To Have and to Hold (Cactus Creek Cowboys) (20 page)

Once Colby had secured the ropes to a large cottonwood tree, he waded back into the water and swam across. Once out of the water, Colby came directly to Naomi.

“I want you to swim Shadow across,” he said to her.

Naomi was too surprised to speak, but her father wasn’t.

“She’s not an experienced rider, and she’s never tried to cross a flooded river.”

“All she has to do is hang on. Shadow knows what to do. I’ll be on your horse next to her. I’d rather she be safe on the other side before we start taking the wagons across.”

Once Shadow was saddled, Colby lifted Naomi into the sidesaddle. “Hold on to his mane. Whatever you do, don’t pull on the reins. Don’t worry about the current. The ropes will keep you from being swept downstream.”

Naomi had never learned to swim, and she’d only started riding a couple weeks ago.

She struggled to hide the fear that was making her nauseated. The other women would be watching from the bank. None of them knew how to swim, and most had never sat on a horse. If Naomi showed fear, it would make it more difficult for them when they had to cross the river in their wagons.

“I’m ready.” She’d never uttered a greater untruth.

Shadow waded into the river without hesitation while Colby had to force her father’s horse to brave the current. She felt a moment of near panic when Shadow started to swim. Only his head remained above water. The force of the current hit her with stunning impact, and she groped blindly under water to keep her hold on Shadow’s mane. Her leg curled around the pommel hardly seemed sufficient to keep her in the saddle. She was in up to her bosom in the cold, angry river.

“Lean into the current,”

Colby’s presence reassured her, but her father’s horse was fighting to return to the bank. By the time they were in the swiftest part of the current, she and Shadow were several yards ahead.

She was on her own.

The current repeatedly carried Shadow against the ropes, but each time the powerful stallion found the strength to pull away. Naomi kept looking back to see how Colby was doing. That’s why she missed seeing the tree branch headed toward her.

“Watch out!”

Colby pointed upstream at what looked like a small tree branch.

“Most of it is underwater,” Colby called out. “It could be a whole tree.”

Naomi’s breath caught in her throat. There was nothing she could do to stop the branch—or tree. Could Shadow swim fast enough to get ahead of it, or should she try to stop him and hope it would pass ahead of them?

“Get on the other side of the ropes,” Colby told her. “They’ll hold the tree long enough for you to get past it.”

Shadow swam with powerful strokes toward the shore, his eyes straight ahead. He didn’t see the tree branch or respond when she tried to nudge him back toward the ropes. When Naomi leaned forward to reach for the reins, she nearly lost her balance. Holding on to Shadow’s mane with all her strength, she managed to catch up the rein. Once she regained her balance, she pulled to the left. When Shadow didn’t respond, she pulled harder. He moved closer to the rope, but it was still out of reach.

“Pull harder,” Colby shouted.

Over the noise of the rushing river he sounded far away. She was going to have to do this herself.

She pulled on the rein, keeping the pressure up until Shadow came up against the ropes. With a sigh of relief, she reached over, grabbed hold of the double ropes, and pulled.

Nothing happened. The weight of the ropes plus the weight of the water they’d absorbed combined with the pull of the current made them too heavy for her to lift. The ropes might as well have been made of iron.

“Try again,” Colby called from behind her.

“They’re too heavy.”

“I’ll lift it out of the water back here. That’ll help.”

Colby had brought his horse up to the ropes. He leaned over and grabbed hold of the ropes. For an instant she thought he wouldn’t be able to lift them, but with a grunt, he raised the ropes about two feet out of the water.

“Now you try.”

The branch was almost upon her. If it was attached to a tree underwater, it would tangle Shadow’s legs and both of them would drown. She grabbed the rope and pulled with all of her strength. After a moment’s hesitation, the water released its grip, and she was able to lift the rope.

“Hold it over your head and push Shadow downstream.”

It was all she could do to hold the rope out of the water. She didn’t have any strength left to force Shadow to change direction, but the branch was headed directly toward her. She had only seconds left. Using both hands and summoning all her strength, she lifted the ropes over her head and Shadow’s. She immediately dropped the ropes and pulled hard on Shadow’s rein. He pulled downstream just as the limb caught on the ropes.

Before she could breathe a sigh of relief, Shadow started to struggle.

“His feet are caught in branches underwater,” Colby shouted. “Pull him farther downstream.”

She tried, but Shadow’s head went underwater, and she was swept away by the current.

Naomi didn’t know if most people’s lives passed before their eyes when they were about to die, but hers didn’t. Instead, she was furious that something as temporary as a swollen river and a submerged tree could take away her chance to live, marry, and grow old watching her grandchildren. It was a senseless waste, and she didn’t intend to accept it.

She thought Colby was shouting something, but she couldn’t hear because her head kept going underwater. The weight of her clothes was pulling her down.

“Grab Shadow’s tail.”

That didn’t make any sense until she realized Shadow hadn’t drowned but was swimming several yards down river. She didn’t know how to swim, but she had watched Colby and Ethan cross the river and had seen how they used their arms. Doing her best to imitate them, she started toward Shadow.

The river swept her closer to Shadow but not near enough to grab the tail she could see floating on the water behind him. Colby was too far away to help. She knew what she had to do. The only question that remained was
could
she
do
it?

She was
not
going to die in this muddy river. If Colby could cross it three times, she could cross it once. Focusing all her energy, she forced her arms to cleave the water as she’d seen Colby do. Muscles that had never been called upon for such strenuous activity screamed under the strain. Each breath was more painful than the last. The frigid river leached the heat from her body and turned her fingers numb. She choked on mouthful after mouthful of muddy water, but she didn’t give up. Her only chance was to get close enough to latch on to Shadow’s tail before she was swept down the river to a cold, wet grave. The weight of her waterlogged clothes pulled against her, but she fought back, kicking with all her strength. Calling upon the last of her strength, she pushed through the swirling water and reached for Shadow’s tail.

She was able to grasp a few hairs, but she needed a firmer grip if she expected him to pull her out of the river. Going hand over hand, she reached a point where she had a secure grip on his full tail. Now all she had to do was hold on until Shadow reached the shore.

But they had been swept past the open spot on the opposite bank. Now the bank was lined by trees with floodwaters swirling several feet up their trunks. If her skirt got tangled in the trees before her feet could reach ground, she’d be stranded.

She didn’t know what caused her to look around. When she did, she saw Colby swimming toward her. What had happened to his horse? Why wasn’t he headed toward the shore instead of toward her?

She could hardly believe it when she realized Colby was catching up with her. He came up to her on the downstream side.

“Let go of Shadow’s tail and hold on to me.”

“Why?” Fear told her not to let go.

“He’s going to avoid the trees and wait until he finds an opening downstream. We need to get out as soon as we can.”

Her hands felt like they were locked onto Shadow’s tail. They refused to respond to her signal to let go.

“You can let go now,” Colby urged. “The current will bring you to me.”

It took all her willpower to release Shadow’s tail. Almost immediately the water carried her up against Colby.

“Grab my waist, and don’t let go until I tell you.”

That wasn’t easy because he was a big man and he was kicking with his feet. She grabbed hold of his long underwear and hoped they didn’t rip.

Oddly enough, now that she started to feel safe, events from her past flashed through her mind. She remembered her mother’s smile, a sunny day when the whole family went berry picking, the time her mother made her a bright yellow dress to wear to church, the time by the creek when Colby kissed her, her father’s look after her mother died. She had no doubt her father had loved her mother the way she loved Colby. If she only knew how to make him believe.

When they reached the trees, Colby guided her to one with a small trunk. “Hold on. I’ll look for a place to climb out.”

She felt silly hugging a tree as though it was her best friend, but under the circumstances it was. Colby hadn’t gone far before he turned back.

“I was able to get a footing,” he told her. “Take my hand.”

Colby pulled her through the trees and the swirling current until she felt her feet touch ground. It was soft mud, but she didn’t care. She had made it across. She was safe.

They had been washed more than a quarter of a mile down the river before they had been able to climb out. The cold rain and her wet clothes drained her body of warmth. Yet it was easy to forget her misery because Colby wore nothing but his wet long underwear that clung to him like a second skin. Naomi had been around her father and brothers too long to be unfamiliar with the male anatomy, but it took on a different significance when it came to Colby.

She couldn’t remember paying attention to a man’s backside or legs. That changed when she followed Colby out of the river. His underwear clung to his butt and thighs. She could see the muscles move as his butt cheeks and thighs swelled and contracted as he waded ashore. It was like an erotic dance. It appalled her that she could be so fascinated by his body, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him. It was all she could do not to reach out and touch him. She was climbing out of a flooded river, for goodness sakes. How could she be so fascinated by a man’s backside? She ought to be shouting hallelujahs for her deliverance. Instead, she was lusting after a man who’d endangered his own life to save her.

Maybe lust, love, and thankfulness were all part of the same package. It certainly was for her when it came to Colby.

***

It took several hours to complete the crossing, but by midafternoon all the wagons were scattered along the riverbank. Everything from clothes to bedding would need to be laid out to dry when the weather cleared. Minor repairs were underway while the livestock grazed on fresh grass. There was an extra bustle in activity from knowing that the last river had been crossed with no loss of lives and only minor damage to property.

“I don’t know why we couldn’t have waited until the river went down,” Norman complained to anyone who would listen. “We were lucky nobody drowned.”

“That’s because we had Colby,” her father said. “Without him, we wouldn’t have gotten this far.”

“I still say—”

“You’ve complained enough, Norman. Everybody’s tired of hearing you. For the first time in your life, you don’t know any more than the rest of us. In fact,” the doctor continued relentlessly, “if you don’t start paying attention instead of thinking you already know the answers, even the children will know more than you.”

Naomi was shocked to hear her father speak to Norman like that. It didn’t matter that he had only put into words what everyone was feeling. He was never rude to anyone.

“Why don’t you help Sibyl with the wagons?” Vernon Edwards said to his son-in-law. “Getting everything reorganized in three wagons is too much for one person.”

Norman looked like he wanted to argue, but Naomi’s father made a shooing gesture. Rather than infuriate Norman as she had expected, he stiffened then turned and walked off.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you wind up in Hell for forcing your daughter to marry that man,” her father said to Vernon. “I’d rather Naomi die an old maid than marry a man like Norman.”

“Who my daughter marries is none of your business.”

Naomi thought Vernon looked uncomfortably guilty before he turned and left.

Still, it could be exhaustion. The crossing had been long and difficult. The animals had been forced to swim across in a group, but they had brought the wagons over one at a time. The swift current had nearly capsized two of them, but the rocky bottom at the ford made getting out of the river easier.

“I’d better thank Colby for pulling you out of the river,” her father said to her.

“You’ve thanked him every time he’s come within shouting distance. I think he knows how you feel.”

“He can’t,” her father said. “
I
didn’t know how I felt until I saw you go under. I think I aged a hundred years before you grabbed Shadow’s tail.”

Shadow had come back, but her father’s horse was still missing. Colby had apologized for abandoning the animal, but her father had said his daughter’s life was worth more than a thousand horses. Morley Sumner had cut the tree loose from the ropes, and everybody had crossed without having to dodge any more debris.

“Colby says we don’t have any more big rivers to cross,” she told her father.

“Roy Greene told us the Rio Grande is on the other side of Santa Fe. We won’t have Colby when we have to cross that.”

Naomi didn’t want to be reminded that the time was fast approaching when Colby would leave them. She’d overheard him telling Norman that it was about three day’s travel to where the desert trail crossed the Mora River and hooked up with the route from Bent’s Fort. Since there was only one trail from there to Santa Fe, Colby said they’d have no trouble traveling the last ninety miles on their own.

“Have you had any luck convincing him to stay?”

Naomi resented being made to feel it was her fault that Colby was leaving. He’d always been clear that he would leave them at La Junta. His partiality for her company probably led everyone to expect he would change his mind, but he hadn’t.

“Colby rarely changes his mind.” She looked down at her feet.

“Anybody can see you’d make him a perfect wife.”

“He’s running from something that had a powerful effect on him. Until he comes to terms with that, he’s not going to be happy or able to make anyone else happy.”

Her father gave her a comforting hug. “And I thought the man was intelligent. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know how you feel about him.”

She loved him and was certain he loved her in return. She didn’t understand why he couldn’t see that. She didn’t know what Elizabeth was like, but just because one woman had betrayed him didn’t mean she would, too. But he wasn’t going to give her a chance to prove she was different. He’d closed his mind to all other possibilities. She had the horrible feeling she’d done the same in that she could never love another man as she loved him. She would be doomed to live her life alone.

The restraints that had been holding back the dammed up emotions inside her burst. She flung her arms around her father’s neck and burst into tears.

***

The camp was filled with excitement. After crossing the Mora River—a fast-moving, muddy little stream—they had met up with a group of traders who had agreed to escort them the rest of the way to Santa Fe. For the first time since crossing the Arkansas River, they were no longer alone. Paul Hill put everyone’s feelings into words.

“I thought living in a small village like Spencer’s Clearing was lonely,” he’d said. “I didn’t know what loneliness was until we crossed the Arkansas River. For a while I was convinced we were the only people in the world.”

Naomi didn’t need anybody to explain why, instead of feeling relieved to be joining a large train, she was feeling lonelier than ever. Colby was taking leave of everyone in their little group. He was saving his good-byes to her for last.

“I wish Colby wouldn’t leave,” Cassie said to Naomi. “I feel safer with him around. I’m sure these people are nice, but we don’t know them.”

Naomi had joined Cassie in her wagon because she couldn’t bear to be alone at this moment. It was almost impossible not to see or hear Colby saying good-bye to someone. It was like having the fact of his leaving pounded into her head time after time. She had prepared herself for one leave-taking. She couldn’t endure a dozen.

“I’m sure we’ll be safe. Colby said he has worked with some of the men in the group.”

Cassie cuddled her baby. It was hard to believe how much Little Abe had grown since leaving Independence, Missouri, nearly two months ago. Naomi hoped Cassie would find a good father for him. He was such a sweet, cheerful baby; every woman in the train had done her best to spoil him.

“I thought he was going to marry you,” Cassie said. “Didn’t you?”

Not for the first time had Naomi wished that people in a small community didn’t know everything about everybody else. She also wished Cassie could learn a little subtlety.

“I guess it’s no secret that I’m fond of Colby,” Naomi confessed. “Unfortunately, he’s not equally fond of me.”

“Anybody can see he’s in love with you,” Cassie insisted. “What did you do to him to make him leave?”

She supposed it was only natural that everyone would believe she’d been the one at fault. After all, if she’d given him what he wanted, he would have stayed. She had. He just hadn’t recognized it.

“He said from the beginning that he would leave when we reached La Junta.”

“But that was before he started liking you.”

“Like is not love. If you’re going to hold me responsible for his not falling in love with me, I guess that’s what I did wrong.”

The baby stirred. “He’s hungry, the greedy little fella,” Cassie said fondly. “If Ethan hadn’t made me eat, I wouldn’t have had enough milk for him.”

Being made responsible for Cassie had had a maturing effect on Ethan. He’d need it wherever they ended up. She couldn’t help wondering where Colby would end up. According to him, there were thousands of empty places in the West. He just had to pick one.

Ethan appeared at the end of the wagon. “Colby has come to say good-bye to us.”

Cassie handed her baby to Naomi then climbed out of the wagon. “I wish you’d stay,” she told Colby. “I feel safe with you.”

“You’ve got Ethan to look after you, and everybody else in the train to make sure you have everything you need. You’ll be perfectly safe with the new folks.”

“It won’t be the same,” she pouted.

“We’d never have survived without your help,” Ethan said, shaking Colby’s hand.

“You can’t be sure of that,” Colby said. “There are a lot of good men in this group. Now I want to say good-bye to Naomi. The traders are getting ready to leave, so I don’t have much time.”

“We can say good-bye here.” Naomi knew it was cowardly, but she wasn’t sure she could keep her composure otherwise.