Through the Glass (20 page)

I will close now as I am feeling rather tired and emotional. It pains me to know that I may never hold you in my arms again, Jim. But know this. I have loved you since my daughter brought you home. You and I had an affinity just like a Father and his son and that is what you have always been to me. My son.

With much love

Your Father

Edgar

Chapter 15

Jim’s shoulders shuddered as he sobbed. His face was wet with hot tears. Jasper sat beside him with his head resting on his knee. The information contained in Edgar’s letter both shocked and saddened him. He had blown it. There was no way things could work out now. Any chance there may have been to reconcile with Felicity had died.
The way she looked at me as she left
. He groaned.
How could I have been so stupid? So blind?
There was no point chasing her down. None.

He sat, drumming his fingers, his knee bouncing up and down as it often did when he was frustrated. He re-read the passage over and over where Edgar told him that Flick still loves him. He mulled it over in his mind and then read it again.

He picked up the phone. “Miranda? Hi, it’s Jim. I need to ask you a favour. Any chance you can look after Jasper for me? I need to go to London.” Miranda was intrigued but Jim didn’t elaborate. She agreed to take Jasper in the next day. Jim dashed up the stairs and grabbed an overnight bag. Once done, he picked up the phone again.

“Charles? Yeah, hi. I need to ask you a favour. Can I stay with you for a couple of days? Great! Thank you sooo much. I should be down tomorrow afternoon, I’ll explain then.” Jim sat back with a face-splitting grin fixed firmly in place.

He looked down at Jasper and scratched the top of his canine friend’s head. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh, Jasper?”

He had no clue what he would say to her once he arrived. He had no clue whether she would even speak to him. He wondered if he should call Polly in advance and see how the land lay as he felt sure that Flick would have called her to let her know she was on her way home. But then again, even if Polly said he mustn’t come, he would still get in the Landy and head off to London to see for himself.
Why waste time on pointless phone calls then?

He decided he would get an early night and rise at around six, pack some sandwiches, and set off. He figured he could make most of the journey without stopping. He resolved that he would only stop if absolutely necessary, that way he could maybe meet her from work and they could go somewhere neutral to talk things through. That was it. All planned. He breathed a sigh of relief, leaned back, and closed his eyes.

Suddenly he bolted upright when he heard a loud rhythmical knock at his door. His heart leapt.
Shit! Maybe she came back?!
He hurried to the door and yanked it open, almost pulling it off the hinges in his excited rush.

“Ta daaa!” A tall, lanky man threw his arms around Jim.

“Euan?!” Jim shouted, hugging his brother back. “Shit, Euan, why didn’t you call? I could’ve picked you up at the airport!”

“In that ancient old shed you call a car? No thanks! We hired something a lot more civilised, didn’t we, Tar?” he asked over his shoulder. The petite frame of his girlfriend stepped sideways and opened her arms out to Jim.

“Hey! Tara! You look amazing, come here.” Jim scooped her up and swung her around and then pointed to his brother. “And you, you great heathen, you leave my lovely Landy out of this. She’ll go on forever. She’s done me proud all these years and there’s plenty of life left in her yet.”

“Yeah, whatever you say! And get off ma woman, you hairy lout!” Euan punched his brother’s arm playfully.

“God, it’s so good to see you both, come in!” Jim stepped aside as his brother and potential sister-in-law entered his tiny cottage.

“Geez, bro. I’m sure this place gets smaller.” Euan laughed. His last visit had been the year that Jim had moved in and he had been overwhelmed by the size of the property compared to the one he and Tara shared in New South Wales.

“Aye but there’s only me and Jasper so it does us just fine.” He went through to the kitchen to make coffee for his guests. “So, how long are you staying?” he asked, cringing as he remembered his letter from Edgar and the plan to chase after Flick.

“We’re here for a month, mate! A whole month!”  Euan beamed at his big brother.

Shit
. That would mean that Flick would be in the states when they left.
Shit, shit shit!
What could he do? His brother had flown all the way around the world to be with him. He couldn’t just leave and dash off to London/USA on a whim. It wouldn’t be right.

“That’s great.” It
was
great. It was wonderful. He would just have to have a major rethink.

The evening was filled with chatter and catch ups. The brothers joked around like old times and Tara listened intently whilst the two regaled her with stories of their childhood in Dumbarton. They told her these stories whenever they got together. She rolled her eyes frequently and smiled as they carried on regardless.

Euan and Tara updated Jim on their latest hobby, windsurfing. Jim was slightly envious at that. It was something he had always wanted to try but had never had the courage.  As the evening wore on, Jim cooked a large pan of Spaghetti Bolognese and a garlic baguette. The wine flowed and so did the conversation. At around midnight, Euan stretched and yawned. He looked down at his gorgeous girl who lay across him, fast asleep.

“I’m bushed, Jim. I think I’ll turn in if you don’t mind, eh?”

“Aye, you know where your room is, bro. I’ll make breakfast when you get up so don’t rush, eh?” The brothers hugged and Euan scooped up his girl like a little china doll and carried her up to bed.

~~~~~

Jim couldn’t sleep. He lay awake almost all night trying to figure out what to do. He could call her…but that would be impersonal. He wanted to see her face and discuss things properly. He would have to wait.
It may mean a flight to the USA but so be it
. Eventually he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Sleep didn’t carry him away for long. He was in the kitchen making coffee at eight the following morning when he decided to call Charles and explain that his visit was cancelled.

“What was your reason for coming all this bloody way, old boy?” Charles enquired, probably guessing that there was more to this than just a social visit.

“It’s a long story, Charles, but to give you the abridged version… Flick brought me an incomplete manuscript as requested by her Dad via his will. In the envelope with it was a letter. Edgar said in the letter that Flick still loves me.”

“Bloody hell! Do you think it’s true? Or
another
bloody lie?” Charles asked in his Charles-type way.

“Edgar wouldn’t lie. He says she told him I’m her soul-mate, that she has always loved me, that she regrets how things ended between us.”

“Well, it was her bloody doing, old chap. You weren’t going to bloody chase her down were you?”

“I wanted to at least talk to her, you know? I need to know if she still feels that way, although after how things ended when she was here this week, I am guessing I’ve blown it.”

“But Jim, I thought you were over her? You spent so long putting things in place to help you bloody move on.”

“Aye, I know…but…I can’t help myself.”

He went on to explain to Charles what had happened the night before Flick left. How they had ended up sleeping together and about her reaction the next day when he treated it as just sex. He felt quite ashamed as he spoke, realising that this was the first time he had ever done something as callous. It wasn’t meant to be callous. He had simply misread every single signal. The stupid thing was he had been completely oblivious to the signals and the looks until now.

Charles sighed. “Oh, Jim. You bloody fool. I’m sorry but you are.” Charles was right. He was a bloody fool, for so many reasons. The conversation came to a close and Jim sat with his head in his hands.

“So, she was here? And she still loves you, eh?” A familiar voice came from over his shoulder making him jump.

“Fuck, Euan! You scared the shit out of me! How long were you standing there?” Jim didn’t bother to hide his annoyance that his brother had been listening in.

“Long enough, bro.” He pulled out the chair opposite Jim and sat down to face him. “Look, Jim, you’ve spent the last two years…no…longer, getting over that bitch—”

“Do
not
call her that.” Jim’s tone was harsh and he spoke through gritted teeth.

Euan held up his hands. “Sorry, sorry…I just can’t believe you’re thinking of going back to her after what she did to you. She messed with your head and broke your fucking heart! Are you seriously going to give her a chance to do it again? I thought you were over her?”

“Euan, you don’t know how I feel. I miss her. I never stopped loving her. I tried, believe me, I did. But she’s not someone you get over easily.” Jim rubbed his forehead. The brothers sat in silence for a while.

Euan helped himself to coffee and sat back down at the table. “Jim, please…give it some time, eh? Think this through. I like Flick. She’s a great girl, as long as she is not breaking your heart. At first, I was so chuffed for you. She was gorgeous, funny, a talented artist like I have never seen before… Does she still paint by the way?”

Jim stood and without saying another word, went upstairs to collect the canvas from his room. He returned and without speaking turned the piece around to show his brother.

“Bloody hell, Jim! That’s beautiful.” Euan gasped. “Why is she wasting her time chasing millionaire’s money and other artists when she could be getting recognition for her own talents?”

“I have no idea, bro. She loves to paint. I’ve never seen a sexier, more beautiful woman than Flick when she paints. She lights up. It’s a wonderful sight.” Jim sat, clinging on to the canvas.

His mind drifted to her standing by the window where the best light was, easel set out before her, paintbrush in her mouth like a rose in the mouth of a flamenco dancer, hands on hips. He remembered the sensual curve of her bare flesh just peeking out through the side of the over-sized dungarees.

Euan snapped him out of his daydream. “What ever happened to all her other paintings? You know? The ones she did when you were together?”

“She left them behind at the house. She didn’t seem to care about them. But I did. I kept them. I even brought them here when I moved. Some are under the bed in my room and the smaller ones are in the loft. There was only one that I couldn’t find. One she painted of the two of us.”

“What a waste.” Euan shook his head. He was right. So, so right. Flick should be the one whose art was on display in galleries. Someone should be selling
her
art, not the other way around.

“Aye…total waste, bro. But she thinks she’s happy in what’s she does now. The trouble is, I don’t think she really knows what she truly wants, thanks to her mother.” Jim went on to explain all about Penny, aka Janet, and her advice to her daughter. Euan was aghast. He shook his head.

“Why would you do that to your own daughter? Does her happiness mean nothing to that witch?” Euan didn’t particularly hold back.

“I think, deep down, she
thinks
she
is
doing what’s best for Flick. I suppose me being unambitious and in a
dead-end
job didn’t help matters at the time. And I’m not sure things are any better now.”

“Fuck that, Jim! You have your own home and a business. Two businesses if you count the campsite. What more does she want? Just because you’re not rolling in cash and famous doesn’t make you unworthy.”

Jim nodded. “I know that…and you know that...”

“I just think you should take care, Jim. She’s hurt you before. What’s to stop her doing it again?”

Jim shrugged his tense shoulders. “Nothing, Euan. That’s the thing. She could stomp on ma heart again, and I think I would just go with it if it meant I got to be with her for a little while.”

“You i
diot
!” Euan smiled, shaking his head. “You really love her, eh?” Jim just nodded. “Well, do me one thing, okay? Wait until we’ve gone home before you go running off and catching a plane okay?”

“Aye…don’t have much choice, do I?” Jim ruffled his brother’s hair like he used to when they were kids. Euan whacked his hand away.  He still hated it.

Chapter 16

Felicity pulled up outside Polly’s late in the evening. She was exhausted from her long journey down from Scotland. She had stopped several times when her emotions had got the better of her and tears blurred her vision. Throughout the whole journey back to London, she played the past few days over in her mind. No matter how much she thought things through, she couldn’t realistically blame Jim for his treatment of her. She just felt disappointed that he had chosen to act that way.

Once inside Polly and Matt’s three-story Georgian town house, she heaved a sigh of relief and dropped her case by the coat stand. Polly came through from the kitchen, took one look at her, and opened her arms. Felicity fell into her friend’s warm embrace and began to sob yet again.

“Oh, sweetheart. What on earth happened up there? I’ve been so worried.” Felicity didn’t answer right away. She just poured out all of the raw emotion that she had left inside her, soaking Polly’s cashmere sweater through with warm, salty tears. “Come on, let’s go through to the lounge… Matt, bring Flick a glass of wine darling!” she called to her husband.

Matt brought the glass, squeezed Felicity’s shoulder, and left the girls to talk. Polly handed a rather pretty tissue box to Felicity and waited for her to calm down enough to speak.

“Oh, Polly…what have I done to him?” She sobbed. Polly held Felicity’s hand and gently stroked the back of it.

“Sweetie, that’s all in the past. Surely he wasn’t still holding a grudge, was he?”