Too Busy for Your Own Good (27 page)

Now that you know what your personal communication style is, it's time to learn more about your lion's. The way you get control is to create chemistry between you and your lion. Creating chemistry is knowing more about the other person than she knows about herself. The first step is to focus. Get your particular lion in your sights and focus on what they do, how you respond, and what's in it for you if things change. Do not skip this step—everything is built upon your innate knowledge of the situation.

Finish the following statements:

The person in my life that I consider difficult is ___________.

The specific things he does or says that drive me wild are ___________ .

I mostly handle the situation by ___________ .

It is important that this situation change because ___________ .

If the situation changes for the better, I benefit by ___________ .

Circle ten of the following words or phrases that most
closely describe him or her
.

1
. Draw a vertical line between the two columns and draw a horizontal line under the word pair Emotional/Predictable. Label the quadrants as in the scoring for your personal communication style—upper left “Sociable,” upper right “Team Player,” lower left “Driver,” lower right “Perfectionist.”

2
. Note the quadrant where most of the circled words are located. This indicates your lion's communication style. If you have an equal number of circled words in more than one quadrant, your lion is a combination of these two styles. Read the descriptions of your lion's communication style to learn more.

The secret to communicating with others, dealing with a difficult person, and taming your lion is to
speak their language, not yours
. It's as if we all have our own radio frequency. In order to be heard by another, you must be broadcasting on that person's communication frequency.

Utilize your knowledge of the four communication styles and the following guidelines. You'll find yourself hearing and being heard by the lions in your life.

The beginning of any conversation can set the tone, dictate the direction, and often predict the outcome. Begin by speaking their language or broadcasting on the communication frequency on which they're listening. Your goal is to make them comfortable, not establish your foothold.

Driver
. Get to the point fast: “My reason for being here is . . .”

Sociable
. Start with small talk focusing on their prestige: “I heard that the sale closed because of your stellar efforts.”

Team Player
. Make them feel comfortable with more informal talk: “How is your family doing since the move?”

Perfectionist
. Get down to business fairly fast, and put them in the role of the expert: “What do you think about the comparison study?”

Demonstrating you're
interested
in the other person before you show how
interesting
you are is not only common courtesy but also good business sense. Before you tell them what
you
want, determine what
they
need.

Driver
. Be serious, and include some probes that get them talking about results and efficiency: “What can I do to make this chore easier for you?”

Sociable
. Keep them excited by
being
excited, and your enthusiasm will spark theirs. How you say it is as important as what you say: “This is an amazing project, isn't it!”

Team Player
. Exhibit your sincerity by including some questions that focus on team spirit or morale: “What do you think the group needs to really improve the situation?”

Perfectionist
. Stay on task with minimum small talk. Include some questions that allow them to share knowledge and expertise: “What do you think are the top three priorities in this situation?”