Tiny Island Summer (21 page)

“Of course,” she added, not wanting to show her nerves.

They passed through town and Eric led the way down a small street that she knew was the path toward the beautiful bed-and-breakfast she could see from the ferry. It was funny how she’d always admired the building, with its expansive lawn leading to the edge of the lake, but never thought to visit. Eric’s cottage was a charming little building on the edge of the bed-and-breakfast’s property.

“They let me use the pool,” he said, nodding toward the in-ground pool a few yards from his home.

“Wow,” was all she could think to say, her nerves threatening to overtake her.

Eric gave her a smile, perhaps realizing she was nervous, as he unlocked the front door and held it open. She passed through the door to a comfortable living and dining room. From the outside, a thousand square feet seemed like a generous estimate for the cottage. Inside she could see that it was a little bigger than that.

“Would you like the tour?”

Darcy smiled. “Yes please.”

“This, of course, is the living and dining room. You can see I turned the small attic into a loft,” he pointed overhead. “I like to write up there. The stairs are in the corner.”

He walked toward one door and pushed it open.

“Kitchen,” he said and she moved to poke her head through.

It was a small, functional galley kitchen. No bells and whistles, no stainless and granite, but a fully serviceable little space for the cottage. He walked back to the open archway in the living and dining room, and underneath the loft, she saw a small hall with two doors.

“Bedroom and bathroom,” he said, pointing, but not leading her into either space.

They wandered back into the living room and settled on the couch.

“Do you want something to drink?” Eric asked, hospitably.

“Sure, whatever you’re having is fine,” she told him, deciding to lift her temporary ban on alcohol for a little bit of liquid courage.

He nodded and went over to the bar in the dining room. Eric poured two gin and tonics, and Darcy instantly regretted not asking for something in particular. Her head was not going to thank her in the morning; liquor gave her a terrible headache.

Eric carried the drinks back to the couch, holding one out as he sat down next to Darcy. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close as she took a long, deep sip. Darcy could feel herself begin to get comfortable as she snuggled into him.

“I like this cottage. It’s cozy,” Darcy offered, her head resting on Eric’s shoulder.

Eric chuckled. “You should have seen this place when I lived here with Ed.”

“Ed?”

“Emily’s big, hulking husband, my buddy. You met him at the coffee shop,” Eric explained. “We stayed here together while we worked on the renovation across the lawn.”

“You did? Where did you put him?” Darcy’s eyes grew wide as she sipped her drink.

“Mostly out on the front porch,” Eric replied. “We weren’t roommates in this cottage for very long. He was determined to win the girl and he thought he had to finish the bed-and-breakfast first.”

“I guess he was right,” Darcy mused.

Eric finished his drink and put it on the table in front of them. Darcy dutifully finished hers too and handed it to him. He turned to her then and stroked her hair back from her face. She grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him, thinking she might as well start making some kind of move to assure him of her interest. Darcy wasn’t quite sure how long they made out, but she kept desperately trying to feel something, anything, as she had felt just standing next to Ben. Her brain started to work and her thoughts started to become clear and focused.

What was she doing? Why was she throwing herself at him? She’d never intended to be a girl who gave herself away so easily. In her heart, she’d only wanted to be with the man who would be her husband. And suddenly, she found herself throwing away her values to prove something to herself?

It was a moment of epic failure and self-humiliation.

Within seconds, she turned rigid.

Eric kept trying to get her to relax. He shifted his attention to different areas, he practically cooed at her softly to reassure her. But it was no use. Darcy had officially killed the moment; she just didn’t know how to say it aloud. Eric sat up, pulling away, and raked a hand through his hair. He looked genuinely confused. And she felt horrible.

“I’m sorry. I truly am.”

He took in a deep breath and asked the question that she was sure had been lurking between them since the beginning.

“Is it because of Ben?” he asked, sounding so sadly defeated she could practically feel his heart break.

“I don’t know,” she told him honestly.

He stared at her, patiently waiting for her to finish that statement.

She looked down unable to meet his eyes. She had nothing to add. How could she tell him that she couldn’t fool herself into thinking he was what she wanted? She had no response.

“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” he said, standing up from the couch and holding out one hand to her.

She let him pull her off the couch. Once on her feet, she quickly buttoned up her shirt, the gaping hole indicating she’d skipped a few important button holes in her haste. They walked out of his cottage and silently down the road, with only the moon for company. Eric kissed her good-bye on the cheek on her front stoop. He didn’t even attempt more, and Darcy walked inside.

“Hello? Char?” she called out, thinking they might finally get to talk.

But she didn’t answer. It didn’t matter. Darcy needed another slice of pie. Eating alone was kind of a fitting end for the night.

“Why are you leaving?” Ben asked, bursting in through the front door of her town house, unannounced the next morning.

Darcy sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee alone and didn’t even turn to acknowledge him. Ben’s face hardened, but she stayed in place with both hands on the mug, drinking deeply. He marched over to stand opposite her, to get her attention. When she still didn’t look up, Ben poured a mug of coffee and sat opposite her.

“Where’s Charlotte?” he asked.

“Probably with your brother. I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since I got home last night.”

Ben grunted at that.

Darcy rolled her eyes. “You don’t get to have an opinion about Eric. And you don’t get to have an opinion about this, to be honest. I’m going because I have to. Ben, what options do I have if I stay?”

“I’m sure there is something,” he grumbled.

Darcy raised her head and looked at him. What he saw reflected back in her hazel depths shook him. She looked shaken, unsure of herself. Ben watched as she shook her head and then raised an eyebrow. She took another drink and got up from the table to walk outside. Ben followed her.

“Where are you going?” he asked, all the outrage he’d felt slipping away. He was left with concern.

“I’m hungry. I’m going into town for some doughnuts,” she announced. She took a few steps and then stopped.

“Are you coming?” she asked.

Ben moved forward and stood within an inch of her. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

“Do you want me to come?” he asked.

Darcy looked up at him, and her eyes pleaded for him to come.

“What if I did?” she asked.

Ben grabbed her then and pulled her close. He kissed her fiercely; there was nothing sweet or gentle about it. He took her mouth with pure possession. He held her tightly, his fingers pressing deeply into the flesh at her waist. And she responded. She opened her mouth to him immediately and grabbed his head in both her hands to pull his lips even closer. When he pressed her thighs open with one knee so she straddled him, she moaned. As the sound escaped from her lips, she snapped to and pulled away. Ben fought to stop from grabbing her again.

Darcy stared at him, asking a question with her eyes. Ben flinched under her scrutiny. She turned away and started back across the golf course, toward town. Ben watched her go and after a moment jogged to catch up with her.

“Why are you going? Couldn’t you find something here?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Probably,” she replied without turning her head to look at him.

“Then why are you going?”

“I can’t pass up this opportunity, Ben. And besides, what’s here for me?”

They fell silent as they passed the yacht club and walked into town. A million different thoughts raced through Ben’s mind. Did she want him to beg her to stay? Would she if he did? Did he want her to stay for him? They walked to the coffee shop, ordered pastries, paid, and walked back before Ben spoke up.

“I’m not going to say stay for me because if I’m being honest, I don’t even know where I’m going to be. With everything going on with my mom, I don’t know if I can take on more, to be honest. I think I’m at my emotional maximum.”

“Why?” Darcy asked.

“Because watching her deteriorate is breaking my heart every day. It’s making me question if I ever want to love someone as much as I love her ever again,” he whispered to keep his voice from breaking.

Darcy stopped and put her hand in his. “Is that why you’ve pushed me away all summer? Because you’re actually interested in me?”

“Of course I’m interested in you. Who else have I been making out with?”

Darcy blushed, let go of his hand, and continued on. Ben quickly caught up to her.

“Why are you with that guy?”

“Eric is great. He is sweet and romantic, and when I talk he actually listens,” Darcy answered truthfully, and Ben rolled his eyes. “And, I think most importantly, he takes me on dates and has never brought another girl along.”

They made their way through the golf course back to Darcy’s patio.

“What do you want, Ben?”

Ben shrugged and shook his head. What did he want? He wished he knew. She probably wanted him to offer pretty words and assurances. But he couldn’t.

“I’m not sure,” he replied. “But I don’t want you to be with him.”

Darcy snorted.

“Look Darcy, I’m not telling you to stay and be with me. I don’t want to hold you back from your career. I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. But I . . . I can’t let you leave without knowing that . . . I want to try.”

Darcy froze in place.

“Ben, it sounds like you’re breaking up with me before we’ve even gone out. I’m hearing a bunch of excuses. Why do I want to be with someone who is already setting up his exit strategy?”

Ben didn’t have a ready response.

“Look, I’ve got to do what I think is right. I love living here and leaving won’t be easy. But I don’t want to be someone’s consolation. I think I deserve more than that.”

Ben nodded. He’d screwed up with her again. Why couldn’t he seem to say what he felt or what she needed to hear? Why did he constantly stand in his own way with her? He watched her turn and walk back inside and let her go without saying another word.

“Hello?” Darcy answered the phone without even glancing at the caller ID.

She’d been in the middle of packing. She’d only be gone for a few days at most. It shouldn’t have been complicated. But constantly losing focus as her mind drifted back to Ben meant she kept refolding the same pair of pants over and over.

“Darcy, it’s Eric.”

“Hiiii,” came her slow reply. Cold sweat began to bead on her forehead. She’d avoided thinking about Eric. Assuring herself that she had truly ruined anything between them after the failed night had been easier than owning how her actions might have affected him.

“Do you have any plans for dinner tonight?” he asked, his voice betraying no emotions.

Darcy’s stomach dropped to her ankles.

“No. I don’t, but I actually can’t. I’m packing for my trip,” she rambled.

“Your trip? I’d forgotten all about that. I’d love to see you before you go. Could I drive you to the airport?”

His voice sounded so earnest she began to feel ill. Her stomach clenched tightly. She shut her eyes to block out the sudden dizzy disorientation that threatened nausea.

“Darcy, are you still there?”

“Yeah, I am and no. No, I’m sorry. That won’t work. Char is taking me.” The excuse sounded lame even to her ears.

“I hope you’re not planning on running away, Darcy,” Eric said with a light laugh. His effort at levity made her even more anxious.

“Ha-ha,” she offered poorly. “No, not running away. You know what, I think I can probably sneak out for a little bit.”

“Really?” he asked, relief heavy in his voice.

“Yeah, sure,” she replied.

Darcy had no clue what would be happening in her life in the next few weeks. But the night before and the awkward morning with Ben had only confirmed one thing. Her future didn’t involve Eric. As much as she might wish it could, as much as she loved being with him, she didn’t feel any of the chemistry she had with Ben.

“Do you want to meet at the Beach Club?”

“For dinner? Sure.”

“Great, see you there in an hour.”

Darcy went upstairs, changed, and tried to remember that she couldn’t emotionally unload onto Eric. That wasn’t his role in her life and that wasn’t fair to him. She reminded herself of that all through the short walk to town. She said it again when she saw him. Then she sat down at the table, took one look at him, and nearly burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, jumping up from his chair to put an arm around her.

“Nothing, nothing, it’s nothing” She kept repeating to reassure them both. Darcy slid out of his arms and fought the urge to wrap hers around herself. Her eyes darted about the room, anxious about what onlookers might be thinking. Eric relented, dropping his arm and retreating to his chair.

“No, what is it?” he asked.

“I don’t think I can do this and I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve been leading you on,” she whispered.

“Is this about last night? Because, Darcy, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or rushed you, I would never want that.”

“Thanks for that. But no, it isn’t. Or, it isn’t just about last night.”

“Is this about Ben? I know I already asked you, but I have to know.”

Darcy sighed. “I’m not going to lie to you Eric. When I first started seeing you, Ben and I were truly nothing more than neighbors.”