Tightening the Knot (3 page)

           
“Yeah, I’m just glad Meredith hasn’t abandoned me for a baby yet.
 
I guess she’s waiting until I land a man so we can do it together.”
 
She winked at Meredith.
 
“I hope you don’t mind waiting till you’re forty.”

           
Meredith forced her outward appearance to return the smile while her insides split painfully in two.
 
She hadn’t told anyone, not even her best
friend, that
she and Greg had been trying to have a baby for nearly two years… that it had become the source of almost everything that was wrong between them.
 
She was sure it would bring nothing but pitying looks that she would not be able to bear.
 
How those looks could be worse than keeping it a secret eluded her at that particular moment.

╣ Chapter 3 ╠

           
There was one week left of school before the holiday break.
 
Normally, this was a time that Meredith truly enjoyed.
 
She loved helping her students make presents for their parents, and she loved the time off with her own family.
 
This year she was having a little trouble getting into a festive mood.
 
Greg’s mother would be descending from
Virginia
on Wednesday.
 
Since Greg’s only sibling was a nun, all hopes of grandchildren rested on his shoulders and his mother was not shy about reminding him, and
Merdith
, of this responsibility.
 
Meredith didn’t feel they should be trying to bring a child into a house where the adults rarely spoke more than two sentences a day to each other.
 
Alerting her mother-in-law to this fact would be very unlikely to make her feel any better.

           
Meredith’s brother, Tom, was also starting a visit on Friday, along with his girlfriend.
 
Tom was twenty-four.
 
He met Ellie during college in
Bowling Green
,
Ohio
and they both stayed in that area after graduation.
 
She was nice enough.
 
Meredith felt extraordinarily bad about using the phrase “nice enough” whenever she mentioned this possible sister-in-law, but the phrase always seemed to slip out anyway.
 
There was something awkward about Ellie that made it seem as though she was being introduced for the first time every time she entered a room.
 
It made the whole family nervous.
 
Meredith was charged with picking them up from the airport and was reminded by her mom during a Sunday evening phone call.

           
“The flight gets in at
5:46 pm
.”

           
“I know, Mom.
 
I have it written down.”

           
“I just want to be sure.”

           
“Yes, and I’m bringing them straight to your house.
 
That’s still the plan, right?”

           
“Yeah.
 
And Ellie will be staying in your old room while they’re here so maybe you want to come over first and make sure you’ve cleared everything out of there?”

           
“Mom, I got everything out of that room when I moved out.
 
You know, six
years
ago.”
 
Meredith was aware that her tone sounded suddenly like an impatient teenager.
 

           
“I just thought I’d make sure.”

           
“You are aware that you’ve used that room for guests numerous times since then… including for Ellie at least twice before?”

           
“I know, but…”

           
“But you’re just so excited that they’re coming?”

           
“Something
like
that.”

           
“Don’t worry, Mom.
 
It’ll all be okay.
 
See you Friday.”

           
Meredith hung up the phone and looked at Greg for a minute.
 
He had his laptop out and appeared to be working.
 
He never used to bring work home.
 
She sat down across the room and opened a magazine.
 
She wasn’t reading though.
 
It was a prop.
 
She had made a more successful trip to Confession and was trying to figure out what step two was going to be.
 
Ideas were not leaping to mind, nor were they even strolling.
 
Every now and then her eyes would focus on a page and her mind would wander to what was actually in front of her.
 
After a quiet hour or so, Greg got up and began putting his things away.
 
He was getting ready for bed.
 
This gave Meredith an idea.
 
They had never officially stopped trying to have a baby; they had just sort of stopped
trying
.
 
Meredith had taken to staying up later than Greg to avoid the awkwardness of bedtime.
 
She decided to make a point of going up the same time he did.
 
Perhaps he would take the hint.

           
When he noticed her brushing her teeth, he asked, “You’re going to bed now?”

           
She nodded.

           
They crawled under the covers facing opposite walls as usual.
 
Then she moved an inch or two toward the middle and waited for him to notice.
 
She fell asleep waiting and woke up seriously annoyed.

           
A new box of cereal absorbed most of her wrath.
 
It got a bit mangled as she opened it with significantly more vigor than was necessary, shooting Greg a few withering looks as though he might be responsible for making the box so uncooperative.
 
He was accustomed to being more or less ignored over breakfast and the obvious hostility left him at a bit of a loss.

           
“Is there…” he started.
 
“I mean, did I do something recently?”

           
Meredith was silent.
 
She ate quickly and then finished getting ready for work.
 
He tried one last quizzical look as she reached the door.
 
She answered pointedly, “I went to bed early last night.”

           
He looked unsure, but also hopeful.
 
“Oh, so you’re just tired?”

           
She didn’t utter a single syllable as she closed the door behind her, yet her answer still dripped with sarcasm.
 
She knew this wasn’t Greg’s fault.
 
In fact, even without a degree in psychology, she knew that she was actually angry with herself for not knowing how to improve the situation.
 
Guilt over taking that anger out on Greg only compounded the anger that she took out on Greg.
 
It was a cycle she wanted to end.
 
But why couldn’t it be easier?

****

Meredith arrived in the teachers’ lounge to discover that Mercy had not been wrong about her replacement.
 
At least not about the buzz he would generate among some of the other teachers.

           
“Oh my God!
 
I mean, did you
see
him?”

           
“I know.
 
My class might have to start taking the long way to the playground so I can peek in the window.”

           
“Look all you want.
 
I get first dibs though.”

           
“Dibs?
 
Are you talking about a man or a cookie?”

           
“Good morning, Meredith.
 
You must not have seen him yet, or you wouldn’t be asking.
 
We are talking about a very tasty man.”

           
“Yeah, Mercy approved, too.
 
I may have to check in and see how her last week is starting out.”

           
“I already used that excuse so you’ll have to think of another one if you don’t want to be too transparent.”

           
“You guys are terrible!
 
I was really going to stop in to see her and now I can’t because it’ll look like I’m just trying to sneak a peek at the new guy.”

           
Meredith helped herself to a cup of coffee to take to her classroom.
 
She regularly saw Mercy during the day and could wait till later to be introduced.
 
She left the drooling co-workers to themselves.
 
There was one student in her classroom when she entered.
 
Jeffrey was always the first one to arrive.

           
“Good morning, Miss Donna.”
 
Jeffrey always called her Miss Donna.
 
She had given up explaining that her name was Mrs.
Donnor
about two months into the school year.
 
Jeffrey suffered from the coincidence of having had both preschool and kindergarten teachers called Miss Donna and it left him blind to the subtle differences.
 

           
“Good morning, Jeffery.
 
I see you’ve remembered your picture.”
 
She had asked each child to bring in a picture of
himself
for a project.
 
He was holding his in the air and waving it at her proudly.
 
He beamed that she noticed.
 

           
She sipped her coffee and got a few things organized for the day as the rest of the class trickled in.
 
Her new-guy-worshiping co-workers had amused her and eased most of the foul mood she had felt earlier in the morning.
 
She was now reasonably convinced that she would be better able to control her emotions in the future.
 
The morning’s behavior was just a remnant of past failures.
 
Since Meredith was in the process of improving the relationship, there was no need to dwell on those old problems.
 

A little of that foul mood tiptoed back though as a student, Jacob, walked in chewing an obvious, and very large, wad of gum.
 
This had been a problem all year and she was quite at a loss as to how to handle it.
 
She caught him chewing gum at least once a week.
 
Since this was against the school rules, she would bring him the garbage can and ask him to spit it out.
 
This eventually stopped working because Jacob took to swallowing the gum as soon as he saw her coming with the trash can.
 
Though this did stop him from chewing the gum, and even more importantly from sticking it to his desk, it created the new issue of a possible choking hazard.
 
Meredith hated sending notes home, but was concerned enough about his safety to write the following and slip it into his bag.

           
Dear Mr. and Mrs.
Tenney
,

Jacob has been regularly caught chewing gum at school.
 
As you know, this is against school rules.
 
In an attempt to avoid getting in trouble, Jacob swallows his gum when it is noticed.
 
I am concerned that this may cause him to choke and ask that you please assist him in keeping his gum at home.