Through the Glass (11 page)

“My dear, Jim.” He sniggered at the fact that Charles remained
posh
even when inebriated. “Jimmy, Jimmy, Jim-Jim.” His snigger became a chuckle. “You are my
beshtest
friend…didjoooo know hathat?” Charles slurred.

“I did
not
know that until earlier tonight, my old pal…but I dae now!”

They swayed as they chatted in their nonsensical way, Jim’s Scottish accent thickening with the alcohol.

“Ohhh yes. Beshtest friend in the whooole world. In fact…I am
so
best friends with you, I’m gonna tell you a sheecret.” Charles looked around conspiratorially and leaned on Jim for support. “I don’t like ladies, Jim…nononono.” He wagged his finger vehemently. “I like men. I am what one would call a hhhomosexshalll.” The revelation surprised Jim a little, although he had always wondered. “But don’t worry…nononono, don’t you worry…
you’re
not my type.” He patted Jim’s shoulder.

Jim’s mouth fell open. He felt rather affronted. “Eh? Whaddya mean I’m not your type? What’s
wrong
wi me?” The brusque and rather offended Scotsman was speaking now. “I’m a good catch me you know,” he informed Charles.

“Oh, yesss, yesss, I bloody
know
that old boy…don’t be hoffended. I just like you asafriend…thass all. Hafriend. And besides…I would be wasting my time because I know that you’re…erm…heter…hetrara…hetooosesh…you like girls. Especially on account of the fact being that you are married, as well too.” He nodded, rambling on.

“Aye…that I do…that I am, my friend. Fair comment…fair comment. Well, one girl actually. But I think she’s going off me, Charles, and it makes me hurt in here.” Jim pointed to his chest. Hearing himself admit this openly made him suddenly feel quite sober and more than a little bit sad. The pair stood in silence after their session of openness and waited for a cab.

~~~~~

Jim arrived home at just after midnight and saw the answering machine light flashing. He pressed the play button.

“Hi Jim…it’s Flick. I’m sorry I didn’t ring earlier but I’ve been so busy. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve had a wonderful night out with Charles. I’m guessing you will be home around one in the morning so I will call you at one. Okay? Bye.”

No ‘I love you’. Great.
He went into the kitchen and drank a pint of water to try and fend off the hangover that would undoubtedly hit at some point in the not too distant future. He made a pot of fresh coffee and took it back into the lounge. He would stay up and wait for her call at one.

He woke with a start and looked at the clock. Two forty five. She hadn’t called. With a heavy heart and a pounding head he took himself off to bed.

Chapter 7

January 2012 - Two Years and Eleven Months After the Break-up

The sky looked heavy with snow and Jim had already lit the fire, even though it was only nine in the morning. It was Saturday which meant the coffee shack was scheduled to be open at ten. He sat by the fire with Jasper, eating his porridge and staring into the flames as they danced. Someone knocked at the door.

“Blimey, Jasper, the postie’s early today. Must be getting it done before the snow comes, eh, lad?” He placed his porridge bowl on the coffee table and went to answer the door. On opening it, he pretty much got the second biggest shock of his life (the first being his wife’s request for a divorce…oddly enough she was involved in
this
shock, too).

“What the hell are you doing here?” His greeting was far from cordial.

Felicity stood shivering on the doorstep. “C-can I c-come in please, Jim, it’s important,” she pleaded.

Reluctantly he stepped aside so the Ice Queen could enter his cosy little cottage. As she walked past him into the lounge, the cold, biting air from the outside followed her as if it emanated from her very being. He shuddered.

“I have no idea why the hell you would be here. You’re miles away from home,” he spoke to himself really. “Do you…do you want a coffee?” he asked, still befuddled as to why his ex-wife had driven for almost ten hours to turn up on his door step without prior notification.

“Y-yes, please. Brrrrrrr.”’ She shivered. “This is a sweet place, Jim.” She followed him into the kitchen.

“Thanks. It’s small but perfectly formed, as they say.” He smiled. He poured freshly brewed, steaming coffee into a mug for Felicity. “So, I’m
Jim
again, am I?” he asked, confused.

“It suits you better,” she stated with a sad smile.

It’s taken her long enough to figure that out
. He grumbled under his breath. They wandered back through to the lounge and sat before the fire, silently. Felicity was hunched as if the weight of the world was dragging her down. Finally, Jim could wait no longer.

“So…to what do I owe the unexpected…erm…visit?” He would have said
pleasure
but considering he had spent almost the last three years getting over her it was not a word he could associate with Felicity any longer. She had caused him so much heartache. He couldn’t go there again.

“I...I’m sorry to just turn up... I’m afraid I have some bad news, Jim, and I couldn’t tell you over the phone. I just couldn’t do that.” Her lip began to quiver and her eyes glistened with welling tears.

“Hey…hey, what is it? What’s wrong Fli…Felicity?” Jim put his cup down and slid to the seat beside her on the sofa.

“It’s Daddy, Jim… He passed away just before Christmas… He’d been ill but had kept it quiet.”

The news hit Jim like a blow to the gut. He inhaled sharply and ran his hands through his hair.

She twisted her fingers in her lap and glanced up briefly. “He had been receiving treatment for his illness but he didn’t want Mum fussing over him.” A sob broke free as the tears overflowed from her closed eyes and spilled down her face. “And he didn’t want to worry me.”

“Why…how…I don’t…” Jim stood and leaned on the fire place. His stomach clenched into a knot and nausea washed over him. Edgar had been like a father to him. He had written several letters over the past year and had received light-hearted replies regaling Jim with details of the latest book he was working on. The last letter had been full of facts about George Leigh Mallory, the subject of his latest biography. It was the beginning of December when he had received the last letter. There was no mention of illness.
None
.

Felicity stood. “I shouldn’t have come… I should’ve called you… I should’ve—”

Jim swung around and took her in his arms. “Hey, hey, shhh…c’mon, it’s fine that you’re here. I just wish I could’ve helped…or at least been there for you.” He stroked her hair as she sobbed, his own eyes stinging with unshed tears.

~~~~~

Felicity relaxed into Jim’s arms. It felt good to be there again. She had missed the feeling of being loved,
really
loved. Even though she knew that there was no way he could possibly love her now. Not after everything that had happened over the past few years.

“Felicity…I just want to ask you something.” He pulled her away from his body and looked into her eyes, his only showing signs of regret and pain. She looked up at him, blinking through the blur of her tears. She had been doing a lot of crying lately, especially on the journey here. It probably showed. “Why wasn’t I invited to attend Edgar’s funeral?”

Felicity stepped away, her own guilt and regret pulling at her insides as she dropped her eyes to the floor. “I’m so sorry, Jim. I
wanted
to speak to you…to tell you what had happened, but Mum…she just insisted that you were kept away. She said it was too far for you, and that you wouldn’t have come anyway.”

“Hang on. You
know
how much I loved him.
Both
of you know that. You know I would’ve moved fucking mountains to be there! How could you let her keep me away? What is her fucking problem with me? I just don’t get what I ever did to her.” The volume of his voice rose exponentially with his evident anger. His fists clenched by his sides.

“Jim, I tried to convince her,” Felicity pleaded. “
Honestly
I did. She was just so adamant. And she was grieving. I couldn’t argue, Jim. That’s why I am here now.”

“Well, you can tell her a big fucking thank you from her favourite ex-fucking-son-in-law for taking away my chance to say goodbye to someone I fucking loved!” His anger-filled voice cracked as his tears flowed freely now. Felicity broke down again. She was a jellified mess. Her whole body shuddered with every pain filled sobbed.

~~~~~

Jim regretted shouting at her. It wasn’t really her fault. Her mother had, yet again, interfered in their lives. He couldn’t comfort her though. He didn’t feel able. He just watched for a few minutes as she let all of her sorrow pour out.

Once she had begun to calm, he walked to the window where he looked out over toward the loch. The snow had begun to fall heavily and in the short space of time since Felicity had arrived. The road had completely covered. Unless she left immediately, it rendered her stranded. Looking over to the little island in the distance he could see that visibility was low and so realistically leaving now wouldn’t even be an option. Plus, he could hardly kick her to the curb whilst she was in this state.

Great
. Now what would happen? The snow had been predicted, but he had no clue it would get so deep so fast. He let out a long huff.

She stood and joined him at the window. She threw her arms up in exasperation. “Oh shit! What am I going to do now? I can’t drive in this!” Her hands rested on her hips and she shook her head. “This is just perfect. Perfect,” she sighed.

He continued to stare out of the window watching the glistening flakes floating down, down to the water, pavement and road below creating a sparkling white canvas as they settled.

Eventually he spoke. “Where were you supposed to be staying?” His voice was devoid of emotion, and he didn’t turn to face his ex-wife.

“I hadn’t booked anywhere… I figured I would just speak to you and then set off back home…maybe stay somewhere on the way home if I got tired.”

“You can’t possibly think it’s a good idea to drive all this way and back again straight off.” He snorted. “And anyway I’m afraid it looks like you won’t be going anywhere.” He turned to face her. “You can either stay here in ma spare room or you can walk down to the pub… They have rooms there.” He made no attempt to convince her either way. Frankly, at this point he didn’t much care.

“Do you have to be somewhere? Do you have anyone who is expecting you? I don’t want to keep you from anything. I can stay at the pub if that’s better. I don’t want to cause you any problems,” she rambled.

Jim clenched his jaw as he glanced at her. “Look, Felicity, I said you can stay. If you want to stay, then stay. I’ve got to go next door and open up the coffee shack. I’m late opening as it is.” He turned and left her standing by the window. He grabbed his Arran sweater, scarf, and coat and pulled on his boots. “Make yourself at home. I only open until two on Saturdays through winter, but I doubt there’ll be much demand today, so I’ll be back later.” He left the house, closing the front door behind him.

~~~~~

Felicity stared at the door. Jim had been so cold toward her, but she couldn’t blame him for that. She had just broken his heart all over again. She was good at that, almost to the point of it being an art form.

After bringing her bag in from the car and making the decision to stay the night, she went upstairs to locate the spare room. Jasper followed closely behind as if he, too, appeared to be intrigued as to why she was here.

Jim’s cottage was very pretty. The open fire gave the lounge such a warm cosy feeling. The stairs ascended from the lounge, and the kitchen/diner was to the right of the stairs. He had decorated the place simply but very tastefully.

Felicity opened a door to find what was clearly his room. The large, brass framed, double bed dominated the space. The bedding was pale blue and striped, and the walls were white. The pretty curtains matched the bedding and there was a thick, sumptuous throw blanket across the foot of the bed. She was impressed at how cosy and homely the cottage was.  She scanned the room for photographs and clues as to what he had been up to in the last few years.

On a chest of drawers in the corner of the room, she spotted a collection of frames. She wandered over to take a closer look. There were photos of Jim and his parents, Jim and his kid brother, Jim and a mystery woman, and right at the back, Jim and Felicity. It was a photo taken at university on graduation day. They were laughing and holding each other. Seeing the photo brought a swell of emotion, and she left the room as quickly as she could.

The next room was a bathroom with a large roll top bath complete with a large hand held shower attachment. He had gone all out to make a luxurious room to relax in. It really was beautiful. The bath was big enough for two. She sighed and closed the door. The final door was the spare room. There was a white framed double bed with apple green and white spotted bedding. It was fresh and bright without being overly feminine, or masculine for that matter. She placed her bag on the floor and lay down on the bed, suddenly feeling drained both physically and emotionally. She covered her eyes with her arm and began to sob again. The rest of the bottled up emotion of the past few weeks over spilled and her body shuddered. Jasper had followed her and sat expectantly beside her head. She rolled over to face him and he tried to lick her nose.

“Oh Jasper… Why has it all gone so horribly, horribly wrong?” She nuzzled his fur and began to cry again. Eventually she cried herself to sleep with Jasper on the floor beside her.

~~~~~

“Felicity…Felicity...” She awoke to find Jim standing at the foot of the bed.

She sat bolt upright. “Oh heck, Jim, I’m so sorry, I must’ve dozed off.” She rubbed her sore eyes.

“No need to apologise. Nothing’s spoiling. You look like shit though.” His face remained impassive.