Thursday (Timeless Series #4) (8 page)

“That doesn’t matter.”

“When all you are is a resume, it makes all the difference in the world.”

Maybe one day I’d be able to pull some strings for her. If I had the right clients I could make anything happen. “It doesn’t matter where you go to school. It doesn’t reflect your intelligence.”

“I don’t know about that…”

“Well, I know you’ll be smarter than every other applicant.”

She stopped writing in the sand and looked at me, hesitance in her eyes. She was trying to read me, to understand if I had a different meaning than I projected. I wasn’t trying to come onto her. I said what I really thought—that she was talented. She eventually turned away, not getting an answer to her unspoken question. She wrote my name in the sand.

I eyed it. “You have nice handwriting.”

“Thanks.” She smeared the sand across the letters, wiping them out.

I looked down the coast to make sure Francesca was doing okay. She was sitting in the sand far along the beach, her hair flapping in the wind. She was probably crying to herself, just as she did in her bedroom when she thought I couldn’t hear her. If this break up happened over another guy I would tell her to get over it. But Hawke’s departure really screwed her up.

Marie followed my gaze. “How long do you think this is going to go on for?”

“I don’t know…” If it lasted more than a few months I’d go crazy. I could only handle Francesca’s depression for so long. “I might have to get her a prescription for Prozac.”

“I don’t think that would do anything. She’s not clinically depressed.”

“Her brain chemistry is still out of whack.”

“We’ll just have to keep distracting her until she moves on.”

We took her to the beach for the afternoon but she still managed to wander off and mope silently. There was only so much Marie and I could do. “She’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

“She’s lucky to have a brother like you.”

Francesca and I weren’t close. Typically, I only saw her a few times a year. We usually got together around the holidays and sometimes for birthdays. Even though we lived in the same city we didn’t bump into each other at the bars. But when disaster hit, I was there.

Just the way she would be there for me.

***

After we came home Francesca immediately went into her bedroom, barricading herself inside for the rest of the night. She didn’t talk anymore or announce what she was doing when she was doing it, but I’d come to learn from her actions.

Marie set her beach bag on the couch and tossed her sunglasses inside. “Well, I had fun even if she didn’t.”

“Yeah, me too.” I sat on the couch and stared at the blank TV, unsure what I should do. It was okay for me to go home but something kept me there. Marie’s presence soothed me. If I went home I’d just be alone in my empty apartment. But if I stayed here…Marie was there. “Maybe we can try to get her to bake tomorrow.”

“Maybe.”

“We can have football on and make something that goes with the sport.” I didn’t know anything about baking but Francesca always found a reason to throw something together.

“Yeah, we can give it a try.”

I wished Mom were still around. She would know exactly what to do. I couldn’t even begin to understand Francesca’s feelings. I’d never been in love before, and I certainly had never experienced heartbreak—at least in a romantic way.

Marie spotted my unease. She was beginning to read me more clearly. “It’ll be alright, Axel.”

“I keep telling myself that…”

She eyed my hand sitting on my thigh but didn’t take it.

“I wish my mom were still here—especially at times like this. She would know what to say.”

Marie listened to my every word, her eyes locked to mine.

“Francesca was closer to her than I was. They were more like friends than mother and daughter.”

“I remember…”

“Are you close with your mom?”

She stared down at the ground. “Not really. But I love her.”

I nodded even though I wasn’t agreeing to anything.

Marie looked down at herself, seeing the sundress that had tightly specks of sand stuck to it. “I’m going to shower. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

That was my invitation to leave and I couldn’t reject it. “Yeah. I’ll be here in the morning.” I put my hands in my pockets and walked to the front door.

She walked with me, her face slightly tinted from being in the sun all day. Her nose was the darkest part, probably because it was the flattest surface on her body. The sunblock was still smeared on her face distantly. Soon, it would disintegrate altogether. I stared at her face repeatedly, memorizing it.

She stopped when we reached the door and waited for me to walk out. “Have a good night.”

“You too.” I didn’t reach for the door. Instead, I stood there.

She held my gaze like always, refusing to back down from any type of engagement.

I found myself wanting to stand there and stare all day.

She kept her arms by her sides, hardly blinking as she met my look.

These strange things kept happening with her. Inexplicable moments happened where we just stared in silence, but had a conversation that wasn’t communicated with words. I could feel the hum in the air, the distant chime that hugged inside my brain. These moments were both addicting and uncomfortable.

I turned away first, letting her win the round. “Good night, Marie.” I let myself out and stepped onto the threshold. The door closed behind me, but I stayed on the stoop and waited for a sound I needed to hear. Never in my life had I stood like that, waiting for something I never paid attention to.

The lock turned and snapped into place.

Then I left.

Bromance

Axel

After a lot of convincing I agreed to make the drive to New York to see Hawke. The only problem I had with that was Francesca. I couldn’t tell her where I was going, but I also couldn’t leave her alone.

I called Marie.

“Hey.” Her voice was a lot perkier than it used to be. It seemed like she looked forward to talking to me, enjoying our conversations as much as I did. “Are you coming over?”

I didn’t want this conversation to be heard. “You alone?”

Her tone changed when she knew this talk would be a serious one. “She’s in her room.”

“I’m going to New York to see Hawke. You think you can handle her over the weekend?”

“Absolutely.”

“If she asks, tell her I had a work thing. I don’t want her to know where I really went.” I didn’t need to give her more of an explanation than that.

“Okay. Are you trying to patch things up with him?”

“No. He’s pestered me about coming to visit him and I caved.”

“Well, hope you guys have fun.”

All I could think about were her plans for the weekend. Was she going to see Cade? Would she see him if I wasn’t there to keep an eye on Francesca? Would I be a dick if I hoped that was the case? “Hope you have a good weekend too. I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Alright.” Instead of hanging up she stayed on the line.

Whatever affection I felt for her, I think she felt it for me too. I was always a little bit nervous around her, but in a good way. When I first made a move on her I wasn’t nervous in the least. But now…I watched what I said and the way I behaved. I could sense every moment of tension in the air. Whenever we spoke to each other, it was different than it was with everyone else. “I’ll text you when I get there.”
Whoa, what? What the fuck did I Just say?

“Okay.” Her response was automatic, like she’d been expecting that answer before I even gave it.

What the hell was that?

***

I walked inside his apartment and took a look around. It was small—really small. And I suspected he was paying three times what he was paying in South Carolina. “It’s nice…”

“I know it’s a dump.” He grabbed a beer from the fridge and handed it over. “But it’ll do.”

I sat on a dark green couch in the center of his living room. An old TV sat on a plastic chair against the wall. There was a tiny window that looked over the city. The drab walls made the place feel foreign, dusty. “How’s your new job?”

“It’s alright. It’s better than being an intern.”

“I bet.” Anything was better than not getting paid. I took a drink of my beer and tried not to cringe when I realized how warm it was. Did his fridge work at all?

“Thanks for coming up. I would have made the drive down to see you but…” He didn’t finish the sentence because he didn’t need to.

“It’s alright.”

He sat on the opposite side of the chair, his elbows resting on his knees. The silence filled the air, and without saying anything I knew what he was thinking. It was only a matter of time before he asked about her. “How is she?”

Francesca wanted me to keep her struggles a secret, and I understood why. But I also wanted to lie to make my sister look better. Hawke left her for whatever reason, but I didn’t want him to know how much he destroyed her. “She’s okay. Just focusing on school and work.”

He couldn’t hide the surprise on his face. “So, she’s back into a routine?”

“Yeah. For the first two weeks she was a little lost but after that she was fine. There’s this baking contest at the college and she’s been preparing for that.” I even wanted to go as far as to say she was dating someone but I knew it wouldn’t be believable.

He picked at the label on the beer. “Good for her.”

“How about you?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been better. Just work and come home.”

“Made any…friends?” Even though he wasn’t with Francesca anymore it would tick me off if he were already sleeping around.

“No. I haven’t really spoken to anyone except for a few coworkers—and you.” His skin was deathly pale and he seemed a little thinner. His facial hair was unnaturally thick because he hadn’t shaved in weeks. His eyes looked hollow, like they would never light up again. His despair wasn’t as obvious as Francesca’s but it was clear he was suffering underneath the skin. Knowing that made me dislike him less. “I’m glad she’s doing better…I want her to be happy.”

It didn’t seem like she’d ever be happy without him. “She’s a fighter. She bounces back from everything.”

“I know. That’s why I love—” He cleared his throat and took a long drink.

I stared out his pitiful window because I didn’t know how else to brush off his final words. Even though I didn’t understand why they went their separate ways I understood one thing.

They really did love each other.

***

We watched the game at a bar. It was better than sitting in his tiny apartment with his TV that looked ancient. Plus, the beer was cold.

“What’s new with you?” Hawke’s eyes lingered on the TV for a moment before he looked at me.

Nothing. I spent all my time at Francesca’s in a futile attempt to put her back together. “Just work.”

“Seeing anyone?”

I didn’t have time for that either. “No. I’ve had to work a lot of hours at the office since you left.” It was a lie and it was cruel, but I didn’t care.

Hawke didn’t seem to care either. “Nothing else happened with Marie?”

The mention of her name made me tense involuntarily. “Why would anything else happen with her…?”

He watched me with a raised eyebrow. “Because you said she’s the best sex you’ve ever had…” He held his glass on the table but didn’t take a drink. He was scrutinizing me, reading every reaction my face made. “Why are you being weird right now?”

“I’m not being weird.”

Hawke didn’t look at the TV again. “If you hunched any further you’d look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

I turned my attention to the game and tried to ignore him.

But he didn’t look away. “Axel…”

“What?” I barked. “I haven’t slept with her.”

“Well,
something
happened.”

“Dude, nothing has happened. My dick has been in my pants—the zipper shut tight.”

Hawke wasn’t buying it. “When your voice gets high and you squirm like that, I know you’re hiding something. We tell each other everything. So, what’s up?”

“I haven’t slept with Marie.” It was the truth and nothing but the truth.

“You’ve said that already, but something else must be going on.”

“There’s not.”

“You have feelings for her?”

“Psh. Hell no.” I looked out the window, doing anything to ignore his gaze.

“Are we in second grade right now?”

“You tell me.” I didn’t have a single comeback up my sleeve so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

Hawke didn’t say anything else but he didn’t need to. He stared me down, silently interrogating me.

I cracked. “I’ve been seeing her a lot lately and…I don’t know. I notice I pay a lot of attention to her.”

He didn’t touch his beer or look at the TV.

“Like, I notice all the tiny freckles on her face when she doesn’t wear make up. Whenever she’s in the room I recognize her scent before I even see her. When she laughs I immediately think of a summer day. All these weird things…I don’t know what to make of it.”

The corner of his lip turned up slightly.

I didn’t like that look at all.

“You’re into her.”

“Am not.” I sounded like a child even to my own ears.

“Big time.”

“Dude, no.” I rubbed the back of my neck even though there wasn’t a kink.

“What’s the big deal if you are?” he asked. “Marie is pretty cool.”

“I’m just not into her, okay? She’s pretty, sweet, and funny but that’s it.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“She hums under her breath in this cute way when she cleans the house but I hardly even notice it.”

Hawke started to smile again.

“I don’t have feelings for her.”

“Axel, I don’t see what the problem is. If you like her, go for it.”

That had disaster written all over it. “I’m not ready for that.” I looked out the window and recalled a memory that would scar me for life.

“Ready for what, exactly?”

“Anything serious. I’m just not into it.”

“Why?” he pressed.

I took a drink of my beer to avoid the question.

“Axel, you can talk to me.”

I didn’t like heart-to-heart talks with dudes. The only person I had a somewhat serious conversation with was Marie. “I’m not boyfriend material. We both know that.”

“How do you know? You’ve never tried.”

“I just do. Let’s leave it at that.”

Hawke hadn’t touched his beer in a long time and didn’t seem like he was going to. “I felt the same way before…her.” He never said her name anymore, only referring to her passively. “But when I fell in love I just knew what to do. It comes naturally.”

“I’m not in love with her, Hawke.”

“Whatever. When you find someone you like you know how to behave.”

I didn’t agree with that. I’d been doing a lot of stupid stuff lately, like texting her when I got here, like we were something more than friends.

“Just ask her out on a date.”

“No.”

“Why?” he pressed.

“I just…” It was hard to explain in words. I understood my feelings but not well enough to describe to another person. “I’m still bitter and angry about what my dad did. I know it’s been years but I’ll never really get over it.”

Hawke’s face fell in sadness, clearly not expecting me to bring it up.

“He’s the biggest coward I’ve ever met in my life. I’m actually ashamed to call him my father. He deserted Francesca and I without looking back. I’ll never be able to understand what he could have possibly thought to justify putting a barrel in his mouth. But whatever the case…I’m afraid I’m just like him.”

He didn’t blink as he watched me, his blue eyes glued to my face.

“What kind of husband will I be?” Now I was talking to myself more than anything else. “When things get difficult will I just turn my back like my father did? If I am in a relationship will I take off the second we hit a bump in the road? I still have nightmares about what I saw when I walked into that house. I’m not emotionally stable enough to have any kind of intimacy with someone. Just looking at Marie…makes me uncomfortable sometimes.”

Hawke remained silent, just watching me.

I stared at my beer because I was too awkward to look at him. I just dumped a bunch of emotional bullshit on him. “Forget I said anything…I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“Axel, you’re nothing like your father.”

“How would you know?” I said bitterly.

“Francesca.” It was the first time he said her name, and he swallowed the lump in his throat after he said it. “You always look after her—no matter what. Even when it annoys the shit out of her you’re there for her. You’re just her brother and her well-being isn’t your problem but you always take care of her. That’s more than enough reason.”

“It’s not the same thing…”

“It is,” he said firmly. “I understand your doubts and your emotional insecurity but if you find someone you really love it fixes all of that.”

“I don’t love Marie.”

“Well, if you gave her a chance you might.”

I wanted to throw his words back in his face. He talked about love like he knew it so well, but here he was in New York City while Francesca was sobbing in her bedroom.

“My point is, just keep an open mind.”

“I’ve never done the boyfriend thing. I doubt I’m good at it.”

“Just take it slow.”

“I don’t know how to treat her…” I shook my head. “It’s just too complicated for me.”

“You always said you would commit to a woman if you found the right one.”

“Well…maybe Marie isn’t the right one.”

“Or you’re a pussy.”

I glared at him.

“Prove me wrong.” He held my gaze without backing down.

I quickly realized what he was doing. “Not gonna work, man.”

“Let me put this into terms that you’ll understand.” He leaned over the table and lowered his voice. “Marie is a pretty girl. She’s smart, sophisticated, funny, and loyal. If you’ve noticed these characteristics someone else is bound to as well. So, get in there before someone else stakes a claim.”

I was already too late. “She’s seeing this guy…”

“Are they serious?”

“She says they aren’t but I know she’s sleeping with him.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

It does to me.
“I already missed my chance so there’s no point in talking about this.”