Tigers in Red Weather (23 page)

“Yes, Helena, I’ve missed you. I want …”

“You want, you want.” Helena’s skin had begun to itch again and she wanted to tear it off with her nails. “And what about what I want?”

“Helena, for heaven’s sakes. Be reasonable, darling. Do you really want to go back to that awful house and be all alone?”

“I’m not alone. I’m married, if you’ve forgotten.”

Helena watched Nick’s eyes go a shade darker.

“I haven’t forgotten.” Nick’s voice was cold now. “But it looks like your husband may have.”

“Don’t say that.” Helena felt her strength dissipating. “I know he’s not perfect, like your saintly husband. But I want to speak to him.”

“No,” Nick said slowly. “No, I’m sorry, darling, but I can’t let you. Not now, anyway.”

“You can’t keep me prisoner. You can’t stop me from being with Avery.”

“I am not keeping you prisoner. I’m trying to protect you, and I don’t give a goddamn what you say.”

“Oh, I know you don’t. Avery was right all along. You’ve never cared about me, not really. I’m your shadow, there to make you look better, and I can have your scraps, when you’ve finished. But I can never have something of my own. It just kills you, doesn’t it?”

“How can you say that to me?” Nick’s eyes got shiny. “I love you. Don’t you know that?”

“Well, I don’t love you. Not anymore.”

“You’re not well, darling,” Nick said, rising from the bed and crossing the room to the door. “I know you don’t mean that.”

Helena could hear her crying in the other room. And, even though it hurt her a little to know it, she was glad.

1967: AUGUST
II

A
fter her escapade with the neighbors’ dog, Helena had tried to brush out the horrendous nest of hair, but it hadn’t done much good. So, she had lain down on the chaise longue in her room and fallen asleep, awaking some time later to a knock on her door. The sun was making its way down to the water, and she could hear the hum of the beetles on the front lawn. The grass had been brown for some weeks now, burnt out by the long, hot summer.

“Helena,” she heard Nick call softly. “Can I come in, darling?”

Helena sighed.

Nick didn’t wait for an answer, of course, she just pushed the door open slowly and poked her head in.

“I don’t want to fight. Not on your birthday.”

Helena looked at her. There were so many things she couldn’t say to Nick anymore that it made it almost impossible to say anything at all. Even the small pleasantries, or minor concessions.

“We’re not fighting,” she said. She felt tired.

“I’ve brought you something. A peace offering, and a gift. Can I come in?”

“Of course you can come in,” Helena said. “It’s your house.”

Nick pretended she didn’t hear the last comment. She was carrying a brown parcel under her arm. On the side table next to the chaise longue, she put down a small white pill.

“I found an aspirin.” She looked at Helena as if she expected her to jump up and rejoice.

“Thank you,” she said. She kept her hands in her lap, clasped tightly around her book.

“And I wanted to give you your birthday present. Before dinner.” Nick placed the package next to her.

Helena waited, hoping she would leave and not make her open the present and pretend gratitude in front of her.

“Go on, darling, open it. I’m feeling pretty clever about it.” Nick smiled one of her winning smiles.

Involuntarily, Helena found herself smiling back. She picked up the parcel and tore the paper, revealing carefully folded fabric: light blue muslin, embroidered with gold tigers. She pulled it out and unfolded a dress, knee-length and fitted at the waist, with a bell-shaped bottom.

“I used one of your old patterns, with a little tweaking, just to update it, and had it remade for you. What do you think?”

Helena gingerly touched the cloth. It was beautiful.

“Do you love it?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Oh, I knew you would. Hughes worried that you might not, because it had been my dress, before. But I told him Grandfather had brought it back for both of us and I had been selfish in taking it. I know it was selfish, darling. I’m sorry.” Nick clasped her hands together.

“You said you were going to make cushions out of it,” Helena said, careful not to sound reproachful.

“Oh, I know. I know, and I made a dress. Well, I said I was sorry,
and I am.” Nick looked up at the ceiling for a minute and Helena could tell she was trying to keep her temper. It made Helena smile inwardly. “In any case, darling, I’m just thrilled you love it.”

Helena placed the dress over her lap and smoothed the fabric with her hand.

“Well,” Nick said, finally, when Helena remained silent. “I guess I’ll leave you to it. I have to go prepare for your birthday dinner.” She stood and then turned. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I’m sorry, darling, but your cake appears to have been stolen, if you can believe it. Must have been one of the neighborhood boys. We looked everywhere for it, but it’s just vanished. The strangest thing. I am sorry. I know how much you love angel food.”

“Amazing,” Helena said.

Nick walked to the door. “I really do love this room,” she said. “I’ve always loved it, especially those bluebirds.” Then she shut the door softly behind her.

Helena fell back against the chaise longue. God, she hated her. The worst part of it was that she also missed her. She was charming and she was fun and awful, all at the same time. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to forgive her cousin, it was that she just couldn’t. She had gone too far. Helena had only ever really wanted one thing and Nick had ruined it.

“Why do you believe she’s stronger than you?”

“I don’t believe that.”

“If she’s not stronger than you, then how could she take your husband away?”

“She’s one of those people who get what they want. And she decided I had made a mistake.”

“Who are these people who get what they want? Why do you feel like you aren’t one of those people?”

“Because I’m not a fool, Dr. Kroll. I know what the world’s like.”

“And what is the world like, Mrs. Lewis?”

“The world is cruel to the innocent.”

“And you are innocent?”

“I was, yes. I know I was.”

Helena could hear them downstairs. Tyler, it seemed, had arrived. She caught his voice, and then Daisy’s laughter. It was a specific kind of laughter, the kind girls produced when someone they loved told them something charming about themselves.

Helena put on her girdle and then looked at the dress lying on the bed. Of course Nick would think it was all right to give her something she had already worn, something used. She had intended to throw the dress in the wastepaper basket. But she knew they would worry, they would think she wasn’t well again. So, the dress could just go to the back of the closet, and it could stay there until kingdom come, for all she cared.

But looking at it, lying there on the bed—blue the color of evening and the perfectly stitched gold tigers—she began to have second thoughts. She picked it up and slipped it over her head, zipping up the side. It fit perfectly, she had to give it to Nick.

She crossed the room to the vanity and looked in the mirror. The dress matched the color of her eyes, and for a moment she wished Avery could have seen her in it.

“I love you,”
he’d say.
“My movie star.”

She closed her eyes and imagined him, holding out his arms to her. She would fall into him and he would pull her very close.

Helena opened her eyes and looked at herself, standing in the blue dress in the middle of the room. No, she decided, she would wear it after all. This dress was made for her; tigers suited her very well. In fact, tigers were just perfect.

“You say soul mates. If that is the case, why do you think your husband hasn’t come to visit you here?”

“Because he doesn’t know where I am.”

“I see. Why is that?”

“Because she won’t tell him. She paid him off to stay away.”

“And why do you think he would accept that? Why would he accept money to give up his wife?”

“He needed the money, Dr. Kroll. For something he’s been working his whole life on. The most important thing to him.”

“So you are expendable.”

“I don’t really think I know how to answer that question.”

“Why is that, Mrs. Lewis?”

“Because you make it sound like he had a choice, which he didn’t.”

“It wasn’t a choice?”

“No. She had a choice. But we didn’t.”

“Aunt Helena?” Daisy was tapping on her door.

What was this, Grand Central Station? Why couldn’t she just be left in peace for one blessed moment?

“Yes, sweetest lamb? What can I do for you?”

Daisy opened the door and, just like Nick, peeked around.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“Really, now what would that be, dearest? I feel like I’ve been spoiled enough today.”

She heard Daisy whispering behind the door. Helena turned back to the mirror.

“Hello, Mother.”

Looking up, she saw her son standing in the doorway. He took her breath away, he was so handsome.

“Ed, dearest.” She rose to go to him, but found herself hesitating, stopping just a few feet in front of him. “Well, this certainly is a surprise.”

“I know,” Daisy said, pushing in behind her son. She was always doing that, touching him, bossing him around, as if there were no barriers between them. Helena envied her. “Isn’t it just the best? Ty drove him in from the city.”

Helena saw Ed turn to look at his cousin. As always, his
expression remained relatively unchanged, although Helena detected a kind of softness there. Again, she wondered if her son was in love with her niece. But she knew that wasn’t quite it. Something else, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. In any case, it suited her fine.

“Ed has been very mysterious with his comings and goings, but I managed to pin him down.” Daisy was practically beaming over her coup.

“Happy birthday, Mother.” Ed crossed to Helena and kissed her on the cheek. The kiss was neither warm nor cold. She wouldn’t call it perfunctory, but it was close.

“Have you been very busy with work, dearest?”

“Yes, Ed Lewis, what have you been up to?” Daisy stamped her foot in mock outrage. “I tried your office a hundred times and they said you were away on business. Now, what kind of business does a market researcher have to do away from the office? I thought you all sat in basement dungeons, poring over figures.”

“Housewives in Iowa,” Ed said, looking at Daisy. “How they feel about Hoover’s latest model.”

“Dearest, all the way to Iowa and back for my birthday? Well, I couldn’t be more touched.” Helena tentatively put her hand to his cheek. He was so pale, as if he hadn’t seen the sun all summer long.

“Well,” Daisy said, looking from one of them to the other. “I should probably go help out Mummy. You know what she’s like when she’s preparing a dinner. Don’t get up to anything naughty without me,” she sang over her shoulder, with a wave.

Ed watched Daisy leave and then turned back to Helena. “How are you feeling, Mother?”

“Just fine, dearest.”

“What happened to your hair?” Unlike Nick, Ed wasn’t mocking her; he seemed genuinely curious.

Helena laughed. “I’m afraid I had a little run-in with the hairdresser.
Daisy’s treat. I suppose I was feeling a little blue this morning.”

“Why would she think that would make you feel better?”

“Oh, Ed, I don’t think she thought it would turn out like this.” Helena walked over to the mirror and patted her hair. “Did you say hello to your Aunt Nick?” She tried to make her voice sound light, but she watched her son’s face in the mirror.

“I haven’t seen her yet.” His expression was impassive.

“It’s nice that Tyler could make it for the dinner. I know how well he gets along with the family, especially your aunt.”

Helena gazed down at the collection of lipsticks on the vanity, trying to decide on a color that would complement the dress. She chose Catch-Me-Coral. “Although, I must admit, I do wonder sometimes if it makes Daisy uncomfortable. He does dote so on Aunt Nick.”

“Yes,” Ed said. “He’s watching her.”

“I’m not sure how I would feel as a young bride-to-be, if my beloved paid so much attention to someone else, even if it was my mother.” Helena applied the lipstick, and then leaned back on the stool to inspect herself. “Then again, Daisy’s so lovely, she’d never say if it hurt her.”

“What are you trying to say, Mother?”

“Nothing,” Helena said, turning around to face him. “I just wouldn’t want to see Daisy get hurt, that’s all. Nor would you, I imagine.”

“No,” Ed said. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.” Helena stopped and pretended to fiddle with something on her dress. “It’s just that your Aunt Nick, well, she can be stubborn when she thinks she’s right. Sometimes, people like that need to be forced to see how dangerous their behavior can be. Do you know what I mean?”

Ed was silent, watching her.

She swiveled back to the mirror, smoothed her hair down one last
time and fastened her pearl earrings. “There,” she said, patting her knees and looking at her son in the reflection. “Shall we go down and join the others?” She tried to give her best impression of Nick’s hundred-watt smile, all wide pleasure and glittering eyes. But, in the end, she just felt like she was baring her teeth.

“What about your son, Mrs. Lewis? You said you two haven’t been close in the last few years. Why is that? Is that because of your husband?”

“No. He’s a teenager. I don’t think teenage boys have much time for their mothers, in general.”

“I see.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m not sure I agree with that assessment.”