Tipping Point (31 page)

“I’ve never voiced any complaints about
your
tongue. I’m pretty sure any vocalizations I might have made in that respect were more in the vein of complimentary noises.” Neil was nuzzling her neck now, and he flicked his tongue out for just a quick taste behind her earlobe. She murmured in response.

“Well, that might have been a noise, and perhaps not a complaint, but you’ve definitely been more complimentary than that. Guess I’ll have to try again.” Mac suddenly let herself drop, sliding beneath his arm to wiggle away from him.

“Nuh-uh. Save that for later, cowboy. Now let me eat this dried-out old sandwich here, would ya?” Mac plopped onto the chair and took a very large bite. She didn’t care if it was dry at this point. She was starving. Her stomach felt like it had been scraped out with a grapefruit spoon.

Since Neil was being quiet, she decided to be obnoxious and started chewing with her mouth wide open, making loud smacking sounds there was no way he could miss.

“What on earth are you doing, oh sexy one?” Mac almost choked on the food she’d been chomping at so grotesquely. It took her a minute before she could swallow, and then she had to take a drink of her juice to get it all down.

“I decided to hit you with all my dangerous feminine anti-wiles.”

“I’m pretty sure you hit me with partially-masticated food a couple of times, too.” Mac snorted and swallowed more juice.

“All part of my charm.” She crossed her eyes, gave a sinister open-mouthed grin, wrinkled her nose and touched the tip of her tongue to the end of it.

“Wow. I’m completely swept away. Had I known such beauty awaited me, I’d have demanded you show me the real you right away. I can’t stand it for another second. I
must
have you. Right now.” His completely deadpan expression killed her. She was trying so hard not to laugh out loud, that it came out as a wheezing sound. Neil was soon chuckling with her.

“You’re absolutely crazy. You know that? Now finish your partially-masticated, dried-out old sandwich so we can go to bed. Then we can have that discussion I’m so keen on right now.”

“Well, you’re lucky I’m in a receptive mood, and you refrained from using those four words.”

“I have a pretty good memory when it comes to psychotic banshees, but then it wasn’t that long ago that you warned me. I think I can remember something for a day or two. Don’t worry, it’s not that kind of talk. I’m settling rather nicely into the idea of being married to you, honey. The anticipation might actually kill me.”

As soon as the dishes were in the dishwasher, they trotted off to her bedroom. Apparently he’d decided that his supervision wasn’t necessary, or whatever it was he’d planned to do before following her. Mac sat beside Neil on the edge of the bed. She realized it had become
their
bedroom now, not just hers, since they’d be married soon. He showed no signs of wanting to spend the night elsewhere in the meantime. That gave her an idea.

“So, where do you plan to spend tomorrow night, the night before our wedding?” She could have fun with this one, she realized.

“Um, howling at the moon outside your non-existent bedroom window? I don’t know. Was there somewhere I needed to be? Is there a ritual involving bootlaces, pine cones, and a dirty jock strap, where you invoke the demons of syllabub and tell me I have to lick the back of your knee six times in order to ensure lifelong happiness? Because we really don’t have to go to all that trouble. I’m sure we can be at least
half
as happy without those elaborate preparations.”

“Well, that’ll never do. It’s mint leaves, not pine cones, and you have to lick the back of my knee until I achieve
orgasm
six times.”

“My apologies. I must have misplaced my copy of the ritual. I’ve got it here somewhere I’m sure.”

“Alright, I give up. You can stay here that night, too.”

“Can I? Well then. I’ll have to lick the back of your knee tonight instead. Can’t be too careful.” Mackenzie was giggling helplessly by this point.

“Alright already! What was it you wanted to talk to me about? You can always lick my knee after we talk.”

“Oh, good. I was afraid I was going to miss out. Anyway, at the clinic you said the birth control was for the younger crowd, and I wanted to know why.”

“Ah, yes. I forgot I was going to talk to you about that. I saw your face when I said it, and realized you’d be concerned.”

“Concerned? Hardly. Curious.”

“Oh. Well, as far as I know I can’t have any more kids. Plus I’m forty. Tried for a long time, and could never get pregnant. Or if I did it didn’t take. It happened with both husbands, so I was the issue. I stopped trying.”

“Yet you were able to have Cameron.”

“I was seventeen, and that’s about as fertile as it gets for a female. I just figured I got really lucky with her.”

“You never went to a specialist?”

“I did, but they didn’t know what was wrong. I didn’t have any cysts or uterine abnormalities. Both times it got to the point where they were ordering deeper tests, which happened to coincide with the breakdowns of both my marriages, so those tests never got done.”

“You had no other signs of illness or anything?” Mac shook her head.

“There are some causes of infertility that have no symptoms that I know of, but I’m no expert. Back when I would have wanted to do serious research on the topic, the internet wasn’t really a thing. Anyway, my point is it’s very unlikely there’s even a snowball’s chance in hell of me getting knocked up, so you’re off the hook.”

“You think I’d want to be?” Mac could see this was getting into some dangerous territory, and for no real reason.

“Maybe not, but the question is moot. As far as I’m aware I can’t have children. Not anymore at any rate. I’m sorry. If you wanted more children, I’m
really
sorry, because you’re a damn good father. You shouldn’t have had to miss out on more kids if you wanted them.

“We probably should have talked about this
way
before we talked about getting married. Having kids can be a deal-breaker for some people. If it’s like that for you, please tell me now. I’ll understand. Really.”

When Neil just looked at her, Mac wished she could swallow the words she’d spoken. The problem was, she wasn’t sure if it was because she thought she’d hurt him by saying that, or because she was afraid he might back out now. If he did, she knew she would be devastated.

“You’ll
understand
? Really? How could you possibly think I’d walk away from you over something you have no control over. I want to marry you because I love you, and because I want a wife not a brood mare. If it ever happened that you miraculously got pregnant,
and
you were willing to have the baby, I’d be happy as all hell. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m already happy as all hell just being with you.” Mac felt like a shit, and the only thing she could think to do was lighten the mood.

“Have you ever noticed how
irritated
we make each other over how much we
love
each other?” When he smiled she continued.

“Neil, I based what I was saying on how devastated
I
was that I couldn’t conceive again, because I do know how badly a person can want a child. A couple of times I thought maybe I was pregnant. It was a feeling I couldn’t explain. Then the feeling would pass, and there was another box of tampons to go through. Crude way of putting it, I guess, but I would look at that box at the start of a period and just start crying, knowing that I needed to use them yet again.

“Still, I had Cameron so I finally put away my hopes for more kids and moved on with my life. I got past it, but I’m not sure I ever got over it. Strangely, I never wanted either of my husbands, even then, to be real fathers to a child of mine.

“I still dreamed of having a child with someone I
did
want one with, and doing it right the second time. You know, where everything was a joy, and something to be shared, not an excuse for someone to tell me what to do. Or another living person for a guy to use in order to manipulate me.

“I used to have this fantasy of being pregnant, with the man I love holding me from behind. He would have his hands on my giant belly and he would be so in love with me. So happy about the child we’d made together. I wanted
that
family. The one where I was absolutely vital to someone. Someone who couldn’t wait to make a child with me.” Mac was startled when a tear slid down her cheek. She wanted to laugh it off, but she couldn’t.

“Mac, honey, you
are
absolutely vital to me. No mere hope for a child that doesn’t even exist could compete with that. Having a kid with someone is never a sure thing, even when there’s nothing physically wrong with either person. It happens or it doesn’t. You don’t throw away the best thing that’s ever happened to you over a maybe. And that’s what you are to me. I’ve never found anyone to compare to you.

“Of course, we could try really, really hard. Over and over, like six times a night. I’m sure I could keep up my part of the bargain.” Mackenzie gave him a watery smile.

“Oh, you can definitely keep it up, cowboy. In fact, I was wondering if your flag ever
stopped
flying. How do you walk around with the thing just waving around like that all the time? Doesn’t it put your back out or something?” Then Mac found herself on
her
back once more.

“Why don’t we keep trying until we put
both
our backs out?”

“Ride ‘em, cowboy!”

23

B
EYOND
F
ULL
C
APACITY

Mac was feeling a whole lot less stressed when she woke around noon. Neil had kept her up for a number of hours, in addition to waking her throughout the night for a few more bouts, but by dawn they had both completely crashed.

Thoughtful as always, Neil had made sure to include morning care for the animals in his instructions to Billy the night before, and Billy had also hiked over to the cabin to do his usual chores there. Mac couldn’t get over how responsibly Neil’s son behaved.

Not that Mac had any complaints with Cam. Far from it. As much as her daughter might be disgusted with some of the new experiences in her life, she still did whatever was necessary. She had worked hard her whole life. She’d had a part-time job in high school, and worked full time as an adult until they’d made the final trip up north that week. Mac knew some of that had been her own influence, but the traits were already there.

Neil wasn’t in bed beside her, but the message light was flashing on her phone. She saw the text from him, saying that he’d gone out to make their new residents more comfortable. It occurred to her that she should get her ass out there and walk everyone around the place, explaining the set-up.

Mac wasn’t sure she like the idea of bringing anyone else to their property, whatever Neil had said. She didn’t feel they needed more help. She had a good handle on everything, and the more people they had, the more likely it was their location would get out. That was not something she was willing to risk.

She wanted a peaceful existence. Whether or not the end of the world was nigh, she liked spending time by herself, doing solitary activities. That hadn’t been the case for the last several days, and she found herself pining for solitude. If they took on more residents, solitude would be a fond, fond memory.

Neil was a lot more extroverted than she was, that was for sure. Not that it was a bad thing. They could complement one another that way. There were things she’d be better with than he was, and vice versa. Any activity that required a solitary bent would likely be her province. Anything that required outgoing socialization would be left to him.

As much as she didn’t feel like traipsing a few feet from her bedroom for a shower, Mac
really
wasn’t ready to face the world without one. If she hadn’t shot someone the day before, and spent the night having sex more times than she could count, she’d have just gotten dressed.

Neil was at the table with Kelly when she poked her head out of the bedroom wearing her bathrobe. He raised his head, but she shook hers. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. The memory of shooting that guy had brought some unpleasant emotions to the surface. Emotions she’d been able to forget during the night, but at some point she’d have to sort through them and deal. This was as good a time as any. Neil seemed to understand, and stayed where he was.

She opened the bathroom door carefully. When Mac was sure it was empty, she went in and closed and locked the door behind her. One bathroom was
not
going to be enough for this group. They needed to get the house built, sooner rather than later.

She took a much longer shower than usual. She wasn’t a cruel person, so now she was dealing with the disgust she felt for the pain she’d inflicted after collecting the slugs. She needed to get rid of those as soon as possible. Mac hurried up with the rest of her shower then, and headed to the bedroom as soon as she was dry, anxious to get them disposed of.

She dressed in a tank top and shorts, and grabbed her dirty clothes off the floor. She picked up the jeans by the waist so nothing could fall out of the pocket. When she went to take them out, however, both the casings and slugs were gone. Mac dropped the clothes on the floor and ran into the main area in a panic.

“Did you take them?” Neil stood up and kissed her on the forehead. She wanted to shake him off.

“Did you take them?!” She was nearly shouting now.

“Take what, honey?”

“From my pocket. The slugs and casings. They’re not in there now. What did you do with them?”

“Oh, yes. I thought you might have forgotten they were in there, or maybe wouldn’t want to deal with them. I kept the casings, since I wasn’t sure if you had a reloading press or not, but the slugs went in the river after I smashed them a few times with a rock.” Mac sagged against him.