Through the Glass (16 page)

She followed him and curled up in the old armchair beside the fireplace.

“Jim…this chair is the same as that scratty old thing Charles had in The Book Depository,” she called through to the kitchen

“Aye…that’s cause it
is
the scratty old thing from The Book Depository.” He smiled as he walked back into the room. “It was my parting gift from Charles. He said it wouldn’t look right without me sitting on it.” He chuckled.

“Awww, that’s so sweet.” She felt a lump lodge in her throat and bit her lip to abate the threatening tears.

He poured them both a glass of wine and sat on the floor in front of the blazing fire. Jasper came and spread himself across Jim’s legs.

“Ahem…earlier, you mentioned something about your mum but didn’t finish telling me. Do you not want to talk about that anymore?” he tentatively asked, afraid that perhaps she had changed the subject deliberately.

“Hmmm. She drives me to distraction, Jim. Honestly, I let her influence me far too much when I was younger.”

“I’m sorry but I have to agree with you there. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but she really was impressed by status and
things…possessions
. Your dad was completely different, so accepting. To be honest, I often wondered how they stayed together so long.” Jim let the words fall from his mouth and then cringed. “Shit, Felicity, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—”

“Shouldn’t have what, Jim?” she laughed bitterly. “Shouldn’t have spoken the truth?” Her face became flushed with anger.

“What did she do to you that’s so bad?” He was all ears now. Clearly Penelope had irked her daughter in some way…and badly it would seem.

“Well, she always used to tell me that I could do better…you know…when you and I… Jim, I didn’t agree with her.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Hmmm. Not at first, eh?”

“That’s just it. She used to go on and on about social standing and making something of myself. She’s made it her life’s work to ensure that I get the very best. Including boyfriends. She turned her nose up at anyone who wasn’t Oxbridge educated or about to be Oxbridge educated. She used to instil in me how important it was to be seen in the right places, to wear the right clothes, to have the right car, the right job. She even insisted I keep my own name when you and I married.”

“I knew she was behind that.” Jim shook his head.

“Well…it turns out that Mrs.
Posh-knickers
lied all along about her own upbringing! She always told me that my grandparents were wealthy but died in mysterious circumstances, and that’s why she never received her vast inheritance.”

“Aye…that’s right…that’s what you told me.”

“Well…on the day of Dad’s will reading it became very clear that
Penelope
…” She made inverted commas in the air. “Wasn’t all that she seemed.”

“I…I don’t really get what you’re—”

“
Janet
.”

Jim’s face scrunched in utter confusion. “Felicity…what are you talking about? Who is Janet?”

“Janet is my mother, Jim!” Felicity was clearly angry. Her face flushed and her chest heaved. “She lied all along. About…everything!”

Jim rubbed his forehead. “You’re going to have to explain. I’m sorry, I’m just confused.”

“Not half as confused as I was. Right, where do I start? Probably the beginning, eh? Okay…she was born in the East End of London to a very poor family. She was christened Janet Mason. When she was seventeen she went on a job interview in the centre of London at a hotel and got the job as a receptionist. On accepting the job, she began telling people that her name was Penelope Brandon. She met Dad at the hotel when he was a guest. She lied to him, too.” Felicity shook her head as she spoke the incredulous truth.

“She told Dad, and me for that matter, that cock and bull story about my grandparents when it turns out they both died quite young and left her nothing because they
had
nothing. There were no suspicious circumstances at all. She had basically disowned them through shame. She was ashamed of her own parents because they were poor, Jim. How sad is that? How cruel? Dad never met her parents. I have no idea how she managed to pull off the story for so long about being so wealthy.”

Jim gaped in shock. “How did you find all this out?” He couldn’t quite take it all in.

“The solicitor had found it out when he was doing the paperwork for the will! He called her Janet at the will reading. She went white. I wondered why. Afterwards I asked for an explanation. She broke down and told me everything. She cried such a lot and kept saying she was sorry. But afterwards it was as if everything was wonderful and she felt better for getting off her chest. Bloody great!” Felicity snorted derisively.

“Off her chest and onto my mind. Honestly, Jim I was so, so angry. I feel like I don’t know my own mother. She lied to me all those years and then tried to make me
into her
. And it nearly worked. Thanks to her I lost my marriage…and…my… You weren’t just my husband, Jim…. You were my
best friend
.” She covered her face with her hands and her shoulders began to shudder as the pent-up anger and frustration connected to the ridiculous situation began to overflow.

Jasper jumped up as Jim moved forward to comfort Felicity. He held her wrists in his hands and pulled her hands away from her face. He looked into her sad gaze. She threw her arms around his neck. On his knees before her, he cradled her and allowed her to cry. Her anguish was palpable as she shook with the violent sobs that wracked her body. Jim stroked her hair as she cried.

Eventually, when she had calmed, he held her face in his hands and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “Hey, you’ve been through such a lot lately. I’m angry with her, too. I’m angry that she put us in this situation. It was a horrible thing to do. No mother should do such a thing. But…she’s still your mother and I guess deep down she thought she was doing the right thing. Don’t let yourself get bitter and twisted about this, Flick, eh? It’s not worth the stress. Just rise above it and move on. We both need to do that.”

“Jim?”

“Yeah?”

She smiled. “You called me Flick.”

He closed his eyes for a second. “Oh…sorry…I mean Felicity.”

“No…I liked being Flick.” She managed a small smile. She had liked being Flick and all it had entailed. “It takes me back. You know, to when you and I were actually okay.”

“Aye…that’s a long while ago, eh? But that’s just it, Flick. We can’t go backward…only forward.”

“Oh…shit…I’ve just remembered. I have something for you.” She jumped up from her chair and hurried upstairs, returning soon after with a large brown padded envelope.

Jim looked on in bemusement. “What the heck is that?” He scrunched his nose.

She sat back in the chair. “It’s for you. It’s from Dad. It was in the will that I bring it to you…personally.” She sniffed.

“What is it?” Jim took the package. It was sealed very well.

“It’s an incomplete manuscript. The last one he was working on before he passed away. He wanted you to have it. The solicitor said he would prefer it to be delivered by hand.”

Jim held the package with both hands. “That’s…really sweet. I have a little piece of him right here now. That’s…” He stared at it, emotions washing over him and the sting of tears becoming apparent in his eyes. “I’ll treasure it…always.”

Jim made his excuses and went to bed. Felicity followed not too long after, to her own room.

~~~~~

The manuscript lay unopened at Jim’s bedside. He was touched by the gesture. He would cherish this gift, would keep it sealed until he felt better equipped to read it. There were too many things going on right now. He drifted into a dream filled sleep.

Chapter 11

Jim opened his eyes and looked to his right. Felicity was stroking his bare chest delicately with one finger and watching him intently. When their eyes connected she pulled herself up to him and kissed him gently on the lips.

“Hey sleepyhead…I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Confused, Jim tried to speak but she stopped him with a deep kiss. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and her hands caressed his chest and neck. It felt good to be with her again, like this. The room was glowing, bathed in the bright, early morning sunlight. Felicity sat, slipped off her white cotton nightie and straddled his torso. Her breasts were so beautiful in this light.

Still feeling confused, but deciding not to protest, he reached up and caressed her. She placed her hands on top of his as he worshipped first one beautiful, ambrosial mound of flesh and then the other. She moaned and let her head roll back. She gazed down at him, smiling. Her eyes warm. The ice had melted. She manoeuvred her body over him until he felt himself slide inside her. He gasped and closed his eyes. As she moved, he let out a deep groan.

“Jim…Jim…
Jim!
”

His eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright. It had been a dream.
Fuck!
He cursed inwardly. He had let her get inside his head.
Not good…not good at all
.

“Jim, are you okay? You were moaning in your sleep and I was worried.” Felicity stood outside his closed door.

“Err…yeah…yeah I’m fine…just a nightmare!”
Huh, I got that fucking right
.

“Oh…okay. It’s nine o’clock. I’m making coffee. The sun’s out.” She spoke again through the door.

“Aye…thanks…I’ll be down in a wee while,” he replied, rubbing his hands over his face.

He took a cold shower and tried his best to rid himself of the images from his dream. When he was done, he made his way downstairs. Felicity was by the window.
Oh great
. The sight of her made things worse. She was standing in front of her easel with his dungarees loosely falling off one shoulder and a pale pink, cropped vest top underneath. It was the type she used to wear for working out and he could see the curve of her waist.
Oh god
, he moaned inwardly. He loved that part of her body, that feminine curve. She already had paint on her cheek. Lust struck him again, an overwhelming desire to just throw her to the ground and climb on top of her. He had to leave the room.

He clenched his jaw and made his excuses. “Ahem…just getting my coffee,” he called, his voice breaking as he said it. Then he began to snigger. He felt like a silly teenager lusting after his art teacher or something equally as ridiculous.
C’mon man, pull yourself together! She’s your ex-wife, remember? EX!

When he had gathered himself he went back to the lounge to peer over her shoulder and look at the painting.

“Wow, that’s really beautiful, Felicity.” he said, genuinely impressed at the familiar looking scene on the canvas. He felt a little disappointed that he had called her Felicity again. It felt so formal. But
she
had made it that way. And it was for the best to keep the familiarity at bay.

“Do you think so? It’s the same scene I painted that time at Rory’s…you know, the one he destroyed?”

“Aye. It’s really beautiful. It looks…really familiar.”

“No…no it’s an imaginary place. I’ve had it in my head awhile and I felt I needed to paint it. I wish it
were
real. I’d love to climb into the view.” She smiled as she stood back to view what she had done so far.

“I’m not opening up today, so I thought I would take Jasper for a walk. Leave you to your painting,” he said trying to figure out why the painting on the canvas pulled at him so.

“Okay, that’s fine. I really want to get it done this time. I don’t think it’ll take me long now I’ve made a start. I’m really passionate about it. It won’t leave my head until I get it done.” She smiled at him.

He raised his hand up with the intention of wiping away the paint splodge from her cheek but changed his mind. “You’ve got some paint…” He gestured to her face.

She laughed. “Oh…that’s always happening. I get a bit carried away.” She wiped at her cheek with the back of her hand and in that moment Jim’s heart ached. She looked more beautiful when she was painting than at any other time. Her eyes sparkled with life and vitality. Her face glowed. She really was exquisite. He’d always thought so. They shared a gaze for a few moments but Jim broke the spell by turning away.

“I’ll…ahem…be off now. Leave you in peace.”

~~~~~

Felicity’s heart sank. She saw something in his eyes but couldn’t decipher it. She wanted more than anything to make amends for how she had treated him. She would love to be his friend again. But would he let her?

~~~~~

As he walked along the seafront, Jim noticed that the snow was beginning to turn to slush. The day felt warmer and this would all mean the end of Felicity’s little sojourn to Shieldaig. He felt a pang of sadness but knew that it was for the best really. It had to end sometime.
He
had to return to normality. He didn’t have to like it but he knew it was going to happen.

He trudged through the snow for hours and was no longer feeling the cold. He had seen a few villagers out and about and had a couple of little chats along the way. As he walked back to the cottage he saw, in the distance, a snow plough. The children were out in force waving at the welcome visitor, who was about to create a lifeline to the world beyond Shieldaig. This would mean schools would re-open and he would be able to receive stock deliveries for the coffee shack once again.

After a couple of hours, he returned home to find Felicity even more bathed in paint than she was when he had left. The fact made him smile. He was amazed at how she had managed to cover herself in splodges but not land a drop on the carpet or furniture. There was something a little too comfortable about her being here and it unsettled him to think so.

“You’re back. Did you have a nice walk?” She didn’t look up from the canvas.

“Aye…very fresh. Fancy a coffee?” he asked as he removed his cold outdoor garments. Jasper resumed his usual place on the rug in front if the fireplace.