Thursday (Timeless Series #4) (12 page)

Her meaning was lost on me. “What do you mean?”

“I noticed you in high school, and I didn’t just think you were cute. I loved the fact you were funny and loyal to your friends. I loved the fact you picked on your sister but had her back at the same time. When your parents passed away, you took care of Francesca. There are so many qualities about you that I admire. But you only noticed me when I grew up and found my shape. You only noticed me when I became one of the pretty girls. Physical attraction is important, but you never noticed everything on the inside, the stuff that really matters. And even now you’re still shallow.” She looked at me again, this time her face emotionless. “I think you’re right. This would never work.”

A building collapsed on top of me and knocked the air out of my lungs. Her words broke me, killed me from the inside out. I never stopped to consider any of that, that I might he shallow and empty. “That’s not how I feel…”

“I know,” she said. “But that’s what happened. And the fact you don’t want to start up something now…just confirms you don’t feel the same emotional connection I do. All you feel is the physical attraction, the hum in the air. You don’t notice anything beneath the surface. And that’s fine, Axel. I’m not judging you for it. But I agree that a relationship between us would never work. Neither one of us would ever be happy.”

My shoulders slouched and I felt sick.

She opened her bag and took out her homework. Some of it was hers and some of it was Francesca’s. “Let’s just go back to what we were before—friends.” When she didn’t look at me again I knew the conversation was over.

I wanted to say something, do something to change her opinion of me. But I realized there was nothing I could do to change anything—because she was right.

Friendship

Marie

The physical therapist helped me move my arm, returning a sense of motion to it. We used light weights to build up strength, and he helped me stretch the tendons and return them to their previous vitality. Sometimes the actions hurt but they were necessary.

“You did a good job today.” The therapist gave me a friendly smile before he walked with me to the lobby. “Just take it easy and leave it on the sling. You can’t rush the healing part.”

“Thank you.” I signed out then walked to Axel, who was sitting in the lobby. He’d been helping me take care of errands since I still only had one arm.

He stood up, still wearing his work clothes. His collared shirt was blue, bringing out his eyes, and his tie was gray. “How was it?”

“It was okay. I’m stronger now but it still hurts.”

He eyed my shoulder like he could see through my shirt. “Don’t worry. It’ll get better.”

My biggest fear was never being able to use it the same. What if I always had a pain there? What if I tried to move my arm but it just made it worse? What if it was never the same?

Axel picked up on my unease. “These things take time. It’ll go back to normal eventually.” He walked out with me then opened the passenger door.

“Thanks.” I got inside then fastened my safety belt. Axel and I never brought up that conversation we had last week. I put myself out there and said I wanted something more, something meaningful, but he shot me down.

I was mortified.

Feeling rejected like that was brutal. I’d put myself out there a few times in the past and I recovered from the rejection, but this was different. Being with him was something I really wanted—something I thought he wanted too.

When he turned me down it reminded me of the truth, that Axel had never changed. Sometimes I imagined him as a different person. When we spent time together it seemed like he’d deepened, grew more layers underneath his aloof attitude. But now I realized I was only imagining it. Axel was exactly the same person as before, looking for a good time without any commitment. He didn’t change his ways when we became closer. I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me.

I’d have to move on.

He took me home then walked with me inside.

I tried to act as normal as possible around him, to pretend that awkward conversation never happened at all. But our relationship never returned to what it used to be. I used to be at ease around him, to feel comfortable in his presence—even comforted by it. But now there was a wedge between us.

Axel checked on Francesca before he came back to me. “I think I’m going to take her to a therapist.”

She hadn’t improved in nearly two months and we were both starting to worry. Break ups were hard on lots of people, but this was a whole new level. “That’s not a bad idea.”

“I don’t know what else to do.” He sat at the kitchen table and stared out the window. “If I could knock this senseless behavior out of her I would.”

I took the seat beside him, sitting exactly as we did on that night we decided to go our separate ways. “Me too.”

“So, you think I should do it?” He turned his eyes away from the window and looked at me. “I found someone in Myrtle Beach. He specializes in this sort of thing.”

“Is it expensive?”

He shrugged. “If it’s necessary I don’t think the cost matters.”

I wasn’t sure what Axel’s financial situation was but I didn’t want him to blow his life savings on Francesca. “Maybe we can do one session and see how it goes.”

“Yeah,” he said in agreement. “Maybe if she talks to a professional she’ll open up a bit more.”

“It’s worth a shot.”

“Okay. I’ll make an appointment.” He left the chair then headed to the door. “I’ve got to run. I’ll see you later.”

“Alright.” I watched him go, wondering if he had a date or something. I shouldn’t care or even think about it. But I did care.

And I did think about it.

***

I got into bed beside Francesca and lay there.

She didn’t say a word. She didn’t even protest that I was in her bed.

“I miss you…” She was the one person I could talk to about everything. Right now, I wanted to talk about Axel. But since he was her brother I couldn’t say anything anyway. Maybe being with her would comfort me.

Francesca was quiet nearly a full minute. “I miss you too.”

“I want my friend back.”

“I’m still here, Marie. I know I’m not the same as I used to be but I’m still me…deep underneath.”

“When do you think you’ll be better?”

Francesca shrugged.

“Axel and I are taking you to a therapist.”

She immediately turned argumentative. “I don’t need a therapist.”

“Frankie, you’re doing this whether you like it or not. Axel and I have been through hell while you’ve been decomposing in here. You’re going to do this, not for you, but for us.”

When I worded it that way she couldn’t refuse. “Okay.”

I’d be surprised if she gave me any other response. “How’s your arm?”

“It’s getting better…”

“What’s new with you?” It was sad she had to ask these sorts of questions. She lived with me but she was never truly around.

“Nothing much. I stopped seeing Cade.”

“Why? I thought you liked him.”

“I did. But I didn’t see it going anywhere…” Francesca wasn’t close to her brother but I doubt she wanted to listen to me talk about him in a romantic way. Maybe Axel was right. If we did date, it would be too weird.

“That’s too bad. You’ll find someone else.”

“I’m sure I will.” I’d just have to stop thinking about Axel to make that happen.

“I’m sure he’s with someone by now…” The sorrow in her voice was soul crushing.

I didn’t need to ask whom she was referring to. “Axel made it sound like he’s just as miserable.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not with other people…”

I didn’t know what to say to make her feel better so I didn’t say anything at all.

Francesca closed her eyes and didn’t speak again.

I lay there with her to find comfort in her despair. I was sad as well, wishing I could be with the one man I couldn’t have.

***

We took Francesca to the office and watched her walk through the doors into the therapist’s office. Her clothes were loose on her, and she didn’t look like herself at all. If Hawke saw her now he may not recognize her.

When the doors shut we both took a seat and waited.

Axel rested his ankle on the opposite knee and drummed his fingers lightly. He couldn’t remain still when he was anxious. Anytime he was expecting serious news he twitched in one way or another. Sometimes, he shook his knee or tapped his foot.

“I’m sure the session will go well.” I rested my hand on his wrist and steadied his fingers. The usual jolt of emotion rushed through my body the second we came in contact. I noticed how warm his skin was. Flashbacks of that night we had together came into my mind, strong and powerful. That seemed like a lifetime ago, and it seemed like we were different people at the time.

His fingers stopped moving and he eyed my hand.

I pulled it away when I realized the touch had lingered for too long. I moved my hands to my lap and tried to pretend I didn’t feel anything.

He kept his hand there but stopped drumming. “I hope so.”

It was still awkward between us, and I was beginning to miss the friendship we once had. We used to have fun together, playing games or just talking. But now it was…stiff. “Are you seeing anyone?” I didn’t want to know the answer but I wanted to make a step toward normalcy. Someone had to do it.

Axel turned my way, flinching at the question.

“I want to be friends again. You know, to be ourselves around each other. It’s been so strained and…I miss you.”

His eyes softened.

“I hate walking on eggshells around you. I want to go back to normal.”

“We never talked about our personal lives…”

“I know. But maybe we can start.” If we were never going to be romantic we may as well get used to seeing other people.

“Well…I’m not seeing anyone. I haven’t seen anyone since…” He fell quiet as he tried to recall it. “Shortly after we slept together.”

That was two months ago. He hadn’t been with anyone since then? Or recently?

He pulled his hand away from his knee and rubbed his chin. “How about you? Been on any dates lately?” He asked the question like he didn’t want the answer.

“No.” I hadn’t even been seeing my vibrator because I was too bummed.

He didn’t hide his relief at that statement.

“What have you been up to lately?”

“I’ve been working on a portfolio for one of my clients. He’s insanely rich—like stupid rich. He wants me to play with his money like a cheap toy. My boss has been micromanaging me about it.”

“Sounds stressful.”

“It can be. But I’m learning a lot, and that’s what’s important.”

“Where do you intend to go next?”

“I don’t know…I’d like to open up my own business someday. I’m not sure how that will work.”

“If you put your mind to it I’m sure you’ll succeed.”

“Maybe…”

We fell into a conversation that was tense in the beginning but slowly began to relax. Soon, we were chuckling again, falling back in line to what we once were. While I felt our friendship return I also felt my heart slip away. For whatever reason, my body yearned for his. I cared about him in a special way, a way I couldn’t explain with words. He wasn’t my soul mate or even someone I found compatible, but my feelings rang true nonetheless.

***

Axel drove and I sat in the passenger seat. Francesca sat in the rear, her gaze glued outside.

“So…how’d it go?” I decided to do the questioning because Axel was a little harsh.

“It was okay.” Francesca leaned her head against the window like she was trying not to fall asleep.

“What did you talk about?” It was unrealistic to expect Francesca to be fixed within an hour but I was hoping she had some progress.

“Just…stuff.” Francesca was quiet like a teenager, unwilling to yield any information.

Now I never wanted to have kids.

Axel glanced at me from the driver’s seat but held his silence.

“Did you like him?” I asked.

“He was nice,” Francesca answered. “Soft spoken and patient.”

“Will you go again?”

Francesca paused for nearly a minute. “If you want.”

“Do you feel like it’s helping?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Francesca said. “I don’t think anything can help. It’s just something I have to deal with on my own.”

Axel gripped the steering wheel. “But you aren’t—”

I rested my hand on his thigh and gave him a gentle squeeze.

Axel fell silent and didn’t make another outburst.

“I think you should keep seeing him,” I said calmly. “It’s always good to talk to someone.”

“I guess,” Francesca answered.

I looked out the passenger window and tried to figure out what our next move was. I didn’t have any experience with this type of emotional disturbance, but since Francesca was my best friend I’d do my best to figure it out.

***

After a few rounds of Monopoly Francesca went to bed. She didn’t say a word as she excused herself. She simply drifted into her bedroom and shut the door.

Axel threw everything in the box. The way he tossed all the money, houses, and pieces showed how irritated he was.

I pitied him. “Maybe you should take a step back and let me handle her.”

“It’s okay.” He tossed the game on the ground.

“I know you have other things to worry about.”

“I said it’s okay.” He sat beside me against the couch and rested his arms on his knees. “She’s my family—and we always stick together.”

I admired his commitment to his sister despite how crazy it drove him. It was hauntingly similar to what happened to his father, and I knew it was eating him away. “She’ll get better, Axel. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I can keep this one.”

He turned to me, his blue eyes surprisingly different from Francesca’s. He had a strong jaw like the men in those western movies, and he had the gentleness of a swan in his eyes. He possessed more contradictory traits than anyone I’d ever met. “I hope you’re right.” He grabbed his satchel beside the couch and opened it. “I got something for you.”

“For me?” Axel did enough for me as it was.

“Yeah.” He pulled out a handful of different color fabrics. They were an array of colors, from pink and blue to orange and red. “They are slings. I thought you could change them out depending on your wardrobe. You know, so it doesn’t stick out as much.” He handed them over.

I held them in my fingers and felt the soft fabric. “That was thoughtful…”