To Have and To Hold (21 page)

into this house, her mother hadn’t been pleasant to her. If her mother made an effort, then they

could work something out, but as it was, her mother didn’t leave room for resolving any past

differences. Quite frankly, if Dave had been rude to her mother—something she stil didn’t

believe, then he did it for a good reason.

“Since it’s a nice day, why don’t I take the children outside,” her mother told Grace. “They are

so adorable, much like you were at their age, Grace.”

“Alright,” Grace replied. “I’l stay in here and help Mary.”

“Come on, children,” her mother told them. “Let’s go out to the porch.”

“Are you sure you want to do that when my husband is out there?” Mary snapped, unable to

stop herself. As it was, she did good to refrain from saying anything else, and she had plenty

she wanted to say at the moment!

“This is my house,” her mother replied. “I wil not be a prisoner in it.”

“Wel then don’t complain about anything he does to upset you,” she retorted.

Grace’s eyes grew wide and the children stood stil in shock. Her mother’s face turned red and

her lips formed a thin line.

Mary mental y cursed herself for saying that. She couldn’t recal a time when she came right

out and acted in such a bold manner, but her mother hit a nerve by criticizing Dave, and she had

to draw the line somewhere. Of al the things Dave had done for her, loving her and finding

beauty in her when so few others—including her mother—had, she couldn’t tolerate her mother

speaking poorly about him.

Her mother looked at Grace. “Take the children out there. I must talk to my wayward

daughter.”

Mary spun around and banged the spatula on the worktable. “Why? You don’t want her to

witness how you’ve been treating me and Dave ever since we got here?”

“This doesn’t concern you,” her mother told Grace. “Go.”

The children bolted out of the kitchen, knowing better than to stick around, and Mary couldn’t

blame them. They didn’t need to hear any of this. She glanced at Grace who didn’t budge.

She could see the conflict in her sister’s eyes. Grace wanted to stay and help Mary, but Mary

knew this would make things hard on Grace and her family. At least Mary lived in Nebraska

and would never return. She could afford to be ostracized by their mother, but Grace lived

close enough where she might have to come back.

“Go, Grace,” Mary softly said. “You don’t need to be a part of this.”

Grace shifted from one foot to another and gave a slight shake of her head. Noting the scowl

on her mother’s face, Mary motioned for Grace to leave. Grace sighed and obeyed, her

shoulders slumped.

Mary gripped the table, bracing herself for what was to come. She’d never stood up to her

mother before. She could feel she hadn’t. But she needed to. Taking a deep breath, she

decided to make one more attempt at reconciling things. She owed it to her mother to do that.

“Mother, I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just don’t like hearing you speak il of Dave. I do

remember that no one wanted to marry me, and I left to get a husband. Providence has been

good to me in that Dave happened to be at the train station when I arrived in Nebraska. So wil

you please be nice to him?”

“Did you give him the same speech you just gave me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Did you tel him I spent nineteen years raising you or that I taught you al you know about

sewing and cooking? Did you tel him I took care of you when you were sick as a child? And

because of al of that, he needs to be nice to me?”

Mary’s pulse quickened.

“Of course not,” her mother bitterly replied. “You didn’t think of any of the things I did for you.

Al you can think about is what he’s done.”

At that moment, Mary remembered her mother’s unenthusiastic response when she told her

that the man she wrote to wanted her to come out to Nebraska to marry him. Her mother tried

to discourage her from going and even insisted she get a return ticket. It was then she

understood why her mother didn’t like Dave. “You never wanted me to get married,” she softly

said.

“Nonsense. It’s not my fault the available men in this town found nothing worth loving when they

looked at you.”

For a moment, it felt as if her mother had slapped her. Then she recal ed what her mother had

written her in a letter shortly after she married Dave. Her mother had written that it was a good

thing men out west were desperate for wives or else she wouldn’t have gotten married. She

also recal ed throwing the letter away before Dave could read it. She was afraid he might find

her lacking if he got the idea she wasn’t attractive because he’d made her feel attractive for the

first time in her life.

Mary final y made eye contact with her mother, and as she did, she felt as if she was seeing

her for the first time. “I understand your grievances are not real y toward my husband but in the

fact that I’m no longer here to do your bidding. I won’t be leaving him to come back here, no

matter what you say or do. I also understand the animosity you feel toward me for leaving in

the first place has increased over the years until you can’t stand the sight of me. I’m going back

to Nebraska with my husband. If you can manage to be nice to me in the letters, then I’l be

happy to receive them and to write you back. If, however, you continue to make unkind

remarks regarding Dave or me, then I won’t respond anymore. The choice is yours.”

Mary forced herself to remain stil and wait for her mother to respond. The easy way would be

to leave immediately, but she figured she had to at least give the impression that her mother no

longer intimidated her because, truth be told, even now her hands were trembling and her

throat was dry.

“It’s not your place to give me an ultimatum,” her mother final y said, her tone cold.

So her mother wouldn’t treat her any differently. She didn’t have to come out and say it. Mary

saw it in the hard expression on her face. “I have my answer then.”

Mary took off the apron and set it on the worktable before she headed out of the kitchen. She

tried not to run out of the house in case she showed her mother that her response bothered

her. As it was, her face was hot from the humiliation of knowing how little her mother real y

thought of her and tears stung her eyes. But as long as she calmly walked out of the house,

keeping her back to her mother, she could preserve the last remaining bit of pride she had.

When she made it onto the porch, she quickly veered away from Dave, her sister, Calvin and

the children so she could gather her bearings. She knew Dave would fol ow her, and sure

enough, she heard his footsteps behind her while she hurried down the porch steps. It wasn’t

that she minded him fol owing. She just wished she could stop the tears from fal ing. No

amount of wiping them away or wil ing them away worked.

“Mary?”

“I’m not going back in there,” she forced out, her voice shaky.

He caught up with her, but she didn’t slow her pace. Ignoring the stare from a woman who was

sweeping the porch of the house across the street, Mary turned toward the wooded area of

town. “I don’t care for Mother, and she doesn’t care for me. What else is there to say?”

And real y, that summed it up perfectly. She might not have al the details of her relationship

with her mother in the past, but her mother had been used to getting whatever she wanted and

when Mary left for Nebraska, that was when she fel from grace. It was the day her mother

lost control. Mary recal ed boarding the train the day she left Maine and thinking she would

never return, even if the man she went to meet didn’t want her. She’d been determined to

make it in Nebraska one way or another.

They reached the wooded area, so she stopped and turned to Dave. Before he could say

anything, she stepped toward him and col apsed against him. He brought his arms around her,

and she gave into the need to cry, taking comfort in his strength. He rubbed her back in

soothing circular motions as she al owed herself the freedom to mourn things that could never

be between her and her mother, things she wished were different but would never be.

After her sobs subsided, she stil remained in his arms, feeling protected from the harsher

realities of the world. With a long sigh, she closed her eyes and spent the next couple of

minutes listening to the melody of the birds singing around them.

“You don’t have to go back into the house,” he final y whispered.

“Good.”

“Wil you tel me what happened?”

She shrugged. “What’s to say? My mother resents the fact that I left Maine. She won’t try to

resolve things with me. I told her she needed to accept my life with you or I had nothing else to

say to her. She made her choice, so that’s the end of it.”

He kissed the top of her head and tightened his hold on her. “It’l be alright, sweetheart. We

have each other and our children.”

“I’l never treat our children the way she treated me.”

“I know you won’t.”

She opened her eyes and stepped away from him so she could wipe her cheeks.

“Feel better?”

She nodded. “Somewhat. It’s going to take time to get over this.”

“I know. But I’m proud of you, Mary. You stood up for yourself. And in the future when you

say you have a bad feeling about something, I’m going to pay better attention to you.”

“You couldn’t have known. I didn’t remember.”

“But deep down, you knew it wasn’t a good idea to come here. Even if you didn’t know exactly

why, your feelings were trying to warn you.”

She couldn’t argue with his statement, so she nodded again. In the future, she’d pay better

attention to her feelings as wel .

He glanced over his shoulder and scanned the houses. “I’l get our things from the house and

we’l see if Grace knows somewhere else we can stay for the time being.”

“Alright. I think I’l sit on the bench over there and wait for you. I need some time alone.”

He nodded. “I’l be back soon.”

As he headed back to her parents’ house, Mary went to the bench and sat down. Even as the

wounds were stil fresh from the painful confrontation with her mother, she knew she had to put

a stop to the years her mother made her feel inadequate. She couldn’t do anything to change

her mother. Al she could do was stop giving her mother the power to hurt her. Today, at

least, was a step in the right direction. And perhaps when she returned to Nebraska and things

settled down, she and her mother might be able to smooth things out. Maybe. But for now,

she needed time to heal from the past.

Chapter Eighteen

“Oh, I don’t mind at al ,” Katie said as she opened the front door to let Grace, Dave and Mary

into her two-story house. “You’re more than welcome to stay.”

“Thank you,” Grace replied and stepped into the house.

Mary fol owed Dave who carried their luggage. It was just her luck that Katie happened to be

the only relative who had a spare bedroom. If Katie wasn’t so hard to understand, she might

not be apprehensive about the whole thing.

“We appreciate it,” Dave said. “Mary and I plan to be on the first train back to Omaha, so we

won’t inconvenience you for long.”

Katie laughed and waved her hand to dismiss the last part of his statement. “It’s no

inconvenience at al . We’re family. It’s my pleasure to help out. I’m only sorry things didn’t go

wel at Mother’s.”

Mary lowered her gaze so she didn’t have to look Katie in the eye. She didn’t care to go into

detail about the whole thing. It was bad enough the next train wouldn’t be coming in for another

two days. As much as she knew how it was going to hurt them in the pocketbook, she was

relieved Dave brought enough along to pay for their fare back home so they didn’t have to wait

to go back on the day their return ticket specified. Al she wanted to do was go home and

forget being here.

Katie motioned to the stairs. “The spare bedroom is right up here.”

They fol owed her up the steps and to the room which had a bed big enough for Mary and

Dave, a smal dresser, and a mirror. Mary caught a glimpse of her reflection and quickly

looked away. Now that she remembered how she used to see herself, she had a hard time

wanting to look in mirrors. She knew the perception was in her mind, but she couldn’t seem to

stop seeing someone who was undesirable to look at. Maybe when she got back to Nebraska,

she could see herself as she truly was again.