Tightening the Knot (2 page)

           
Now Meredith decided that step one in her newly forming plan to reconcile with her husband was to go to Confession and reconcile with herself.
 
A nice, clean slate seemed appropriate.
 
She never knew how often to attend, feeling that too often meant she wasn’t trying hard enough to overcome her sins and not often enough meant she wasn’t being honest with herself about those sins.
 
Like other problems in her life, she chose to solve this by avoiding the issue altogether.
 
Consequently, it had been nearly three years since her last visit to a confessional.
 
When she mentioned to Greg where she was headed, he naturally looked surprised.
 
He also looked as though he knew better than to comment on this decision.
 

****

The large church was very quiet as she entered.
 
Meredith joined those kneeling in the rear pews to wait her turn.
 
She marveled at how different the relatively empty building looked on a Saturday afternoon.
 
It was as though the architecture was more visible with fewer people to distract the eyes.
 
When her turn came, she knelt behind the screen and recited the opening lines, wincing slightly as she admitted her long absence.
 

           
As she opened her mouth to list the nitty-gritty part, step one of her plan came to a choking halt.
 
She was suddenly aware that she didn’t know how to say what she wanted to say.
 
The first words that came into her head were “I haven’t been honoring my marriage vows.”
 
But that sounded like… and she hadn’t done
that
!
 
Her mind was reeling for a better explanation.
 
She knew she was responsible for some of the tension at home, but how could she put that into words?
 
Where to start?
 
There was an inexplicable wave of panic threatening to drown her and when she noticed by his shadow that the priest was getting up, that he was coming around to her side, she reacted without thought.
 
She jumped up like a crazy person and bolted to the parking lot.

           
After several furtive glances assured her she had not been followed, Meredith sat in her car sulking.
 
It no longer mattered that her plan had no step two.
 
Once she was calm and her heart rate had returned to normal, she decided that this was going to be a setback, not a defeat.
 
St Andrew’s was not that far away.
 
She would simply have to find out when they had Confession and try again where no one would recognize the fool who was afraid of a priest.
 
Or rather, a priest’s shadow.

           
Two of Meredith’s friends were meeting her for dinner in an hour and she determined to use the time until then to write out exactly what she would say next time.
 
Using crib notes in a confessional was surely less pathetic than a major freak out.
 

****

           
Jenna was waiting for her at the restaurant.
 
It had become an unwritten rule between them to show up early and have a few minutes alone before Mercy arrived.
 
Jenna and Meredith had been best friends since the sixth grade.
 
They remained close despite some jealousy on both sides.
 
Jenna was a knockout.
 
She was simply beautiful with thick, chestnut hair that she kept long and perfect at all times.
 
She was a
Jazzercize
instructor and her figure earned the gym numerous clients of both sexes.
 
It was excellent job security.
 
But despite all the attention she received from guys, she still had very bad luck in the relationship department and tried very hard not to resent the fact that Meredith had married her first serious boyfriend right out of college.

           
She looked concerned as Meredith sat down with an obvious cloud around her.
 
“What’s up with you?”

           
“I’m having a bad day, or week actually, but I’m going to change it.”
 
She took a deep breath to insert a dramatic pause.
 
“I’ve decided to work on my marriage… but I’m not really sure what that means.”

           
“Are you and Greg having problems again?”

           
“Not again… still.”

           
“Oh, I’m sorry.
 
I thought you said things were improving.”

           
“I thought they were.”

           
“Maybe it’s time, you know
,
if Greg is still willing…” Jenna seemed to be trying to choose her words carefully, and with good reason.
 
She was alluding to marriage counseling.
 
Greg had suggested this a few months ago and it was still a sore spot with Meredith.
 
She had stubbornly insisted that they did not need anyone else’s help to solve their problems.
 
She had felt proven correct when the discussion had them temporarily talking about what those problems might be.
 
When the talks eventually brought them back to their original stalemate, she found it too difficult to swallow her pride and admit that maybe they could use some outside help after all.
 

           
“He hasn’t brought it up again.”

           
“Have you?”

           
Meredith just shook her head, looking defeated.
 
And Jenna didn’t really want to talk about this any more than her friend.
 
She felt completely unqualified for any sort of relationship advice, having never had one of her own last more than two months.
 
“Well…” Jenna dove into the silence with a new topic.
 
“
My
resolve was tested today.”

           
“The one about not dating clients?”

           
“I almost didn’t say it today.”
 
Looking the way she did, Jenna was hit on at least once a week.
 
She used to have a fairly liberal acceptance policy, agreeing to meet most guys who seemed nice, and were not scary.
 
She hoped that the more guys she met, the more likely she’d be to luck into a good one.
 
Her luck had apparently not kicked in yet.
 
After a particularly disastrous date that involved washing her hair in tomato sauce the following day, she changed her policy.
 
She now insisted that she would not date again until a man was willing to work for a “yes.”
 
She called it the “I don’t date clients” policy for simplicity and mostly it just gave her a rejection line to use without feeling guilty.
 
“This guy,” she continued, “his name is Shawn, and we talked a little bit last week and I saw him again today and he asked me out and I
kinda
wanted to say yes since it wasn’t the first time I saw him.”

           
Meredith nodded with mock understanding.
 
“So he happened to be at the gym twice, a place he’s paid a ridiculous fee to attend, and that qualifies as working for your attention?”

           
“Well, he was also there on Thursday and he waved at me during my class.”

           
“Oh you didn’t tell me there was a wave.
 
Now I understand.”

           
Jenna didn’t mind the teasing and even laughed at herself a little.
 
“Okay, I admit it!
 
He’s very cute.”

           
Meredith smiled, too.
 
“I thought so.
 
And I don’t really want to give you a hard time.
 
It’s just… You did tell me to remind you of the tomato sauce if it seemed like you were giving in too easily.”

           
“I know.
 
And you’re right about the membership fee.
 
At least that means he’ll probably be back.
 
So maybe he will try again, and
then
it’ll be okay to go out with him.”

           
“Go out with
who
?”
 
Mercy had just arrived.

           
“Just some guy I met at the gym.”

           
“Do we really need to hear about all the guys you meet?”
 
Mercy rolled her eyes as she sat down.
 
She didn’t hide her jealousy as well as some.
 
“Have you guys ordered yet?
 
I’m starving as usual.”
 
Mercy Sayers was a fellow teacher, fourth grade, and Meredith had known her for years.
 
They had only started getting together outside of school the last four or five months.
 
She was expecting her first child at the end of the month.
 
Meredith found the torture of hearing about another woman’s pregnancy strangely irresistible and Mercy could talk about little else.
 
“It’s insane how much this little guy apparently eats.”

           
“Just wait until he’s a teenager.
 
My mom could never keep enough food in the house for my brother.”

           
“That is kind of a scary thought.
 
But I don’t know if he’ll ever be a teenager.
 
He’d have to come out first.”
 
She said the last line a little louder and addressed it to her abdomen.

           
“You sound ready for the due date.”

           
“Am I
ever!
 
The closer I get to delivery, the more people keep telling me to enjoy sleep while I can.
 
What sleep?
 
How can you sleep with a foot, or something, constantly wedged between your ribs?”

           
“But it’s still neat to feel him moving, right?”

           
“Yeah, I guess.
 
But he’s like my own personal space heater.
 
I’m hot all the time.
 
I mean, it’s December and I’m always hot.”

           
Jenna was growing bored, these complaints were not new, and tried to steer things in a different direction.
 
“So Mercy, you were supposed to meet your sub yesterday.
 
How did that go?”

           
“Oh, yes.
 
Speaking of hot…”
 
She grinned suggestively.
 
“I am almost sorry to be leaving, Meredith.
 
You are going to enjoy the eye candy replacing me, not to mention the fun of watching the single teachers battling for his attention.”

           
“Hot, huh?
 
What else do we know about this guy?”
 
Jenna clearly approved of the conversation’s new heading.

           
“He’s very young, like twenty-four or twenty-five I think.
 
He just finished his Master’s.
 
His name is Gavin.
 
Dark hair, dark eyes, he has sort of a Mediterranean thing going on.”

           
“Hey,
Mer
, maybe you could forget your lunch or something so I’ll have to come visit you at school.”

           
“Sure.
 
We’ll hang out.
 
I’ll show you the sites.”

           
“Okay, but if this guy doesn’t live up to the hype, I’m eating the lunch myself.”

           
They all laughed,
then
Mercy sighed.
 
“As much as I want this baby to hurry up and get here, I’ll be sad that you two will have to go back to hanging out without me for a while.
 
I don’t know how long it will be before I’ll be able to have another girls’ night.”