Too Busy for Your Own Good (53 page)

—Anna Quindlen

Many things in life are difficult, but the
impossible
just takes a little more time and planning. You're looking for balance that will allow you to make sense of your busy life. I used to believe that it would be impossible to balance my life. The months (and years) leading up to my collapse from being overbusy had me in the middle of a five-ring circus—family, friends, work, play, and study. By the time I woke up to the crazy busyness that had my life so out of balance, I probably had fried many brain cells, clogged numerous vessels, and taxed some of my organs to
just this close
to failing. But that's when I managed to do something about it. Life may be difficult, but putting balance into it just takes a little more time and planning. This chapter will explore making it possible through

Balancing work

Staying healthy

Other people in your life

Your master plan

When you choose to balance your life, it has to be on your own terms.
What is balance to you
? No one else's definition matters. You need a very clear idea of what you want;
it's not enough to say what you
don't
want. Defining your balance means taking an intense look at each area of your life and articulating what your life would look like if every individual part were in order.

It takes courage to scrutinize the choices and actions that have led up to where you are now. It takes a lot of guts to change habits, admit mistakes, right the wrongs, and let go of non-nourishing relationships and live a less busy, more contented life. But your busyness isn't going to naturally sort itself out. It's up to you to do the heavy lifting.

Our society and pervasive media exert great pressure on us to have it all. My survey respondents have serious concerns about their ability to balance the demands of jobs and families. Even without a family, the art of balancing your work and home life is critical. When you're out of balance, worry, fear, anxiety, and stress will destroy the contentment and peace that you deserve.

Orphanages in England during World War II saw an understandably high amount of nightmares, agitation, and anxious crying. A nightly practice was instituted of giving each child a piece of bread to hold with the instruction that he or she could eat it in the morning. The nightmares and other anxious behaviors decreased. It was surmised that the children's uncertain future was quelled by their trust that they would have their bread in the morning.

Begin to discover your “piece of bread,” your security, by keeping track of your activities for a week. And I do mean all of your activities. Television watching, helping your son with homework, reading magazines—everything. This assessment will help you to identify what's
truly
necessary, what you enjoy most, and what satisfies you. Really examine the time you spend away from work and look toward creating a place that you can trust will rebalance and lead you to a life less busy.

The first time I had a garbage disposal jam, I smacked my forehead when the plumber walked in, pressed the little red button on the bottom, and handed me a bill for his house call. A jammed, overbusy life is your signal to hit your reset button. The first step to this process is to balance making a living into living.

It's no simple task to leave work at work. It's hard to break focus from an activity that is critical to your finances and consumes the majority of your waking hours—getting ready, getting there, getting it done, and getting home. Take control of this situation by giving yourself time to do the things that are most important to you. It's always possible to find more time for your family and your hobbies, no matter how hectic things seem at the office. Here are some suggestions that can help you lead a more rewarding personal life once you're off the clock:

Find options for work hours
. Explore flextime, a compressed workweek, job sharing, or telecommuting. Changing your work routine can free up hours at home
and
lift your spirits.

Fight the guilt
. It's OK to have a life outside of work (for both men and women) even though your company culture may not agree. Trust that if you do a good job and you get there on time, it's hard for the company to argue with your need to have a life outside of work.

Plan tomorrow
. Before you leave work, make a plan for tomorrow's projects and activities. Knowing where
you need to start helps to disengage from work mode and not be overwhelmed when you return.

Take a regular train home
. When you have frequent departure options, don't be tempted to work “just a little longer” because you think you can always catch a later train. Small infringements on personal time add up to big insults to your family and your balance.

Have a “wind-down” routine
. Use commute time to start relaxing. Picture a little stress lifting with each step (or mile). Imagine your concerns and worries floating away until they are gone when you walk in the door.

Cut your e-leash when you get home
. Turn off the cell phone and leave your CrackBerry in your bag at night and on weekends when you want quality time with your family. Just as when your boss or coworkers know they
can
contact you after hours, not being connected (and answering) will train them
not
to try unless absolutely necessary.