Time After Time (40 page)

“Forgive me, I — I was just leaving and I — ” Del turned her gaze back to Camden, but she kept it hovering in the vicinity of his chin. She couldn’t bear to see disbelief and worry and disapproval mingling in his eyes, and she cursed herself for her cowardice. Many years ago, when she decided to take charge of her own fate, she had promised herself she was done with cowering, with evading and disassembling in an attempt to apologize for who she was and the fact that her existence placed such a burden on her long-suffering relatives. She had vowed to look away from no man, and yet here she was, standing in a foyer listening to the gonging of a clock and the slightly hitched breathing of a young stranger, and she could not meet his eye.

Del moved toward the door, her gloves still off and her pelisse draped over her arm. Camden’s hand was suddenly on her elbow, causing Del to freeze as she sucked in her breath. She had been touched by dozens of men, in manners far more familiar and salacious, and yet
this
touch, by
this
man, was far too intimate.

“Mr. Camden, please — ” Del forced herself to look him in the eye. “I really must be leaving.”

Camden looked at her, his brows furrowed, and Del knew he wanted to say more to her, that he struggled with whether to give voice to any affirmation or reproach that might be swirling in his head, or whether to remain silent and let her leave. Del decided to make the choice for him. She wrested her arm from his hand and was out the door before Camden had a chance to react.

Chapter Four

“Blakely came to see me, you know,” Jane said as she linked her arm with Del’s.

Del stumbled just then, though surely it was on a bit of loose gravel on the path and not because of Jane’s words. Jane’s arm stiffened as she helped to steady Del, but she continued walking without comment.

“Oh?” Del hoped her voice sounded casual, that it belied none of the intense curiosity she actually felt.

Jane gave her a sideways glance and Del knew her attempt at nonchalance had failed.

“It seems he is quite worried about you.” Jane’s eyes scanned the path. She seemed almost bored with the present conversation, and appeared instead to be intently studying the other pedestrians enjoying the sunny afternoon in Hyde Park. Del knew, however, that Jane was thoroughly enjoying her playful torment.

“Worried about me?” Del said with a soft laugh. “Whyever for?”

“He said it has been weeks since you — how shall I put it? Been
in flagrante delicto
, and days since you have entertained him at all. He pleaded with me to make you see reason.”

“Pleaded? Blakely has never pleaded — ”

“Oh no you don’t,” Jane said with a good-natured laugh. “You will not focus on my diction and ignore the substance of what I said. I will not let you maneuver out of an explanation that easily.”

“There is nothing to explain. I have merely been busy, and I haven’t had the time to see Blakely.”

“Busy with what?” Jane asked, clearly skeptical.

“Well, I — Mrs. Tiddles and I — ”

Jane gave a most unladylike snort before she abruptly stopped walking and turned Del to face her. “Ah, so there
is
something going on with you! You only bring up the mythical great-aunt when you are trying to conceal something.”

“Nonsense. You are being ridiculous.”

“Del,” Jane said, her tone completely serious for the first time that afternoon. “We have been dear friends for years. Tell me what has you so distracted lately, what has you shutting out your companions.”

“Really, Jane, you are being dramatic. We are not on the stage.” Del started walking again, threading her arm back through Jane’s and pulling her along. “I am simply taking a little time to myself, that is all.” Del almost smiled at how convincing she sounded. Her composure — her armor — was firmly back in place.

“Blakely’s worried you’ve agreed to be exclusive with someone. Put him in quite a fettle, that notion, considering you rejected
his
offer.”

Del scoffed. “You know I would never make such an arrangement.”

“So it wouldn’t be a certain handsome young man you met weeks ago causing this rift, then, would it?”

Del stiffened slightly before she could catch herself, and she hoped Jane hadn’t noticed. “Young man?” she asked, a paragon of innocence. Blast Jane and her perceptiveness.

“The blond gentleman you saw at my party last week. The one you had apparently had — ‘dealings’ with before. The one who made that impeccable façade of yours crack oh-so-slightly, and caused you to bolt rather unceremoniously from my townhouse into the night. That one.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. I was simply tired that evening and left a little early.”

“You may be able to keep men at a distance with your deft dissembling, my dear, but not me. Never me. Who
is
he?”

Del hesitated, wondering just how much she should divulge to Jane. And, really, what was there to tell? Rhys Camden was nothing more than a man — a young, innocent, idealistic man — who’d spotted her on the street and tried to intervene when he thought she needed saving. Tried to help again when he thought she needed to escape her life. It was no different from a dozen other young men who had tried to “save” her, who had offered Del their protection in exchange for exclusivity. Except Camden hadn’t demanded her services as payment for his heroism. He didn’t seem to want anything in return for helping her.

And now Del couldn’t get him out of her head.

The images came to her unbidden, his sweet earnestness when he came to her aid that night with Lord Ashe. How he had looked at her, a mixture of interest and desire and innocence and awe showing so plainly on his face. How he had touched her, so gently, with hesitation and something akin to reverence. How his wish to help her had battled with his aversion to what she did, what she was, when he came to her at Jane’s party and offered her a way out.

She saw him everywhere. She would catch a glimpse of a tall blond man on the street, and her heart would jump until she looked closer and realized it wasn’t Camden. Someone would call her name on the street, and when she felt a surge of disappointment upon seeing who it was, she knew she had been hoping it had been him. It was his face she saw in her mind, late at night, when her body ached for another person’s touch, and when she finally fell asleep, frustrated and alone, she dreamt of him.

It terrified Del, this preoccupation, this wanting that she couldn’t seem to control. Men had always been a means to an end for her, a way for her to escape the indentured servitude of a penniless orphan dependent on the goodwill of merciless or indifferent relatives. She had always been able to keep men at a distance, to use them as they used her. Even Blakely, whom she was genuinely fond of, had been thus far unable to penetrate her defenses, though he seemed intent on trying. So what was it about Camden that made him affect her in such a manner? What made him take over her thoughts and dreams and desires? She was so consumed with Camden since seeing him outside her townhouse she had been unable to be with anyone else. She knew she risked everything by putting a hold on her arrangements. The men would soon tire of waiting for her and would turn their attentions to someone else. Someone younger and more pliable, more easily dealt with. But still she could not bring herself to see anyone.

Del was struggling with what to reveal to Jane and how to put her confusion into words, when a strangled gasp escaped her lips as she suddenly spotted the object of discussion. Rhys Camden was just ahead on the path, mounted atop a large chestnut stallion, as if her thoughts about him had conjured him into being right before her. He was dressed as properly as ever, with a conservatively cut tailcoat and impossibly snug nankeen breeches, but his cravat was loosened slightly and his hair was a bit disheveled. He was wearing an expression Del had never seen on him before: carefree contentment. His gloved hands held the reins loosely and his bearing was relaxed. The breeze tousled his hair, causing the longish strands to curl around his high collar. Del saw the hard lines of his muscles flex against his breeches as his thighs gripped the horse. He looked almost happy, and it was such a stark contrast to his usual stiff and formal demeanor that Del almost gasped again.

Del realized she had stopped walking and now stood in the middle of the path gaping stupidly at Camden, Jane still hanging on her arm. If she did not move, Camden would ride right past them, seeing them, and Del could think of nothing she wanted less than to converse with him right now, especially with Jane studying her every expression.

“Oh, Jane, I just remembered I wanted to show you the new roses in Kensington Gardens,” Del said as she turned around abruptly, dragging Jane with her. “They’re just back this way.”

Jane glanced behind them, and with a sly smile she withdrew her arm from Del’s and stopped walking. “Oh! I seem to have a bit of gravel stuck in the sole of my walking boot. I’ll just be a moment to fish it out.” She bent down to her shoe, her skirts billowing out behind her, and inspected her — suspiciously unobstructed-looking — sole.

Del tugged at Jane’s arm, desperate to get away from Camden. She thought they still might be able to escape his notice if they hurried, but then she heard the jangle of the horse’s bit right behind her and knew it was too late.

“Mr. Camden,” Jane said warmly as she rose to her feet. “What a happy surprise to see you.”

Camden reined in his horse, stopping so close that Del could feel the beast’s breath on her still-turned back.

“Ma’am,” Camden said, and Del heard the bewilderment in his voice. He seemed not to remember Jane and must be wondering why she addressed him by name.

“I was just asking Del when we might see you again,” Jane said.

Del had no choice but to turn around and acknowledge him now. She curtsied as he nodded to her. She noticed with perverse satisfaction that he was blushing fiercely, which seemed only right since her own heart pounded and her breathing was uneven. Good that he was as discomfited as she.

“Miss Beaumont,” Camden said, his voice sounding slightly strained. “I hadn’t expected to see you again.”

If it weren’t the height of rudeness, Del would have informed him she hoped that had remained the case. She wanted this man out of her thoughts and out of her life so she could carry on as usual, without emotional embroilment, unwanted attachments, or impossible desires. But she couldn’t very well forget about him if he kept popping up everywhere she went.

“Mr. Camden,” Del said in what she hoped was a friendly yet disinterested voice, “this is indeed an unexpected meeting.”

Camden looked as though he wanted to say more to her, but he glanced at Jane and remained silent.

Jane clearly understood his reluctance to speak to Del in front of her. “Oh goodness!” she exclaimed. “It quite slipped my mind that I was to meet with my dressmaker for a fitting this afternoon. You wouldn’t mind seeing Del home, would you, Mr. Camden? I really must go.”

Jane was already hurrying down the path away from them, giving Camden hardly any choice but to agree. He dismounted the stallion and gathered the reins in his right hand, motioning to Del with the other to show him the way. His familiar rigid formality was back in place; that glimpse of a more joyous Camden so brief and so completely replaced, Del wondered if she had imagined it.

Del forced herself to walk calmly beside Camden, and she fought the urge to run down the path away from him, as if fleeing some great horror. She told herself to stop being ridiculous. He was a man and nothing more, certainly not anything to engender such wild impulses. She couldn’t seem to stop feeling unsettled and vulnerable whenever he was around, and it was that — that ungoverned
feeling
of anything — Del suspected she was actually trying to run from.

“I am glad to have crossed paths today,” Camden said, finally breaking the awkward silence. “I have been thinking of the last time we met, at the party.” Camden cleared his throat, and Del could tell how uncomfortable he was. “I must apologize.”

Del’s head snapped up. She looked at Camden closely for the first time since they started walking. “Apologize? For what?”

“For what I said to you, for presuming you needed or wanted my help.” Camden glanced at her quickly before returning his gaze to the path before them. “It wasn’t my intention to cause you discomfort.”

“Mr. Camden, I — ” Del realized with some astonishment that she had absolutely no idea what to say. She tried to recall the last time a man had apologized to her or shown concern for her feelings, much less regret for upsetting them, but she drew a blank. “I assure you there is no need to apologize. The entire incident is hardly worth mentioning.”

“Yes, well, still — I apologize for my familiarity.”

“Thank you,” Del murmured, though she wasn’t sure Camden heard her, because the sudden gleeful shriek of a child running across the path caused his stallion to snort and stomp sideways, drawing Camden’s attention.

“Whoa, gentle, Sebby.” Camden laid a calming hand on the horse’s muzzle.

“He seems rather spirited,” Del said.

“Yes, he is,” Camden said as he stroked the horse. “He’s barely civilized. In fact, most days it is a question of whether he deigns to allow me to pretend I am the master and ride him at all.”

Del smiled at the note of playful affection in his voice. “You seem almost more at ease with the horse, belligerence and all, than you do with people.” She had only meant to tease him, but he nodded earnestly.

“Quite so,” Camden said with a laugh. “His motivations are far easier to understand: eat, sleep, run, mate, perhaps fight the other stallions to demonstrate his strength and secure his position.”

“Ah, but that doesn’t sound so very different from most men of my acquaintance.”

Camden laughed again. “Perhaps not, but at least the horse doesn’t lay pretense to loftier ideals.”

“True,” Del said, “men often claim they are motivated by honor and conscience and a desire to achieve a greater good, when really they all seem to be nothing more than rutting beasts fighting for a bit of power.”