Too Busy for Your Own Good (5 page)

In any case, it's important that you know your reasons for being so busy. Once you've pinpointed your reasons, it's easy to weigh them out and see whether they're really as valid as you think—they probably aren't. In this chapter, we'll also be taking a look at some of the excuses a lot of people make. Excuses are feeble, often unconscious attempts to explain why some behavior really isn't your fault. It usually involves placing blame on outside people or forces. The difference between reasons and excuses is accountability
for your decisions and actions. You may even be unaware of how this difference affects your outlook and, ultimately, your life. But you can learn to recognize when you are making excuses and take control of your busyness. This just might mark the difference between a too-busy life and a life you love.

The answer just might lie within the ever-increasing productivity of the U.S. workforce. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the total number of hours worked weekly has remained essentially static for thirty years, but productivity has climbed steadily during the same period. As a nation, we're using technology to work harder and increase our output, not to help us slow down or ease our workloads.

Working away from the office is also a factor leading to being overly busy. Cell phones, e-mail, and telework all have helped to turn many homes into an office away from the office. When our BlackBerries are on constantly, we're so connected and hooked into work that our official office hours are extended to “indefinitely.”

Also, lest we forget, work is not the sum total of our existence. Each of us has many different roles in life. On any given day you may be a worker, a partner, a parent, a spouse, a child, a leader, a friend, a consumer, and an audience desperately in need of entertainment for unwinding. Filling all of these roles is demanding. Each one requires that you maintain the same pace and productivity, but obviously that is not possible. Everything and everyone in your life is competing for a piece of you, just as you want your fair share. So you get busy and stay busy, even though there is only so much of you to go around.

As I said before, in order to tame the ultra-busy lifestyle you've created, it is important to explore your reasons for it being that way in the first place. Investigating the deeper motivations behind your busyness allows you to loosen the grip that frenetic activity has on you. This self-discovery will empower and strengthen you to make positive changes in your behavior and, ultimately, your busyness.

For each statement that is true for you
frequently
, give yourself
3
.

For each statement that is true for you
sometimes
, give yourself
2
.

For each statement that is true for you
infrequently
, give yourself
1
.

For each statement that is
never
true for you, give yourself
0
.

1
. When I have a list of things to do, I feel like I can't slow down or let up until I get them all done. _____

2
. When people complain about their job or money, I think, “Just shut up, get busy, and things will be better.” _____

3
. My kind of job isn't that easy to come by, and I need to perform at a high level in order to keep it or move up in my profession. _____

4
. My industry is 24/7/365 or has a strong international presence. I often telecommute and can be reached for work queries most anytime. _____

5
. I need the money more than ever because the economy is such a mess. _____

6
. My family depends on me to do all of this. _____

7
. My personal digital assistant is left on during evenings, weekends, and personal time. _____

8
. My parents weren't successful, and I don't want to be like them.

9
. I don't have time to even think about a mate, let alone date. Love? Forget it, I'm too busy! _____

10
. People seem to respect and treat me better when they know how busy I am.

11
. The world is a mess. If we don't save it, who will? _____

Total _____

0–11 Congratulations!
You are busy, but your natural immunity is fighting off an acute infection. Busyness isn't your permanent style, just a temporary approach to life that you can tame easily.

12–21 You've got the busyness disease
. You're listening a little too much to the world and not enough to your own healthy thoughts and plans. Decide to be busy for significance, not success in the worldly sense.

22–33 You've got the busyness plague
, and it's not looking good at the moment. Your busyness is stressing you to the point that soon you'll be unhealthy, bitter, and cynical. You could be so much happier, but you must focus your attention and work with diligence to turn this around.

Without letting personal responsibility off the hook, I believe there are some very powerful forces working on us—childhood, our parents, education, jobs, and a million other circumstances on this planet we call home. These forces have a gradual and cumulative effect, developing slowly but surely and becoming well established before becoming apparent. Being too busy sneaks up on you, and before you know it, you're ultra-busy. Let's explore those forces and your top offenders. For those statements in the RQ Test you felt were true for you “frequently” or “sometimes,” read the following responses to examine the possible reasons for your busyness.

“When I have a list of things to do, I feel like I can't slow down or let up until I get them all done.”
You have replaced quantity for meaning in your day-to-day tasks. You think getting it all done is the goal. Sure, advertising and the media tell you to live life to the hilt and that you're going to miss out on something if you aren't constantly doing more, faster and better than anyone else. There is also a danger that by doing everything this way, you will race through your pleasurable activities too. Learn to say no and be careful why, how, and when you add to your list of things to do.

“When people complain about their job or money, I think, ‘Just shut up, get busy, and things will be better.'”
You treat time as a commodity. Your mind-set is that if you waste time, you are losing opportunities. This is not necessarily everyone's experience. Even though you may always try to do things
that you consider “worthwhile” so that you get a sense of accomplishment, be mindful that you are setting yourself up to be consumed by your busyness. Often you're feeling guilty that you can't fix others' problems for them, so you dismiss their concerns. When your goal becomes the movement, not the moment, you miss connecting with others and putting compassion into practice.

“My kind of job isn't that easy to come by, and I need to perform at a high level in order to keep it or move up in my profession.”
Dwindling job security isn't just in your particular industry; it's the norm today. Companies are always trying to reduce labor costs by outsourcing, moving, or merging jobs. People rarely feel secure, and there doesn't seem to be a time at work that you can say that you're content and protected from outside forces. The more skilled young people begin to enter the workforce, the more you feel pressure to work longer hours and be more productive just to protect your job. You need to keep pushing yourself to work smarter, not harder and longer. In
Chapter 5
, I will give you a bunch of ways to do just that!

You are also probably working too many hours. There used to be a time when employees showed up for work on Monday for the first of five eight-hour days in a row, had a two-day weekend, and started over again the following Monday. As reported by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. workers spent an average of 39.5 hours a week at work in 2007. This number is essentially the same as the 39.4-hour average in 1989 and the 40-hour week reported in 1967. In reality, today many jobs have mandatory overtime if you want to move up in the organization. If you frequently need to go the extra mile, be mindful of your physical health and make your home more of a sanctuary from work.

“My industry is 24/7/365 or has a strong international presence. I often telecommute and can be reached for work queries most anytime.”
The boundaries between home and work are blurred. Advanced communication technology allows you to work from anywhere, and some managers expect you to be connected in your home, your car, and on vacation. You must carve out time slots and activities when you are not available and not checking your devices frequently and set your boundaries. There has to be time spent “off the grid” every single day.

You are living in a world that is always “on.” Some places, such as police stations, fire stations, and hospitals, never close. It's up to you to work your hours and then leave your worries and concerns with the next shift. This involves confidence in your coworkers and strong interpersonal communication skills. If you work in an organization where your expertise may be needed at odd hours, train yourself to turn off your involvement as soon as your shift is over. No matter how urgent the problem seems, if it's during supper-time with your family, your colleagues at work will survive without you.

“I need the money more than ever because the economy is such a mess.”
You think money will solve your problems. Increasing your busyness just to make more money is not the answer—planning is. If you constantly tell yourself that you're going to lose your job and become a homeless person, you're putting yourself into a steady state of anxiety. When you have “money tunnel vision,” you invest lots of mental and emotional energy in making money, leaving you unable to see the good in your life. World economics may be baffling,
and you can't directly control what our leaders are doing, but you can control your own world of money. Take a cold, hard look at your own finances, make a plan to cut spending, and clean up your credit.

“My family depends on me to do all of this.”
You're experiencing overcare—the sense that you have to take care of everyone because no one else will. As head of the family, you take on responsibility for everyone, but they can always shoulder some of the burden too. Family roles have changed, as single parents tend to head up more households, adult children live at home longer, and elderly relatives need supervision. Sprawling suburbs full of dual-career families and retirement communities of elderly folks have exploded. As CEO of your family, it's time for you to restructure your home responsibilities and schedule so all members are doing their share. Everyone needs to pitch in. I will provide you with tips for getting this done in
Chapter 10
.

“My personal digital assistant is left on during evenings, weekends, and personal time.”
You have stimulation overload. Technology is pushing you to move faster. Remember that
you
own your wired device,
it
doesn't own you. Being constantly connected makes you feel like you always have to be on the move or must be doing something. You get the feeling that if you don't work at or above the same pace that your latest lightening-fast chip does, you will fall behind. Set and stick to your own set of rules for when you have your devices on and when you check them. Later I will explain how to train yourself, your friends, and your family to give you some space.

“My parents weren't successful, and I don't want to be like them.”
The people who raised you have a significant influence on how you conduct your life. Volumes have been written on how deeply driven by and conflicted we are between wanting to please, rebel against, or emulate our parents. Many of us, at some time or another, experience very complicated relationships with them. Work on not being so hard on the folks who you think could have parented you better. Thanks to reality TV, the Internet, and the celebrity-hungry media, we have lots of celebrities but too few heroes. The bar has been lowered for whom we go to for solid, time-tested values and guidance. Find a person whom you respect and admire whose feet you can sit at; this mentor will give you more than just help, leadership, and advice—often the hope and strength to persevere. Be a mentor when someone asks. It'll keep you on your game.

“I don't have time to even think about a mate, let alone date. Love? Forget it, I'm too busy!”
You are human and, thus, need connection and love. You ever notice how advertising always seems to directly relate to this need? Do this, and you'll get the girl; wear that, and you'll get the guy. Our biological imperative as humans is to mate. You are human and need love. How much of your busyness is tangled up in circumventing love? Keeping yourself booked to the max with work, activities, and commitments is a convenient way to avoid connecting on a deeper level. Slow down and look around you to notice who's looking at you. The laws of attraction are all around you, so listen to your heart, not your bleeping PDA.

“People seem to respect and treat me better when they know how busy I am.”
You place too much pressure on yourself to perform. During a “busy epidemic,” being called lazy might seem like the greatest insult. Placing overly high expectations on yourself and caring too much what others think leads to rigid perfectionism. When your basic needs are met, what's wrong with lowering your standards from perfect to “job well done”? What do you do that can be done by someone else? Who, outside of yourself, expects so much “busy” from you? Your pressure can be relieved when you separate reasonable expectations from the excessive demands of inflexible attention to detail.