'Till Death Do Us Part: Love, Marriage, and the Mind of the Killer Spouse (15 page)

Nothing immediately jumped out at police to cause them to focus on the young wife. Instead, it was the little things, such as Pamela’s concern for the couple’s dog while her husband’s body lay cold and still on the living room carpet. And when she returned home the next day with a police escort to retrieve some personal items, Pamela callously stepped on the bloodstained carpeting—the very spot where her husband had fallen. It was clear to police that Pamela Smart was no grieving widow.

As the investigation proceeded police would learn that, indeed, there was more to Pamela Smart than they could have imagined. As it turned out, Pamela choreographed her husband’s murder by seducing a 16-year-old student, Billy Flynn, and encouraging him to kill Greg.

P
AMELA
and Greg had wed only a year earlier. He was an insurance salesman, following in his father’s footsteps. Pamela was a high school cheerleader and honor student who graduated from college a year early with designs on becoming a television reporter.

The second of three children, Pamela was close to her mother but distant from her father, who was a pilot. She loved being the center of attention. She was also compulsively organized, from her clothing to her schedule, and she got angry when her life was disorganized in any way. She met Greg at a New Year’s Eve party and they quickly hit it off, sharing a love of heavy metal music. With his shoulder-length hair, Greg appeared rebellious, which attracted Pamela even more. They married in 1989, but trouble soon followed. Through his job as an insurance salesman Greg drifted toward new friends, eventually confessing to an affair. Pamela was devastated. She grew distant from her husband, and she told friends she couldn’t trust him. She decided to focus her attention on her career and her job as the media services director with the Hampton, New Hampshire, school board. It was there where she met Billy Flynn, a student at Winnacunnet High School, during an exercise on teenage self-esteem. Flynn became infatuated with the “older” woman and she sensed his attraction. Pamela courted Flynn, giving him an envelope containing photos of her posing in her underwear. They soon became intimate, and the sex drew Flynn further into Pamela’s web. She even talked with Flynn of a life together. But she had a problem: her husband.

Pamela prodded Flynn to “get rid of” Greg, but Flynn suggested that she should divorce her husband. Pamela said no, that she would lose her home and Greg would stalk her, making her life a living hell. She finally laid it on the line, telling Flynn that if he wanted to continue their relationship, he would have to kill Greg. Two plans to murder Greg were set, but failed when the teenager got cold feet. Pamela was infuriated, but she gave Flynn one more chance to prove his love.

On the night of May 1, Flynn and a friend were given a key by Pamela and waited inside the Smart home for Greg to return from work. Pamela, coincidentally, was at a school board meeting. The teens first tossed the Smarts’ dog, Halen, into the basement, and then trashed the house, hoping to give the appearance that a burglary had been committed. As soon as Greg opened the door and stepped inside, the two boys grabbed him and threw him to the floor. Flynn put the gun to Greg’s head, said, “God forgive me,” and fired once.

After police zeroed in on Pamela, they wired up one of her high school interns, who caught Pamela on tape discussing the murder and the aftermath. Pamela was arrogant, manipulative, and cold, telling the intern that police would never suspect her, a woman with a “professional reputation.”

“They’re going to believe me,” she said.

She was subsequently arrested, tried, found guilty, and is serving a life term with no chance for parole at the Bedford Correctional Facility in New York.

* * * * *

P
AMELA
Smart had all of the characteristics of a classic narcissist. By her own admission she was incredibly egocentric. She loved being the center of attention and prided herself on her ability to capture the limelight. She would say, “I’m definitely a typical Leo.” Leo is an astrological sign noted for its charismatic and regal characteristics, and its symbol, the lion, represents the king or queen of the jungle.

Like many young couples who fall hard and fast and then get married, disappointment soon followed. Greg was supposed to be an exciting rocker boy and Pamela thought she was going to be the Jerry Hall to his Mick Jagger. She also had visions of being the beautiful, successful television reporter who had the cool bad-boy husband, but what she got instead was very different. Marriage changed Greg, and Pamela didn’t like the change. Instead of maintaining the characteristics that attracted her, he went in a completely opposite direction.

Love means something different to everyone. To Pamela Smart, it meant her partner would be like herself. When he changed, that was the first major crack in their already fragile relationship. He became conservative and joined his father’s insurance business. Although he was ambitious, a salesman was not what Pamela wanted. In fact, that was the antithesis of the rocker husband she envisioned for herself. Where was the man she fell in love with? She felt like she was married to a stranger—a stranger she did not particularly like. The man she loved had left her. She felt betrayed.

Once Greg changed his lifestyle, he wanted his wife to change, too. He wanted to settle down and raise a family. Even worse, as the couple reached their first anniversary Greg admitted to having an affair. It is hard to know what motivated his infidelity. Did he have an affair because Pamela was critical of him? Was he sensing their marriage was on the rocks? Did he have an affair because he wanted to feel the love and approval he no longer felt from his wife? Was he trying to send a message to Pamela that he needed her to be different, more loving and domestic, less self-centered and professionally driven? We will never know for sure, but admitting the affair was the beginning of the end of the Smart marriage.

It is not uncommon for people to change once they marry. Many revert back to an image in their mind, to an original model of a father or a mother, or married couple. There is something almost compulsive about such changes. These marital rituals trigger something in the brain that makes us go on autopilot. Pamela, who had her own set of personality deficits, expected her husband to meet her needs. In a healthy marriage both partners give to each other so both can feel restored. This was not happening in the Smart marriage, so Pamela was going to take matters into her own hands. She would meet her own needs and her plan did not include Greg. In fact, Greg had betrayed her emotionally and sexually in every way possible. He did not offer her the status she wanted and needed. Greg Smart had messed with the wrong woman, and he was going to pay. He should have known better. Now he really deserved to die.

Passion has always been somewhat risky and dangerous. Once the idealizations of marriage give way to the realities of life together, it can feel mundane and unfulfilling, especially for the narcissist who wants way more than that out of life. Such an individual firmly believes in her own uniqueness and specialness, and as a result, requires excessive admiration and attention. Greg was not giving Pamela this attention, so she had to find it for herself elsewhere. That is where Billy Flynn came into the picture.

Although Pamela Smart was not a teacher, she exhibited some of the same psychological characteristics of adult teachers who have affairs with their students. Billy Flynn, like many students who have affairs with their teachers, exuded psychological vulnerabilities. He was inclined to see Pamela as the nurturing figure he did not have. Students who have affairs with their teachers often have low self-esteem and a pattern of difficulties with personal relationships. Teachers who engage in these types of illicit romantic affairs have their own set of psychological vulnerabilities. Pamela showed the familiar teacher/student psychological profile. It was a time in her life when she was beginning to question her own attractiveness or value after her husband’s affair. She needed to test herself. Conditions at home increased her need to be needed. When a teacher or mentor experiences difficulties in her home life, it can become very tempting to reach out to a student, who at the very least respects what she does and who she is as a person. Students are inclined to idealize the teacher. For Pamela Smart this was perfect. She liked being idealized. And like most good narcissists, she went over the top. Instead of simply securing just one loyal student to boost her failing self-image, she decided to create a club of groupies, the more members the better.

This group included other disturbed youths who would also become vulnerable to her power and position. Teacher/mentors can become god- and goddesslike figures. Pamela Smart manipulated these students and used her professional position to achieve her own personal and ultimately murderous desires. She became drunk on her power and lost all sense of reality. She thought she could get away with murder.

In many ways Pamela had stopped growing. She was emotionally arrested and regressed at this adolescent stage, so mentally or psychologically, she was not that much different from the teenagers she befriended. These students could afford to be long-haired bad boys. They were too young to have to deal with the realities and pressures of married life, as did her husband, Greg. They were her loyal fans, and as such, had not disappointed her—at least not yet. This rebellious, adolescent time of life had become a part of Pamela’s identity more than her real age of twenty-two. Being around these students heightened her sense of belonging in that glorious and carefree moment, the time when she felt most alive, powerful, and special. Everything going on during this stage of life felt new; it was a feeling that was almost impossible to beat.

Like many adults who engage in student/teacher romances, Pamela suffered from psychological issues such as impulse control disorder, mood disorder, hypersexuality, an underdeveloped personality, and feelings of inadequacy and depression.

From Pamela’s perspective Billy Flynn and the other students knew what she was worth. This further supported her grandiose notion that her plan to kill her husband was justified. Plus, it felt good to have people be willing to do anything for her. This is what celebrities have. People will do anything for them. And Pamela deserved nothing less, for she, too, was a celebrity reporter on the brink of discovery, only no one had discovered her yet. What Pamela did not realize was that she was producing and starring in her own murder trial. Not exactly what she had in mind, but it was the role of a lifetime that would land her in prison.

Ultimately, Pamela Smart suffered from a form of narcissism in which, underneath it all, she was consumed with guilt. Such narcissists falsely believe they can do whatever they want and get away with it. They take unusual risks and then expect the miraculous to happen. That is one of the reasons they are so shocked when their fantasies remain just that—fantasies. They temporarily distract themselves from reality when they construct a pleasing audience, but this usually does not last for very long. It is also not an adequate solution to their underlying problems. They tend to internalize and give a lot of power to the meaningful voices from their past who scolded them and told them they were worthless. These are the voices and opinions they really believe. Therefore, on some deep level, they feel deserving of punishment and retaliation.

This is why their lives often look like an ongoing trial, even if in reality there is no trial. When her spousal homicide plan backfired, and Pamela was made to answer for her immoral behavior, she could tell herself she was just the object of abuse and envy. That is really why people wanted to destroy her. It would not be surprising if Pamela Smart chooses to deny her role in her fate and her life until the day she dies. There is a good chance that she will convince herself of her alibi and that she is really one of life’s sad and unfortunate victims. Cursed to endure a horrible fate, just like Narcissus.

7

The Temper Tantrum Killer

T
EMPER
tantrums are normally reserved to unruly infants during the terrible twos. It is not particularly uncommon, however, for immature adults to have temper tantrums.

People who never develop beyond “the world is all about me” phase can be especially susceptible to acting out this way. Combining such a personality defect with a series of frustrating or undesirable situations can translate to murder.

Some adults who suffer from a lack of control are diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder, a psychological problem defined by extreme problems with impulse control. Individuals with IED are prone to aggressive outbursts under extreme duress. They perceive the stress as a threat, an insult, frustration, a vulnerability, or a combination of all these. There may be some unusual brain wave patterns as well as some “soft” neurological findings in these people, but the disorder is primarily triggered when perceived needs are not met.

The Temper Tantrum Killer has acquired experiences early in life when his bad behaviors were tolerated, and these behaviors continue into adulthood. However, a small percentage of individuals develop this pattern of behavior suddenly without any prior history. The person suffering from intermittent explosive disorder is usually upset, remorseful, and feels very guilty instantly after a rageful episode. During the moment, however, he/she feels rehabilitated by this aggressive release.

The individual afflicted with intermittent explosive disorder tends to be male. He blames others for his behavior as a way to avoid changing and/or to justify or alleviate his guilt.

A man who loses control only in his significant relationship tends to give emotional ultimatums to his partner. He may expect his spouse to behave, think, or respond in a very specific way. If his expectation is not met, the tension in the relationship can increase. Ultimately this individual’s ability to maintain control is lost. Since expectations placed on an intimate relationship are not placed on other relationships, the immature, irrational, and sometimes violent behavior is expressed exclusively within the marital relationship.