To Live Again (3 page)

Chapter Five

In the passenger seat of Sailo’s van, I was still shaking. Not visibly, I hoped, but my knees were still wobbly, my hands still jittery. Anticipation, nerves, that orgasm—God knew how I’d made it down the stairs and out to the parking lot without breaking my neck.

I didn’t know if I was more excited or nervous. If what he’d done in the VIP lounge was a sample of what was to come, I was going to be dead before sunrise, but damn, what a way to go.

“So you’ve really never done this before?” he asked as he pulled out of the Wilde’s parking lot.

Thank God it was dark so he couldn’t see the beet red that was undoubtedly appearing in my cheeks. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Not really.” He glanced at me, and the streetlights offered just enough light to illuminate his mouthwatering smile. “You don’t kiss like a virgin.”

“I’m not a virgin. I’ve just never been with a man.”

“Fair enough.” His expression turned a little more serious. “You’re still just nervous, though, right? Not having second thoughts?”

“Not enough to make me back out, no.” I
was
nervous as hell, though. Sailo didn’t make me feel unsafe, not by any means, but I didn’t know what was going to happen once we were alone behind closed doors. I suspected I’d find out before too much longer.

He drove a few blocks down Broadway and down a side street, then into a secure parking garage beneath a modest apartment building. After he’d parked in a reserved spot, he killed the engine, and we both unbuckled our seat belts. Before we got out, he glanced at me. We both grinned, but didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure what to say. What was the protocol for conversation in this situation? How exactly
did
someone say,
So, I’m horny as hell, and I want you so bad I can’t see straight, but this really is my first time with a guy and I’m scared out of my damned mind.

I did the only thing I could think to do right now—I followed his lead. He hadn’t led me wrong so far.

Neither of us spoke as we walked up the stairs to the second floor. At the landing, he took out his keys, and three doors down from the stairwell, he stopped.

Thank God. I didn’t mind going up stairs, but if I had to wait much longer—

He pushed open the door and gestured for me to go inside. Heart thumping, I stepped into his dark apartment. Sailo turned on the light. I had about two seconds to curiously glance around, but the click of the dead bolt brought my attention right back to him.

Eyes locked on mine, he reached for my belt. He pulled me to him and kissed me, and we both stumbled this way, that way, until my back hit a wall and he pushed me up against it. “Usually I’d be polite and offer a drink,” he murmured between kisses, “but that’s gonna have to wait. Because I can’t.”

“Neither can I. Don’t need a drink. Just you.”

He kissed me even harder. Then he broke away, took my hand, and led me down a short hallway to his bedroom. There we managed to toe off our shoes and, in what I could only describe as a slow motion controlled fall, we landed on his bed together.

Jesus. Making out with him up against a wall was hot, but lying down in a tangle of limbs was mind-blowing. Without the need to stay upright, to accommodate for balance and gravity, we were free to kiss and touch. I was on my back, and I couldn’t keep my hands off him, and he didn’t seem to mind at all, so I let my fingers and palms explore his powerful, masculine shape. Never in my life had I felt a clothed, hard dick pressed against mine, and it turned me on so much, I could barely breathe. Every time one of us moved, that thick ridge rubbed just right to send my pulse soaring. It was a constant, delicious reminder that I was with a man this time. Not just a man—an aroused man who was probably about to blow all of my gay fantasies out of the water.

We rolled over. Then again. I fucking loved having him on top of me. My ex-wife was quite a bit smaller than me, but Sailo matched me inch for inch, pound for pound. Everything about him screamed strength and power, as if he could throw me around if he wanted to. And that thought aroused me a lot more than I’d expected it to. It also made his gentleness so much more erotic.

I could get rough with you,
said the soft touch of his fingertips,
and maybe I will eventually. But not now.

His kiss was deep and slow, as if he wanted to savor every taste. Or let me savor every taste. Or both. He kissed and touched with a verve I hadn’t felt with my ex in ages. Not because she was a woman and he was a man, but because he wanted me, even if it was only for a one night stand. I may have been the nearest warm body for him, a way to wind down after putting on a show, but there would be no cold shoulder tonight. That, more than a man, was what I needed.

“I hope you’re not in a hurry.” I swept my tongue across my lips. “This is all pretty new to me.” Thinking I sounded like an inexperienced idiot, I grinned and added, “I want to enjoy it.”

Sailo returned the grin, teasing my nipple through my shirt. “Do I look like I’m in a hurry?”

He had a point. Hell, we weren’t even undressed yet. Nothing about this—and especially not his kiss—said “get on with it so I can go to sleep.”

We shifted position again, and now I was on top, straddling him and kissing him and oh God, my cock still rubbed against his. If it was this hot with our clothes on, I could only imagine how it would be once we were naked. I wanted to get us there, but damn it, that meant stopping this, so…fuck it.

Sailo combed his fingers through my hair, then closed his hand and tugged my head back. As if that didn’t give me goose bumps, then he lifted his head to kiss my neck.

“Jesus,” I groaned, pressing my hips against his as every soft kiss threatened to turn me inside out. “That is so…”

“Like it?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Good.” He planted a lingering kiss beneath my jaw. “You don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow, do you?”

“N-no. Pretty sure I’d be canceling my plans if I did.”

“Good.” He released my hair, and when I kissed his mouth again, we sank back down to the pillow.

“You really don’t mind taking this slow?” I asked.

“Do I mind?” He ran his fingers down my arm. “Why would I be in any rush? I’ve already got what I want.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. You in my bed.” He tugged at my shirt, then slid his hands up my back, grinning when the touch of his rough, warm palms made me shiver.

He pushed me onto my back and sat up over me. “I’m not in any hurry, but I do think we’re both a bit…overdressed.”

And right then, he peeled off his shirt. Oh, sweet Jesus. His intricate tattoo sleeve continued up his arm, shoulder, and pec, but I didn’t have a chance to really drink it in because he came back down to me. Tattoo could wait. Kissing couldn’t.

And now that his shirt was off, the rest of our clothes followed. Every time an article of clothing came off, Sailo zeroed in on the newly bared skin. He’d been with other men before, but he caressed, kissed, explored like this was his first time too. As if being his first time with
me
warranted the same kind of curiosity and fascination as my first time with any man.

It was strange to feel attractive again. Earlier tonight, I’d wondered who in his right mind would be interested in a newly-divorced semi-virgin on this side of forty-five. I kept myself fit, but I wasn’t twenty anymore.

And Sailo didn’t seem to give a damn. Maybe he was fantasizing about someone else, but I didn’t care as long as he kept pulling off clothes and touching my skin.

He dropped my boxers off the side of the bed, and when he pulled me close again, his bare skin warmed mine. No clothes left. Nothing between us. Before tonight, I’d never touched another naked man, and now I was wrapped up with this one, both of us stripped down and rock hard and making out like we weren’t kidding about taking our time. And I was right—feeling his cock against mine without the layer of fabric in between was
mind-blowing
.

“Let me…” I licked my lips. “Let me see you.”

“See me?” He grinned and sat up over me.

“Yeah.” I ran my hands over his chest. “First time, remember?”

“Look all you want.” He winked. “And feel free to touch.”

“Oh, I will. Believe me.”

No surprise—Sailo had a gorgeous body. Nothing like the men I’d fantasized about, but only because I hadn’t thought to imagine a man like him. My mental harem was all a bunch of generic porn stars. The stereotypical image of what was hot. Six-foot-something dudes with six packs and modeling contracts.

Sailo wasn’t one of them, but he was fucking stunning. The tattoo on his arm and chest had nothing on the one covering his lower abdomen and upper legs. The design was even more intricate than the other, with thin black lines and tiny geometric patterns forming bands that dipped into a deep V just below his navel and continued, one after the other, to his knees, covering every inch of skin except his cock and balls. It must have taken ages to complete.

I wanted to run my fingers over it, look at every single line and angle, but the only thing fascinating me more than all that ink was the man who wore it.

His abs were smooth, his chest and shoulders broad. Not much hair—a few dark sprinkles here and there—aside from the thin trail that started below his navel, and led my gaze downward to where it disappeared into his elaborate tattoo, and below that toward his thick, untattooed cock.

“Like what you see?” he asked with a playful grin.

“Very much so.” I reached up and curved my hand around the back of his neck, and he came down into my arms for another long, toe-curling kiss. Now that I had his lips against mine again, I explored his tattoos with my fingers. They were ever so slightly raised, especially the one on his lower body, and I traced the lines, marveling at the unusual texture. Every little bump and groove reminded me that this was someone completely new, that my hands were no longer on the familiar soft skin of my wife. Everything about Sailo was different, from the shape of his body to the lines etched onto his skin, and every touch drove home that I was with someone completely new for the first time in a quarter century.

I wasn’t just overwhelmed by him, but by how much I wanted this. Touching another man’s body, feeling his cock against mine, turning him on—and I’d doubted if I was really attracted to men? Oh, I was. I couldn’t even remember being this drawn to a woman, or this turned on by one. Maybe it was just because this was shiny and new. Whatever the case, I was loving every second.

“Question.” Sailo lifted himself up and met my gaze, his eyes absolutely
smoldering
with lust. “You said you’ve never been with a man, right?”

“Right.”

“You ever had anal before?”

I gulped. “With my wife, yes.”

He tilted his head. “She ever peg you?”

“Peg—no.”

“So you were always the top?”

I nodded. “Always.”

He pursed his lips. “Well, you’ve been a top before, but I don’t bottom.”

My heart sped up again. I realized I hadn’t even thought that far ahead. Whenever I’d fantasized about sex with men, I was on top. I’d only ever
been
on top when I’d had sex with anyone, and I hadn’t seen myself in any other position. It simply hadn’t occurred to me.

But now that Sailo put it out there, the idea of bottoming was…hot. Unnerving, yes, but hot. Some of the pornos I’d watched over the years flashed through my mind, and God, yes, I wanted to know what that was like, being on my knees or flat on my back with a man
pounding
me. “I’ve definitely never done that.”

“Relax.” He leaned down and kissed me. “We won’t go that far tonight. If you’re game to hook up a second time, though…”

I nodded without hesitation. I couldn’t imagine not being game to hook up with him again. Especially if we weren’t going to fuck tonight. I was kind of disappointed about that, but relieved too. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet. Only that I
wanted
to be ready for it. My curiosity had been piqued, and now it wouldn’t shut up.

“Now that I think about it, though,” he went on, “I’m actually quite tempted to let you top me one night.”

That mental image made my dick even harder. “Are you serious?”

“Mmhmm. You know why?”

“Tell me.”

“So I can see your face the first time you’re balls-deep in a man.”

Oh. God.
Yes.

I swept my tongue across my lips as I drew him back down to me. “Now you’re just teasing.”

He laughed. “And you like it.”

“I do.” I kissed him lightly. Then I nudged him to roll over again, and once I was back on top, I started working my way down to his neck. He tilted his head back, baring his throat as he dug his fingers into my arms. The skin was vaguely rough where he’d shaved, and I liked the way it felt beneath my lips. I liked his body heat, the salt of his skin, the gentle abrasion of his stubble—I could explore him with my mouth all damned night.

I trailed kisses over his collarbone and started on his chest.

Sailo squirmed, lifting just enough to brush my hip with his cock. “Now who’s teasing?”

I glanced up at him as I kissed the middle of his chest. “Only a tease if I don’t follow through, right?”

His eyebrows rose. “You…gonna follow through?”

Nerves tightened my chest, but I refused to let them show. “Maybe.”

He bit his lip.

I kissed lower.

“Fuck…” He squeezed my shoulder and lifted his hips to press against me once more. “You do, I’m not gonna last long. Too fucking turned on not to come.”

Oh shit. Was I ready for that?

Guess I was about to find out.

“Just give me some warning, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.”

I trailed kisses lower, his chest rising and falling faster as I continued downward. “You, um, know I’ve never done this before, right?”

“S’okay.” He pushed himself up on his elbows and gazed down at me. “You’re a perfect kisser, so you know how to use your mouth.”

No pressure. Awesome.

I kept inching downward. Every time I kissed his skin, I moved a little lower, working up more and more courage with every inch I gained. As I reached his lower abdomen, I moved from smooth skin to the intricate tattoos. The lines were odd beneath my lips. Odd, and fascinating. I kissed along the grooves and contours, flicking my tongue here and there and grinning whenever he shivered or moaned.