Tied in Knots: A Tied Together Novella (8 page)

R
yan’s leg
didn’t stop bouncing the entire car ride from Lake Geneva to the hospital. He asked me a hundred different questions; it reminded me of being in medical school all over again. Even though I was trying to talk Ryan off the ledge by making jokes, I went through the list of possible conditions in my head. I’d seen a wide variety of things in my practice. Some of them amazing—like a woman finally conceiving after years of trying—and some of them heartbreaking—like a woman delivering a stillborn child. It was all part of the profession. As difficult as those tragic moments were, I was still the person on the outside. Now I was the father; it was my child this was happening to.

We parked the car in the lot, and I had to hold Ryan back from running into the ER. We checked in with the nurse, and she led us back to the room to see Quinn and Ray.

When we walked into the triage room, Ray was holding a basin for Quinn to vomit into. She was as white as the sheets tucked around her. Ryan hurried to the opposite side of the bed and helped Ray lay Quinn back down. Ray put the basin on the counter and went back to hold his wife’s hand.

“Quinn, how are you feeling?” I asked, standing next to Ray.

“How does she look? She’s a hot mess,” Ryan barked, stroking Quinn’s forehead and hair.

“Has the doctor seen her yet?” I wanted to talk to the doctor and check her chart at the nurse’s station.

“She came down just a short while ago. They gave me something to try to stop the vomiting and some pain medication, but so far it’s not working. My blood pressure is high, and they took some blood for some more tests,” Quinn said.

“What about the baby?” I asked.

“All of the baby’s stats look fine; it’s what’s happening to Quinn that has them concerned,” Ray said, rubbing Quinn’s arm.

I looked at the monitor Quinn was hooked up to and noticed her blood pressure numbers. My first thought was preeclampsia, but I wasn’t sure about the pain she was experiencing in her abdomen. My mind went down the list of possibilities: gallbladder, food posing, liver? None of it would be answered until the blood work came back.

“Quinn, can I look at your legs and feet?”

She nodded as Ryan continued to stroke her hair. I pulled at the bottom of the sheet to reveal her leg.

“Holy shit,” Ryan said, gawking a Quinn’s leg. I shot him a look, letting him know not to freak Quinn out. As I suspected, her high blood pressure had made Quinn’s legs and feet abnormally swollen.

“Did the doctor give you any indication of what she thought it could be?” I turned my attention back to Ray.

“She thought maybe it was her gallbladder or preeclampsia, but she can’t confirm anything until the test results come back. In the meantime, she gave the nurse instructions to give her some medicine to make her more comfortable.”

“Quinn, I’m going to look at your belly really quick, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, wincing and blowing out a harsh breath.

I pulled the sheet away and lifted the hospital gown. The swell of Quinn’s belly reminded me that this wasn’t just any patient. It was my daughter who was nestled safely within Quinn’s body, and I was anxious that there could be something wrong with her or with Quinn. I placed my hand on the bump and was surprised when Ryan placed his hand on top mine. I looked at him, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. I mouthed the words “I love you,” and he nodded, understanding. He let go so I could continue my examination.

I pressed lightly on Quinn’s stomach, feeling my daughter move as I pushed. Quinn groaned with my touch, but she yelped in agony when I pushed on he area under her right rib cage.

“Shit,” I said under my breath.

“What it is?” Ryan asked anxiously. He dashed to my side and grabbed my arm.

“It could be her gallbladder. It would explain the vomiting but not the hypertension. I’m going out to speak to the nurse. Maybe I can wave my status around to get some answers.”

“Tell them either we get answers for this or I will go all deranged in here,” Ryan said, running his hands through his hair.

I looked at Ray. “If he moves, I give you permission to tackle him.” That put a small smile on Ray’s face, which was what I’d been hoping for.

I left the room and went to the nurses’ station. There wasn’t a nurse in sight, but Dr. Florence rounded the corner and pushed up her brows when she saw me. I was filled with relief, hoping she had some answers.

“Carol, I was trying to find a nurse to see if they’d heard from you. Are the results back yet?”

“I just got everything back.”

“I was thinking preeclampsia and maybe a gallbladder attack. There are a few options for all of that. She’ll definitely need some bed rest and—”

“Brandon, it’s not that. Is Ryan here with you?”

My stomach felt like it had gone into a free fall. “What is it? Tell me.”

“We need to talk about this with everyone, Brandon,” she said.

“Fine, of course.” I shook my head to clear the racing thoughts I was having and followed Dr. Florence back into Quinn’s room.

We walked back into the hospital room. Quinn was propped up in bed with Ray sitting behind her, rubbing her back. Ryan paced the room, biting on his fingernails. He saw me and then Dr. Florence and started firing questions.

“What’s going on? How’s the baby? What do we do?”

I went around to him and put my arms on his shoulders to try to calm him. “Hold on, baby. One thing at a time.” The truth was I wanted the answers just as fast.

“We got the test results back, and it looks like Quinn’s liver enzymes are elevated. I had a feeling that was the case when I felt her abdomen and her liver seemed to be enlarged.”

“That’s dangerous, right?” Ryan asked. I knew the answer, but this wasn’t my show to run.

“Yes. I also had them run some other tests, and her platelet count has decreased.”

“Fuck.” I hung my head and rubbed the back of my neck.

“What?” Ryan looked from Dr. Florence to me.

“It’s HELLPS, isn’t it?” I asked, looking back up for confirmation.

Dr. Florence nodded. I let go of Ryan, took off my glasses, and pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Someone better clue the rest of us in. There are regular people in the room who might start destroying things if questions aren’t answered,” Ryan said.

“What is HELLPS, Dr. Florence?” Ray asked in a much more even tone than Ryan’s.

“It’s an acronym. The H is hemolysis, which is the breakdown of red blood cells. EL is for elevated liver enzymes, and LP is low platelet count.”

“So what do we do?” Quinn said, her voice barely audible and weak.

“The baby needs to come out,” I said, still looking at Dr. Florence.

“What?” Ryan shouted. “She’s only thirty weeks, Brandon. There’s no way. Isn’t there anything you can give her? Or bed rest? I’ll make sure she doesn’t lift a finger.”

Dr. Florence looked at Ryan. “Quinn’s liver is shutting down, and it’s only a matter of time until her other organs follow. This is a life or death situation here, Ryan. Either we deliver the baby now, or Quinn will be in some seriously trouble.”

“What about my baby, huh? Did you think about that? She could die, too. She’s not ready!” Tears streamed down Ryan’s face, and I turned to put my arm around him again. I needed to get him out of the room so I could further explain the situation without upsetting Quinn and Ray. Once I had Ryan under control, we could talk to them about the next step.

I found the consultation room on the floor, pulled Ryan inside, and shut the door. My heart ached for my husband, Quinn, Ray, myself, and my unborn child. It was a tough situation to be placed in, but there was only one right answer, no matter how much the thought of losing my daughter tortured me inside.

I pulled Ryan into my arms and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around me and cried out all his frustrations into my shoulder. I stroked his hair and smelled his warm skin. I wanted to scream, to curse whoever was up in the heavens. But I knew that wouldn’t change the situation.

“Why does it have to be them?” Ryan asked, pulling back to look at me.

“It’s one of those things—no one understands why it happens. There isn’t any information on what causes HELLPS. It’s just one of those fluke things. But Ryan, there’s only one answer and that’s to take the baby out. We can’t risk Quinn’s life.”

“Yeah, I know. I would never want that. What are the chances for the baby?”

I took a deep breath and thought about the question. “There isn’t any certain answer. At Quinn’s checkups, the baby was growing well and looked healthy. Her lungs could be underdeveloped, and there definitely could be other complications. We won’t know until she comes out. It would be ideal if we had more time for things to develop, but we don’t.”

Ryan wiped his nose with his sweater and nodded. “Will they let us in the operating room?”

“Probably not. Typically, just the husband is allowed. The two of us would be in the way.”

“But what if our little girl needs us?” Ryan asked, the tears starting again.

I took my hands and placed them on his face, clearing his tears with my fingers. “We just have to believe she’ll be strong—like her daddy.”

Ryan rested his head on my shoulder, and there was a knock at the door. Ray poked his head in. “Dr. Florence said we need to make a decision soon.”

Ryan left my embrace, went up to Ray, and wrapped his arms around him. Ray was ashen and looked like he’d lost ten years off his life. His wife was in pain and sick with our child. I couldn’t begin to fathom what he was feeling. Fear? Regret? Ray and Quinn were such a loving and generous couple. There was no question in my mind about saving Quinn, even if the fear of losing my daughter in the process was tearing my heart in half.

“I’m sorry I fell apart in the room. Of course we wouldn’t dream of compromising Quinn’s health. We’re telling Dr. Florence to go ahead with the delivery,” Ryan said as he pulled away from Ray.

“Ryan, no explanation is needed. It’s your baby in there, and as a father, I know you want to do anything to protect her. I’ll go tell Dr. Florence that we’re going to go ahead with the delivery. Brandon, is there any way you can be in the room with us?”

“I’ll see if I can. They probably won’t let Ryan in, but I might be able to persuade Dr. Florence since I work in the department. Ryan, call Moxie and see if she’ll come stay with you. I don’t want you to be alone if I can go in there.” He nodded and took out his cell phone.

I turned to Ray. “Let’s go save our girls.”

I
paced
the waiting room in the labor and delivery unit. I must have counted the same tiles on the floor a hundred times, searching them for answers as I waited to hear news from Brandon. Because of the circumstances, he was allowed to be in the operating room while Quinn delivered our baby. The stipulation was that he wouldn’t be able to assist with the C-section. Ray waited with me, dressed in his scrubs, until he was able to go back and be with his wife. We hugged, and I said a silent prayer as he walked away and I was left behind feeling completely useless.

“You’re going to have to pay the hospital to install new flooring if you don’t stop pacing,” Moxie said.

“I can’t sit. If I do, I might puke.”

“Did Brandon say how long he’d be in there?” Miles asked. He’d come with Moxie when they heard what was going on. I was grateful they were both here. Without my friends, I would’ve been as crazy as Britney Spears during her head-shaving years. I talked to my parents, who were watching Ethan for us, and I told them there was nothing they could do and it would help us more if they kept Ethan with them.

“No, he said it’s all going to depend on the surgery and how the baby responds once she comes out.”

“Quinn and Ray must be so scared,” Moxie said, putting her magazine back on the coffee table.

“Quinn was barely able to talk, but Ray looked like he’d been hit by a plane, train, automobile, and a tug boat.”

Moxie and Miles chuckled. Moxie got out of her chair, came over to me, and took me into her arms. She didn’t have to say any comforting words because I knew she was there to support me. We were always there for each other. Our friendship was built before husbands, before children, and probably would last until we were old, gray, and beating the shit out of each other with our walkers.

Moxie let go of me, and I looked at my watch. An hour had passed since Ray was called back into the OR. I had continued my pacing when the large automatic doors leading to the back opened. Brandon came out wearing his scrubs. His muscles were rigid, and his eyes were red and wet. I ran up to him and grabbed him into my arms.

My words came out in a rush. “Is she okay? What about Quinn?”

“The baby wasn’t breathing when she came out.”

“Oh my God, no.”

“But the respiratory therapist was able to resuscitate her, and they put her on an oscillating ventilator to keep her lungs open.”

“So, she’s okay?” I asked.

“It’s still too early to tell.”

“What about Quinn?”

“She lost a lot of blood and had to receive a blood transfusion. She’ll have to get treatment to make sure she recovers from the effects of the HELLPS, but Dr. Florence seemed confident that she would be okay. The main thing was getting the baby out.”

“When can we see the baby?” I felt torn asking the question because as much as I wanted to see her, I was afraid to see her tied to all of the tubes and machines.

“It’s going to be a while. They’re setting her up in the NICU.” Brandon’s voice cracked, and for the first time since we heard the news that Quinn was taken to the ER, he broke down and crumpled in my arms.

“She’s so little, Ryan. She’s only two pounds. I’ve seen it before, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it was because it was
my
daughter.” He took off his glasses and wiped the tears away. I took his hand in mine and kissed it. “She will get through this. She’s part of me, which means she’s stubborn as hell.”

Brandon laughed. “Well, that’s certainly true. I’m going to head back and make sure they are taking care of Quinn. As soon as the baby gets settled, I’ll come and get you.”

“Sounds good. Give Quinn my love.”

Brandon nodded and walked back through the doors.

A
fter seeing Brandon
, I made phone calls to my parents and sister. Everyone wanted to come to the hospital, but I told them to stay put until things were more stable. That was, of course, if things got stable at all. There would be tough few weeks or even months for our daughter, and my heart broke. I didn’t want my daughter suffering in any way. I didn’t want her hooked to machines that breathed for her, strange lights that kept her skin warm, or tubes that fed her through her umbilical cord. No parent wanted that for their child.

Brandon came back an hour later and said that we’d gotten the okay see her. I was nervous as hell, and there was a part of me that wanted to run out of the hospital and pretend this day had never happened. But I knew she needed us. She needed us to be strong for her because in truth, this was only the beginning of us protecting my daughter.

I put on a paper gown and entered the NICU. Several incubators lined the walls, all with tiny babies who were struggling after birth. It looked like something out of Star Trek with machines, blinking buttons, and alarms sounding left and right. Brandon walked up next to me after he put his own paper gown on.

“Dr. Ford?” A petite woman with blond hair and glasses perched on top of her head approached us. She wore scrubs with teddy bears dressed as doctors.

“Hey, Kathy. How is she doing?”

“Her body temperature was decreasing, but we got it under control.” She looked from Brandon to me and gave me a warm smile.

“You must be Ryan.” She stuck out her hand. I shook her hand, noticing the softness of her skin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Just so you know, your daughter is in great hands here.”

“I have no doubt.”

“If the stories I hear from Dr. Ford are true, your daughter is going to keep me on my toes for sure.” She laughed and Brandon looked a little sheepish.

“Kathy has been working in the NICU since I started at the hospital. I can’t imagine our daughter being in better hands than hers.”

“Dr. Ford always knows how to butter people up.” She smacked Brandon playfully on the arm. “Come on, Ryan, let me introduce you to your girl.”

Kathy waved for me to follow her to an incubator in the back of the room. I felt like I was in a daze as I walked. It was surreal to think our baby girl was one of these tiny babies. I looked inside the incubator, and there she was. I couldn’t get a good look at her because her eyes were covered and the ventilator covered her mouth. A tiny pink hat covered her head to keep it warm. A tube was connected to where her umbilical cord was along with several other wires that sent information to the beeping machines.

I jumped slightly when Brandon put his arm around my waist, but my eyes didn’t leave the fragile form.

“She’s where she needs to be right now,” Brandon said softly in my ear. “She’s connected to a lot of stuff, and I know it looks scary, but all of her stats look good.”

“She’s so little,” I whispered. The tears I’d been holding in started to run down my cheeks. My little girl was struggling to stay alive, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to help her. I wanted to rip all of those tubes away from her, breathe for her, make her healthy. But I was forced to watch her tiny body fight.

“We have a long road ahead with her. She’s already giving us a run for our money by scaring the shit out of us, and she’s not even dating yet.”

I let out a soft laugh and wiped my wet cheeks with the back of my hand. “What can we do for her?”

Brandon sighed. “There isn’t anything we can do for her health but wait. The staff knows what to do, and I told them to contact me if there is any change. But there is something that you and I
can
do for her.”

I turned to my husband. Brandon looked as tired as I felt. I placed a hand on his cheek, and he leaned into the touch, turning to kiss my palm. My heart expanded, and I was beyond thankful I had him by my side. “What can we do? I’ll do anything for her.”

“She needs a name,” Brandon said, the corners of this mouth curving up.

My grin followed. “That is something we can certainly do for her.”

“I know we already settled on a name, but given the circumstances, I think it needs some adjustments.”

“Aww, come on. I thought Zsa Zsa Gabor Ford-Keller was perfect.” I winked at Brandon, and he rolled his eyes. “Even though you crushed my dreams, I already agree with you.

Brandon’s forehead wrinkled. “You don’t even know what I was going to say. How could you possibly agree with me?”

“Because I know you well enough to know what you’re thinking.” I kissed Brandon’s stubbled cheek and turned back to look at our daughter, whose chest lifted each time the machine helped her fight for air. I put my hand on the glass because it was the closest I could get to holding her tiny, fragile hand.

“Hello, Quinn Madison Ford-Keller. We’re your dads.”