To the Sea (Follow your Bliss) (17 page)

When
Kira knocked on his door, moaning escaped, and she quietly pushed it open. The
scene of tanned legs intertwined with white sheets filled Kira with months’
worth of rage and all the pain Jeremy caused had her. But in the pause of a
single breath, she let the sting of anger stream out to the faraway sea, just
like in the drum circle. Kira slowly shook her head as Jamie startled.

 “Kira,
I’m sorry, I—” he stumbled over words of apology, his naked body flailing in
the low light as he jumped out of bed. He tried to grab the sheet to cover up,
while Amanda tugged on the other side to cover herself. He sputtered as he
tripped and fell over the edge of a table.

Standing
naked, he looked like the surfer version of a Greek God, but unfortunately, his
sexual appetite matched the men of myths.

Amanda
looked on wide-eyed. “What? I don’t underst—” she started to say.

“I
should have known,” Kira said, interrupting. Part of her wanted to cry, another
part scream, but then there was that backdrop of peace. “I came here to talk to
you about us, but I suppose this,” Kira said pointing to the bed, “answers my
question.”

“We’re
just old friends, it doesn’t mean anything,” he began to say. Tugging
forcefully on the sheet and taking it with her, Amanda looked for her clothing.

“Well
in that case, Jamie—” Amanda hollered. “I will be leaving.”

“Wait,
Amanda, we weren’t done,” he called after her as she brushed by Kira in the
doorway.

“You
seriously just said that? Wow. Nerve, Jamie. Nerve. It’s just about you, huh?”
Kira said turning to leave. He’d made it clear enough where they stood.

“Wait,
don’t go, can we talk?” Jamie took hold of Kira’s arm.

“You’re
naked.”

“I
am.”

“And
right now I can see you and me for what it was. It was great, better than
great. It was, and you can quote me on this, the best sex I’ve have ever had.
But it was just sex. I don’t know what else I wanted it to be, but I’ve been in
a relationship devoid of sex, where my husband sought it elsewhere, and then
with you where it was just sex. I think someday I’d like a balance of both, to
have my cake and eat it too. That’s not going to be with you, so in fact, thank
you for helping me clear up that little mystery.” Kira huffed catching her
breath, while Jamie looked on sheepishly.

“Right
now, I feel a bit cheap for just being one of your tokens, a bit of a chump for
not realizing this sooner, but ultimately really glad I’ve got this sorted out.
I know what I want. I know what I deserve. It’s not you. So thank you,” Kira said,
storming off, leaving him standing starkly in the doorway.

Part
3: The Sea

"Life
loves to be taken by the lapel and told: "I'm with you kid. Let's
go."

-
Maya Angelou

Chapter Twenty-Two

The
ride back to the coast was quiet, everyone still under the enchantment of the
Karoo. The return stay at the resort involved surfing in the morning, with
optional afternoon activities including a trip to another surf break, a tour of
several nearby towns and beaches, and a daytrip to Cape Town to ascend Table
Mountain by cable car. Although Kira truly wanted to see the nearby sites, she
was ambivalent about spending a day in Jamie’s presence.

Getting
back in the water on her board felt like taking a shower after one of the
weeklong camping trips of her youth. The refreshing combination of the drum
circle and the ocean washed away the residue of feelings for Jamie. He
displayed a certain caution around Kira as if she were one of the mysterious,
yet dangerous leopards they glimpsed at the reserve.

The
group visited a new surf break, and Kira caught more waves than she missed. Far
across the Atlantic, Ian’s voice echoed instruction as she popped up, her
rented board coasting through the water. Kira felt independent, yet very much
part of something far bigger than her microscopic speck that dotted the vast
water’s surface. Ocean size.

That
night, Kira, Baker, Emanuela, and the newlyweds met up to go to a club the
girls heard about. They hired a couple cabs that brought them along the
wind-brushed coast to Jeffreys Bay where the backpacking crowd and young
surfers made for a livelier atmosphere than the sleepy resort area.

The
group entered a dimly lit bar with a cover band playing on a small stage in the
back. The room was half-full, but after Kira had downed her first mojito, the
revelers doubled. Groups and pairs made their way toward the stage to dance.

The
three girls broke off with a few young men and dirty danced with drinks in
hand, gyrating in the crowd. Emanuela, ready to get her groove on, asked Baker
onto the dance floor. Meanwhile, the honeymooners disappeared to the bathroom.
Kira sat, alone, working on her second drink, when a guy with white-blond hair,
held back by black sunglasses, approached her.

“What’s
a pretty girl like you sitting here all alone with a nearly empty drink?” he
asked boldly.

“I’m
in mourning,” she said dismissively. The setting brought her mood down, feeling
alien amidst the loud music, flashing lights, and drunken laughter. Melancholy
was more familiar and the alcohol tricked her into thinking it was preferred.
Despite the peace of the drum circle and the clarity after her confrontation
with Jamie, she couldn’t find her footing.

Shortly
after, the honeymooners, rosy cheeked, swept past her, and into the crowd. A
surfer dude, small, wiry, with a shaved head approached Kira, and asked if she
wanted to dance, but yet again, she declined. She ordered another drink and
made her way to the dance floor, turning down several more offers.

“Right
now, I’d rather dance with myself and trust, me, you’re better off that way,”
she said to an eager guy who looked like he’d just graduated high school.
Finishing her third mojito, Kira popped a groove, like she hadn’t done since
her sorority days. She let loose, forgetting sadness, loss, and everything else
as she sang along to songs she didn’t realize she knew. All the while, her arms
and legs, hips and head, moved in time to the music.

Beyond
buzzed, Baker and Emanuela corralled her into a cab after midnight. Once back
at the resort, Emanuela offered to walk her to her room.

“I’m
going to go listen to the waves,” Kira said angling toward the beach.

“Promise
not to go in,” Emanuela called after her, amiably linking her arm in Baker’s.

Kira
shuffled down to the water’s edge and plopped into the sand, the waves
eventually drowning the pumping music from the club that still played in her
ears. She leaned back, the sand’s cool texture bringing her relief from tension
and sweat. She lay there nodding off, thoughts of Jeremy, Jamie, and Ian
swirling nonsensically in her mind until water tickled her toes as the tide
came in. Reluctantly, she returned to her room and passed out.

Despite
Jamie and a hangover, on the second day she signed up for the trip to Cape
Town, unsure when in her life she’d ever make it to Africa again. First, they
stopped at a marine park, where boardwalk paths brought the group through a
coastal forest that opened to beautiful corduroy dunes speckled with succulent
plant life. In the bay, the group spotted seals, leatherback turtles, and
penguins.

Jamie’s
booming voice, though well meaning, distracted Kira from enjoying the
surroundings. By now, the college threesome hung on his every word. He didn’t
hold back enjoying their attention, having discarded the guise that he was
“working.”

“What
you see here is the Jackass Penguin,” he said meaning to conjure a chuckle, but
Kira doubled over and nearly rolled on the ground she laughed so hard. Perhaps
out of context her laughter was inappropriate, but Jamie was the jackass. It
struck her as hilarious. She calmed down after Nigel looked at her with
concern.

Once
Kira reached the top of Table Mountain, she took in a 360-degree view of
mountains, the ocean, and the city. Her attitude shifted at the sight of the
expanse. Jamie blustered on about points of interest, but in that grandeur,
where ocean met sky and sandstone, she viewed him differently. He was no longer
a hot body she wanted to sleep with, not a handsome face whose attention she
wanted, not a man with an alluring accent, and not a jackass either, well,
maybe just a little. He was just a person trying to make it in the world the
best way he knew how. He and Kira were a flash of passion, but no substance,
and she was okay with that. That kind of untroubled and wild energy brought her
back to life. He wasn’t a bad person; his judgment was off, but he wasn’t the
second coming of Jeremy either, as she’d feared. She’d made her own error in
judgment as her stories overlapped and scrambled. If it were not for Jamie, she
wouldn’t be in Africa, and she couldn’t think of a place she’d rather be.

Emanuela
sidled up to her. “I can see what you’re looking at, but what are you
thinking?” Kira let out a little laugh.

“Was
it that obvious that I was deep in thought?”

“You’ve
been deep in thought for a week now.” Emanuela smiled knowingly. “Maybe not
last night, but we all need time off now and then.”

Kira
paused before answering as she measured how much she wanted to share with
Emanuela.

“This
trip for me was a spur of the moment decision, but one of the best I’ve ever
made. Maybe the only one I’ve ever made, I am after all, or at least I thought
I was, a ‘planner.’ You know the date book, the PDA, the iPad. In fact, I was
supposed to go to France, a trip I’d been prepping for nearly a year. I had the
hotels selected, restaurants reviewed, every moment of the stay accounted for,
but instead I flew by the seat of my pants and ended up here.”

“And—”
she said, encouraging Kira to go on.

“And
I feel like the unexpected has helped me remember parts of myself that I’d
forgotten, and I’ve learned new things about who I am. The girl I was last year
wouldn’t recognize me.”

Emanuela
smiled widely at Kira, her chandelier earrings tinkling like tiny bells.
Emanuela placed her arm around Kira’s shoulders, as the two women looked out
across the vista.

“Sometimes
we find our
selves
in the most unexpected places,” she said
meaningfully.

After
that, Kira toured some of the paths all those meters above sea level. Her mind
quiet to thoughts and revelation, she simply observed the way the wind licked a
sturdy protea plant, the golden glory of fynbos growing in clusters, and a
dassie sunbathing on a rock. 

Although
Kira captured her amazing surroundings with her camera, and thrilled at the
idea of looking at the world through her own lens once again, she was ready to
get back in the water. The ocean below called up to her with its deep, blue
sheet of rolling movement, of potential, and promise of independence.

Kira
spent the last day of the tour almost entirely in the water. She took a morning
lesson with an instructor who’d surfed the coast for over twenty years. Then
Emanuela, a few of the other guests, and Kira all surfed together—party wave
style. They laughed and splashed, and Kira recalled the last time she’d had
that much fun was out with Ian. She pictured his warm smiling face, his rarely
shaved scruff with dimples hidden beneath, and the ease with which he moved
from land to sea.

When
the time came to go in and change for the tour of some of the local villages,
Kira opted to stay, one foot in the water and one in the sand. She lounged on a
chaise, had lunch brought out to her, surfed, sunned, and then surfed some
more. The beach was hers with the exception of a few passersby walking their
dogs along with the scavenging seagulls. She didn’t feel in danger of crumbling
and falling to pieces, she didn’t feel lonely or lost. Kira wasn’t weepy. This
was a major accomplishment. She felt like herself: whole, strong, and solid.

After
catching great waves, Kira sat on her board, just before her last ride in. The
setting sun sparkled like glittering diamonds on the water’s surface. She let
out a deep breath.Then something moved underwater, a distance away, something
big. A fin emerged. Kira stopped breathing. She started to paddle, smoothly,
toward the shore, hoping a wave would hurry her progress. She looked over her
shoulder in a panic. Then to her relief, a pod of dolphins surfaced. In bursts,
they leapt through the waves with arched and glistening beauty. Breathing
again, Kira stopped and watched, feeling safe and protected.

That
evening, all the guests gathered for a final celebration dinner. One of the
college girls also had a birthday and Kira imagined Jamie offering to give the
cute girl a special present. Maybe a kiss, maybe more, she thought darkly. When
everyone settled, he stood to give a toast.

“Thank
you all for joining me on this adventure. It’s been quite the experience, and I
gather you have all enjoyed yourselves. It’s been a pleasure getting to know
you all.” His eyes lingered on Kira for a moment.

She
would not let him lure her to the suite.

“I
hope we cross paths again. I lead several tours a year, next stop, my home,
Australia, and then Hawaii. I’ll be back in the states for a while after that.”
He paused and raised his glass. “In Zulu the word for both cheers and thanks is
Akybekuhle. So Akybekuhle to all of you.”

Glasses
clinked and chatter resumed as the resort kitchen served another amazing, yet
healthy meal. Surprisingly reserved, Jamie remained relatively quiet, maybe
coming down from the high of being the guide, always being on, or maybe one of
the girls, perhaps all three of them, tired him out. Kira tasted bitterness and
it wasn’t the arugula in the salad. She tried to recall the peace she’d
periodically felt during the trip, but seated just a few places down from Jamie
blistered her with agitation. She reasoned that she needed closure. Nicole had
been right, even though meeting all those women Jeremy had courted was brutal,
in many ways it provided her with a sense of finality. Then again, she probably
wouldn’t see Jamie after the trip.

Nonetheless,
Kira went to the lobby desk and arranged for a taxi to bring her to the airport
first thing the next morning. Originally, she and Jamie planned to ride back
together in a rental, but several hours in a car together would be as pleasant
as the mosquitos that feasted on her during the hike the week before. She and
Jamie also had adjacent seats on the plane ride back and she hoped to spare
them both the discomfort of the long return trip by arriving early at the
airport to get their seating arrangements changed.

After
a lingering farewell to all the guests, Kira retired to her deluxe room and sank
back on the bed. To minimize the jet lag on the return home, she started to get
ready for an early night, but the crashing waves outside the French doors
called to her with the invitation to wash away any lingering doubt.