Together With You (17 page)

“So . . .” She flashed a smile. “When can Penny spend the night?”

“Any day except Tuesday.” Family Night was carved in stone, and he looked forward to it.

“How about Thursday?”

“Check with Carly, but that should work. You two can arrange the details.”

With their plans settled, he said good-bye and headed to his car. Perhaps visiting Denise would help Penny understand her mother's passing. Ryan hoped so, but the umpteenth jet revved its engines into a whine. Lumbering down the runway, it picked up speed until it went wheels up, came into his field of view, and shot toward the clouds.

Thanks to Carly, Penny thought God lived in the clouds and that Jenna was with Him. It was nonsense, so why was Ryan staring at the sky with a catch in his throat and an ache in his gut? An inexplicable longing welled in his belly, but a longing for what? Meaning? Purpose? Love? At times like this, he wanted to believe in a loving, all-powerful heavenly Father, but he just couldn't.

Logic was logic.

Faith was faith.

And love was love. Blowing out a slow breath, he steeled himself against all those feelings he didn't want, especially his feelings for Carly.

C
arly hoped Ryan would get home soon, because he was missing a good time. Earlier, when Kyle had asked if Taylor could stay for dinner, Carly broke out the charcoal grill and roasted hot dogs to go with chips, coleslaw, and baked beans. They'd eaten, and now the kids were enjoying the pool while Carly played lifeguard.

Kyle and Taylor were sitting on the edge with their backs to her, their feet in the water and their heads tipped together. In the shallow end, Eric was wearing a mask and snorkel, gliding underwater, pretending to be a great white shark hungrily stalking Penny and her pink swan.

Kicking and screaming with glee, she yelled, “Shark! Shark!” about a thousand times.

The kids were having a blast, but Carly was concerned about Ryan. Denise's request to meet without Penny worried her, and so did his annoyance over Penny's misunderstanding about heaven. Carly felt bad about Penny's confusion, but there was nothing wrong with teaching a child about God, and she wouldn't apologize. At
the same time, Ryan was Penny's father and had the right, even the obligation, to raise her as he saw fit.

The sliding glass door whooshed behind her. After a quick tuck of her hair behind her ear, she turned and saw Ryan. He was still wearing his business shirt, but the tie was missing and the collar was unbuttoned below his Adam's apple. With his hands on his hips, he surveyed the scene at the pool, keeping his distance until Penny spotted him.

“Dr. Daddy!” she shouted. “There's a shark after me!”

“You better swim fast!” he called to her.

Penny kicked ferociously, but Eric roared up and out of the water in front of her. With a playful scream, she splashed him with all her might. Kyle and Taylor turned and waved to Ryan, grinning like the teenagers they were.

Finally he focused on Carly. His smile faded, but he approached the table. Pulling up the chair across from her, he indicated the grill. “Something smells good.”

“Hot dogs,” she said, feeling a little nervous. “Have you eaten?”

“No, but I'm fine.”

After the past five weeks, she knew his habits. He skipped meals when he was worried or troubled, an inclination that made her a little crazy, because she wanted to make things better any way she could, even with hot dogs. “How did it go with Denise?”

“She ambushed me.” Ryan's gaze stayed on Penny and Eric. “She retired from the airline.”

“Really? I thought she loved her job.”

“Not as much as she loves Penny. She rented a house in El Segundo. It's small and loud, but she wants Penny to live with her full-time.”

Carly bolted vertical in the chair, her mouth agape and her eyes burning. “That's ridiculous. It's absurd.” She swept her arm to indicate the house and yard. “
This
is Penny's home. You're her father. And—”
And
I
love her, too.

She cut off the words, but they burned on her tongue like salt, a reminder of her vow to maintain a professional distance.
Allison, I'm so sorry. I lost
control and you got hurt.
Carly couldn't bear to lose control again, but frankly, she'd already lost a piece of her heart to each of the Tremaines, with the biggest part—the center of it—going to Ryan.

Forcing air into her lungs, she sat back on the chair. “Sorry. But Denise gets under my skin.”

“Mine too,” he muttered. “But we worked out a compromise.”

He described the weekly sleepover, then relayed his concerns about the jet noise. It was possible Penny would adjust, but they both doubted it. Carly was about to ask about the house in general when Eric sloshed up the pool steps with the mask and snorkel in hand. Penny raced past him and straight into the fluffy towel Carly held out for her. The conversation about Denise would have to wait.

As Carly patted Penny dry, Eric flung a towel over his shoulders and stood about three feet from Ryan, silent but without the old hostility. Ryan shoved a chair in Eric's direction with his foot, an invitation to sit. “How's the fish tank working out?”

“Good.” Dripping wet, Eric plopped down on the cushion so hard it hissed. “The tetras are cool. I was wondering about something . . .” He chewed his lips, a habit Carly recognized as a sign of nerves.

“What is it?” Ryan asked.

“It's kind of big.”

With Penny in her lap, Carly shifted her gaze between Eric and Ryan, taking in their cautious expressions as they sized each other up. Silent, she prayed for them to find common ground.

Ryan draped a foot over his knee. “Does it involve fish?”

“Definitely.”

“Big fish?”

“The biggest.”

“Let me guess,” Ryan replied. “You want a two-thousand-gallon fish tank, salt water with all the bells and whistles.”

“Close,” Eric replied. “I want to go shark hunting. You know, in one of those cages—”

Deathly white, Ryan leapt to his feet. “Eric, no!”

Carly paled along with Ryan, but Eric roared with laughter. “I got you, Dad! I got you good! You believed me, didn't you?”

Ryan blinked hard, then dropped down on the chair as if he'd been shot. Laughter rumbled out of his throat. Eric had played a joke on his dad, the kind of joke all kids played. Even better, he'd done it well. Carly couldn't stop grinning.

Ryan's gaze locked on to hers, and they had one of those wordless conversations that made her chest ache. Ryan broke the moment with a blink, then high-fived Eric. “You nailed me.”

Eric slapped his hand. “I don't really want to hunt sharks, but I think I want to be a marine biologist, and there's a place we could go snorkeling. It's not very far.”

“Where is it?” Ryan asked.

“Anacapa Island. We could camp there.”

Carly had never heard of the island, pronounced with the emphasis on the first syllable—
ANN-a-capa
. “Where is it?”

“It's about twelve miles off the coast,” Ryan answered. “I've been there.”

“It's part of the same chain of islands as Catalina,” Eric told her. “But it's a lot smaller and completely undeveloped.”

He sounded a little like a professor and a lot like his dad. “How many islands are there?” she asked.

“Eight,” Eric replied. “But only five are in the Channel Islands National Park. I've been researching it.”

For the next few minutes, he described the islands as remote, primitive, and rich in history. The Chumash Indians had inhabited them, and the larger islands had been home to sheep and cattle ranches after Europeans arrived on the scene. “The sea life is amazing around there.”

“Nothing beats real life.” Ryan nodded. “I was in college when I
camped there with some friends. We snorkeled all day. It was great, but Anacapa's about as primitive as you can get. No electricity. No water. We'd have to haul in everything.”

“That makes it better. Can we go?” Eric asked.

“If you're willing to do some toting and lugging, so am I.” Ryan thought a minute. “I have vacation scheduled for mid-August. I'll check into the boat and camping reservations. If we can get a space, we'll do it.”

“Cool.” Eric hunkered forward in the chair. “Can I ask Nathan to come? We can all go, right? Even Penny.”

Ryan's brows arched with surprise. He looked at Carly as if to say,
Can you believe it?
She was happy for him, but she liked camping about as much as she liked car trouble and root canals. “Count me out,” she said, holding up one hand. “Penny and I will stay here. You men might not mind pit toilets, but I do.”

Eric and Ryan traded a look and chuckled. Penny sat up and giggled with them. So did Carly, though she was dead serious about those pit toilets.

Kyle called from the edge of the pool. “What's so funny?”

“This!” Eric made a rude sound, proving to the world he was a thirteen-year-old boy.

They all broke out in a chorus of laughter. Carly's gaze shifted to Ryan. In the same instant, his eyes locked on her face. Her heart sped up, because deep down she wanted to go with him to that desert island, even with pit toilets and no running water. But she didn't belong on the trip.

“You and the boys will have fun,” she said to him.

He didn't respond, except to stop drumming his fingers on the chair.

Kyle and Taylor sauntered up to the table. Kyle pulled out a chair for Taylor, then sat next to her. “What are we talking about?”

“Camping on Anacapa,” Ryan answered.

Taylor's face lit up. “I did a report on sea lions last year. You can see them there. I bet the island's amazing.”

Kyle glanced at Taylor, his eyes so full of puppy love that Carly ached for them both. His dark hair and angular face contrasted perfectly with Taylor's auburn curls, apple cheeks, and a sweet smile that showed off her braces. At fifteen-almost-sixteen, they were adorable together. Heartache might come later, but someday these memories would be sweet to both of them.

Kyle waggled his brows at Taylor to ask a question without words. When she nodded back, Kyle turned to Ryan. “Can Taylor come with us?”

“Sorry,” Ryan said, his voice thick with regret. “It's guys only. Carly and Penny are staying here.”

Shifting in the chair to face Carly, Kyle gave her a beseeching look. “You could change your mind. We'd all help with Penny.”

“I would, too,” Taylor added. “I think my parents will let me go if my sister comes along. Nicole's in college, and she loves little kids.” Taylor leaned forward and patted Penny's arm. “We could play mermaid together.”

“Yes!” Penny shouted.

“Come with us, Carly!” Eric chimed in. “It'll be fun.”

All four kids kept up the pleading, breaking her heart and filling it to the brim at the same time. Even so, she shook her head. Aside from the pit toilets, she worried the trip would be too much for Penny.

But then she glanced at Ryan, who was studying his daughter with such longing that her own heart hitched. Her mind flashed to her father's advice to do what's hard, and how she used to run toward a challenge and not away from it. Was she protecting Penny or denying her the experience of a lifetime? How did an FASD caretaker know a child's limits if they didn't occasionally push the envelope?

Kyle grinned at her, a younger version of Ryan and a reminder
of how simple life could be. “Please, Carly? It'll be fun. Say you'll do it.”

“Do it!” Eric repeated. “Do it! Do it!”

The other three kids joined in.
Do it
turned into a chant complete with hand clapping and foot stomping. Carly tried to shake her head no, but she was paralyzed by love for everyone at the table, even Taylor, who was the teenage girl Carly wished Allison could have been. Desperate to hold back the tide of longing, she pressed her cheek against Penny's wet hair. The longing swelled in her chest to the point of physical pain.

The kids chanted louder, louder still, until Ryan let out a piercing whistle.

Instantly the clapping stopped. When Carly raised her head, she saw all four kids focused on him. He'd become the head of his household, a father they respected and admired. There would be bumps along the way, but this part of Carly's job was done. Satisfaction swelled in her chest, but it disappeared when she imagined leaving them forever and returning to Kentucky.

Ryan's gaze swept across the row of smiling faces. “Carly and I will talk about it. I'll let you know what we decide, whether it's guys only or coed.”

Carly nodded her support, not quite trusting her voice. Everyone at the table was staring at her, the teenagers with hope in their eyes, and Ryan with the detachment that had started yesterday in Penny's room. They needed to come to an agreement about Penny and Carly's faith, but she dreaded confronting him. What would she do if he told her not to mention heaven to Penny? For Carly, that kind of silence was both a lie and impossible. Her faith defined her.

“That settles it for now,” Ryan announced to the group. “Eric got the ball rolling, so he and I will do the planning.”

Taylor smiled at Kyle. Penny wiggled in Carly's lap, and Ryan gave Eric a high five. Taylor's cell phone signaled a text, and she glanced at it. “My mom's here.”

“I'll walk you out,” Kyle said.

Typically Carly would have trailed after them and said hello to Taylor's mom, but Penny was almost asleep. So Ryan went with the kids.

Alone with Eric, Carly asked him about the island. His enthusiasm rang in every word as he talked about everything from kelp beds to orange Garibaldi fish to lava formations. After a few minutes, Ryan returned with his laptop and set it on the table. “We have some research to do.”

Carly stood with a sleepy Penny in her arms, pausing to look down at Ryan and Eric seated with their heads together in front of the glowing screen. “I'll find you later.”

He met her gaze, but glare from the computer screen hid his thoughts about Carly going on the trip. “I'll be out here.”

She slipped away, leaving Eric and Ryan engrossed in research. As enchanting as Anacapa seemed to be, Carly doubted she'd ever see it. A guys-only trip made the most sense, and that was just fine, she told herself. In fact, it was wise. The last place she needed to be with Ryan was on a desert island with spectacular sunsets, crashing waves, and emotional riptides threatening to pull her more deeply into his life.