Tied in Knots: A Tied Together Novella (7 page)

I
looked directly
into Ryan’s eyes. Heat, lust, and anger all combined to darken his eyes with hunger. I knew both of us were feeling on edge. How long had we been holding on to this? Weeks? Months? Longer? When Ethan came along, it changed us as a couple. We were so enamored with him, all his sounds, his movements, watching him grow. We were as enamored as new parents could possibly be. But in that span of time, getting to know a new human, we lost who we were as a couple.

I couldn’t think of my life without Ethan in it. In fact, I don’t remember what it was like before. He’d filled a part of me that was missing, and he was having the childhood I didn’t have. No matter how old Ethan got, he would need his father, and I’d need him, too. We had an emotional connection I never wanted to be broken. However, I needed to get back to my husband, to the relationship that made us a stronger unit. We were no good to Ethan or our baby girl if we were on two different playing fields.

“I’m sorry.” Those two words didn’t seem as big as I wanted them to, but it was the simplest apology I could muster. Ryan’s lips tightened into a straight line, and his breathing became more ragged. “Say something, please.”

“I can’t.” He shook his head and looked down at the floor. My heart started to pump faster.

“Why not?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.

“Because what I’m feeling can’t be put into words,” he said so quietly I almost missed them.

I took a chance and placed my hand on his thigh. My pulse was beating double time. “You don’t have to use your words. Use me; make me feel what you’re feeling.”

Ryan’s eyes lifted from the floor, and he looked at me. His Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. There were so many times I’d licked that very spot. Sucking it between my lips. It always made him moan, and I could feel the vibrations of his vocal cords in my mouth. My cock twitched as I relived those moments in my mind. I loved listening to Ryan moan. The sound was a turn-on; hearing him scream in pleasure sent me over the edge.

Ryan narrowed his eyes; I could tell he was struggling with what to do next. But I knew him well enough to know that sometimes he needed to let out his frustrations through sex. I took my hand from his thigh and inched it closer to his crotch, but he stopped it.

“No,” he said through gritted teeth. His eyes darkened. “You don’t get to take the lead here.”

Before I could answer, Ryan slammed his mouth on mine, stealing my breath away. The kiss was hot, passionate, and raw. His tongue pushed past my lips, invading my mouth and tangling with my tongue. He angled my head to the side to intensify the kiss. It was sloppy, wet, and hot. He devoured me through his kiss, and at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to let him. He took my bottom lip and dragged it with his teeth, not caring if he caused pain or drew blood. Part of me wanted it to hurt, to feel the built-up emotions we both had been feeling. The time for words had gone.

Ryan released my mouth and pushed me down to lie on the couch; he positioned himself over me, covering me with his body like a warm blanket. With slow precision, he ground his hips against mine, and I felt his hard erection through his jeans. I kept my gaze on him, trying to search deep in his eyes for the words he couldn’t speak.

Ryan broke eye contact and bent his head to press his lips on my neck. First, his soft lips trailed down from my jawline to my neck, each kiss getting rougher and more frantic as he went. He pulled the collar of my shirt down to gain more access to skin, and he sank his teeth into the skin of my collarbone.

“Agh!” I cried out, the mixture of pain and pleasure intoxicating. But Ryan didn’t stop; he licked the bite mark and added a low growl. My dick throbbed and needed attention soon, or I was going to blow in my pants.

“Ryan, I need you,” I said in a plea. But I didn’t get a response, just more kissing, licking, and—

“Ow!” Biting.

Ryan made quick work of my shirt, pulling it out of my pants and over my head. I thought he was going for my belt next, but he sat up, placed a knee on either side of my waist, and started to undo his pants. With one quick movement, he pulled open the button fly of his jeans, revealing his black boxer briefs underneath. I could see the outline of his erection, and my mouth watered. He slipped his hands into the sides of his jeans and slowly pulled them down until his dick stood out proudly in front of him.

I moved my gaze from his cock to his eyes. The corner of his lips curved upward; he knew I was admiring his length. Even though we’d been together for a long time, I still loved looking at him naked. I looked back down at his cock. He stroked leisurely like he had all the time in the world and loved me watching him. He swiped the pre-cum from the tip with his finger and then placed it in his mouth, sucking the liquid off.

“Suck on it,” he finally said.

“Your finger?” I grinned at my smartass remark. Ryan leaned back over me.

“You have two choices, Brandon: Suck my cock until you choke on it, or watch me get up and walk away so I can beat myself off in the other room.”

The man meant business, and who was I not to comply? I pushed on Ryan’s chest until he fell backward on the couch. I crawled over him with urgent speed, caught his hands, and held them over his head so he couldn’t move.

“Is that what you were going to do? Walk away? I don’t think so, Ryan. Not anymore. You will never turn away from me. You are mine; you said forever when we said
I do
.” I crushed my mouth back on his, and he lifted his hips off the couch. I knew he wanted me to touch him, but I wanted to torture him for just a bit longer.

“I need you to suck me, Brandon.” He grabbed a fistful of my hair and pushed my head toward his groin.

“Is that how we ask nicely?” Oh, I knew I was in deep shit now. And that thought turned me the fuck on.

Ryan’s adrenaline must have kicked into full gear. I was usually a little stronger, but he was able to break the hold I had on his hands. Ryan pushed his body up, taking me along with him. We fell from the couch onto the floor, and I was suddenly thankful for the area rug on the hardwood. Ryan moved fast, getting rid of his jeans and briefs. I managed to get on my hands and knees to crawl forward, but he grabbed at my waist.

Ryan worked the button of my jeans and pulled enough until my ass and very painful erection were exposed to the warm air. Hands gripped my waist so hard I was sure bruises would appear the next day. I didn’t care, though. I wiggled under his hold, trying to move forward.

“Where are you going, big talker?”

Smack!

I cried out as Ryan spanked me; he probably left a handprint on my ass.

“Is that all you have?” Oh, the fun had begun.

A growl came from behind me, and I kept my head forward and bit my lip. Another slap came down on my other cheek. I peered over my shoulder at Ryan—his face was red and eyes were narrowed in concentration. This is what he needed; this is how he told me that, yes, he was angry, but he desired me, needed to dominate me. “Come on, baby. I thought you could do more than that.”

He snarled and then brought his hand up to his mouth, spit on it, and coated his cock. He leaned over me so he could whisper in my ear, “I don’t think your smartass mouth would be doing anything but screaming if I went in dry.” Before I could retort with something that would egg him on further, he leaned down and licked my hole, sending every nerve ending I had on fire. When he felt I was as prepared as I was going to get, he lined himself up with my hole and pushed forward breaching the tight ring of muscles.

I let the burn and pain take over my body. It wasn’t just the physical pain of Ryan going in me with little lubricant; it was the pain we both had been feeling over the past few months. The hurt and the disappointment forced us get to a point where we forgot who we were to each other. The burn of his penetration started to fade, and it was replaced with sweet pleasure. Ryan moved slowly in me, and I felt so full of his girth. His hands moved over my back, stroking my hot skin.

“Ryan, move faster,” I begged. I needed more; I wanted to swim to the deep end of my emotions and feel everything. I didn’t have to wait long before he started to pump his hips faster, pounding into me. Flesh met flesh, and his balls bounced against me with each movement. My knees burned against the carpet, and I knew they would be red and sore afterward. But I would wear it as a badge of our passion.

I’d begun to stroke my cock when Ryan shouted, “No!” and slowed his pace. “You can’t touch yourself yet,” he said in a low, silky voice.

“Why?” I all but whined.

“Because I want you to feel the longing I’ve been feeling. All those nights I was home, alone, waiting for you. All those times I tried to start something, only to be rejected because you had to work or were too tired. What you’re feeling is what I was feeling. It’s painful, isn’t it? Not to be able to get the satisfaction of what you want most.”

God, it was. And not only in the sense that I wanted to explode all over the ground. It hurt because I’d hurt the one person tied to me by love and devotion. Realizing I’d caused this much pain in Ryan was enough to break me down, so I let it.

“I’m sorry.” The words started as a whisper, and Ryan’s hips started moving again.

“What was that? Did you say something?”

“I’m sorry,” I said louder; his tempo increased.

“Tell. Me,” he said, each word punctuated with a thrust.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I need you… always!” I screamed so loud I could hear it bounce off the wooden rafters.

Ryan reached around me and started jerking me off as he drove into me. The sheer pleasure brought stars to my eyes, and the weight that sat so heavily on my shoulders lifted.

“Come for me, baby. Give me everything,” Ryan said against the skin of back.

With that command, I did. Jets of come sprayed onto the rug as I threw my head back and screamed my orgasm. Ryan wasn’t far behind me, grunting my name as he filled me with his load.

We both panted from exertion, and I felt a drop of sweat roll from Ryan’s forehead onto my back. He pulled out of me, and I immediately felt the loss of our intimate connection. I couldn’t stay in the position I was in, so I collapsed facedown on the floor. After a minute, I rolled over and saw my husband with his back against the couch and his head flopped back on the seat cushion. He rolled his head to look at me, and an enormous grin broke out on his face.

Smiling back, I asked, “So am I forgiven?”

“Baby, with this kind of make-up sex, you’re forgiven for the next one hundred fights we have.”

A
fter the intense
make-up sex we had in the great room, I pulled Brandon upstairs for a hot long shower. I couldn’t keep my hands off him; I needed to feel the closeness that had been missing. Manhandling him in the shower led to a stellar blow job and another round of sex in bed. By the time daylight broke through the bedroom window, our limbs were sore, and I was fairly confident I wouldn’t be able to walk for the next two weeks.

It was all worth it, though. We felt our emotions through our bodies, each of us taking what we needed from each other. We still needed to sort out some of the things we hadn’t had a chance to say last night.

Brandon was sleeping on his side, and I cozied up behind him, placing my nose in the hollow of his neck. He smelled faintly of the soap from the shower, but potently of sweat and sex. My dick took notice and went from semi morning wood to hard-as-a-rock totem pole. As much as I wanted to continue the fuckfest, we needed to talk.

“Good morning,” Brandon said, his voice full of gravel and sleep.

“Morning.”

“What time is it?” He lifted his head to look at the clock on the nightstand. It was ten to eight, which for us felt like sleeping in. Having a young child didn’t make sleeping in a possibility in our house.

“I feel like I could sleep the day away.” He yawned and stretched out his arm.

I kissed his shoulder blade. “I would be nice to spend the day in bed. I can’t remember the last time we did that.” I moved so my head was on his chest. I brushed kisses on his skin that still smelled like sex.

“Sometime before Ethan was born, that’s for sure.”

I chuckled, but anxiety soon bloomed in my stomach. “Brandon?” I said. “We need to talk.”

Brandon reached for his glasses and put them on. He then propped himself up against the headboard, and I sat up to look at him “Yeah, I think we need to finish what we started yesterday.” He ran his hand through his already tousled hair.

“But I think we can forgo the therapist questions and just say what’s on our minds, don’t you think?”

The corner of Brandon’s mouth tweaked upward. “You mean no more twenty questions?”

“I’m pretty sure we’re beyond that point.” He was so beautiful, even first thing in the morning. “You hurt me.” Well, there’s nothing like getting straight to the point.

“I know I did,” he said softly.

“I don’t want you to say sorry any more. I need to see it in your actions.”

“I thought I made those actions pretty clear last night.” He cocked a smile.

“Brandon, I’m being serious here. Things need to change.”

“I know, and I hear you. What can I do?” He shifted and put his arms around me.

I thought about the things I wanted from him. What would be best for our family. I obviously couldn’t ask him to quit the job he loved.

Steve Buscemi:
But isn’t that what you really want, Ryan? For him to pay attention to you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. You can move out of the city and grow your own crops, milk your own cows. That way, Brandon can be there, waiting to give you blow jobs whenever you feel like it.

Brad Pitt
: Because all of that seems to be reasonable. You want Brandon to be happy and that includes his job. He loves you, Ethan, and your baby girl already. Don’t let your insecurity pin him down so he can’t breathe.

“Ryan?” Brandon’s voice broke through Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’s rant in my head.

“I guess I just miss you.” I dropped my head to look at my fingers.

Steve Buscemi:
That’s what you came up with? You’re such a pussy.

Brandon took my chin and raised it so I could look at him. “I miss you, too. I was going to discuss something I was thinking about before all of this occurred.”

“You’re quitting your job and we’re moving to some tropical Island with a nanny and a pet parrot named Cracker?”

“Not exactly what I had in mind…” My shoulders shook with laugher.

“That bird will be mine,” I said, shaking my fist in the air for dramatic effect.

“I was thinking about giving up the private practice and joining a new practice… maybe taking fewer patients.”

“You mean give up your own practice? But you’ve worked so hard for it.”

“I would still work hard in a practice with a few extra doctors in it. I just won’t take on any new patients for a while, and I’ll be able to have more coverage when I need it. I’ve already mentioned it to Dr. Alexander. They have three doctors in their practice and were looking to take on another doctor.”

I felt split about this idea. I knew how much Brandon wanted to have his own practice, but I couldn’t help feeling a sense of relief.

“If this is something you want, you know I will support you. You’re not going to hear any argument from me about you being around more. I know your son would like having his Papa around more.”

“And our daughter,” Brandon added.

“Of course, and our daughter. So what about the other elephant in the room? Why didn’t you tell me your mom wrote you?”

“Because I know how you feel about my parents. I was trying to process the letter and figure out how I was going to respond. I mistakenly talked to Sean about it instead of you. But I need you to be more open about listening to all of the aspects about how I feel. It isn’t as cut and dried as you might think it is. I know how easy it is for you to say you hate them because you love me and you know they’ve hurt me. But it’s more than that. I haven’t seen or talked to the woman in twenty years. I’m a whole other person compared to the one I was then. When I left for college, I was young and had years of abuse to get away from. She might not have physically touched me, but her allowing it to happen and the lack of nurturing was just as bad.”

“I read the letter. I know I shouldn’t have. But I couldn’t figure out why you were so distant. I thought you were cheating and maybe it was some sort of love letter.”

Brandon snorted. “That was no love letter. I felt like I was going to vomit when I read it. I’m not mad that you read it,” he said, linking our fingers together. He brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed my knuckles.

“She’s dying,” Brandon said with a sigh.

“Seems that way. Are you going to grant her dying wish?”

“I don’t know, honestly. A part of me feels like I’ve already mourned the loss of my mother years ago. She may not have been dead, but she might as well have been. I have a life that has never included her, but at the same time, maybe it would be good to make peace with that part of my life.”

We sat quietly while I tried to digest all of this information. “You should go see her.”

“What?” Brandon’s voice choked up.

“Yeah, I can’t believe I just said that either.” I put my hand on his cheek and rubbed my fingers along his scruff. “I worry that if you don’t do this, you’ll regret it. Sending a letter back is a cop-out, and I think that you need closure.”

“Why are you turning all Dr. Phil on me?” He chuckled.

“I don’t know about that, but I do know you, and I know this will eat away at you. Look at what it’s done these past few months. Listen, I have no love for you parents, but I’m trying to put my feelings aside and try to be there for you.”

“I guess I’m surprised at this change of heart,” he said, moving back to lean against the headboard. “You’re usually way more stubborn than this.”

I rolled my eyes. “That might be true. But I did have time to think about this in the car on the way up. I can’t say I’ll ever fully understand your feelings about all this, but I want to support you.”

Brandon reached his arms out for me, and I happily obliged his cuddle request and made myself at home in his arms.

“Thank you,” he whispered into my hair.

“I love you… always,” I said, tilting my head up so I could kiss him. He parted his lips, allowing my tongue entrance. I started to feel a tingle in all the parts that mattered, but I was interrupted by a text alert on my phone, which was sitting on the nightstand.

“It’s from Ray. He said to call as soon as possible.” Brandon searched for Ray’s contact information and put the call on speaker so we both could hear.

“Hello?” Ray’s voice was frantic.

“Ray, it’s Brandon. I have Ryan here on speaker, as well. Everything okay?”

“We aren’t sure. Quinn hasn’t been feeling great the last few days. We thought maybe she was getting the flu or ate something bad. She’s been throwing up for the past few hours and now says there’s a horrible pain in the upper right side of her abdomen.”

“Is she bleeding?”

“No. She’s just in a lot of pain.”

I looked at Brandon, hoping he would give me a reassuring look or maybe mouth the words “no big deal” since he dealt with pregnancies all the time. But Brandon’s brow furrowed, and he chewed on his bottom lip.

“Ray, get her to the ER. Call her doctor and let her know what’s going on. There could be a dozen reasons this is going on, and it certainly won’t help Quinn feel better if we all panic. We’re in Lake Geneva, but we’ll meet you at the hospital as soon as we can, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll get her over there, and I’ll call you as soon as we get there.”

“Sounds good, Ray. See you soon.”

Brandon swiped the phone close, and I was ready to pounce with questions. But he held his hand up to stop me. “It could be anything. She could have eaten something bad that caused food poisoning, or Ray could be right with the thought that it’s just the flu.”

“She’s only thirty weeks, Brandon.” I scooted off the bed and found some clean clothes in the suitcase. Brandon got up and went into the bathroom to gather our supplies.

“I see all different things in women’s pregnancies, Ryan. Don’t freak out.”

“Do you not know me? Freaking out is my specialty.” I pulled out clean clothes for him as he came out of the bathroom and packed the rest of our things.

“I told them to go to the ER because Quinn might need some fluids if she’s been throwing up. And it certainly won’t hurt to have the doctor look her over just to confirm everything is okay.”

When it came to emergencies, Brandon was the calm one. He was always the one to pull me back down to earth when I was ready to shoot off to Crazyville. Right now, I was ready to book a one-way ticket there.