Through the Glass (14 page)

~~~~~

Back at the house Felicity lay awake replaying her last days of married life and how she had treated Jim. There was really no wonder he was struggling to be cordial now. She had put him through so much.

Full of regret and with the heaviest of hearts she allowed warm tears to fall as she rolled onto her side wondering if and how she could possibly make amends.

~~~~~

Jim awoke to the smell of bacon drifting up through the floorboards. His stomach grumbled appreciatively. It was clear that Felicity was trying to make herself useful. He stretched and lay there for a few moments longer until there was a light knock on his door.

The door was pushed open slightly but she didn’t enter. “Ahem…Jim? Erm…I made breakfast.” She almost whispered.

“Aye, I can smell it. Smells delicious. I’ll be down in a minute, Felicity.”

“Okay…I made fresh coffee too.” She was silent a moment. “I’m afraid the snow’s still really bad.”

“Aye, it tends to stay awhile when it settles in. No bother. You’ll just have to stay as long as the snow’s here.” What other choice did he have than to make it as amenable for them both as possible? There was no point in suffering through a negative atmosphere. It wouldn’t change things.

“Thanks, Jim… I appreciate it.” She rested her head on the door for a few seconds as if she was going to say more. She clearly thought better of it and walked away, returning to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, after pulling on a T-shirt and jeans, he walked in and was greeted by a plate of chunky bacon sandwiches.
Perfect
. His stomach made its desire known with another loud growl. He pulled up a chair and sat.

He cleared his throat. “Thanks for this Felicity. I don’t expect you to wait on me whilst you’re here though, you know.”

“Hey, it’s the least I can do, Jim. Tuck in and enjoy.” She smiled taking a bite. It felt strange. Almost like they were still married and were on a mini break in a little cottage somewhere.

She chewed thoughtfully for a while. He watched her discreetly. It was obvious something was playing on her mind. Eventually she opened her mouth to speak.

“So…I told you about my failed relationship with Rory. What’s your story since we split?”

Jim raised his eyebrows. “Whoa! Don’t hold back, Felicity…ask away!”

She frowned as though she felt regretful. A twinge of guilt dug at him. He felt frustrated that she had even asked as it wasn’t really a subject he felt comfortable talking about with her. He sat silently chewing for a number of minutes, trying to figure out what to say.

~~~~~

Felicity gathered the courage to look at him. Instead of the usual impassive mask, however, was a look of frustration…or confusion…some unreadable emotion. She wanted to take the question back. She was on the verge of apologising when he spoke.

“There is someone. Well, there
was
,” he finally admitted. Felicity’s heart sank. “She’s not from around here. She travels around with a band. She plays the fiddle. They’ve stayed up on the campsite out back a fair few times. Mainly through the summer. Her name’s Heather. We…get along really well, but we’ve never…ahhh…you know…we’re not
together
as such.”

“Oh…right.” Felicity nodded trying her best to process the new information without showing her true feelings. “Where is she from?”

“She lives in the Borders. Near Jedburgh. It’s a fair trek really. That’s why we only see each other when she comes up with the Ceilidh band. I’ve got my work here and she spends most of her life on the road. They’ve done a few functions in the hotel along the way. The band is quite well known and very successful. They travel all over Europe in fact.”

“Oh…gosh… What’s she like…Heather?” Felicity asked, not really sure she should ask or indeed if she truly wanted to know but too intrigued not to.

“Ahhh, she’s quite petite, slim, long dark hair, naturally wavy. Very pretty. Blue eyes.” Jim looked almost wistful as he spoke. He drifted off into a kind of trance. Felicity wondered what he was thinking about…

~~~~~

August 2011 — Two Years and Six Months After the Break-up

“Hi, Heather. Have you guys got everything you need up there?” Jim asked the guest as she walked down from the small campsite at the back of his cottage.

“Aye, Jim. We’re all sorted. We’re not playing until tomorrow night so we’re going to have a barbeque if you’d like to join us?” She smiled, her azure blue eyes sparkling with warmth as she spoke.

It was a warm August evening and perfect weather for a cook out. Jim and Heather had known each other for around a year now. There was a definite spark of attraction between them but both were shy. Heather inherently so, which was surprising considering her profession, but Jim’s was an acquired shyness since his failed marriage had knocked his confidence.

The band laughed and chatted as they stood around near the brick barbeque that Jim had installed not long after moving in to the cottage. It was the perfect addition to his little campsite. The heat from the barbeque was welcomed now it was late evening and the temperature had dropped. Jim and Heather sat drinking bottled beer on the log bench also constructed by Jim, who had acquired many hands-on skills since the move. Heather shivered audibly.

“Hey, I heard that. Here you go.” Jim slipped of his jacket and placed it around her shoulders.

“Thanks, Jim. You’re so sweet.” She smiled gratefully pulling the jacket around her. “Why are you not married?” The question was meant to be rhetorical but regardless of the fact, Jim opened up and explained all about Felicity and the divorce. Heather listened intently. It felt good to talk about things with someone who was removed from the situation.

“Wow. I’m surprised that happened to you. You’re…such a nice guy. It doesn’t seem fair.” She shook her head in disbelief. Jim smiled at her comments. Why couldn’t things between him and Heather be easier…less complicated. And why couldn’t the distance be less? Eventually Jim decided to call it a night. Heather walked down to the house where the small shower block was situated.

“Thanks for the jacket.” Heather said handing it back to him. As he took the jacket back, their fingers grazed. He took her hand and held onto it, weaving his fingers into hers.

He sighed. “I wish you didn’t live so far away.”

“Oh? Why’s that, Mr. MacDuff?” She cocked her head to one side giving a half smile up at him. He stroked her cheek.

“I just…I think…never mind.” He shook his head realising there was no point elaborating. Heather placed both hands on his chest and tiptoed so that her face was just below his. He gazed down at her, lowering his head until their lips were almost touching.

“Heather…how could this work? You live so far away and you travel so much I would never see you and—”

She placed her hand on his lips. “Shhh, Jim. Some things are just not meant to be, no matter how much we’d like them to happen. So…just kiss me.”

With that he lowered his lips to meet hers. Her hands slipped up around his shoulders and his found her waist. The kiss was light but wonderful and over far too soon. Heather turned and walked back toward the campsite, looking over her shoulder and smiling at him, her long chocolate brown hair floating almost in slow motion as she walked. In that moment she reminded him of Arwen, the beautiful Elf from
Lord of The Rings
, and his heart ached just a little knowing that she would never really be his.

~~~~~

Felicity cleared her throat and then spoke to bring him back to her from wherever he had drifted off to. “You seem to really like her. Don’t you think you’ll find a way to make it work?”

“No. It wouldn’t be fair to tie her down. She’s not a homebody like me.” He smiled as he spoke, his eyes tinged with sadness. “But I will say one thing.” He looked directly at Felicity now. “Although I know I won’t ever be with Heather, she’s given me the hope that there
can
be someone else.” He breathed out loudly. “When you and I split…I felt that I could never love anyone else…never let anyone else get close… Heather made me realise that I could. That it’s possible. There
is
hope for me yet.”

Felicity felt her eyes sting with tears. She hated herself for making him feel he couldn’t love again. Although, hearing him speak about being with someone else cut her in a way she never prepared for. But it was always a possibility that he would have moved on. She had. Albeit temporarily.

~~~~~

Jim glanced over and saw a pained look in Felicity’s eyes. He never intended his words to hurt her. He had to try and break this melancholy that had descended over them.

“Anyway, enough of that. Look, I’ll have to work whilst you’re here and…it’s looking like you may be here a while. I cannae leave the shack closed, I’m afraid. It’s a lifeline for some of the villagers and I cannae let them down. What are you going to do whilst you’re here?”

“Well...I have my laptop and so I could maybe do a little work…send some emails…do some research.”

Jim laughed at this remark. “I hate to break it to you Felicity, but I’m afraid I don’t have wifi
or
the Internet. I’ve never gone in for all the Facebook and Twitter stuff. And I just never saw the point in tapping away at a keyboard whilst my hands are still able to hold a pen to write my letters.” He chuckled.

“Don’t you write anymore? How do you not do that?! Writing was so important to you.” She looked gobsmacked.

“Aye, I have a typewriter…and I’ve got a little word processor and a printer. They’re pretty much obsolete but I get by. They’re all I need really. No one is ever going to read my work. I only do it for enjoyment.”

“Good grief, Jim! You’re in the dark ages.” Felicity laughed.

“Nope. I’m in the
peaceful
ages.” He laughed, too. “Seriously though, what are you going to do? You’ll be bored stiff, knowing you. You don’t like the same books as me so that’s a no-no.” He pondered for a moment. “Hey I know! Why don’t you paint? You can do it the kitchen…or the lounge…I don’t mind.”

“Oh yeah, because there just happens to be a branch of Atlantis Art Supplies up the road.” She snorted, evidently thinking his idea utterly ridiculous given their location.

“Felicity…you’re in the Highlands now, don’t forget, artists on every street. Leave it with me.” He gulped down the rest of his coffee and grabbed his coat. “Back in a wee while.” He disappeared out of the front door before she could protest.

~~~~~

Felicity stared in the direction Jim had just left in. She hadn’t painted in earnest since the debacle of the ruined canvas and Rory. She hadn’t admitted this to Jim however. Whilst she was left alone, save for the pair of big brown eyes attached the panting head resting on her knee, she thought back to the scene she had been painting that day. She could recall the colours and shapes and began to imagine reproducing it. Her excitement began to build.

Whilst Jim was gone, she wandered around the house. She examined the books on the shelves in the lounge. It was so cosy in there with its log burner and gnarled railway sleeper mantle. The walls were painted a warm buttermilk colour complemented by the thick gold and burgundy tapestry curtains.
Judging by the weather I bet these are a Godsend
, she mused as she held the textured fabric between her fingers. His artwork consisted of architectural drawings of various random buildings that she had never heard of. She had to admit, however, that they made very interesting viewing. The detailing was incredible and gave a real feel of what each building must look like.

Jasper lay upon the thick pile of the deep red rug gazing up at her. Every so often he would wag his tail expectantly, but Felicity was too busy gazing into the crackling, dancing flames and thinking back to another time, a time when she and Jim had spent Christmas in a little cottage by the sea in Lincolnshire. She was completely mesmerised by the flames and caught up in the memories that almost an hour later Jim’s entrance made her jump, snatching her back, rather cruelly, from her reverie.

As the door opened and he stumbled in, arms full of treasures, he brought along a freezing cold breeze of air, which diffused through the ground floor quicker than she could pull her cardigan zip up.

“Look what I got!” He sounded like the Jim she remembered from Uni. Excited and giddy. She scrambled to her feet from the squishy old gold tapestry sofa and to his side to examine the haul. His giddiness was contagious and she clapped her hands enthusiastically.

“Good grief Jim. How many artists do you know?” Her jaw dropped as he placed the goodies on the sofa. There were canvases, brushes, acrylics, water colours, palettes, an easel, all good quality too. He clearly knew some very generous people.

“Quite a few. Miranda Helliwell just along the road sells her art in galleries throughout the area.  Max West just a little further along, and then along the other way Jilly McDougal, she’s an amateur but bought all the best stuff when she started. All very nice people, all wanted to help.”

Felicity was lost for words. “Wow,” was all she could manage. She could feel her heart begin to pound as she thought about getting started
. How well thought of he must be here
. She smiled. He deserved no less.

~~~~~

Jim smiled widely as he saw the flames ignite in Felicity’s eyes. He knew that look. He knew that hunger and had seen it in her a million times before. He
knew
she missed this, missed painting. It was a part of who she was; he had always said so. His heart swelled as he watched her, the huge grin on her face. It made him happy to know he had helped put it there.

“Look…I have an old pair of dungarees and a T-shirt that you can borrow to wear whilst you paint. They’re scruffy as hell, but I only ever wore them for gardening or decorating. They’re yours if you want them.”

Her eyes lit up. “Oh Jim, thank you!” She flung her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He froze. “This means so much to me. I can’t really explain…but…it just…thank you.” She clung to him. The smell of her delicious perfume drifted into his nostrils again, clouding his judgement and mocking him for days gone by. He lifted his arms to hug her back, but instead patted her back like he would an old friend.