To Love Twice (8 page)

Kate walked slowly down the hall to her apartment.  She
walked in and closed the door behind her, closing her eyes and leaning up
against the door.  More tears fell unchecked down her face.  They
were never-ending.

“Kate, dear?”

“Hi Mom,” Kate whispered.

“What can I do, Katie?”

“I don’t know, Mom.  I don’t know how to get past
this.  Time, I suppose.  Isn’t that what they always say?”

“Oh, Katie – I hate to see you in so much pain. 
You’ve had more than your fair share already.”

“My lot in life, I guess.  Do you mind staying for a
little longer?  I want to take a bath.  I need to pull myself
together.”

“Of course, dear.  I’ll stay as long as you need
me.  I found two envelopes stuck in the couch cushions.  I left it on
your bed.”

Kate nodded her thanks and walked down the hall to her
bedroom.  She picked up the letters and read the front of the
envelope.  One was addressed to her and one to Mary.  Kate’s
heartbeat sped up.  She dropped the envelope for Mary back on the bed and
took hers to the bathroom with her.  She started her bath, making sure the
water was hot and fragrant.

When the water was ready, she sank down into the water and
sighed.  She rested her head against the pillow and closed her eyes. 
Letting her mind wander where it wanted.  Memories of Brad and their life
played through her mind and abruptly, she remembered the letter.  She
reached for it and opened the envelope.  Pulling the letter out, she
tossed the envelope aside.  Her heart racing, she opened the letter.

Dear Kate,

I don’t even know how to start this letter.  I miss you
so much it hurts.  I am so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. 
Please believe me when I tell you it was better this way and I was only
thinking of you and Mary.

I was diagnosed with cancer a week after we learned you were
pregnant with Mary.  It was already Stage 4 and nothing could have been
done.  It was a death sentence.  I knew you’d fight, tooth and nail,
for my life.  And I couldn’t let you do that.  I couldn’t let you
waste the energy and time…when it would be all for nothing anyway.  The
doctor gave me a year to live. 

At first, I thought I could keep it from you and we could go
on and live our lives until mine ended.  You loved me so much and I
you.  I was falling fast in love with our baby and I hadn’t even met her
yet.  I knew that if I stayed, I’d never be able to leave.  And I
knew you’d eventually find out and make me fight.  And I couldn’t let you
do that, either.  I didn’t want to jeopardize Mary’s well-being with the
stress of treatments and care that would ultimately have fallen on you. 
And then once she came, to have her mother’s attention so divided, it wouldn’t
have been fair.

It broke my heart to see the pain I caused you.  I
would hear you cry yourself to sleep at night and that’s when I started
sleeping at the office.  I had to stay away or I’d confess
everything.  The day you left, it was the worst day of my life, but I knew
it was for the best.  You had to believe it was completely over, that I
didn’t care you were leaving.  And that was the day my life ended for
me.  All I had to do was wait it out, wait for you to file for
divorce. 

I am so sorry for everything.  Know that if it had been
possible, I would have been with you until we were old and gray.  I’ll
love you forever.

Brad

Kate pressed a kiss to the letter.  She had her
answers, but they didn’t bring her the closure she thought they would. 
Brad had been right.  She would have fought for his life as he’d fought
for hers.  Their future had been so bright.  She could imagine his
devastation when he learned of the cancer.  An abrupt end to a beautiful
life.  And now she understood his coldness.  He’d been protecting her
and Mary.

As Kate went to put the letter back in the envelope, she
noticed more papers inside.  She found a copy of Brad’s will and fresh
tears rolled down her face.  As she scanned the document, she realized
that Brad had kept her as his beneficiary.  And her jaw dropped when she
realized that he’d cashed in his life insurance policy and set up an account
for her.  At the bottom of the letter was a quick, handwritten note.

Kate, I didn’t really get rid of everything.  I moved
it into a storage unit.  The code is our wedding anniversary.  The
house is all yours too, if you want it.  All my love, Brad.

Kate dropped the letters and envelope onto the floor and
sobbed.  Would the pain never end?  She’d found the perfect man,
husband and father and now he was gone.  Life would never be the
same.  She’d never be the same.

As her tears subsided, she splashed her face with
water.  Kate leaned back onto the bath pillow and closing her eyes, she
did the only thing she could think of, something she hadn’t done in a really
long time.  She prayed.  She thanked God for the precious time she’d
had with Brad.  She thanked God for bringing him into her life.  To
keep his soul safe and loved until she could join him in eternity.  And
she asked for peace and healing for herself and Mary.  They had a long
road ahead and she knew she’d never get through it without His help, love and
guidance.

Kate sighed a little as she glanced out the plane
window.  They were close to Heathrow airport and she expected to hear the
announcement of their imminent arrival any minute.  The past five years
had been hard.  Losing Brad had torn a hole in her soul.  She had
patched it up as best she could with group therapy and going to church. 
But Mary had been what kept her going those first months, and was what kept her
patched even now.  Mary was the light of Kate’s life and she shuddered to
think what her life would be like without Mary. 

Georgie and Erin had been
suggesting
lately that she
needed to get out there and meet someone.  She’d been able to fend off
their attempts at matchmaking so far, but it would only be a matter of time
before they trapped her. 

Kate wasn’t sure if she was ready to meet anyone new. 
When she’d married Brad, she had envisioned it for life.  Even when she’d
served him with divorce papers, she still had held out hope he’d change his
mind and want them back.  His death had changed everything.  Some
days, she would wake up and forget for a split second and when the memories
came crashing down, the pain would feel fresh and new. 

Those days were fewer and further between now, but she was
still unsure.  It was a big step.  But what made her consider it at
times wasn’t Georgie and Erin’s interference.  It was the way Mary would
sometimes watch a father and daughter play in the park.  Or when she’d
come home from daycare and talk about all the fathers that picked up their
children.

Kate wasn’t going to lie.  She missed the intimacy of a
husband.  She missed sharing a bed, sharing the shower for some early
morning fun.  Sharing meals and inside jokes.  She missed having
someone there to reach the items on the top shelf.  Or someone to help bring
in the groceries.  Someone to snuggle on the couch with.  Someone to
talk to and share the day with.  And she knew Mary was missing out too.

Kate sighed again and closed her eyes.  The only way to
deal with it would be to let fate take the reins.  Going out and forcing
the issue wasn’t how it worked for Kate.  Fate had brought Brad into
Kate’s life.  She was content to let fate bring someone new into her
life.  And if it never happened, Kate would accept that. 

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain
speaking.  We will be landing in about twenty minutes.  Please return
to your seats and fasten your seat belts.  We know you have a choice when
it comes to air travel.  Thank you for choosing British Airways.”

Kate watched as the flight attendants snapped to
action.  They came around to take last minute trash, made sure the seats
were upright and tray tables were stowed.  Kate took out her compact and
checked her appearance.  She quickly dusted her nose with powder, reapplied
her lipstick and fluffed her hair.  She replaced her makeup bag in her
purse and put it under the seat in front of her. 

The captain touched down with barely a bump.  Kate
appreciated his smooth landing.  It was the one part of flying that always
unnerved her.  The taxi to the gate was short.  Too quickly they were
parked and it was time to fight the masses to get her bags and get off the
plane…all in one piece.  She’d done this trip so many times in the past
five years and she understood the mad dash.  They’d been on the plane for
eight long hours, everyone was ready to stretch their legs and breathe in fresh
air.  Kate kept her seat until most of the people had deplaned.

She caught a cab and headed to the hotel in Mayfair, The
Washington Mayfair Hotel.  Kate loved this hotel.  It was so elegant,
posh and just beautiful.  This was definitely one of the more fabulous
perks of working where she did.  How often did you find a position that
allowed you to travel to one of the world’s greatest cities, work for part of
the day and then be free to sight-see and enjoy the city?  She thanked God
everyday for this position. 

Kate checked in to her room and quickly went upstairs to
unpack.  She’d arrived two days late because she’d had to get Mary
registered for Kindergarten.  Kate couldn’t believe it was time for
kindergarten, the time had flown by.  She certainly wasn’t ready to watch
Mary take this next step.  Pretty soon she’d be graduating from high
school, heading off to college, getting a job and getting married. 
Pushing these bittersweet thoughts out of her mind before she broke down in
tears, Kate headed out to find Erin.

Kate wandered in to the hotel pub, hoping Erin would be
there.  Kate enjoyed the hotel pub, the atmosphere was cheery and she
always felt at home inside.  Not finding Erin in the pub, Kate wandered
back out and strolled along the street, stopping to peer into shop windows and
enjoy the alone time.  She loved Mary fiercely, but Kate was able to admit
to herself that having a break every few months was good not only for her own
well-being but also for her relationship with Mary.

As Kate wandered the streets of Mayfair, she reveled in the
lovely warm air.  She enjoyed walking in London.  She loved the
hustle and bustle of the the more commercial areas and she loved the quiet
streets of the residential areas.  She’d read somewhere about a man named
Samuel Johnson who in 1777 said, ‘When a man is tired of London, he is tired of
life; for there is in London all that life can afford.’  The more time Kate
spent in London, the more she could understand what he meant.  There
really was so much to do here.  Museums, theater, food, sports, parks,
castles and so much more.  Kate figured it would take her at least a
lifetime to get through all the things she wanted to see.

Realizing she was hungry, Kate decided to end her search for
Erin and she returned to the hotel pub for dinner.

The rest of the week flew by and before she knew it, Friday
had arrived.  She and Erin finished up early and Erin was planning to
spend the evening in her room catching up on emails and skyping with her
family.  The week had been so busy, that she hadn’t gotten a chance to eat
at her favorite restaurant.  Kate grabbed her purse and quickly walked out
of the hotel.  Pappagallo’s was a warm, intimate little Italian
place.  Kate picked up her pace, eager to eat some dinner.  As she
neared the end of Curzon Street, she looked around in confusion.  How had
she missed it? She turned around and kept her eyes open. 

She finally found where Pappagallo’s used to be, but in it’s
place was a restaurant called Tempo.  Starving, Kate shrugged and walked
in.  It was no longer the dim, intimate restaurant Kate remembered. 
Now it was a classy, upscale place, with a lot of light.  The walls had
very little artwork hanging on them and the tables were lined up in twos. 
The tables were glass and iron and were set with fine china and crystal
glassware.  To give the tables some color, the chairs were a turquoise
suede.  The salt and pepper mills were the only thing on the tables that
even hinted at Italian cuisine.  This did not look promising.

“May I help you?” The hostess asked.

“Uh, yes.  I’d like a table please,” Kate said.

“Do you have a reservation?”

“No, I don’t.  Do I need one?”

“Well, it is recommended, however we aren’t incredibly busy
yet this evening.”

“It’s just me,” Kate smiled.  “I’m sorry, but I’m so
curious.  Can you tell me what happened to Pappagallo’s?”

“They closed about three months ago.  My husband and I
bought the restaurant and gave it a facelift.  My husband is the chef.”

Standing in front of her was a woman of Japanese
descent.  Her black hair fell straight down her back.  Her almond
shaped eyes were wide-spaced and a deep chocolate brown.  Her cheekbones
were angled sharply and she had a beauty mark at the corner of her right
eye.  She wore the traditional Japanese kimono, and Kate wondered what
she’d gotten herself into.  “Do you serve Japanese cuisine?”

The hostess smiled.  “Not entirely.  We serve
Italian food with a Japanese flair.  Would you care to follow me to your
table?”

“Yes, why not,” Kate shrugged again.  She was starving
and willing to give the place a chance.

“Enjoy your meal,” the hostess told her.

Kate placed her napkin in her lap and looked around. 
She had to admit that the light coming through the windows was beautiful. 
It made the crystal on the tables shimmer, casting a million rainbows all over
the room.

“Hello ma’am!  Welcome to Tempo!  My name is
Ricardo and I’ll be your server this evening.  Here is our menu for this
evening.  Our chef is preparing a roasted organic salmon with monk’s beard
and salsa verde.  Pan-fried scallops with golden beetroot, lemon and
chili.  And finally we have roasted duck breast with wild garlic mash,
green kale, blood orange and red wine.  May I get you something to drink?”