Tied - Part Four (The Tied Series) (8 page)

The nurse stayed calm, which may have been the only thing that kept either of us from flying off the handle. Katherine was laying on her back on the wax-paper-covered table at her doctor’s office, with her shirt lifted up to reveal her abdomen. The nurse listened with a stethoscope, presumably to hear the baby.

The older woman frowned. I felt like my heart dropped into my shoes. “Sometimes we have a hard time hearing anything this early,” she said, “I’d like to do an ultrasound.”

Katherine and I exchanged a look as the woman pulled over the monitor from a corner of the room. God, I’d only just started thinking of the baby as real - could something have gone wrong already? I squeezed her hand and tried to offer a reassuring smile, but it felt more like a grimace. Katherine just looked pale.

We waited in silence as the nursed fired up the machine and squirted the cold jelly substance on Katherine’s skin. Then she lowered the device to her stomach, and the monitor came to life with waves of incomprehensible static.

“There,” the nurse said, pointing at some spot on the screen. “There’s the baby.”

“It’s okay?” Katherine asked, her voice high.

“Yes, see the little heartbeat?” I couldn’t, but I nodded along. I couldn’t make sense of what I was looking at but if she said that everything was okay, and if Katherine was smiling again, then I could believe it. Maybe I didn’t know how to interpret that sea of static, but I was excited about it anyway.

But that minute of doubt would haunt me for a while. I could feel it, like a cold spot in my chest that was very slowly shrinking with relief. It had left its mark - I wanted this baby. And I wouldn’t shy away from it anymore.

“Can you tell what it is, yet?” I asked.

“Afraid you aren’t far enough along for that,” the nurse said. She pulled out a box of tissues and turned off the machine. “Go ahead and get cleaned up. The doctor will be in his office when you’re ready.”

Then she left us alone.

“That was a little scary,” I said, letting out a laugh of relief.

She covered her eyes. “Hey,” I said, leaning over her and running my hands down her arms. “Hey, it’s okay. Come here.” She sat up and I hugged her, getting the jelly gunk on the front of my shirt. It didn’t matter. I ran my hands up and down her back. “Say something.”

She released a shaky breath. “I was really scared,” she said. Her eyes were dry, though her lip trembled. “When she couldn’t hear it. I…” She glanced around the room, struggling to say whatever was on her mind.

“Talk to me,” I said, tilting her chin so she was looking into my eyes.

“I thought, ‘it figures.’ I’ve actually been getting excited about the baby, is that crazy? And I thought… if something went wrong…” She shuddered. “It’s just the same old guilt still nagging at me.”

“Because of your accident?”

“The accident,” she agreed, “Because I’m an alcoholic.” I started to protest but she cut me off. “You said it yourself, Lockett, and whether or not you meant to say it doesn’t mean the thought wasn’t real.”

“You were. You aren’t anymore.”

“That’s not how it works.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. This is normally the sort of thing I would dump on Patrick, but, now I’m going to dump it on you. Lucky man.”

I hated that she sounded so bitter. “I am lucky.”

“Lockett-”

“I might not know the right thing to say like he does. But listen, I’m a little excited, too. Terrified, but excited. And I love you. And you’re going to be an amazing mother. Know how I know?” She shook her head. “I’ve seen you with my niece and nephew. I’ve seen how you light up when you talk about your work.”

“It isn’t wrong of me to be happy?”

“No, sweetheart. I want you to be. And I can’t be if you aren’t.”

She squeezed my hands, looked up at me with watery eyes. “I-”

I pressed a finger to her lips. “Shh. Not yet,” I muttered. I snatched the tissues from the table. “Let’s finish up here. Then ice cream’s on me, okay? I’ve got some other news.”

“About the apartment?”

I winked. “Maybe.”

○●○●○●○●○

She was so excited to hear about the apartment that she jumped into my arms right there on the sidewalk outside of the ice cream shop, nearly knocking my cone out of my hand. I took the opportunity to lick hers, eliciting an offended squeal right in my ear.

“That’s so incredibly awesome of them,” she said, sliding back down to the ground. “We’ll have to really fix up the place, make it worth it on their end, too.”

“Definitely.”

And then I told her about the donations. The check was in the mail - and when it arrived this time, I wouldn’t tear it up.

“I know it sucks but you’re doing the right thing.”

We made our slow way back toward the apartment. Still stumping along in the boot, I couldn’t move as quickly as I wanted to.
It’ll be off long before I’m chasing a toddler, though.

“Do you want to do something this weekend?” she asked, smiling shyly, “Maybe go look at baby stuff? I know it’s still pretty early, but…”

Guilt washed over me. I had plans for Saturday already - plans I wasn’t sure I wanted to share with her.
But that isn’t how we’re handling things.

“What is it?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed. I found us a place to sit - just a bench along the sidewalk where we could enjoy our ice cream and people-watch.

“We know where Rabbit is,” I said, avoiding her eyes. “We’re paying him a visit this weekend.”

I could feel the tension rolling off of her. “What are you going to do?”

“Don’t worry about that.” I knew she wasn’t into the fighting in the ring - she definitely wouldn’t want to hear about anything that went on outside of it. “I’ll have Mal and Surly with me, everything will be fine.”

But she was shaking her head. “Don’t do it, Lockett.”

“I can’t fucking move on like this. I’ll never move on if I don’t.”

“I’m asking you,” she said, her voice steady though her hands shook when she turned and gripped mine, “Please don’t.”

“Or?” I asked, against my better judgment.
Or she’ll never live with me. She’ll move back to Connecticut. She won’t let me see her again, and as for the baby…

She surprised me, though. “I’m with you,” she whispered, “I’m not running again. I won’t quit on you if you do go through with this, but think of us. What will we do if you get arrested? Or worse, hurt again?”

“I won’t,” I said, clinging to whatever arrogance I had left from my years as a fighter.

“Did you see that little smudge of a baby on the monitor? Isn’t that more important than revenge? I’d love to see Rabbit get his. I’d love to see him arrested, believe me. You’d be surprised by the ugly things I imagine happening to him.”

“I can’t just let it go,” I said through clenched teeth.

“This isn’t you. You’re the man who kept that pet fish. You’re the man who pays for tutors and for summer camp for his niece and nephew. Loves his family. Loves me. You’re not this man who seeks violent revenge. Don’t become him.”

My voice cracked with raw emotion. The girl was going to break my heart. “Please, just stop.”

“I’m with you either way,” she said, “Much as I may hate it. I’m just begging you to think it through.”

I’d done nothing but think about it. Imagine it. Obsess over it. What more did she want from me?
She wants me to be safe. She wants me to be whole, and to come home to her
.

I didn’t have any reply. I couldn’t offer her any comfort. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. All I knew was that it had to happen soon. Revenge had consumed me for far too long, I wasn’t going to let it continue poisoning my life.

It was time to end it.
But how?

CHAPTER 10

I was exhausted after my shift. Twitchy. Overcaffeinated and overexcited. Mallet clamped a hand down on my shoulder. “Be cool.”

We were waiting. Lurking, really. Mallet stood to one side of me, Surly to the other, while we watched Rabbit’s gym from the opposite corner. We hid ourselves from plain view behind the stairway of an old brownstone apartment building.

“Is that him?” Surly asked as a tattooed man passed us by and stepped out into the intersection. He was heavily muscled, thickly inked, and carried a gym bag - but he wasn’t Rabbit.

“Not him,” I said. He entered the building. I wondered if he knew Rabbit. I wondered if he would cause any trouble today.

Another man approached, this one from the other direction up the street. Dark tattoos, but none that extended onto his neck. “Not him either,” I said.

Things were going to get tricky if he showed up much later. Right now it was still early enough in the morning that the streets weren’t busy. Once people started their morning commutes?

“How did you guys even find where he works out?” Surly asked.

“I cut a deal with Lee,” Mallet said, “I owe him one.”

“Owing Lee is never a good thing,” Surly grumbled. “Let me know if I can help pay him off.”

“We’ll see,” Mal said absently, most of his attention on the streets around us.

There. Fuck, there he is
. He approached from the other side of the gym, facing in our direction. I could see him clearly. In fact, I could see him so clearly that everything around him blurred - and it blurred red.

“That’s him,” I croaked, my mouth suddenly dry.

The police officer waiting behind us spoke into his radio. “Move in.”

Rabbit was swarmed before he knew what was happening. Three policemen descended on him from three different directions. He froze, his body jerked once as he tried to find an escape route, but the officers had him cuffed and were stuffing him into a car before he could even pick a direction.

It was disappointing. I’d been hoping he’d try to run and get himself tasered.

“Good find, guys,” the officer that remained with us said. “He’s had a warrant out for ages, since way before he attacked you.”

I elbowed Surly. “Maybe we can look at bounty hunting as a second career.”

The officer chuckled, but his eyes strayed to my boot.
Oh. Right
.

“Did he really escape jail?” Mallet asked, gracefully changing the subject.

“Naw,” he said, “Dumb rumor. He did successfully resist arrest, though. Story was, the detective that had him was just too out of shape to chase him down.”

The police car pulled away.

“Okay guys, we’ll contact you if we need anything else,” the officer said, “Have a good one.”

We watched him go before heading in the opposite direction - back toward the train, to a corner bodega where the girls were waiting for us. I hadn’t even wanted them that close, but they’d insisted.

“I was hoping they’d at least tackle him,” Mallet said.

“Yeah. Pretty anti-climactic.” I dragged my heavy boot along. Of course I’d known that seeing Rabbit arrested wouldn’t fix my foot. It wouldn’t fix anything, really. I don’t know what I was hoping for. Relief? I just felt tired.
Doing the right thing isn’t very exciting.

Katherine and Riley rushed out to greet us when we reached the block where they waited. Whatever rush I was missing when Rabbit got stuffed in that cop’s car, I felt when I saw her. My tired body buzzed back to life. I wrapped my arms around her.

“How’d it go?” she asked.

“Too smoothly,” I said.

“It was actually boring,” Mal added.

Riley rolled her eyes. “Guys. Seriously. Boring is good in this scenario.”

“Feel better?” Katherine asked me.

I shrugged. “I guess. I feel ready for whatever’s next.”

“Tony’s waiting for us,” Mallet said, leading the way back toward the train, “That’s what’s next.”

I followed in silence. Katherine held my hand but she read my mood and didn’t push.

Boring is good
, I reminded myself.
So what if I didn’t get to release all my rage on that fucker’s face? It’s over
. It was hard to let all that anger go after clinging to it for so long, but Katherine’s tight grip on my hand anchored my thoughts.
Her. The baby. The apartment.