To Love Twice (5 page)

Kate stood up.  “Yes, that’s me,” she said.

“Hello, I’m Sara, Clair’s assistant.  If you’ll follow
me, I’ll take you back.”

“Thank you,” Kate said as she followed Sara down the hall.

“I’m sorry for the delay.  I don’t know who she called
to let us know you were here, but it wasn’t me!  I was just about to call
you to see if you were still coming.”  Sara rolled her eyes.  “The
girl up front is a temp.  Our normal receptionist, Jenny went home. 
She’s pure gold but she was scaring the clients away with her cough.  Poor
thing was sick as a dog and wouldn’t go home until Clair walked out there with
the Lysol spray,” Sara chuckled.

Kate laughed.  “I hope she feels better soon.”

“Us too,” Sara said dramatically.

She ushered Kate into Clair’s office and Kate’s jaw
dropped.  The whole wall was glass and the view of the city was
breathtaking.  Kate walked to the windows before she could stop herself
and took in the the view.  She could see for miles.  Kate could make
out the river snaking it’s way through the south end of the city.  The
skyscrapers were like beautiful sculptures shooting into the sky from the
ground.  The cars resembled little matchbox cars on the ground and the
people were so tiny, Kate could barely make them out.  Breathing in, Kate
wondered how Clair was able to get anything done during the day.

“Kate!  So sorry to keep you waiting,” Clair said as
she rushed into her office.

Reluctantly, Kate turned from the windows.  “How do you
get anything done with a view like this?”

Clair laughed, “It’s hard some days.”

“You must have willpower of steel.  I’d never get
anything done,” Kate laughed as she walked over to shake Clair’s hand and then
sat down in one of the vacant visitor chairs.

Clair surprised Kate by sitting in the opposite visitor’s
chair, taking Kate’s hand and giving it a slight squeeze.  “How are you
doing today, Kate?”

“I’m okay if I don’t think about it.  I’ve never been
arrested, detained, before, so that was pretty traumatic for me.  I’ve
never had to worry about Mary like that before.  All I could think about
was what if I’m thrown in jail?”  Kate looked out the window and
sighed.  “I know my sister would have looked out for her.  I let Mary
sleep in my bed last night,” Kate said sheepishly.

“I probably would have done the same thing.  And I hate
to say this, but it’s going to be a long road and it’s going to get tougher
before it gets better.”

“I know.  This whole situation is hard.  It’s hard
for me to reconcile the man I married, with the man he is now.”

“Well, we may not get those answers for you, but we will
make this situation better for you.  Tell me about when things started
going wrong,” Clair said calmly.

Kate’s palms dampened.  Wiping them on her slacks, she
blew out a breath.  “Wow.  I’m really doing this, aren’t I? 
That’s such a personal question, but I suppose nothing is going to be personal
again for a long time.”

“No, I’m afraid it won’t.  I’m hoping we can handle
this divorce between the lawyers and just get the judge to sign off on
it.  But if he fights you on any part, we’ll have to go to trial,” Clair
said softly.  “Before we actually start, let me ask you a question. 
Are you ready for this?  Are you ready to take this step?  Because
once we start, there really is no going back.”

Kate took a deep breath and searched her heart.  She
took the question as seriously as it was asked.  She glanced toward to
windows again, letting her mind wander.  Was she ready for this
step?  She had to be.  Already there was no going back. He’d let her
walk out the door.  He’d let her take Mary with no fight.  He’d
gotten rid of everything she owned.  There was no coming back from
that. 

“Yes, I’m ready.  I want to take this step.  There
is no other course for me to take,” Kate said quietly but with finality.

Taking another deep breath, Kate started the story. 
“In order for you to understand when things went wrong, I think you need to
know how we met.”  Kate looked out the window and let her mind go back to
that awful day.

“I was a senior in college.  MBA program.  My
father had had a heart attack a couple of days before.  He was in ICU and
my mother had been staying with him at the hospital.  I had finals coming
up and a few term papers that I’d needed to work on.  I didn’t get Mom’s
voicemail until late.  I went by their home, grabbed the things she’d
requested and went to the hospital.  By the time I had visited, and was
leaving, it was very late.  My sister was out of town for her best
friend’s wedding.  If she’d been home, she probably would have been the
one to handle this and handled it much earlier in the day.  She’s always
been better at handling Mom when there’s a crisis.  I never had enough
patience for Mom.  Anyway, it was very late and I normally would have
asked a security guard to escort me, but I was tired, and irritated with my
mother.  God, I was so tired.  Between the stress of my father’s
heart attack, the stress of school and my internship – I was
exhausted.  All I wanted was to collapse in bed and sleep for days. I
remember arguing with myself, as I rode the elevator, about how much sleep I
could allow myself before I got up to cram some more before work.”  Kate
paused and collected herself.  “I wasn’t paying attention to my
surroundings and I’d gotten off on the wrong floor of the parking garage. 
It wasn’t until I got to where my car should have been, that I suddenly realized
where I was and why my remote wasn’t working.

“As I berated myself for not paying attention, I saw a
movement out of the corner of my eye.  I flinched, but it wasn’t
enough.  He hit me and I went flying to the ground.  He kicked me in
the ribs and I could hear them crack.  I was so aware of everything that
was happening, but I couldn’t do anything to stop it.  I tried screaming,
but no sound came out.  I learned later that it’s some type of defense
mechanism.  I was paralyzed with fear and all I could do was try to
protect myself,” Kate paused again.  Slowly inhaling and exhaling as she
ran her fingers over her short, choppy hair.  “I had long hair then. 
He grabbed me by my hair and hauled me to my feet.  He punched me in the
face and broke my nose.  I would have fallen, but he still had a hold of
my hair.  He threw me up against a car and punched me in the stomach and
then hit me in the face again.  This time I went down.  My ears were
buzzing, my vision was going black and all I could do was lay there on the
ground.  I know I was whimpering because he told me to shut up.  He
dragged me between the two cars and straddled me.  He grabbed a hold of my
throat and squeezed.  He told me that if I made one sound, even a tiny
whimper, he’d strangle me.  I nodded my head as much as I was able. 
He ran both hands down my chest and lifted my shirt.  I was wearing sports
bras then because they were more comfortable than my regular ones.  He
sneered when he saw it and pulled that up as well.  I was panicking. 
I didn’t want to be raped, no one does, and I didn’t know how to get myself out
of this situation.”  Kate reached up and brushed away the tears that were
running down her face.  “The light was dim in the garage and my eyes were
swelling up.  I really couldn’t make out his face, but I knew I needed to
memorize what he looked like.  I stared and stared at his face trying to
commit each feature to memory.  He was squeezing my nipples and I remember
how much it hurt and all I wanted to do was scream and scream for help. 
He grabbed my throat again and started to slide my pants down my legs.  He
was getting his pants down when Brad showed up.”  Kate paused, taking
several deep breaths to calm herself down.

“Would you like some water?”  Clair asked hesitantly.

“Please.”  Kate took a deep drink of the ice cold water
Clair handed to her. 

“Take your time, Kate.  We have as much time as you
need.”

Nodding, Kate took another drink of water.  “It’s just
not something that I actively think about everyday.  And when I do think
about, or talk about it, it all comes rushing back and I’m there again. 
Broken, helpless and scared.  No one likes feeling that way, and I know
that.  And I try not to feel sorry for myself, there’s so many people out
there who got it worse.”  Kate took another sip of water and
continued.  “I was so scared.  I thought Brad was with this
guy.  I knew I wouldn’t survive it.  My eyes were swelling shut and
my face couldn’t register the shock and fear of Brad appearing.  I’ve
never seen someone move so fast.  Brad took his briefcase and bashed the
guy upside the head.  He fell into the car next to us and jumped up. 
Brad threw his briefcase on the ground and dropped into a fighting
stance.  The guy who attacked me took a swing at Brad.  Brad ducked
and came up with a punch to the guy’s face.  I don’t know how long the
fighting went on, it seemed like forever.  I was so scared, I didn’t
move.  I felt like if I moved and my attacker won the fight, it would be
worse for me if I wasn’t exactly as he left me.

“Brad got a few good punches in, before another man drove up
and joined the fight. I found out later that Brad was there with his brother,
Michael, visiting their sister who’d just had a baby.  Michael called the
cops and then jumped out of his car to help Brad.  Michael didn’t even
know I was there until after they’d gotten my attacker under control. 
Brad left my attacker with his brother and came over to help me cover up. 
And it was then that I was finally able to scream.  I screamed until my
voice went hoarse.  I was backed up against the wall, my clothes all askew
and my arms held out in front of me.  My legs were curled up to my chest
and I wouldn’t let him come near me.  He knelt down in front of me with
his hands out.  I could see his lips moving, but I had no idea what he was
saying.  All I knew was that he was a man and I wasn’t letting him come
near me.  When the cops showed up, it was even worse.  They both were
men and I wouldn’t let them come near me either.  I just kept screaming
when they would look at me or try to come near me and then whimper when they
backed off.  My brain, it was like it had shut off.  Other than the
screaming and whimpering, I couldn’t do anything else.  I was sitting
there, crouched up against the wall, my clothes hanging off me and all I could
do was scream.

“Someone finally had the brains to call in a woman cop and
someone from the ER.  They came running, a nurse and a trauma
doctor.  And thankfully they were both women.  They scooted past the
cops and Brad and knelt down in front of me.  I knew they were women, I
knew they were speaking to me and asking questions but I couldn’t
respond.  All I could do was look at them.  The doctor told the nurse
to go get a stretcher.  When she got back, the doctor and nurse helped me
onto the stretcher and pushed me back to the hospital.  The next thing I
remember was waking up in a hospital room.  The sun was shining and Brad
was sleeping in the chair next to my bed.  I learned later that I had been
in some sort of coma for five days.  I’d had a fractured skull and they
figured the injury plus the trauma made my brain shut off.  It was very
strange, because as scared as I was of him that night, when I saw him in the
chair next to my bed that day I wasn’t scared.  I felt protected. 
And I knew that I would get through this.  I’d make it out the other side
and I’d be a different person for it, maybe even a better person.  Time
heals all wounds they say.  God, I heard that so many times during my
group therapy sessions.  It doesn’t “heal” them, it just fades them. 
They’re like scars on your soul.  And this, this was a major scar. 
But there he sat and even though I had no idea why he sat there, or even who he
was, he gave me something tangible to hold on to.  I know that sounds
weird,” Kate finished.

“No, it doesn’t.  I completely understand what you’re
saying,” Clair said.

“I must have made a sound because his eyes snapped
open.  His face looked startled, like he wasn’t expecting me to be
awake.  I tried to smile at him, but my face was still a mess and I
imagined it looked pretty gruesome. 

“He put his hands up and whispered ‘Don’t panic, I’m not
here to hurt you.’

‘I know.  I remember you.’

‘How do you feel?  Do you want me to buzz the nurse?’

‘Not yet.  What’s your name?’

‘Brad.  I’m Brad.’

‘Thank you Brad.’  Some tears escaped then and when he
saw them he panicked.  He pressed the buzzer on the bed remote for the
nurse.  When she came in and saw me awake, she immediately went back out
for the doctor.  Brad started to get up, but I asked him to stay.  He
was the only familiar face I knew.  He asked if he could call anyone for
me and I asked him if he’d call my sister, Georgie.  Of course, ironies of
ironies, my mom and dad were still in the hospital but they had no idea that I
was there too.  They hadn’t really worried too much when I never answered
the phone, they knew about my term papers and finals and I was notorious for
avoiding all distractions when I need to.  Anyway, I gave him Georgie’s
name and number and when the doctor came in, he slipped out to call her. 
He came to see me everyday that I was at the hospital.  He came to see me
everyday when I went home.  He would sometimes cook for me, he’d go to
therapy with me, he’d go grocery shopping with me.  We were inseparable. 
It was just natural that we get married.  So we did.  Exactly one
year after my attack, we got married.”  Kate smiled dreamily as she
brought back the day of their wedding.  “I picked the day.  Brad
wasn’t sure at first.  He didn’t think it would be smart to have our wedding
anniversary on that same day.  But I told him that even though that was my
absolute worst day, it had also been my absolute best day.  It had brought
him into my life.  And that, well, that was something to celebrate.” 
Tears began to pour down Kate’s face.  She reached for the tissue that
Clair held out to her.  “I just wish I knew why.  Why did it change?”