Tiny Island Summer (22 page)

“And now?”

“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about me. I think I did that yesterday. I’m not the kind of girl who. . . I’m not the girl that . . .”

“Puts out?” Eric supplied.

Darcy grimaced at the phrase and scrunched up her nose. It sounded clunky and old-fashioned. But speaking frankly with him, everything would sound awkward she reasoned to herself.

Darcy nodded. “It’s not a religious thing. It has only to do with my own morals. I don’t look down on anyone else. This is just me.”

“I have no problem taking it slow, Darcy. I want you to know that.”

“I do,” she smiled sadly. “Last night wasn’t you pushing me. It was me trying to prove something to myself. I let go of my own values and kind of regret what I did. And I’m sorry I dragged you into it.”

“Were you trying to prove that you cared more about me than someone else?”

“Maybe a little bit,” Darcy owned up.

“I knew . . .” he began, and then paused to mull over his next words for a moment. “I knew something was different last night. I always sensed some kind of . . . unfinished business with the two of you. But I ignored it. I wanted us to work.”

“I did too,” she said quietly and a little sadly.

He was quiet then. Of course, at that moment a waitress came by to take their order. She paused, letting Eric decide if they would indeed be sharing a meal, or if he’d rather leave. He ordered, so she ordered.

“I want . . . I want us to be friends,” Darcy said finally after the waitress brought our drinks. “I know that’s incredibly selfish of me to ask.”

He looked at her and grinned. “I would like to be friends too. But . . .”

She felt the wind leave her body. She wanted his friendship. Darcy didn’t want to be abandoned by him because of her stupidity and carelessness. Her face must have looked stricken, because he reached over to nicely take her hand in a manner of friendship, not romance. The gesture was so sweet and so sad that she nearly started to cry.

“I don’t know if I can be friends with you right now,” he practically whispered. “I need some time and some space.”

Darcy nodded dumbly. The waitress brought over their sandwiches and they ate silently. After they were finished and he refused to allow her to get the check or even split it, they stood and walked out. At the door, he turned and kissed her. Darcy knew he was kissing her good-bye and felt a wave of remorse and regret. But she didn’t feel anything else. She couldn’t make herself feel for him what she couldn’t stop feeling for Ben. She wished for the thousandth time that she could transfer her affections. But life and love didn’t work that way.

“I’m going away for a bit,” he said as he loosely held her hands.

By silent and mutual agreement, they walked together to the ferry. Darcy was trying to make herself feel more in the moment than she felt, desperately hoping for a spark.
Tell me I’m making the wrong decision. Force me to stay!
She wanted to scream. But even as the thoughts formed, she knew how wrong and deceitful the words were. She dreaded the coming good-bye. Hurting Eric had been completely unintentional and wrong.

They both stopped when they reached the boat. The crew was loading up for the next trip to Bayfield, with an imminent departure.

“I’ll be back,” Eric said after a moment. “I’m not sure when, but I’ll be back. We can work on our friendship then, okay?”

She nodded sadly. “Good-bye Eric.”

“Good-bye Darcy,” and with that, he turned and walked onto the ferry. He didn’t look back.

She walked home alone and immediately returned to packing. After she finished her small suitcase, she started to pull out her bigger luggage to pack up the rest of her things. She hadn’t brought that much, preferring to leave the bulk of her things in storage back in Chicago. Char walked in as she finished the last dresser drawer.

“You’re taking everything?” she asked in surprise as she sank down on the bed.

“No, but I’m probably going to be leaving soon anyway. I thought I might as well pack it all. We only have a few more weeks left here.”

Char nodded.

“So, I’m thinking of transferring,” she began slowly.

Darcy turned to look at her friend. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Char said slowly. “Darcy is this a big mistake, or is this a good thing?”

“I think it’s great,” she replied jumping up from the floor to embrace her best friend. Char relaxed in Darcy’s hug.

“I didn’t realize you guys were that serious.”

Char narrowed her eyes and looked at Darcy. “You think I’m just spending every night with a guy I’m not crazy about?”

Darcy flushed. “Well, no, not exactly. I just . . . It doesn’t matter. I think this is great. I’m happy for you, Char.”

“You are? Honestly?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks. It’s taken me by surprise.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Darcy agreed. “You’re moving up to Minneapolis then? Are you transferring schools?”

Char hesitated.

“You are going to finish law school, right?”

“I don’t know Darcy. I’m not sure that’s what I want anymore.”

“What? But you’ve talked about being a lawyer ever since I’ve known you.”

“I don’t know.”

“Char, you’re planning on running after a guy? That’s your new plan? I’m sorry but I can’t be happy for you about this. I’m not going to support you giving up on yourself and your own dreams.”

Char flushed and looked to the ground but didn’t respond.

“I’m shocked by this. I am. I have no words,” Darcy continued. But of course, that wasn’t true. She had plenty of words.

“Does he want you to do this? To give up on yourself?”

“Of course not.” Char rushed to add.

“What are you going to do there?”

Char shrugged her shoulders and gave her a blank expression.

“You’re going to be a housewife without a ring? I don’t like this Char. I don’t like it at all.”

Most of the vitriol had escaped Darcy’s body with the confrontation. She sank onto the bed and put an arm around her best friend.

“Char, I like John. I have been your third wheel all summer, and I can attest to what a great guy he is.”

Char flushed. “You haven’t been our third wheel.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Regardless, I don’t think putting yourself in last place is any way to start a relationship. Have you told John that you’re not going back to school?”

“I did,” Char said slowly.

“And what did he say?”

“Pretty much what you just said.”

“So transfer schools, move to Minneapolis, finish law school, take the bar, and even if you never practice law, at least you will have finished what you started.”

“Okay,” Char grudgingly agreed.

“I’m happy for you,” Darcy added. “This has been quite a summer, hasn’t it?”

“I won’t forget it anytime soon.”

“Me either,” Darcy agreed. She wanted to tell Char everything that had happened since she’d left the house the night before. But she didn’t. Was it selfish not to share with Char when Char had done so with her? Or would it be selfish to take away from Char’s happiness? Darcy held her tongue.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” Char asked.

“Is it okay if we get an early start? I’d like to be there by nine in the morning.”

“Sure. I’d better leave you to get to bed then.”

“Thanks. Good night, Char.”

“Good night.”

Darcy paced the small foyer. She reached one end in five steps, turned and repeated. After counting to one hundred, she stopped in her tracks, closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She’d determined that she had to leave, and she didn’t want to wait another moment. Darcy opened her mouth to yell out when Charlotte waltzed into her path.

“You’re sure you have everything? Passport? Makeup?”

“Yes, Char, I have everything. Let’s go,” Darcy urged, opening the front door.

She turned to wave Char on as her friend stood in place in the entryway.

“What is it, Char?”

“It’s all changing.”

Darcy rolled her eyes at the melodrama. “Please, we don’t have time for this.”

“Fine,” she relented. “You’re not sentimental in the least?”

“Char, come on. It’s been a great summer, but it’s almost over. Time for the next great thing.”

“All right.”

Darcy wanted to get in the car as quickly as possible. She didn’t want to run into any next-door neighbors. She just wanted to leave. She opened the door, hopped in the car, and turned the key in the ignition. Char followed her at a far too sedate pace. Darcy honked.

“Coming,” Char replied, finally getting the point and picking up her pace.

“You’ll see him in a few hours,” Darcy told her friend as she pulled the car out of the driveway.

Driving past the yacht club and through town, their silent car trip made Darcy want to squirm. She hated uncertainty and her life had never been more unsure as she drove onto the ferry.

“Have you put any more thought into transferring?” Darcy asked Char.

By mutual agreement, they had decided to stay in the car rather than enjoy the view from the upper deck. Darcy didn’t have time to waste. She worried that she would turn around and go back home to the town house. She had to move forward, no matter what she might want.

“I have. I think you have a good point,” Char admitted grudgingly.

Darcy felt a self-satisfied smirk spread across her face.

“But let me return the favor and give you my two cents. I don’t think you’re giving yourself a chance.”

“Char—”

“No, don’t. Let me finish. You’ve always put your work first and what has it gotten you? You got fired after working your butt off. Why don’t you try that idea you had? Why don’t you make it happen? I know you could.”

Darcy sighed.

“No, don’t give me excuses. When you make up your mind to do something, you do it. Think about that, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll think about it,” Darcy agreed.

They fell silent for the rest of the drive. Eventually, they made it to Duluth. Darcy pulled the car in front of Departures, put it in park, and got out. Char helped her pull her suitcase out of the trunk, a completely unnecessary act given how tiny the bag was.

“Is that it?” Char asked.

Darcy nodded, then pulled Char in for a long hug.

“Don’t crash my car again, okay?” Darcy whispered to her.

Char pulled away and crossed her arms.

“That was one time,” She replied petulantly.

Darcy laughed. “Yeah, and you still owe me for the repair.”

“Have a good flight.”

“Bye Char.”

Darcy waved, walked off the curb and inside. She had ample time to kill, but since she had never flown out of the Duluth airport before, she wanted to give herself a lot of time to spare just in case. If she had, she’d have known that spending extra time in an airport with no food court, a single newsstand, and a hot dog cart would be painful. Darcy would have been tempted to take a sleeping pill, but for fear that she’d miss her flight, she didn’t. Eventually, after her fourth Coke, her plane pulled up to the gate.

Her flight was finally called and she boarded the plane. After a quick flight to Chicago, Darcy raced through O’Hare to make her connecting flight. Her blood pounding from jogging across the airport, she couldn’t quite relax in her window seat. Darcy sat and stared at the television screen in front of her for most of the trip. She didn’t quite hear or process anything that flashed before her eyes, but all the caffeine at the terminal had done its worst. When the plane landed, she’d morphed into a zombie, only able to offer the occasional grunt.

It didn’t strike her that she was back in one of her favorite cities until she’d hopped in a cab on her way to South Kensington. Passing by the constant sea of buildings and throngs of people, she felt a pang of nostalgia for the London she’d been in nearly five years ago. At her hotel, she quickly showered and changed and felt refreshed enough by the thrill of her locale to head out in search of afternoon tea. She wandered all the way to the Orangery at Kensington Palace, searching for the perfect cup of Earl Grey. Sitting inside with the heady scent of oranges in the air, she grinned like a crazy fool.

“Are you using this chair?” A voice interrupted her daze.

Darcy turned to her right and saw a group of women huddled around a small table, anxiously looking for more chairs.

“Please,” Darcy gestured to the chair.

The lady nodded and smiled. As she grabbed the chair, Darcy was hit by a wave of loneliness. She missed Char. Char would have loved it here; it had been a place she’d long dreamed of sharing with her. Eric would probably like it too. All traces of happiness quickly evaporated. Her tea grew cold as she thought about him.

Darcy hadn’t had a chance to talk any of it over with Charlotte and regret overcame her.

She finished her tea and left. Too weary to walk, she hopped a cab back to her hotel and promptly collapsed into bed. It was still light out, but Darcy needed the rest. Of course, she only slept until four in the morning. She got ready and left the hotel, anxious to enjoy her free day in the city. She had plans to visit her favorite haunts and museums from her year living there but would have to wait for everything to open first. Darcy grabbed a tea and scone from a shop on the corner and walked all the way to Trafalgar Square.

As long as she kept on walking, she was able to focus on the sights and drink in London. But once she stopped moving, as she settled on the steps in front of the National Gallery, her mind started to circle back to everything she’d left behind. She turned her face up to the sun and closed her eyes. She could almost feel the wind from the lake on her face. City air hung heavy with pollution and the remains of the morning’s fog. She missed the light, ethereal, pine-scented air. Her ears were under constant assault as city noises fought for her attention. If she focused and blocked them out, she could almost hear the rustle of the leaves and the crunch of gravel underfoot from the path into town. She breathed in deeply and knew what she needed to do.

Maybe Ben and Darcy could never make anything work, but she wasn’t going to run away from the rest of her life. Not when she had finally started figuring it all out. She would start her own gallery, and she’d have her little place on the island, all of that was more than enough. Char had discouraged her from taking a job if her heart wasn’t in it completely. And it wasn’t. It took traveling halfway around the world for her to truly appreciate what she’d had all along. For once in her life, that overwhelming urge for more—to buy more, acquire more, eat more, live more—had stopped. Darcy could appreciate the amazing life that she already had. Feeling more empowered than ever before, she stood up and walked down the stairs.