I also feel so guilty about how he died, like I should have prevented it."

"How? It was a car accident you weren't even in the car."

"Yes, but you know how controlled Jack was, how steady he always was." She hesitated. "For a couple weeks before the crash he was incredibly agitated, acting distant, not like himself. I asked him what was going on, what was wrong, but he said he had it under control, that he had wrapped up the issue. He died that night."

"That can't be your fault Althea."

"Of course it was. I let him keep putting me off and just accepted his excuses. Maybe I was happier taking no for an answer. It was easier that way. I was so young, too focused on myself and my career that I let myself believe it when he said he was okay."

Griffen swallowed. He needed her to keep talking. He did care about helping her break free of these feelings but he also needed information. His entire investigation was pointing to Jack's guilt and it was time he asked her the tough questions.

"Was it something at work? What was he working on? Anything intense?"

"His robotics work you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he was staying at his office really late. I thought it may be what he was working on, but he was doing pretty light stuff. I mean it was challenging, but it was technology for making 3D maps more accurate. It wasn't exactly high pressure."

"I thought
CMU
robotics got a big defense contract around that time?" The military contracts with
CMU
on Jack's hard drive were some serious shit — way more sensitive than 3D maps.

"Oh no, he and David weren't working on that. He was David's research assistant and pretty much worked on whatever was on his plate."

"David didn't get military assignments?"

"No. David's really talented, but he and Jack weren't on those. Jack probably could've moved on to more high profile stuff but he felt he owed David. He'd done so much for him after Jack's dad died."

"So if it wasn't what he was working on, what was it?"

She started to cry softly and he pulled her in close to his chest, stroking her hair. "I don't know. I chose not to push, thinking everything would pass. It just got worse."

"How so?"

"The night he died, the police said he was driving home late at night. He lost control and drove over the edge into the Allegheny River," she whispered.

"How could he drive into the river?"

"We lived right along the Allegheny River in this condo overlooking the bank. You could take a service road shortcut. It was late and the weather was awful. Someone saw the car lose control on the ice and drive into the river and called the police."

"Do you know who made the call?"

"No. It was anonymous. The police said it was from a pay phone nearby. That was back when pay phones still existed. They said it was common — people are partying by the river and want to help but don't want to get involved with the cops. The conditions were really bad that night, but more importantly..." She breathed in deeply. "The toxicology report found there was Vicodin in his system. A lot of it. I never knew him ever to mess with that stuff."

"That wasn't in the reports I read," Griffen grunted as his arms tightened around her.
Drugs will also make you desperate enough to do just about anything, even steal.
He breathed through his guilt and suspicions, bringing his heart rate down.

"No, it wasn't. Carol had a friend on the force. He helped to keep it quiet. I didn't find out until later, from Carol. He died and I didn't prevent it. It was my selfishness that killed him."

He moved her face to his and kissed her. "Stop that, now. It wasn't your fault."

"But I was his wife, his best friend. I was supposed to be his rock, was supposed to support him. That's what Carol thinks, too."

"
What?
"

"She blamed me for not recognizing he was on drugs or stopping it. She was right."

"No, she wasn't. It wasn't your fault!" Griffen swallowed hard and took her hand and made a gentle circle with his thumb in her palm. Griffen hated to push her, but he needed to know more. "Were you guys having any money problems?"

"Um, well, we had been. My scholarship got cut with budget shortfalls and I was having trouble getting a good loan in time — especially with our maxed out credit cards. But Jack said he had it under control. And he did. A week before he died he told me he got a big bonus, so it wasn't money he was worried about."

"Do you know how he got the money?"

"Griffen, this is getting a little personal. Why do you need to know that?"

"Uh, sorry, I just want to understand what you were going through." He tried to dial down the inquisition before she got too suspicious.

"Oh, well, okay. Point was he was dealing with
something
. I wish he would have trusted me with it. He was so protective of me, always making sure I ate, put on sunscreen, had a safe car, didn't drive fast. He was terrified of worrying me and I was so honest with him, but he wasn't honest with me when it counted the most."

"Are you angry at him?"

Althea blanched, "I can't be angry with him, he's gone."

"Just because he's gone, doesn't mean you can't resent that he wasn't open with you." Griffen swallowed, recognizing how much he was keeping from her himself.

"I guess. I just can't let myself go there. I feel like being angry or disappointed with him would hurt what we had."

"So you just blame yourself? That doesn't seem fair. Don't you think you should let those feelings go? You know the guilt, the regret."

"Without the guilt and loss, I don't know what I have left."

Griffen's heart seized in his chest and he held her so tightly he worried he may crack one of her ribs.

He breathed slowly until he calmed down a bit and was able to loosen his hold. Deciding it was best to change the subject, he ordered, "You know, the best thing we can do for Jack is to be happy, to remember when he was happy. Only fun memories. Shake on it."

Althea playfully shook his hand and his heart squeezed at the sight of her brave smile.

"Deal," she giggled out.

"You go first. Good Jack memory. Now."

She laughed, "Uh, okay. Jack was obsessed with lemon juice. Not fresh squeezed or anything, but the big bottles of reconstituted grossness, like you get at
Costco
."

"Ugh, yes! He would mix it with Captain Morgan. He acted like it was some kind of great cocktail. Tasted worse coming back up. Trust me."

"Yes! He tried to make me drink one of those once. No way! And he would make 'lemon chicken' with it. So awful."

"Come on, gorgeous, you were lucky. By the time he was with you I'm sure he'd fine-tuned the recipe. I was his guinea pig with that shit. He didn't inherit whatever cooking gene Baxter got."

"No definitely not."

"Hey, what's Baxter up to? He was just a little kid the last time I saw him."

"Oh, he's quite the player. When he's not chasing girls, he's training to be a chef and he got a business degree in undergrad so he can run
Viola
. That can't come soon enough." And with that they snuggled and talked of happier things late into the night.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Griffen arrived at Schenley Park for Carol's picnic with his mother. As he opened the door for her, she craned her neck behind her. "She's really quite lovely."

"What?" Griffen hadn't even realized he was already staring at Althea over his mother's shoulder. Apparently he had no control over any part of himself when she was nearby.

"You're spending a lot of time with her, aren't you?"

"Mom, stop."

"Look, honey, no one knows better than me what Jack did for you." Her voice lowered, "What he meant to you. Is that what this is about?"

"No. Dammit. I don't know. Yeah, it's about Jack. Or it was," Griffen rubbed his neck, walking away from her.

"I see the way you look at her. You've never looked at anyone like that before. What's happening with you two?"

"Mom, I have no idea."

"You don't always have to know what's going to happen. Sometimes you can just fall."

"Like you did with Dad?" Griffen cringed when he saw her face twist.

"Oh, Griffen, you know I wish I'd stopped him sooner."

"So do I," he groaned. "But neither of us was strong enough, were we? Jack saved us. Now I'm hung up on his wife, so everything's pretty messed up, I guess," Griffen grunted, kicking a tire.