Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (11 page)
Read Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck Online
Authors: Thug Kitchen
MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE
DRESSING
1 shallot or small onion, diced (about 2 tablespoons)
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons white wine, balsamic, or champagne vinegar
¼ cup olive oil
SALAD
3 medium beets, peeled and chopped into small chunks (about 1½ cups)
1 teaspoon of whatever vinegar you used for the dressing
2 teaspoons olive oil
Salt and ground pepper
2 cups water
1 cup quinoa, rinsed
1 cup kale, stems removed, sliced into thin strips
¼ cup diced fresh herbs*
1
Crank your oven to 400°F. Grab a rimmed baking sheet and have it on standby.
2
Make the dressing: Pour all the ingredients together in a jar and shake that shit up.
3
For the salad: In a medium bowl, toss the beets together with the vinegar, olive oil, and a pinch of salt. Your hands might get kinda red and bloody looking from the beets. Don’t worry about that shit; it will wash off, so quit complaining. Pour the mixture onto the baking sheet and roast for 20 minutes, stirring the beets halfway through.
4
While the beets roast up, bring the water to a boil in a medium pot. Add the quinoa. Once that shit starts boiling again, cover, and adjust the heat to low. Cook the quinoa at a slow simmer until it is tender, about 15 minutes. Just taste it and you’ll figure that shit out. Drain any extra water that remains in the pot and scoop the quinoa into a medium bowl. Fold the kale into the hot quinoa and then add the dressing. Add the fresh herb of your choice and mix well.
5
When the beets are done, fold those ruby red bitches right in to the quinoa. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve this salad at room temperature or refrigerate until cold.
*
Dill, basil, and parsley all work well here. Use whichever of those you’ve got hanging out in the fridge
.
VIETNAMESE
RICE NOODLE
SALAD
When it’s hot as hell out and you need a refreshing lunch, make this a meal by topping it with some
Ginger-Sesame Baked Tofu
and see what the fuck is up.
MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS MAIN, 6 AS A SIDE
1 package (6.75 ounces) maifun or thin rice noodles
½ head of lettuce, chopped*
2 medium carrots, cut into matchsticks
1 cucumber, peeled and cut into matchsticks
1 cup thinly sliced fresh mint leaves
1 cup thinly sliced fresh basil leaves
1 cup chopped cilantro leaves
1 cup sliced green onions
Toasted Sesame Dressing
, with 1 clove minced garlic added for an extra special something
½ cup salted, roasted peanuts, finely chopped
Lime wedges, for serving
1
Cook the noodles according to package directions. When they are done, drain the noodles and run them under cold water until they are cool to the touch. Set aside.
2
While all that is going down, you should get all your veggies and herbs ready and make your dressing.
3
To serve, pile a large mound of noodles in the center of each plate. Arrange the lettuce, veggies, and herbs around the mound while leaving a good amount of the noodles exposed. Drizzle the dressing on both the noodles and lightly around the vegetables and herbs, then sprinkle the peanuts all over that delicious bitch. Serve with lime wedges.
*
Red leaf, butter, whatever. Just a soft, leafy lettuce. Don’t overthink it
.
SMOKED ALMOND
AND CHICKPEA SALAD
SAMMIES
You don’t even know about this sandwich. Like goddamn, we can’t even ... just fucking make it. Trust.
MAKES 4 TO 6 SANDWICHES DEPENDING ON HOWEVER FUCKING HIGH YOU STACK YOUR SAMMIE
QUICK SMOKED ALMONDS*
2½ teaspoons
liquid smoke
½ teaspoon olive oil
1 teaspoon soy sauce, tamari, or
Bragg’s
1 teaspoon maple syrup or other liquid sweetener
2 teaspoons
nutritional yeast
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1 teaspoon garlic powder
¾ cup raw almonds
SAMMIES
3 cups cooked chickpeas**
1 avocado
3 tablespoons lemon juice***
¾ cup chopped red onion (about ½ medium onion)
1
⁄
3
cup chopped fresh dill
1
⁄
3
cup chopped celery (about 2 ribs)
1 to 2 teaspoons of your favorite hot sauce
½ teaspoon salt
Ground pepper to taste
8 to 12 slices bread, toasted
Dijon mustard, lettuce, and tomato
1
Heat your oven to 350°F. Lightly grease a baking sheet.
2
To make the almonds: Mix together all the liquid ingredients in a small bowl and combine the nutritional yeast, paprika, and garlic powder in a separate bowl. Grab the almonds, add them to the liquid bowl, and stir that together to make sure all the almonds are covered. Scoop out the almonds, add them to the bowl with all the dry seasonings, and stir that shit around until they are covered. When they look all seasoned, scoop them out and lay them on the baking sheet. Toast them in the oven for 10 minutes, stir them around, and then put them back in the oven for 5 more minutes. Take them out and let those sons of bitches cool.
3
While all that shit is happening, add the chickpeas, avocado, and lemon juice to a big bowl and mash the fuck out of them. Some chunks are fine, whatever you like. Fold in the onion, dill, celery, hot sauce, salt, and pepper, then mix it all together.
4
Once the almonds have cooled, chop them up and add them to the bowl.
5
Serve up this badass filling on some toasted bread with Dijon mustard, lettuce, and tomato. This is best enjoyed the day it’s made; it keeps fine in the fridge but you might lose some of that crunch.
*
You can buy smoked almonds at the store if you are feeling lazy
.
**
Or two 15-ounce cans
***
About 1 lemon
TOFU VS. TEMPEH
When it comes to eating a plant-based diet, you’re going to come across some soy. That’s how shit goes. But soy gets a bad rap in places where it is not a traditional food. Fucking haters. Not only is it a low-calorie, low-fat source of protein, the American Cancer Society says that eating soy foods like tofu and tempeh may help lower the risk of many cancers. It is important to know the difference so you know what the fuck you’re eating and the best way to cook it. And stop worrying about that estrogen bullshit. Do you only eat meat that comes from male animals? No? Then shut the fuck up.
TOFU
is more common and way more hated. Tofu is made from soymilk that has been curdled and made to thicken into bricks. By itself, it can be soft and have no flavor. People who don’t know what they are doing serve this protein powerhouse with no fucking seasoning and it sucks. Don’t let a bad cook ruin a whole goddamn food group. One cup of tofu has 20 grams of protein, is rich in calcium and iron, and is cholesterol free. You can find it in the fridge packed in water and in aseptic containers near the soy sauce at the store.
TEMPEH
sounds like some straight-up hippie nonsense but it’s damn delicious. It’s a brick made of fermented soybeans. They came up with this motherfucker in Indonesia and it’s becoming popular as hell. Because it is fermented, sometimes it might look like it has some mold on it, but just fucking go with it. It is firm and chewy and adds a great texture to whatever the fuck you’re cooking. Like tofu, it helps to know what you’re doing when you are cooking it, so follow one of the recipes in this book and don’t wing it. And if you’re keeping score, 1 cup of tempeh has 30 goddamn grams of protein in it. You can find it in the fridge of a well-stocked grocery store and on the Internet.
SAVORY
TEMPEH
AND
CARROT
SANDWICHES
Don’t be surprised if this solid sandwich becomes part of your lunch rotation. The smoky, marinated carrots add a dope crunch that will shame other sandwiches.
MAKES 4 REGULAR-SIZE SANDWICHES
8 ounces tempeh
2 medium carrots
SMOKY MARINADE
1 cup vegetable broth or water
¼ cup soy sauce or tamari
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1½ tablespoons
liquid smoke
2 teaspoons maple syrup or other syrupy sweetener
4 cloves garlic, cut into thick slices
½ teaspoon ground cumin
ASSEMBLY
1 tablespoon olive oil
Lettuce, sliced tomato, avocado, red onion, and mustard
4 rolls or 8 slices of bread, toasted
1
Slice the tempeh into planks about ¼ inch thick and 2 inches long. Do the same thing with the carrots so that they are a similar size and shape. No need to fucking measure it out, just eyeball it.