'Till Death Do Us Part: Love, Marriage, and the Mind of the Killer Spouse (11 page)

But on Friday, July 16, 2004, Lori, a trading assistant at Wells Fargo, left work early, visibly upset. She had just called the University of North Carolina inquiring about financial aid for her husband but was told that he had never enrolled there and had never even applied. When she confronted him that evening, Mark claimed it must be a computer glitch. Two days later, he told her the shocking truth: He never enrolled in medical school, and had never even graduated from the University of Utah. For Lori, it was the last straw in a marriage filled with too many lies and deceptions.

After Mark delivered the crushing news about his education and medical school, Lori went to bed that Sunday night sure that her marriage was over. She had even written a letter telling him that she no longer saw any future for them. Later that night, around 1
A.M.
, after several hours playing video games, Mark quietly walked into the bedroom and pointed a .22 rifle at Lori’s head. He fired a single shot, killing his sleeping wife. The next morning he called Lori’s office, and then her friends and family, saying she went jogging around 5:30
A.M.
and never returned. A massive search ensued and the heartfelt pleas from Lori’s family were broadcast throughout the region and the nation, begging for her safe return. As police began their investigation, Mark checked himself into a psychiatric ward after suffering a mental breakdown, the emotional toll apparently too much to bear. In reality, it was the police who were bearing down on Mark.

The day he reported her missing, police searched their apartment and found a bloody knife, a receipt for a new mattress, and Lori’s letter. The knife, theorized police, was used to carve the mattress, which was later found, bloodied and cut up, in a trash bin near the University of Utah, where Mark worked. The receipt indicated Mark had bought the new mattress less than an hour before he made his first call inquiring as to Lori’s whereabouts. When they inspected Lori’s car, which was recovered near the jogging trail, the police found that the seat had been adjusted to fit someone larger than Lori. They also found the keys to the car inside the Hacking apartment. As they collected their overwhelming evidence, it became clear who had killed Lori Hacking.

On July 24, just five days after she disappeared, Mark gave up his last deception, disclosing the awful truth about the fate of his pregnant wife to his brothers Lance and Scott. Mark told them that after killing Lori, he wrapped her body with garbage bags and placed it in a Dumpster. He then took the bloody mattress, cut it to pieces, and placed it in a trash bin near a church. He also took Lori’s car and parked it near the jogging trail, and then visited a local furniture store and purchased the new mattress. Believing he had covered his tracks, Mark called Lori’s office, inquiring as to her whereabouts.

Upon his release from the mental facility, and following his confession to his brothers, Mark was arrested and charged with Lori’s murder. Two months later Lori’s body was found in a landfill, identifiable only through dental records. In April 2005, Mark pled guilty to killing his wife and was sentenced to sixty years life in prison.

* * * * *

T
HE
murder and subsequent cover-up were all too shocking for the conservative state capital of Salt Lake City. The Hackings had been together there for ten years, and their relationship appeared to be strong, with Lori, a pretty, private, reserved woman, calling her husband a “teddy bear.” In return Mark, an outgoing man who enjoyed joking around, even at his own expense, was said to have adored his wife.

But the first seeds of doubt were planted in 2002 when, unknown to anyone at the time, Mark secretly dropped out of the University of Utah after three years of study. Lori learned about this only after Mark’s mother called to say she could not pay his tuition because he was not enrolled. Mark said that he simply forgot to register. The couple reconciled and Mark returned to school. Or so everyone thought. A year later he began his supposed preparations for medical school. But this deception was far more elaborate than his previous ones. At one point he traveled to New York under the guise that he was interviewing for medical school there. He stayed with a cousin and on the day of the “interview” he dressed in a suit. Upon his return several hours later he discussed the “interview” in depth.

Previously Lori thought that her husband had received his bachelor’s degree and was set to study medicine in North Carolina. Now disabused of that notion and pregnant, her long-time dreams to become a mother and to have her own family shattered, Lori needed time to decide her future. But only a few hours later, Mark made that decision for her. It was the end of a union that had at first thrilled both families.

The Hackings loved Lori and the Soares family loved Mark. Especially Thelma, Lori’s mother. To her, Mark was more like a son than a son-in-law, which made her daughter’s murder even more devastating. And like many such murders, no one ever saw it coming.

Mark was born into a very accomplished family. His father was a well-known and well-respected pediatrician. His brothers were also professionals, one a doctor and the other an engineer. Mark told everyone he was going to follow in his family’s footsteps, his sights set on becoming a doctor. Everyone believed him and supported his dream. No one had any reason not to.

Mark and Lori were known by their friends and family to have a wonderful relationship. She was the more practical of the two, he the more carefree and spontaneous, “goofy” and “fun loving” by nature. They seemed to be in perfect balance.

Mark, like many sociopaths, could be extremely charming and impressive. The classic sociopath is someone who habitually and disobeys social norms and fails to learn from past mistakes. Mark exhibited the more neurotic variety of sociopathy, in his case triggered by an intense lack of self-esteem and self-regard. To compensate for his deficiencies, he lied, and his lying was pathological. He simply could not stop himself since lying was an easy way for him to feel good about himself.

Even when Mark achieved some success, he never really believed that he was worth very much. But the people around him would never have guessed this about him. He covered it up by being the life of the party and enjoying conversations about medicine and his professional aspirations. He spoke with certainty about becoming a doctor. All of the unpleasant realities of his life, such as failing to graduate from college and never applying to or getting into medical school, had disappeared. It was like magic. The more that Mark could convince others about his lies, the more he convinced himself. It was as if he were on stage and the role of the successful Mark Hacking would be played today by the real and unsuccessful Mark Hacking. And the more he could convince others of his lies the worse they got, until they took on a powerful life of their own.

Even though Mark was not as successful as the other men in his family, this didn’t mean that he didn’t have a need to be admired and respected by those around him. In fact, this disparity in achievement increased his need for validation from others, especially his wife. So like other pathological lying sociopaths, Mark had a need to be the center of attention and to have people feel good about him. Since he was incapable of meeting life as it really was, he wove a mass of fantastic tales to help him cope, and lying became the way in which he could be the person he wanted to be. By lying Mark was able to reconstruct reality and make life the way it really should be.

People usually lie to make themselves look and feel better. Emotionally they have something to gain. They use lying as a tool to help improve their self-image and to decorate their personality, thus “becoming” who they really want to be, which allows them to say something or be someone who is interesting. In Mark’s case, the lie became his real identity and thus became more important than the truth that Mark was trying to deny. Mark was sometimes all too aware of his chronic, persistent, and opposing feelings of desire and dissatisfaction. When pathological liars are so deep in their lies, they can often convince themselves that their version of the truth
is
the truth. When that happens, the lie becomes more like a wish psychosis, and the pathological liar presents himself as charming, enthusiastic, cheerful, free, and open. This is because he often believes his stories, at least while he is telling them. He wants the lie to be the truth, so in an odd way it is. Convincing others of his story helps him to convince himself.

Chronic liars such as Mark fall in love with themselves and are thrilled by their creative tales in much the same way that a novelist takes pleasure in a newly invented and creative plot. The liar’s anecdotes serve two main purposes: impressing others and boosting the liar’s self-image and self-esteem. In the psychological world this is called securing one’s narcissistic supply. The stories always make liars feel more like who they want to be. The disturbed habit of lying stems from a need for acceptance, self-affirmation, and self-protection. Common motives for lying include a desire to stand out, to be more interesting, to win the adoration and respect of others, to eliminate personal feelings of failure, and to help the liar overcome the fear of not living up to other people’s expectations. Perhaps most important, many liars feel like they are really imposters.

Pathological lying, or pseudologica fantastica, is a common feature in people with antisocial personality disorders. Clinical features of this disorder include a failure to conform to norms, deceitfulness, manipulativeness, impulsivity, failure to plan ahead, irritability, aggressiveness, reckless disregard for the safety of others, consistent irresponsibility, and a lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another person.

Some of the personality traits include a sense of entitlement, apathy toward others, unconscionable behavior, and being manipulative and cunning, socially irresponsible, disregardful of obligations, and nonconforming to social norms. As children compulsive liars tend to have little tolerance for criticism, and it is impossible to tell from their body language whether they are telling the truth or not. On the positive side, they tend to have better perceptions than the average person, better oral and written fluency, and have a gifted imagination. They also tend to have a knack for lying about things that they really do have a talent or knack for. The lying tends to start early in life during their formative years. They are often very dramatic, romantic, and glib talkers. This personality disorder reveals itself when the individual takes the path of least resistance. His moral weakness stops him from feeling any concern or empathy for others. The con artist type of liar, like Mark Hacking, exudes a self-confidence and spin webs of deception that can be very intriguing to others. Underneath the charm is often a cleverly masked but intense hostility.

Mark discovered early on he was only as lovable as his achievements. If he did not achieve, he did not feel loved. He was traumatized, and in his case it was especially depressing and enraging to have two brothers who were so successful. This made it even more difficult to compete. Sometimes you can be born into a perfectly “nice family,” but because of your temperament, position, and some of the subtle messages between family members, an unhealthy psychological environment can be created. Mark felt enraged that he could not succeed, as had all the other men in his family.

The competitive nature of Mark’s family contributed to his self-loathing and depression, and to deal with the competition he began to lie. And it was so easy to lie. This was the only time that he really felt in control as he transformed from the loser Mark Hacking into the winner Mark Hacking.

Like most sociopathic con artists, Mark knew intuitively what his family wanted and expected of him. His way to please them and win their affections was to become a master psychological illusionist. He was able to convince most people of almost anything. Meeting and falling in love with Lori only enhanced his feeling that he was special. He felt like he could do and be anything when he was around her. For her part, Lori knew that Mark had an irresponsible side, but he was always able to keep it in check. She had never met anyone like him. Even during their most intense and difficult times, he had a way of calming her down and making everything feel all right. What Lori didn’t know was that Mark needed her to go along with his false image of himself in order to remain a nonviolent husband. If she could not go along with his lies about his identity, she would be in trouble. He needed this support from her on an unconscious level, yet resented it at the same time. The lying was his creation, and it took a lot of energy to make himself seem interesting, accomplished, and attractive.

As Mark’s life spun out of control he had no one to confide in. When Lori had caught him in some small lies, he had been able to talk his way out. But as his lies grew, Mark knew he would have problems explaining himself if caught. And he had other problems on the horizon, most notably Lori’s pregnancy. How was he going to manage being a father? He knew they could not make it on his small salary and that Lori needed to work in order to support the family. This new component only served to complicate his life even more. Lori also seemed less affectionate and loving, with the pregnancy making her more serious and irritable. Mark found her to be more demanding at home. A wife’s pregnancy can make some men feel more aggressive, and Mark was falling into this category. The faux medical school, the move, the pregnancy—the pressure was becoming unbearable. The timing of all this could not be worse.

As the pressure increased and the lies were revealed, Lori was at her wits’ end, and her confronting Mark left him paralyzed. He had been lying for so long it had become a necessary part of his psychic life. Without it, he really did not know how to function or how to survive or even who he was. As long as his lies were supported, he could operate “normally.” As soon as they were confronted, he could not tolerate it psychologically, and he became enraged. Lori was supposed to be different from everyone else in his life, but she wasn’t. She obviously could not love him for who he “really” was. Furthermore, he could not risk anyone else finding out about his situation. Everyone thought he was going to medical school to become a doctor, and Lori crossed a line when she told him he was a liar and a fake and that she was going to tell everyone. He would be exposed, and it made him feel vulnerable, victimized, and threatened. With his anger came the rationale that it was her fault that he felt humiliated. Maybe she did not need him anymore now that she was going to have a baby. He was useless; nothing more than a sperm donor. Now that she got what she wanted, she could leave him, thus spoiling his dream and his professional aspirations. For that, she had to be eliminated. If she was eliminated he could continue to live the way he always had lived. It was really the only way out for him.